Simone Stolzoff

all of their relationship to adhere to this sort of standard rubric that they have in their head, this timeline that they know that they want to be on.

And there's this idea that I've been playing around with.

You might've heard of the arrival fallacy, which is like when you get the thing that you thought you wanted and feel less fulfilled than you actually do, you know, you get the promotion and sort of this like fleeting sense.

And you're like, is this it?

I think there's also a departure fallacy, which is when we create these expectations that we should hit these milestones in life, that we should be married by 30 and have a kid by 35 and have a house by 40.

There's actually something that's incredibly freeing of understanding that that timeline is a fabrication and there is no...

professor grading behind the scenes and that you aren't able to plan exactly how your life is going to go.

The sort of canonical example of letting go of control comes from the parable of the Chinese farmer.

And what happens is that the farmer has a horse that runs away and all of his neighbors come to his door and they say, we're so sorry to hear about your horse.

What a tragedy.

And the farmer says, maybe yes, maybe no.

The next day, the horse comes back.

And with it, there are seven other wild horses that it brings with it in tow.

And again, the neighbors return to the door and they say, oh, you are so lucky.

What great fortune.

You have all of these horses now.

And the farmer says, maybe yes, maybe no.

And then the day after, the farmer's son is riding one of the wild horses and falls off the horse and breaks his leg.

The neighbors say, you know, what a bummer.

We're so sorry to hear about your son.