Top Flight Time Machine
Episodes
2001-2002
30 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
We meet the player with the best name to pronounce in a Scouse accent, hear a chilling 9/11 prediction and the future for Jacob Rees-Mogg, Sven sells ...
Arsene Wenger The Baby
27 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Tree Man’s Hammers lose again, Bullet Baxter and Lesser T-Bird both eke out draws, Rameses does a trick, we find out where Arsene Wenger has been an...
2000-2001
23 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
The season of dead Peter Taylor’s wearable face, more from David O’Leary’s kindergarten, Gianluca Vialli’s horrific holiday wear, Liverpool’...
Portuguese Farm Man
20 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
A man caught in a cat lie, some naturalistic holiday art, the Cypriot toilet scene, goat trading in football and some of the weekend’s action analys...
1999-2000
16 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Ruud Gullit’s Toon strop, David O’Leary’s creepy baby fixation, Kanu’s motoring sadness, and the return of a much-loved Time Machine favourite...
Rubbing Pellegrini's Face
13 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
All the football is back – we have a look at it, propose a new VIP option for West Ham, discuss Disney princesses, consider the ramifications of a l...
2018-2019 Season Preview
09 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Ahead of our new, weekly topical episodes, we’ve sent the Time Machine forwards to try and predict what will happen in the coming season. We also wa...
1998-1999
07 Aug 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Roy Evans gets eased out, John Gregory gives mental health advice, Phil Babb clatters his knackers, Robbie Fowler sniffs the pitch, and Joe Kinnear’...
World Cup 2018
19 Jul 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To Russia, and the most recent World Cup! England fever, getting erotically hobbled by the president of Croatia, some more deeply unsavoury anecdotes,...
World Cup 2014
08 Jul 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To Brazil… a goalfest with fair-play Colombian shame, some tattoo stories, Luis Suarez’s teeth injury, Stevie Wonder’s driving abilities, and a ...
World Cup 2010
05 Jul 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To South Africa… but what if it had been Libya? There's a scaffolding-wielding mascot, misery for England, zodiac-based team selections, Paul the ps...
World Cup 2006
02 Jul 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To Germany, with a hungover and semi-naked mascot, a trip to a Hungarian circus, the bawdiness of Baden Baden, another dream from John Laptop-Case, tr...
World Cup 2002
28 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To South Korea, and breakfast boozing, the worst mascots to date, Keane v McCarthy, outrage at a foreign England boss, some tree-bound lavatorial horr...
World Cup 1998
25 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
France 1998. Knife-wielding Italian hooligans, Ronaldo, disgusting wardrobe squatting, Zidane, dream analysis, speedballs, Beckham, a chat show dog th...
World Cup 1994
21 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
A yankee doodle World Cup, with ITV's anti-tan strategy, Maradona's five-drug cocktail, imaginary noncing, a tale about Steve Jones from The Pyramid G...
World Cup 1990
18 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Italia 90 – the worst mascot so far, some patchy football, a school play, an unexpected rat’s tail, Roger Milla’s love tree, short man syndrome ...
World Cup 1986
15 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
To Mexico! We discuss the sanitary arrangements of England's group opponents, the correct pronunciation of 'jalapeno', cocaine-fuelled football and wh...
World Cup 1982
12 Jun 2018
Contributed by Lukas
School art displays, Naranjito’s sex life, alphabetical squad numbers, a dead OAP’s TV, squad songs, the worst assault on a football pitch EVER an...
1997-1998
31 May 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Christian Gross arrives on the tube, Roy Hodgson returns from European exile, Temuri Ketsbaia has a striptease meltdown, Ron Noades appoints himself a...
1996-1997
18 May 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Graeme Souness is duped into signing Ali Dia, Kevin Keegan gets confused about miracles, Howard Wilkinson lashes out at Leeds and plots a swallow-base...
1995-1996
03 May 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Sexy sexy sexy. With sexy foreigners, sexy football, the sexy team bus video that killed Newcastle United's title challenge and Peter Schmeichel's sco...
1994-1995
19 Apr 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Another season examined by Andy and Sam, including George Graham's hole in the corner, how many helicopters you'd need to lower an elephant into Selhu...
1993-1994
02 Apr 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Some of the highlights of the Premier League's second season, including speculation over the smell of John Gorman, Alex Ferguson's cocker spaniel obse...
1992-1993
19 Mar 2018
Contributed by Lukas
The dawning of the Premier League and the rebirth of football itself. All the major issues are discussed, including cheerleaders, Jack Walker's millio...