Sophie Smith

He suffered from chronic lung disease, again, a very common thing for premature babies.

And the ventilators weren't able, were actually damaging his lungs.

They weren't able to support him.

Yeah, yeah.

So when he was 58 days old, we received another call.

It was early in the morning and we went rushing in and...

And I remember going in, and the team was so amazing at the hospital, but I do remember seeing one of the doctors working on Jasper, and I saw a tear roll down her face.

And I thought,

This is, anyway, again, I just thought, you know, he's going to... Right up until the last moment, I held out hope until there was none.

And in the end, they said, there's nothing more we can do.

You know, would you like us to, you know, would you like to hold him?

And the most amazing thing was that when we got into the hospital that day, he was knocked out.

He was fast asleep because they'd knocked him out with something because they were having to do things to him that were going to hurt.

And so they, you know, they knocked him out.

And I was so, as I was holding him, and this is like such a, like, afterwards I had to ask Ash, did this really happen or am I making this up?

But this really happened.

I was holding him and I was thinking,

Or I think I was even saying, I'm sorry, I wasn't here for you, I wasn't here for you.

And I was thinking to myself, the poor little boy, the last people he saw were the staff, you know, doctors and nurses, obviously wonderful people, but it should have been his mom and he would have been scared and I wasn't here for him.

And I was holding him and thinking, I wish that, you know, I'm so sorry.