Marissa Nelson

Because the goal is not to ask your partner to be exactly like you are and vacation exactly how you are.

That's compliance.

We don't want relationships of compliance.

Conflict at its best is just really two different perspectives, two different people who have needs, who really want to communicate.

Something will happen.

There was an expectation that was not met, something that was said that offended.

And we start to feel that energy rise in our body.

When that happens, try to name the emotion to yourself first.

I'm feeling something coming up for me.

What is it?

And I can take a breath, and I can ground myself, and I can start to search, what am I feeling in this moment?

As I start to identify this stuff for myself, I also start to regulate my own emotion.

Say something like, I noticed myself starting to feel annoyed by that or starting to feel upset or hurt by that.

And I just want to make sure that I got it right.

So the second step is clarity because we get to clarify when we don't get it right.

Most of the time we're looking for connection and reassurance.

In moments like that, we are wanting to find our way back to connection.

My philosophy is never...

forcing things to be what they're not.

It really is about allowing things to be exactly as they are and just kind of lovingly holding space for it.