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Chapter 1: How can I handle in-laws who don't like me?
My go-to response is tell your partner to, like, talk to his parents and pull their heads in.
Hi, guys.
Hi. We're back with another What Would You Do? We are still yet to get a tune, but it's going to happen soon. Do you want to try one? As in just make it up on the spot? Yeah. What energy are you thinking for this? Because I've got one in my head. Go. No, go. Please go. I would like you to go first. You brought it up though, so obviously you're ready to go with one. What would you do?
Oh, like a little quick little jingle.
It's not the end. No. What would you do? Oh, my God.
No. I would never listen again. I would say I don't want these people's advice. Is there a song? I feel like there's a song with that line.
Okay.
What is that song that's coming to my head? I swear. Anyway, like, we'll try again. What would yours be? I don't have an idea. I just want to jingle so bad for this. I like where you're going with this one. What? What? Yeah, like, what would you do? It reminds me of, like, what's in the box? What's in the box today? No, no, it's not the energy. I'm such a mum. Okay, moving on, moving on.
We are doing one of these episodes, and if you are new to this... It is basically when a listener sends in a question and Laws and I are your gals, you know, sitting down, having a coffee, you're speaking to us. Or a wine. Or a wine. We're your mates.
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Chapter 2: What should I do if my partner's family is unsupportive?
It is completely on them. I think that's number one because otherwise this is going to hover over you. And I know of circumstances, like I have friends where this has happened to them and it just becomes a cloud in your relationship forever until you're able to let it go. And it clouds every moment where...
society kind of tells us we should feel a way or as you said, our family should feel a certain way. So engagement, wedding, pregnancy, like having kids, if that is something that you want to do, whatever that is, it will always come back and it will always be hard. So if it's not kind of, if you're not able to, it's almost like compartmentalizing it into like, okay, this is unfortunate.
I hope one day we do have a good relationship. Yeah. There is nothing I can do about it so I'm going to put it – I'm going to separate it from myself and it's got nothing to do with me. And I think that is the step because if the question was posed but they hadn't said anything, then my first piece of advice would be to not necessarily speak up yourself because that's really uncomfortable.
Like who the fuck wants to like – talk directly to their parents-in-laws about how they're making them feel like that. That's a very secure person to be able to do that. I think it would be very fair to get your partner to do that. But I think the fact that he has and nothing's changed, it is, it does get to a point where it's like, it's just going to continue to cloud and kill you.
And yes, the idea of living without the support of your extended family would be so hard and I think in my personal opinion, what would be harder is continuing to have that expectation and it not be met. I agree. I agree. And also just note that you don't have to let anyone treat you like this. Just because they're your parents-in-law, it doesn't mean you can't stand out for yourself.
So if you get to a point where you're like, actually, because that's the thing, like when else in life would you let someone treat you this way? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And just keep showing up and being polite. You don't have to always be that way. Like if you need to respond to them and just say, hey, you're actually making me feel really uncomfortable. You're excluding me.
You're making me feel like I'm not good enough. You also, if you feel that that's something that you want to do, just know that you can. All right, next question. Hello, ladies. I would really appreciate your advice on this. Me and my best friend have been friends since middle school and we're now in our late 20s.
For a few years, I felt like I can't relate to her and like we're at completely different stages of life. I would be very accepting of this and the idea that maybe our friendship is just naturally shifting. However, she is incredibly dependent on me. She doesn't have any other friends, hobbies, or any social life.
She tries to stay in contact with me every single day, but my job is very demanding and I have other relationships and priorities in my life to tend to. Anytime I've tried to set a boundary with this, she apologizes profusely but then eventually returns to the same habits. Unfortunately, I feel like we haven't been able to meet as equals in our adult lives.
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Chapter 3: How can I navigate a friendship with a dependent friend?
But by assuring them that the way that you act, being that it is different and making that pretty clear, doesn't at all take away from how much you care about them, might make them realise that like they don't need to keep seeking your – opinion on things or you're right back or whatever because that's not necessarily what means that you care about someone. I don't know. No, I agree.
I think it's like you're seeking or in this instance, they're seeking validation that you're still there and you still love them and you're still best friends or whatever it might be.
Yeah.
And I think that is such a good point, Sev. I do. I think it's about how do you make them feel safe in the conversation. Because you're not replying 24-7, it does not mean that you do not love them. And it's explaining that you're... And it's also the why behind it. Like, I think it probably won't go down well if you sat down and said, I have other friends that I like spending time with.
Like, that's not... I wouldn't frame it that way. I would say, you know, like my career... My work is really busy. It's really demanding of my time and energy. And I can't always reply because of whatever reason it's demanding. And I don't want, as you said, I don't want you to think that that means that I don't love you or that we're not friends. But it's just this season of my life.
I'm really prioritizing my career. It's very important to me. So it's kind of like just sending that message and being very clear on why. And basically making sure it's clear to them it's not because you don't like them. It's not because you think they're annoying.
It's because you're in a season of your life where there's something else that you're focusing on as we could and as we should feel enabled to do and empowered to do.
I also feel like there might be an opportunity here for your friend in knowing, feeling safe in your relationship, but then having, not being able to, you know, communicate 24-7 because that doesn't work in your season of life right now.
It might mean that they're forced to go out and create new friendships because especially when you've been friends with someone since middle school, you become, because I think we speak a lot about codependency in intimate relationships, but we can also have codependency in platonic relationships. In family. Exactly.
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Chapter 4: What are effective strategies for setting boundaries in friendships?
And like it hurts. And I love you. but like please go and enjoy yourself and I will do the same. And it didn't mean that we stopped connecting. We still connected like every couple of days. We might have called more like twice a week instead of every night.
And it just meant that we were able to just really embrace that phase of our lives where I was living independently overseas and he was travelling the world with his mates, having a ball, and still kept each other updated but just didn't have that like, oh, I've really got to call Steph now. you know, got to make sure that, you know, we've checked in or whatever.
It was a hard conversation but it was really good for us. So it's kind of, I don't know, it's similar in that way. I think definitely. I think definitely. It's like sometimes you just need to give each other some space and it's hard in the moment but it's better long term for both of you. Good luck. It's a tricky conversation to have.
Something that I thought of just on other episodes that we've done recently, the last or a couple of episodes ago there was another friendship question and And you both made the point about sometimes a friendship doesn't light you up 100% and maybe you do leave the interaction feeling more drained than you feel filled up.
But that's not necessarily always a reason to boot someone out of your life entirely. And a question that we are, sorry, a topic that we've done before around screen time and staying in touch with your friends. I wonder if what this listener could possibly suggest if she's going down the route of like, my work is really busy at the moment. I just can't write back to you every single day.
Maybe a counter to that could be, I can't be messaging you 24-7, but what if every eight weeks or something we have a coffee on a Saturday morning? So at least you're still like having the time to catch up, but it removes like the you don't have to be messaging every single day because you know you've got that coming up.
I love it. Wait, Linz, can we leave your audio in? Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Great. That's perfect. I think that's such a good point. Thank you so much, as always, for your questions, guys. We appreciate it very much.
If you have a question that you want us to answer on a What Would You Do Wednesday episode, you can message us on Instagram at kickpod or if you're not on Instagram and you prefer an email, you can email us at kickpod at kickwellness.com. We'll be back in your ears on Monday. Bye.
Kickpot acknowledges the traditional owners and custodians of the land in which we're recording this podcast. The Yulakat Wulan clan of the Boon Wurrung who are part of the Kulin Nation. We pay our respects to our elders, past and present, and extend our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
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