Lane Beachley

So when mum first called me, she had a five-year-old girl called Melissa.

And after giving birth to me, she was told that she would never have children again, perhaps due to the nature of my conception, but then also how challenging it was to give birth to me.

And then miraculously she had Melissa and then Melissa gets on the phone as a five-year-old and basically says, hi, sister, I love you.

I'm like, who the fuck are you?

This is outrageous.

First I'm told I've been conceived through date rape and now I'm being told I've been loved by a five-year-old girl I've never met.

This is blowing my mind.

I need to go for a surf and try and process this shit.

Yeah, not like the rock star of old, that's for sure.

So when I refer to Buzz Lightyear, also known as Ken Bradshaw, I'm glad I got my wits about me and married Woody.

That's Kirk.

Kirk is Woody.

He's very sensible.

He's very pragmatic.

He's very organised and structured.

He loves to plan.

He loves to make sure everything's okay.

He's very handy.

He's very equipped.

He's just, and he laughs and loves to make people laugh.