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New Rory & MAL

Episode 131 | Till The Rizz Runs Dry

06 Jan 2023

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

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This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.

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5.878 - 9.483 Mal

I'm Daniel Alarcón, and this is my friend who's much more famous than I am.

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9.783 - 14.69 Rory

I wouldn't go that far, but I'm John Green, co-host of the podcast The Away End with my old friend Daniel.

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14.87 - 26.865 Mal

On our podcast The Away End, we'll share with you the magic of international football, all leading up to the 2026 World Cup. Together, we'll find out why, of all the unimportant things, football, soccer, is the most important.

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27.031 - 34.645 Rory

Listen to The Away End with Daniel Alarcon and John Green on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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I'm Daniel Jeremiah. And I am Greg Rosenthal. I know that, Greg. We're teaming up on 40s and Free Agents, the podcast that owns the NFL offseason. This is where teams are built. Free agency, combine, pro days, trades. Every move matters. From my draft boards and mock drafts. To my vaunted top 101 free agents and how rosters come together. Quarterback movement. Surprise signings.

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We'll tell you what it means and who really wins. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search 40s and free agents, and listen now. This is Julian Edelman, host of Games With Names. On our latest episode, we got comedian Blake Anderson from Workaholics and the hilarious This Is Important podcast. Let's go! We did beat them in improv. You had an improv against the team?

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Yes, we would pull up their schools, would be there with signs for us. It's competition. What you would win is a bottle of Goldschlager. James Fester threw it out of a van because he didn't want us drinking it. For more Games With Names, visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. No, because you know your lesbian aunt all your life.

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You knew she was a d**k. Just like the Brooklyn Nets. I can't say d**k. No. You can't say d**k. I can't say d**k. No? Damariski said d**k. D**k is okay. Yeah. Oh, okay. So as a d**k, it's okay. You're not a d**k. No, Damariski said d**k. Damariski said d**k. She just said d**k. It's okay. Stop. All right. We also had the d**k on the show that loved being referred to as d**k. No worry, I'm not.

Chapter 2: What controversies arise from dancing with friends?

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No. Would you be okay with- No. Your girlfriend dancing- Answers no. With another guy? What type of dance? Any type of dance. Interpretive dance? Any type of dance. Yeah, can you guys interpret a dance? Yeah. Like ballet and shit? Maybe like ballet. I don't know. Ballet's kind of intimate.

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But sometimes ballet's a little weird because why are you putting your whole hand in her vagina to lift her up? You could lift her up by her armpits. So you wouldn't be okay with a guy. Like, got a whole hand in her ass. Yeah, you wouldn't be okay with that. Just because you're in tights and spinning doesn't make it hard.

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Yeah, just because there's a team, like, that called a timeout in the huddle behind you doesn't mean you can put your hand on my girl's ass. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. No, my girl can't dance unless it's, like, I don't know, middle school dance. Like, there has to be, like, three feet. Line dancing? Like, maybe a little line dance. Enough space for Jesus. Yeah. Soul train. Yeah, I'm with that.

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Is your girl allowed to dance battle with another man?

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dance battle yeah i mean he can't cook my girl though because i'm gonna feel the way like what if my girl what if she gets served yeah then when she's then if she's getting beat too bad and she looks at me i gotta kind of like jump in yeah and i don't have very many moves yeah like i you start swinging or you start dancing oh no you gotta i can put like my hand in her shirt and like give her get her heart pumping maybe get it going i don't know

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Yo, you dance battling with your girl, and then what did both of y'all lose? You know what that ride home is like? Yeah. It's a quiet Uber home. Yo, that ride home, you definitely lost your girl that night. 100%. Not only did you lose the battle, you lost the war. Your girlfriend, you are now single. And imagine just like it being dead quiet in the car, and she's like, too much crumping. Yeah.

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You crump too much. Yeah. You're supposed to add a little more spin. You should have spun on your head. Have we ever seen a case where... Women get upset at a guy, their boyfriend, dancing with a girl. Yeah. Hell yeah. Literally just walk outside right now. Yeah, definitely. Have we? Amongst us? I don't think so, but in history, yes. Asian Doll was going nuts.

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Well, Asian Doll was dancing with Fabio. Flavio. Right. Big five. First of the year. They're friends or whatever. They know each other. They have a relationship. I don't know if it's romantic or not, but they know each other. No, platonic. So it was a clip of them dancing. They're dance partners. I guess everybody, people are upset that he was dancing with her.

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I really haven't seen the full clip. I saw the response.

Chapter 3: How do the hosts react to Bill Cosby's upcoming tour?

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I don't know what goes on anymore. I don't pay attention to half of this shit that people are doing. Oh, wait. They were turning up to the new Ice Spice? This is just, you know, artists. Okay, but he grabs her, the back of her jeans like a harness. All right. Well, have you ever had a girl break you at a party? It's embarrassing. Sometimes you grab onto something. This is in a kitchen.

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If you can't find a wall, you have to grab her denim. Yeah. But he two-handed it. This is like adding it to Saddle Ranch. Why you gotta be me at Saddle Ranch? No, he has his shoes on. So people are upset about this? People feel a way about this? No, no one did. Just his baby mother saw it and was like, yo, I'm tired of him fucking other bitches. Oh, okay. He's at home. Ha, ha, ha. He's home.

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That's all it was. I like the guy in the back that's with the Casamigos bottle. Yeah, that's like a wingman. That's good support. Good support. Got to have a wingman. Oh, definitely supported a friend. Wanted to see if Fabio was a little thirsty, needed a timeout, needed something to drink. Yeah. Do you do that with friends? Yeah, you can do that with friends. You do this with friends.

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If you're in a relationship, you probably shouldn't do that. I mean, if you're in a relationship, no. You shouldn't be pulling a woman's jeans and, you know, making her throw it back on you. Like, no, you shouldn't be doing that if you have a girlfriend. But as friends, yeah. You dance with a girl like that. When was your first too close next moment? High school party? Mm-hmm.

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When was the first time you got... Probably before high school. Yeah, I was going to say. Junior high dance, I might have got chub on the dance floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chapter 4: What insights are shared about celebrity culture and relationships?

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Definitely before high school. Oh, no, I was full chub. I think it was a house party. I think it was a house party or one of my friends had a house party. We were like in his house and... You know, his parents were there, but they weren't there. They were in the house, but they weren't standing right there. The cool parents. Yeah, cool parents.

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They probably was in the backyard smoking weed or something. Kids in the house dancing. And, you know, we just grinding on each other on the wall. Yeah. You know how it was. Just exploring. That's it. Getting to know ourselves. Making sure everything works. Getting to know our bodies. Yeah, make sure everything works. That's all. Had to make sure that the engine was running. All right.

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Then when was... All right, so junior high. When was the first time, you know... You may have reached down to the front, got your fingers a little wet on the dance floor. A little reach around. Just a little reach. On the dance floor? On the dance floor. That was definitely high school. Or wherever dancing was happening. Yeah, that was probably ninth grade. Definitely ninth grade year.

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Reach around. Or retch. Yes, retch around. A little retch around. Get a retch around. And, you know, just give a little oil check. Yeah. Check under the hood. See what's going on. Oh, my God. You sniff it. Of course.

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You have to. Sniff it.

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That was like sex.

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If you really want to get down to it.

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Pungent. Not only do you smell it, you got to let the homie smell it. That was kind of like confirmation. I'm going to see how nasty you are. No, you didn't. Did you ever pass some DNA? Did you ever double dip? Pass some DMs. Like her and then another girl? Yeah. I never did that. Come on, Forensic Files.

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I never did that.

Chapter 5: What are the implications of Bill Cosby's 2023 tour?

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In 2004. And that's only that specifically for only one woman. That sentence was only for one case. And again, I'm like 90% sure it wasn't because evidence is why he got out. I think it was a technicality. Something, they did something wrong and he got free.

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Yeah. That's even just in the mild, like kind of skimming I'm doing.

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That seems like with was the case. Well, if he is guilty of this, he's a nasty fuck and he should die in jail.

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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to Bill Cosby's ongoing controversies?

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He's a nasty fuck. But right now, he's on tour in 2023. Which is insane. Which is wild. Listen, he's not the first nasty fuck to go on tour. We know that. That we know. We watched R. Kelly parade around for years after the sex tape came out. The Boy Scouts still exist. Yeah. So does the church. Hey. Wow. Don't do that. Now you're saying something.

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Don't come for the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Gosh. Are you getting front row tickets? And church does go on tour too. Yeah. Of course they do. Talk about Utah. They might be the biggest tour. It's called Lent. Utah. It's called Lent. 40 days and 40 nights. That's fucking crazy. They go crazy.

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Chapter 7: What is the significance of Aaron Judge's contract?

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Selling out masses everywhere. Lit masses. There you go. I love it. Church tours like Tech N9ne. Oh my God. Jesus.

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Church merch.

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Sells merch like that too. Those robes go off the racks. And off of your shoulders. You know how many candles they burn? So many rosaries to hold. All right, bro. I will be, I guess, one of the only ones that go see Bill Cosby. I mean, you've got to be a ticket, my girl. Yeah, we'll go together and just laugh. Again, I think it'll just be... I need to go look Bill in his eyes. That'll tell you?

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I don't know. I'm like, you did it. You nasty old man. You nasty fuck. Boo! I'll boo Bill Cosby if I look at him and feel like he really did that shit. Cosby is so committed to comedy, and I think he knows that he is probably going to go back to jail. He might take this tour to say some of the wildest shit we've ever heard in our lives. He might cop to all this for the sake of comedy.

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This is why I'm saying I want to be in the building. I want to be able to say, yo, I was there. Like, the internet, y'all just got clips of this shit. I was there when Bill revealed it all. He said way crazier shit than that. Like, I want to be there because I have a feeling it's going to be one show, grand opening, grand closing. Oh, yeah. I got a feeling it's going to be in New York City.

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No, he's got to work this material. No, I got a feeling this is going to be one show in New York City. He's been working that shit in prison, in the day room. Yeah.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts feel about the evolving slang like 'Riz'?

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for like three years he has so much material I don't know how y'all don't want to see this he's ready for the special I have to see this because let's say they'll probably do the phone thing though let's say that he is guilty of this and like right after this they like put him back in prison and then like you know he's 80 what 85 86 like we don't have much long with Bill yeah when he got convicted I thought he was gonna die in jail it's gonna be like yo listen at least I was there that night where they let this accused rapist out he sold out of New York City I was there he did the craziest set

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whatever he says he said this it was crazy the internet was going crazy about it and then a month later they threw him back in prison and then he died years later i want to be able to say i was there that night like this sounds like history one night only with bill one night only oh my god fuck you julian one night only with bill and you know and and maul's at bill cosby maul's gonna give like the jerry jones excuse like i was just there to see what was going on

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No, you was there to support. Jerry got it off, right? The Cowboys are still selling out every weekend. I'm going to get my eyes off. I just wanted to see what it was all about. I wanted to see what the commotion was about. I didn't know. I was just a sucker for social justice. Yeah, that's it. And the merch. You know the merch from the Pill Cosby merch? Oh, no. Oh, man.

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He got to do the Pill Cosby hoodies. You know like the weekly pill things that you can... Come on, man. You're bringing me into it. Stop it. Fuck Bill Cosby. Everything is content. We spoke about this weeks ago. Everything is content. This is content. I just want to be there because I know they're going to shut this shit down. It's going to be one night only.

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I want to be able to say I was in the building and I saw Bill Cosby live. He's going to do that shit in Philly. Would this show even get through or how many hecklers would fuck that show up? Nah, it goes through. 100%. Security will be tight. I feel like they would have to simulate this. This world is sick, bro.

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You don't think people would just, like the way people are going into museums and just like super gluing their hands on stuff? And put oatmeal on Bill Cosby? And like throw in paint on these paintings? Bro. For climate change? You don't think they're going to interrupt a rapist? Bro, listen to what I'm telling you. This world is crazy. O.D. ? People are going to go there.

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Not only are they going to enjoy it. They're going to take pictures with him. They're going to kiss him.

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They're going to hug him.

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They're going to cry and say, I love you. It's back to the team thing. If you don't want to be there to see this crazy shit happen, I need to be in the building. Because I want to be like, look at how crazy this world is. This man is an accused rapist who was convicted and sentenced to 10 years, served three, let out, and now has a fucking sold-out show in New York City.

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