Adam Rowe

two miles every time things get more and more and there's not much rent control so you like whereas in like you know in new york you'll get like a 97 year old jewish woman on the upper west side who's surrounded by like millionaires and she's just owned the place for 100 years that doesn't happen in london people do just get pushed out oh really so in the middle of london there's just nothing but people who've moved there pretty much oh interesting

And, like, that's what these gangs are accused of doing.

So there's a comedy club that runs, it's called the Laughter Factory. It's in Dubai and Abu Dhabi because they're the same country, aren't they? UAE. And they had a guy get arrested at one of their club shows about, it must be like 10, 15 years ago. Local guy or foreign? No, from the UK. So they pretty much fly out UK guys and occasionally they'll get like a road comic from America out there.

And they're always like, just don't mention the royal family. Yeah. And they were doing like a two night run at one hotel. And on the second night, after the guy had done stuff on the first night. Yeah. They sent people to the back to like, and as soon as he went to bring it up again, because in his head, he's like, oh, I got away with it last night. And he goes through it again.

They were like, come with us. And he was in police custody for like three days. Wow. What did he say? Yeah, I want to know. I think he literally was like, I was told I can't talk about these guys. Who the fuck do they think they are? I think he took that attitude and they were like, well, this is who the fuck we think we are.

I've got to be honest with you. Yeah, I think... So... What you're talking about is... I don't know what I'm talking about. I know. I just saw one headline. So where you're getting these headlines from is, like, the Daily Mail and shit.

I mean, the only reason I'll respect it while I'm out there. It's weapons. It is. It is that I don't want to go to jail. You know, I'll respect it because I have to. But I don't respect anybody who is born naturally better than everyone else. It's fucking insane. What do you think of that Meghan Markle?

It's a real, like, political issue. So the left are like, she's amazing. And the right are like, she's a fucking cunt. But for what? Why is she amazing? What did she do? Took that little ginge off your hands? Because the left, generally speaking, hate the royal family. And the working class people, a lot of them are just like, the fucking royal family? Like, what the fuck?

Why do we have to fucking... Because she's sort of gone in as a normal person, broke it up, caused a bit of a problem. And then has sort of gone, I'm not adhering to your fucking rules. I'll take your fucking grandson and we're going back to America. Yeah, it's kind of fire. That is kind of fire when you put it that way. Yeah.

Watch him come with me. That's crazy. So people are like, yeah, fucking good for that. I'll take your green sun.

Yeah. We don't give a fuck. We don't. Now, when the Queen died, they cancelled comedy clubs across the UK. Oh, no. And, like, friends of mine are, like, out of work. I wasn't even working that weekend, but I just put, like, three shows on in Liverpool and was like, if you've lost gigs this weekend, we'll split the door between everyone. I was like, fuck that. That's just not happening.

Because they're like this. Have you seen the video of, you know, the musical Wicked? Yeah. Do you know how it opens? Do you know the first song in Wicked? No. So the first...

the first line is she's dead and it's like good news so the night that the queen died the guy who owns the theatre had to go on there's a video of him doing this he goes on stage before the show and goes hey we're really respectful about the queen and stuff but we've still got to do the full show so just so you all know if this is the first time you've seen Wicked this isn't like a doobit

It's rhetoric pushed by, like, right-wing media. They were like, we want to sort of focus on immigration, so... Ah. Like... There's a really, really good interview from years ago where there's a political commentator from the UK called Akala. Oh yeah, I know the guy who raps too. Yeah, yeah.

Good news!

The Queen is dead. The Wicked Witch of the West. But God knows she's dead.

Some guy like never been on stage before in his life. They're like, you're going to have to go.

It only takes one person to complain though, doesn't it? And then it's a news story. So it's best they do it that way. Oh, that's unreal. I didn't realize you were such a theater fan. Yeah, like... You love musicals. I've seen quite a lot, yeah. A few years, I'd never watched it until about maybe like six years ago. And then I heard Hamilton.

All I knew about Hamilton was it was like a hip hop musical. And I was like, I really want to go and see that. And an ex-girlfriend got me tickets to go and see it. And I remember being at the end of the first song, like, this is incredible. I couldn't believe it. And then I like watching them.

they were trying to like give us drugs they were just like i think if we settle them down i've been banging on about it for years that i really liked it and the the lads we do our podcast with have been like i can't think of anything fucking worse and i was like you just got to see it like it's it's fucking great yeah and then there was a tauren

And he's talking on like, there's like a panel, like it's like a panel in front of an audience talking about like racism and all that sort of stuff.

version of it that came to manchester and i was like look we're going podcast night out few beers and we're going to see hamilton and the cast was so bad oh and so i was sat next to finn who's one of our producers and he loves it as well and like the carl and dan were sat behind us and they'd been like fucking dragged to see this thing you know what i mean and we were about halfway through and i just looked at finn and finn was already looking at me and finn was like this is a lot gayer than i

I was like, yeah, it really is. And we got to the interval and went up and I tried to be like, so what do you think? And Carl and Dan were like, are you fucking insane? It was so bad. If that was the first time I'd ever seen it, I wouldn't like it.

No, we don't learn it at all. Yeah. Really? Like, we learn about World War II and that we won and you guys kind of helped. And that's pretty much all of the history from, like, years ago.

Yeah, yeah. Or they lied to you? No way.

And he goes, the interesting thing is when like a Pakistani guy or a grooming gang who are from Pakistan originally, their racial identity and the fact that they're an immigrant is put forward as like the primary reason for them committing the atrocity. Yeah.

right somebody had to do it somebody had to stop that war that was already over we don't learn anything about it so like so we didn't help out at all in the way you learn in world war ii yeah yeah it's like the americans sort of helped at the end but this whole like we would be speaking german if it wasn't for america it's just like that's not really true really yeah it's just like we were gonna sort of you know like it would have been we might have won anyway

Yeah, we won it. Yeah. That's Britain. It's like, no, we beat the Nazis. Winston Churchill defeated the Nazis.

He also made it a million Indians. But shh, shh, shh, don't look at that. We beat the Nazis. Did you take out a mil? Like, it might have been, I don't know the exact number, but it was a lot. It was a lot. They don't love Churchill.

Joe's really funny about that. I know he isn't, but in my head he is. Like I have to like... When you look at the $10 bill, you're like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, I have to do, genuinely have to correct that in my own head. I'm like, yeah, Aaron Baird is not a 4'9 black guy. You know what's crazy?

What a legacy. Do you know what's really interesting about like the American civil war thing is real quick.

Whereas like when Jimmy Savile, who's like a really famous person, who's a white guy from Stoke, when he does it, it's not like it's because he's from Stoke. Whereas like the Grieman gang is like, well, they're from Pakistan. Of course they're doing this.

I just think if, yeah, genuinely, even though we know it's not, it sort of like feels like fiction. Not that we're saying it's like lies. It just feels like, do you know what I mean? It feels like Wicked.

No, and it's not, like, it doesn't feel like that. Like, we're so small compared to you guys. Like, it doesn't make any sense that we would run this place, like, to me. Oh, that's fascinating. Like, I've never really thought about it, but I'm thinking about it right now. And yet the idea of, like... We are a colony of you.

Yeah, like, the idea that, like, I don't even want the king to run Liverpool tonight. Why were they out of control of Baltimore?

Oh, it's so funny. I mean, it's amazing. It's so funny. But like you guys, I guess because you're taught of it as like this victory and it's part of like the American thing is like, oh, we got our independence.

Totally. And it's, it's the only time it's ever been like sort of contextualized for me like that is, and it was actually, it was to do with the show. So, I went to Nashville in the summer. At the end of my tour, me, Alfie opens for me and he's also a brilliant comic. And Jackie was my tour manager. We went to Nashville for a week to just let rip, drink, music, whatever.

And it was Jordan's CMA Fest, like the Country Music Association Festival. So they have like stadium shows. And I was like, well, on the Friday, we'll go to that. And we'll go and see that. And we're in the stadium and I go to go to the bar and get some drinks. And as I get to the top of the stairs, some like real Southern guy, like dressed like he, like he's, I'm wearing the bleachers, you know?

So, and he's got like, you know, a flannel shirt on, trucker cap. And he's like, hey man, can I get a quick photo with you? And I was like, yeah. He's like, oh, I've seen you a while ago on Flagrant. I've seen some of your stuff. I like it, man. I like it. Can we get a photo? And we take a photo. And I then go, and he goes, hey, Adam, Adam, don't forget the Civil War.

Don't forget the Revolutionary War. And I was like, what? And he goes, we won, man. And I was like, pfft. And I get to the bar to Ralphie and Jack. I was like, some guy just asked me for a photo.

Yeah, and to be fair... Are there loyalists in Liverpool for the crown? Yeah, but it's a very small minority. And like... What do you think of them? Of, like, the loyalists of the crown? I don't speak to them. They're not in my life. I just hear they exist, you know?

Like, when... And this, obviously, when I'm doing, like, podcasts and stuff in America like this, like, people do want to talk about the British thing. I'm probably a really bad person to talk to about it because of the way Liverpool sees the rest. And I'm not as, like, hardline as some scousers are with this, you know? Like...

There's a lot of, like, people from Liverpool who, when the England football team plays, they actively want them to win. Like, if England are playing Spain, there's scousers who will buy a Spain jersey and go the pub in the Spain jersey and be like, come on, Spain, because they hate it that much.

With me, I kind of want England to win, and the second they lose, I'm like... Whereas, like, Liverpool can lose a game, and it'll take me months to get over it. Like, there's such a... This is quite, like... I do, like... I don't really like...

the uber english attitude yeah and i think a lot of the pride that like people on the center right to the right of like british politics have is rooted in racism and colonialism really it just is it's like we conquered the world it's like that shouldn't be your only reason to be proud of the country because that's not actually a fucking good thing right right so there's a lot of stuff to not like it's debatable you know

You could have used a little bit. I just got back from India, and I'm telling you, we have left our place in a mess. You didn't go before. It was crazy before, honestly.

I just don't.

Yeah, like Barcelona.

You just had riots, right, in Liverpool? Like a couple months ago? A few months ago. That was the first time that Liverpool sort of... Had a grooming party? We can talk about this story if you want, but it's fucking bleak. What do you mean? Oh, really? There was a guy called Axel... Oh, we won't joke around about it at all.

It's so bleak. Really? And it's so fresh. Oh, fuck. Like, a guy went into a seven-year-old's dance class and stabbed three seven-year-old girls to death. Oh, I didn't know that's what it was about. Great job, Mark. The riots, and the guy's called Axel Rudacabana, and he's the son of immigrants. And although his family are Christian, there's a widespread belief that his...

his motivations are rooted in Islam. Even though that's not, like, being actually released as information. Everyone's just gone, fucking look at the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, he's... Like, he stabbed one of these girls 122 times. Holy shit. Like, it is...

one of the ways so what happens to somebody like that i mean you kill him right there's no death penalty well what do you do with people he's been put in prison for a minimum of 52 years which means technically in 52 years he could be released but somebody in prison will kill him right there's a i got sent a voice note today on whatsapp so like when stuff happens in the uk like they'll like you'll get like forwarded many times there's like a thing on whatsapp and it's a voice note saying he's already been absolutely battered in prison but

And that's the thing with this. You're saying, like, why can't we just marry these two? You're forgetting that in the UK, our racism is directed towards Pakistani guys and people from South Asia rather than anyone else. Than who? Mexicans and black people. That's your one, isn't it? Is it? I don't know. I've seen the clips. I think...

People won't kill him. They'll just make his time in there impossible. Oh, really? And like the COs, the correction officers will be like- They look the other way. They won't just look the other way. They will go and get the two most dangerous guys in the prison and be like, you know in cell seven, do you know what he's in for?

Well, the door's open. Yeah. Whoa. But yeah, yeah.

So the riots were anti-immigration riots being like, look what happens when we have borders open. Mm-hmm. is this guy's parents get in they have him here and then he goes and kills but again it's because look what this guy's done is fucking horrific and it's very hard to have this conversation especially because this happened in Southport which is eight miles from where I live.

Like it's up the road, maybe 20 at maximum. It's up, like Southport is where on a sunny day in the summer, that's where me and my family would go. There's like a theme park there with roller coasters, no Indians on them. And we'd go there for the day. And it's absolutely harrowing, awful. It's one of the worst stories of my lifetime that I can remember.

And because people got real angry and they had, They were given a reason. He did it because of this. So then the protests and riots were fucking huge. But then there's arseholes turning up to these fucking protests and riots with like six packs of Stella. And they're being like, hey, we're at the riots. And it's like, you don't give a shit.

You want a reason to go and smash a town up and get drunk with your mates. You're a thug. Some people genuinely care about the fucking safety of children. And, you know, they're there for the right reasons. But a good chunk of these fucking riots were people who'd just seen an opportunity to go on a Hammond on a Tuesday night and smash up a place with no retribution.

Yeah.

There's going to be monsters no matter what. That, like... I think the job, obviously, this is a more serious conversation, but I think the job of a comedian often is to stand right in the fucking middle of the spectrum of conversation and talk and laugh at how both sides of any conversation are discussing it. Because on the right, there's always going to be hypocrisy.

On the left, there's always going to be hypocrisy. And I'm talking about any spectrum there. And until both sides... And we're so far from this at the minute because everything is genuinely really divided conversationally. Until both sides find a way to be able to go, do you know what? You've got a good point there. But that's not going to happen. We're so far from it.

He didn't mean to. I do think he meant to do what he did, though. I think it's sort of like trolling. That's debatable.

Or like... That is what the Nazis were doing, though. Yeah. So when people are like, it's a Roman salute, the Nazis back then were like, we're doing a Roman salute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they're not different. Right, right. Like... Hitler was like, we all do the Roman salute. By you going, I'm not doing the Hitler one, I'm doing the Roman one.

Oh, they're 100% doing it. Yeah.

Is he Ben Shapiro talking about Bill Bear? What did he say? He said, I've been a Bill Bear fan for years. I thought he's absolutely brilliant. I went to see him in Florida. He's gone woke. Like Bill Bear's gone woke.

I mean, I think you have like a bastardized idea of what like the politeness of Britain's like. Like if you go on like Britain's- I'm not talking about Liverpool. But like the Facebook post about it, like, she's a whore. She's a fucking whore. Like, let's call a spade a spade. She's a whore.

I also think.

He validated your opinions with jokes. You never respected the craft or the art of comedy. Totally. And as a comic for me, like when I'm watching comedy, like when I sort of, it's not even necessarily the most I ever laugh.

but the most respect I ever have for a comedian is when I do not know what I don't think you should ever know what a comedian's real opinion on any subject is like when a comic brings a subject up and it could be oh I'm going to talk about trans people now or this or whatever when I know what your next four minutes of opinions are going to be bored I'm done with it and I do think some comics get to a certain level and we don't have to name names I hate slagging off comics and stuff like publicly and whatever but there's certain comics who are big like arena level comics and they bring shit up now and I'm like

I know exactly what you think on this, even as a comic, and it would be so much funnier if you, if Bill Bear in his new hour is doing an hour about why women are great, that would be the best thing he's done. It's so funny. As long as it's funny.

Yeah, I'm assuming a baseline that the comic is getting laughs and it's funny.

Everything's funny until it's about your thing. And, like, there's certain stuff people could bring up that I would be offended by, but you've just got to, you know, you've got to just... I've said this before on another podcast years ago. This is how I view comedy. This is, like, my sort of... the way I like to think about it. It's like we're lawyers, right? We're like defence lawyers.

And the bit is our client. And our job isn't to worry about whether they're guilty or not. Our job is to get them off.

Our job is to convince the jury that this is an innocent...

thing and it doesn't matter whether like i take any clients on you could say this is this is what my opinion is on this yeah i've got to win the jury over and that's why bad comics they were like oh the crowd are too woke for me it's like no no you're a bad lawyer yeah you couldn't convince a jury of your peers and that your premise was innocent if you had an attorney say that i'd be like dude you're going to jail because that jury's so woke yeah

Because he's a super autistic, like ones and zeros guy. Yeah, and comedy is in between ones and zeros. Yeah, it's twos and threes and fours and fives. Well, now you're exciting him. You're saying nothing.

There's nothing funny to you. About like this.

Yeah.

Apple Pay is just on my phone.

The girl I'm with now is, we've been friends for a few years. So she, we were friends actually when I was working that stuff out. So she's seen like an early warm up of that show. We've been together since July. And yeah, she's great. Asian? Yeah. No. Is that an eye joke?

There was a guy who, so he was interviewed on like Good Morning Britain, which is like, it's a fucking morning show in the UK. One of the guys that did it. One of the guys who says he went, queued up. He went, joined the line, realised he was like, I'm going to be here for a few hours, went and ate dinner. So he was like, I've got time for a burger.

I'd like, yeah, I'm genuinely, like, for legal reasons, I have to stress it was fictional.

Completely. Completely fictional. There's no truth in it at all. No, no, no. And that's what I like about you. And any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

It's fucking wild. Like, my mum's an alcoholic in real life and in the show. Like, what are the shit?

Well, that's even more enticing. Yeah, right? It's, yeah. It was interesting putting a special like that up because, you know, that for me, that hour, so the hour you're talking about there is called Juicy. And that is more of like an Edinburgh Festival type hour of stand-up where it's, you know, it's one long story. I'm sat down for a lot of it. Like, we shot it in a small room very deliberately.

That is not the way I've came up. Although I, you know, I've gone to the Edinburgh Festival and done hours and stuff. I've never really, before that show, done like a long narrative hour and like figured out... The reaction from like people who followed me for years and like fans of like our podcast and stuff was like... this like, I love all your standup. I love all your jokes.

I love all the routines. This is just different. And the fact that there's like a, there's genuine like pieces of you and there's moments where you're not even trying to be funny and you're just talking to us. It's a totally different thing. And we want more of that. And then with the, so I put a special out in November, the most recent one. And that's a lot more clubby again.

Cause I wanted to just go back out and do what I've done for years. I do think the next show I do, will probably be another, like, narrative one. I want to, like, try another story and try and do another thing.

It's, yeah, the way it was received, like, when you can really sort of put a piece of you, like, and be, you know, talk about your actual life and what you actually felt at moments and proper give, like, give people a real story, the reaction to it, like, the special I've just put out, I'm really proud of it. I think it's fucking great. I love it. A lot of people have messaged me and been like,

you know if you'd have paused him before he brought either of those up i knew we'd go bonnie blue lily phillips it's like there's a problem and then there's a solution but it just seems like we can't connect them and this is where you need that american ingenuity i'm here to let bonnie blue and what's the other one's name

This is so funny. Fucking love it. They're sharing it. This is the best, like the funniest artist I've ever seen. When I was getting messages about Juicy, they were like paragraphs in the DMs.

Went and got his burger, came back to the line, said he got near the front and then was like... I can't do it. I have a full stomach, it's hard.

that's what I want to do like the hour I've just put out like I love doing it I worked with Alfie again who like helped me with Juicy like directed it he was at like a lot of he was also opening for me so he was at a lot of the tour shows being like hey you've done this a little different to last night last night was better stuff like that he's really good for that and uh

We shot this most recent one in my, like, bucket list venue. I know, like, your bucket list venue was MSG. And that's why I flew out for that with Carl. It was so good just to be there for that. Thank you, man. But my book... The first venue I ever seen comedy in was the Liverpool Empire Theatre. It's a British comic called Ross Noble. Oh, yeah. And I was 16...

I just like sort of found out like live comedy was a real thing. It wasn't just like something that was on the TV every now and then. And I loved it. And that was sort of the start of like, oh, I can do this. And I remember like when I started, I was like, by the time I'm 30, I want to headline that room. By the time I did that, I was 32. But the two years for COVID, I'm taking that off. Yeah.

And we did, like, fucking, you know, incredible, like, hometown sports back home. So we did two shows in one night in the Empire Theatre, so that was nearly 5,000 tickets. And then later in the tour, we did the arena. And I've got the footage from that where, you know, the jokes are a little different and, like, we can release some clips from that eventually. But the special shot...

to just like the guy like will who's like our camera guy our podcast and like our production company like he's filmed with me for years now and he knows what i want from a special like a big thing for me is there's always movement in the shots i never want a camera on a tripod that's like got no one doing this with it like if it's static i want a slow zoom if like like and

he not only like just got what I wanted, the level to which he's filmed it, the, the shots, the backdrop, the haze is the perfect, like it's so good. The audiences were fucking incredible. And I'm so happy with how it came out. Uh, Yeah.

And I'm really happy with it as an hour to stand up, but just as a video, it's, you can watch it with the sound off and I think you'd like it because he shot it so well. And I'm so proud of like, we did that with my team. Yeah. And that genuinely comes like genuinely from like what you guys do. Do you know what I mean? Like watching people like, who just go, Oh, I'm just going to make it myself.

Yeah. And like, I shopped it round and we got a couple of bites and not the bites that I wanted. And I was like, it's going on YouTube. I want people to see it. Yeah. Yeah. And the reason I came out to the States for these two weeks, I wanted to start again. Yeah. Where no one really knows me. Yeah. And be going on in comedy clubs where they're like,

who the fuck's it and I've got to win them over again because like most comedy clubs in the UK like most comedy clubs in the UK like I could probably get that a little bit but they'll always be like 10% or whatever and if I do it in Liverpool at my home club at least half the room are like oh here's Adam so I just wanted to like being in New York and Austin and being like I'm starting again with clubby stuff for now because we're about to go on like a podcast tour where I've got to do 20 minutes but in the back of my head I'm making I'm sitting in cafes all day over here being like what's this next like long story to give and this guy

is the story. Yeah. Yeah. Like the, the, the front loaded, like you're being Schultz and what everyone knows, but there's like for people who haven't seen that tour live and are going to watch the special.

There's a shift in that hour, doesn't it? Yeah. From infamous. Yeah. It's not the same. It's not just another album. Yeah.

What was the... I can show you the video. Have you not seen it?

If I'm fully honest with you, so the most recent special that went out was called What's Wrong With Me? Yeah. And when I first sat down to start writing that, I had the exact same sort of plan. It was like, I'm going to front load it with bang, bang, bang, bang, and the last 20 minutes is going to be more whatever. Yeah. I'm curious, how much of the last 20 is true?

None of it is true. It's so good. This isn't juicy. I'm just saying to protect you. None of it is. I was at the airport. So the story at the end of the show, which I thought would be more of a narrative story, sit down, let's have a conversation bit. And just as I was doing it on tour and working with Alfie on it, Alfie was like... This can just be punchy.

Like, it's funny enough that we can keep it punchy and it's still interesting and you don't have to slow down quite as much as you did with Juicy. So let's just... Let it be what it's going to be. Like, let the show choose itself sort of thing. But I... Like, the... I'm a bit fucking mental with, like, health anxiety. Like, bad hypochondria.

So, like, I've thought I'm having, like, heart attacks and strokes before. It's, like, really all-consuming at times. And for a year... For a year. I didn't get checked for a year, but I had Googled symptoms and I was pretty sure I had multiple sclerosis, MS, right? Which is not like a death sentence, but severely life-affecting.

It can limit your life, but it's not like you're going to die, whatever. And I was sat at the airport waiting to do a show to Belfast. And I'd been putting it off because in my head, genuinely, I was like... I don't want to know I've got it because then I've got it. Yeah, you're dead.

I feel that 100%. I'd rather think I've got it than have it. I avoid that shit. So I'm putting it off, but like literally, literally, so this is the true version of the story. I would wake up every morning and the first thing my brain would give me was, You got MS, just so you know. Yeah. What?

And then I'm going to sleep at night and it didn't matter unless I was like hammered and I've been out with the boys and you just pass out. Yeah. Like if I'm like sober and going to bed and like the room's quiet, me brain would be like, yeah, just go to sleep. But you know, you have got MS. So just so you know. Like it's just constant all the time.

And like if I was really hung over, all the symptoms got real worse and... It was bad. And then I'm sat in the airport waiting for this flight to Belfast, which is a 25 minute flight. It was delayed by two hours. And I'm sat there and there was two people who were obviously also waiting for the same plane.

And it was a woman and the guy she cares for, who was like severely disabled, like shouty, non-control of limbs disabled. And he kept taking his shoe off.

and throwing it like down the airport like lounge and i was just really enjoying it it was really funny it was so fun like i just for the first time i've seen it i'm like she's having a bad day like i think i'm having a bad day waiting for this plane but like i'm this she's having a bad day and uh she keeps like putting it back on she's putting on she's going stop it now people are watching us it's not funny fucking stop it now and then he would sit there and he would just wait a few minutes

And he'd take it off again. So he, like, he'd done it for the entire delay. And every time it got funnier. And in the end, I'm like laughing out loud and like laughing and stuff. And then that day, genuinely, was the day I booked my MRI scan to get tested for MS. Because the biggest fear I had, and this is true, was that I wouldn't,

She's like a scribe.

if it was going to affect my speech and my ability to hold a microphone and stuff, if it affected my ability to do stand-up, which is all I really care about, is being able to be a comic. I want to be a great comic and that's like my life thing. I was like, if it takes that away from me, I won't find it funny. I won't find having a disability funny. And watching him

throw his shoe again and again and again. And the fact that every time she told him off, he waited. So he knew what he was doing. Because otherwise, if he just didn't know, he'd have took it straight off again and threw it again. But he was waiting until it was funny again. And it didn't matter that he was like, like that. There was a part of his brain that was like, this is hilarious.

And I was like, if he's seeing the funny side of what he's got, like I'm not going to be that. So I've got to be able to find human in mine. And I went and got checked. And then it turned out you were gay? I was hungover. I was drinking too much.

And you know, you know, since I got checked. Yeah. Cause I hadn't really spoken to any of like my friends. This is so funny. Like about the symptoms and stuff. Yeah. So like I just Googled it and Google goes, you've got MS. Yeah, of course. And I've spoken to like mates of mine since and I'm like, oh, it was, you know, it's there. And they were like, yeah, I get that too.

But like, like I know there's like, there's been this like wave of like men need to talk more. Yeah. Yeah. If we did just have a little... You know when you go heavy on a night and you wake up the next day? Yeah. Do you ever struggle to articulate your words? Oh, yeah. You can't think of words. You're trying to remember shit. On stage, you're like...

Or do you ever like go to speak and you need to swallow your saliva? Like you've got to swallow. Yeah. These are all symptoms of multiple cirrhosis. Oh. So like this is what I was getting to like a severe level if I was having like a big night and I'm going on stage the next night and I'm having to like constantly sip water so that I can get through the set.

And then I Googled it and I was like, oh, what is it? And it's like, you've got, you've definitely got multiple cirrhosis. And for a year I was like putting it off and I paid a lot of money for the doctor to be like.

10K.

Have you been a hypochondriac forever? It started about a month after my dad had a heart attack. So like I had a real, like there was a good few months in. My mum died in September. My dad had a heart attack and nearly died in December. And a month later, I started getting like severe chest pain. And I went to hospital via an ambulance, like well into double figures in one calendar month.

Now in the UK, that costs nothing. So like over here, I probably couldn't have afforded the hypochondria. Yeah. But like in the UK, I would turn up and I'd be like, I think I'm having a heart attack again. And it'd be like the same nurse. And she'd be like, okay, cool. So they'd hook me up to the ECG machine and they'd like check. But every time this is what they'd say, they'd go, look, you're 24.

The last thing you want is a girl doing this and going, who? Okay, okay.

You don't smoke. You don't do cocaine. You're not going to have a heart attack. Like you're not. But...

you cut okay don't say that so if you get like worse symptoms than you had today if it feels really different then come back because then we need to see your brain goes got it yeah and then the next day i'm like this feels different to get and then back to the hospital you're just a regular hospital you'd walk up be like i'll take the same thing room two yeah room two

Crazy, especially because she, like... Isn't it weird what we get over here from you guys? You get, like, such a tiny... I know, I know, I know. I talk about this in, like, stand-up context. It is so much harder for me to come out here than for you to come to the UK. Because we get all of your news, all of your media, every movie that's even remotely good from the States, we get. Yeah.

What's the wildest thing you believed you had? I think, I think, and that's just how it's tough. I've, The heart attack stuff was the worst. That was a good, like, 18 months of being completely uncontrollable. Yeah. And it was definitely tied to, you know, you lose a mom and then... Yeah, of course. Like, this is also how much my family drinks, this is true.

So my dad had that heart attack on my little brother's 18th birthday. Yeah. Can we get another beer or two in here if we're out?

every tv show yeah you're hyper aware of cultural events here yeah i remember a couple years ago i did gotham yeah and you were on the bill yeah and i come off and there was one joke that i just got fuck all and it was not it was a joke i relied on you know what i mean and you were like they just didn't get it and it was a bit about like in the uk homeless people drink cider so the routine was like i gave this guy some money and like a girl who had like a bit of a stick up her ass was like you're supposed to buy them food and the whole bit is like oh i think he wants cider yeah yeah

Grab me one too. Go on. My dad had that heart attack on my little brother's 18th birthday. Oh, Jesus. Right? So I had a set at the comedy club in Liverpool. So my little brother was going for a meal in the little village near where we lived, West Derby Village. And then was going into the city centre to go out into the early hours of the morning.

So I was like, I'll come to the meal, I'll quickly run into town, do my set, and then I'll come and meet you back at the bar. He's like, great. So I have the meal, I go to town, and I'm literally behind the curtain waiting to go on. And my phone rings, and it's...

thanks man it's my little brother and initially i thought i'll just turn this off i was like there's 15 of him and his friends and what he's probably going to be like is can you get me into your show me and my friends want to watch your set so i thought i'll just fucking button him and uh you know i'll see him after the thing but something made me answer the phone fucking button okay

take it lad and I answer and he goes you need to leave the comedy club right now and I was like I'm not fucking doing that I'm about to go on stage what do you mean and he goes me dad's having a heart attack and I was like what and I like obviously I don't really remember the next like five minutes but apparently I just go like white yeah and uh

so there's another guy that was supposed to go on after me. He was like, I'll just, he's like the hosts already on. They think I'm on. And like this passing the no culture in America where it's like someone else is going on. That's not a thing. So the, the host just goes, Adam Rowe. And this other guy, Pete goes on stage and just explains what's going on. And, uh, so, uh,

I call my dad's phone because Jack's like, he's gone to the hospital and the doctor answers and he's like, yeah, he's currently in the Royal Liverpool Hospital, but he's being transferred to Broad Green Heart and Chest Hospital because he is having a heart attack and they need to, you know, they need to operate on him right now. So we go to Broadgreen Hospital.

I get there and then my family have sort of heard of it. Like they've heard what's going on through my brother and other people. So like my auntie, or aunt for you guys, her partner, my uncle, and a few cousins, and there's a load of us in this little room. The first thing... This is how comedy can really fix at awful moments. We're all just so sad.

My dad is under the knife having the surgery right now to try and fix what's going on. And we're all just devastated and don't know what to do. And my uncle, who's not with us anymore, he died a few years ago. He was just the most gentle giant in the world, but he was also fucking stupid, like so thick. And he goes into the bathroom and he comes back in.

He goes, this is a real, like, fancy hospital list. And I was like, what? It's an NHS hospital on the outskirts of Liverpool. What the fuck are you talking about? And he goes, no, no, no. They make you sign the wall to say you've been and used the toilet. And I was like, no, that's the cleaning thing. And he'd got a pen.

So you know on the wall of a bathroom when the cleaner goes in and cleans the bathroom, they have to sign to go 1 p.m. Sheila cleaned the thing. There's just like Marie, Marie, Marie, Sheila, Sheila, Sheila, and then just Colin. And we're all fucking dying laughing at that. And another hour goes, my dad's done the surgery. And then this guy comes in and he goes, look, your dad's going to make it.

He's in a pretty, you know, it was a pretty big clot that he had and we've got it out. It's going to be a long road to recovery, but we're going to bring him past this waiting room you're in now to put him into there, but you're not going to be able to see him for a couple of hours, just so you know. And we're like, okay.

And then about 30 seconds later, we hear like double doors go to the end of the corridor. So we're all poking our heads out the door. And my dad is being wheeled on a bed, but he is sat up off his fucking head on drugs with thumbs up. And I go, are you all right? And he says, I think I'll make last orders. Like the last call at the bar.

that's nice of him to let you guys know like hey don't worry 20 minutes later he's like you can go and see him and my dad was like so are we leaving and we were like you're gonna be here for like a week and he's like I'm fine he's like you've had a heart attack he's like yeah but it's I'm not anymore he was like a football player with a thumbs up he's getting stretchered off you know it's kind of nice let everyone know you're okay oh funny

And the audience just looked at me like I was speaking fucking Parseltongue. They were like, what the fuck? And then you were like, that's like a middle-class, like, gay summer drink here. Like, promise people I'm not drinking to eat. And you went, try it tomorrow with, like, whiskey or liquor. And I tried it and it, like, proper popped it. Like, all it took was that. But those, like, we think...

If anything, like... Now that you know you don't have MS. Cheers. I go three phases with drinking weight. I'm like, I'll go like... Like I've signed up for a half marathon in May. So like for like eight weeks before that, I'll really cut it out and I'll run like a lot more than that. My weight always fluctuates me drinking.

Like I go real hard for like a while and then go, let's just have a little chill.

um so normally i would like have a relatively quiet january but my birthday is the 11th of january 11th and you're in new york yeah no so like with this year i was like christmas was a heavy session and then january i was like the second of january is my housemates like my roommate's birthday the 11th is my birthday i'm in new york and austin for two weeks

I was like, we'll see what February looks like, you know? But then the podcast's on tour in Dublin in February. So maybe we have to see what March looks like. But then it's my dad's birthday. So you've got to celebrate for that. Yeah, you've got to get after that. Yeah, that's good. And then April's Easter, you know, that's a big week. Yeah, we're going to be sober during Easter. This is crazy.

That's insane.

At least I think. We're very culturally similar countries. But there's such small things.

Oh, you want to hire me on Xbox?

Like, at some point, someone's going to, like, show up.

Because the father of four, okay?

At some point, Derek Jesus is going to be sat with one of his friends and one of his friends is going to be like, oh, there's this podcast I watch called Flake. Like, look at it. And Derek, she's going to go, I met those guys. And see that guy, you know what he fucking did?

Only Gerrard. Gerrard, midfielder. Yeah. Yeah, I knew that from FIFA. Went to my school. No way. Yeah, same school. Same school as Carl, my mate, and Paddy the baddie. Oh, no way. All the same school. That was crazy, that Paddy thing that happened recently. Paddy and Steven are painted on the walls. I'm not on the walls. You gotta get on that wall, dude.

Would you want him on the podcast now, or would you be worried you're going to make it win? Are you kidding?

It's unbelievable. You know what's crazy to me? So, like, I love sports, and I'm a real, like, when in Rome guy. Yeah. Like, if I'm somewhere, I want to go and do this thing. So, like, while I've been in New York, like, in the past, I've been to a Knicks game, been to a Rangers game, been to a Nets game, been to a Jets game now. Yeah.

But I went to, when me and Carl came out to see you at MSG, we went to a Yankee game. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I really like it. Like, not even just the sport. The sport's fine. It's boring. But, like, the idea of just being sat, not really needing to pay attention with your friend, just drinking beer all afternoon. But it was fucking empty. Really?

So it was against Detroit? Yeah. But I would say 15% of seats taken.

Like, obviously, the only sport I really cared about back home is, like, our football. Yeah. Like, I can only get a ticket to a Liverpool game because I know enough people.

we've got like like there's 20 of us we go to every game yeah sometimes two people can't make it like i know enough groups of that that i can normally get one or two tickets yeah you can't like every single game sells out like at the start of the season it's all gone yeah whether we're good or bad yeah like i just can't like when we were there we were just like we were watching it being like oh maybe everyone gets here for the second half yeah

like for the end and then we got for the second half and i was like that's weird i mean that sounds weird for a yankee that's because judah's not playing yeah no but even this year they were good like that's peculiar yeah who's the forgive me for being so like unknowledgeable who's like the guy right now who's like expected to get a home run aaron judge aaron judge so i i won some money on him because like her friend of mine was like get aaron judge on for a home run and i think he got one

Oh, you gambled. Oh, yeah.

But also, because I know where the story's going, let me just contextualize this. So... That show was the day after you did our podcast, right? And you come to our podcast and you're in the studio with the whole crew of yours. And then you go to me, you want to come to the show tomorrow? I was like, yeah, we'll come down. Me, Jack, who's the photographer, also, like, one of my best mates. Yeah.

I really want to go to the Super Bowl. Like one year, I'd love to go.

Dan, the co-host of our podcast, have a word. He's like a big... He doesn't care about football, like our football at all, really. But he's a big NFL guy. His team is the Saints, but he's not really that bothered. He wants them to win, but he just loves the game. And he's desperate for the Chiefs not to win this. He wants it to be more interesting than that. I'm really getting into it.

But yeah, I just love... The Sundays watching the NFL in the UK are great because normally Liverpool, if Liverpool play on a Saturday, great. If they play early Sunday, I can watch Liverpool play at like lunchtime. Oh yeah, all your NFL games are super late. Well, there's one that'll start at like 6pm. Yeah. So I can go to the Liverpool game, get back, watch the first game.

Next game's 9.30, I'll watch that one. And then if I'm not tired and I still want to stay up, there's a one o'clock game and I can be up till 4am. And it's just fucking great.

and every game but it's so easy i know like you've got like a a sponsor there but like it's so much more difficult in the states to gamble than it is in the uk oh really oh really wait why that the like the uk every like strip of shops has a bookies on it yeah what you can't do it digitally though you can i do it on my phone so i i mean they don't operate in the us so i hope it doesn't affect your sponsor yeah i use a company called bet365 yeah you use a stake go on

it's yeah it's so easy but like I'll be watching like a like I'll have a bet on the game like the money line of the game or the cover or whatever and like with the with soccer with our football like I'll have you call it a parlay we call it an accumulator or an aca like I'll have like every prem game I'll try and whatever if Liverpool are playing and if Man United are playing I'll bet against them like Boxing Day this year the day after Christmas so every year on Boxing Day

Me and the lads I went to school with, we still get together. Yeah. That's our day. Like Christmas is fine. Boxing day is my day. So this year we played golf at 9am. Yeah. By 12, we'd done like half the course. We were like, ah, fuck this. Let's go to the pub. So we got to the pub after like half the course. And we were in the pub until 6pm. And then Liverpool played at 8pm.

But there's games all day. So 9am golf after the breakfast with the boys. Yeah. Straight to the pub for lunch with the boys and beers. And then Liverpool play in the night. And I won about four and a half grand on Boxing Day. Wow. Man United played Wolves. I put like 200 quid on Wolves to beat them. At one point, Manchester City got a penalty. And I bet in that moment on them to miss that penalty.

Steve, who's, like, our podcast, like, admin guy. And then Carl, who's, like, my best mate, lead producer. So the four of us, like, we'll come down the show. Yeah. But that's all I knew. And then, like, at the time, I'm sort of, like, half going through a breakup. Like, it had been done, but I hadn't spoke to my dad for a while. Like, not that I hadn't spoke to him, but, like, I hadn't seen him.

And they missed the penalty. I bet like a really like convoluted thing on the Liverpool game.

It makes it so agonizing. You can only bet money that if you don't win, you're just like, ah. It has to be fun. People get genuine gambling problems where they're like, oh, my rent relies... I'd never, ever... put money down where I'm not worried about it. And also, I set myself a limit at the start of the season. I'm like, that's what I've put in my account. That's what I'm betting with.

And anything else, I'm betting with the bookie's money.

So, like, if I... Let's say I've put 500 quid in my account. Yeah. And I've won three grand.

Then it's their money. Like, if I put £1,000 on the Eagles, I'm putting...

stakes money yeah on the thing yeah and if i win then grace i get more of stakes money and if i lose okay stake get a bit of their money back yeah yeah no i think that's actually a good way to look at it yeah it's not my money until the end of the season and at the end of the season i'll buy a new watch alex outside of uh outside of uh having that beautiful moment with derek how did you enjoy the uh paddle tournament

You're in a hotel room, and you're like, oh, God. What is he doing to that girl? Yeah.

So the next day, I text my dad. I was like, do you want to go out for lunch? Should we go out for lunch tomorrow? And he's like, yeah, let's go. And he's like, what are you up to tonight? I was like, oh, I'm just going to Manchester to watch

So when I was in school, and I mean like high school, and it's not there anymore, but... The school, like playground, the yard, we had what was called, and I've never seen this anywhere else in the world, but I assume it's like an iteration of either pickleball or paddle. Paddle tennis. It was short tennis it was called.

So it's exactly the same as paddling that you serve towards the back of the court.

And you serve, but you would serve underarm. Yeah, some people call it like lawn tennis or something like that maybe. Yeah.

But that was like every, like we used to get two breaks in the day. We'd get a break at like 11 or another at one. The 11 o'clock break was like 20 minutes and one was an hour. Yeah. And you could buy a bat for five pounds, so maybe like six, seven dollars. Yeah. From the design departments of the school. Yeah.

And you would go home and you would paint your bat, whatever, like you put like a, you know, an LFC logo on it or whatever. Yeah. But every day we would play this. Yeah. And then I got to like sort of, you know, the age of 15 and they changed the schoolyard and they weren't there anymore. And like that sport just left my head. And then about a year ago, I see you.

So about a year ago, I see you posting on like Instagram and I'm like, that looks a bit like an enclosed short tennis. Yeah. And then two separate groups of friends of mine. So there's a... there's a venue in Liverpool called Pins Social Club. And it's a bar right in the city centre. It's got like bowling, table tennis pool and all that. And I run some events there for them as well.

uh schultz he's in town and like gonna go and see the show and my dad was like we haven't had a pint for ages we're gonna have a pint so i went and had 10 pints of guinness with my dad and then on the way to manchester you text me and say how long are you doing like how long do you want to do tonight oh i thought you knew that i was inviting you to no no to do a spot like you're very casual with stuff like this in your head you're like oh i've got a friend who lives down the road he's of course he's gonna do it yeah a set yeah

But the guys who own and run that, they just texted one day and was like, you ever play paddle? And I was like, no, but why? And they were like, we need an extra player tomorrow. I was like, I'll fucking be there.

and i went and played with them and then my cousin who like i like we're not as close anymore because we've grown up and stuff but we were like inseparable as kids because he's only six months older than me so like real close age and whatever he texted me he was like did i see on your instagram story you were playing paddle i was like yeah i've had a game and he's like come play with us we play as well so there's two separate groups and then because of those like the other lads that i'm mates with like the podcast boys are like yeah

I'd be up for a little game of that.

That's how serious he takes it. Can't be fat watching battle. I'm going to feel bad.

Because there's no, like, famous paddler players, so they've got, like, the comedian who does it, and then, fuck it, let's get a baseball player. The most famous guy, right?

In paddle, remind me, because I have not played that many games yet. So how's the scoring work? So it's just like tennis. Like 15, 30, what is it, 40, and then game. How many games do you think you'd have to play against the guy you won to win one game? It doesn't matter. No, he would wear out. He would wear out. He would give up.

In my head, I'm like, I'm just going to watch. You've got two openers with you already. That's probably enough for you. I'm having a night in the theatre watching a friend of mine. So I'm in the car and Carl's driving us. And I'm like, fucking, I'm like, I was like, oh shit. I was like, well, I'm not not doing the show. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I'll do it.

But that's why she hates it. No, no, no. But here's what I say. That's why she hates it.

Also, she's probably working. She works in hospitality.

And I turn up to Manchester and Tanya goes, can I get you anything? And I was like, I need four bottles of water. Yeah.

It's sort of seen as that in the UK, but I played golf when I was a teenager and we had fucking nothing. So you can be middle class, you can be normal and play golf. Yeah, totally. In America, that's not the case. A set of golf clubs for a beginner's set that aren't very good will set you back, I don't know, £300. Well, secondhand, you could probably get it for £100.

So you could start with very little money. And then to get onto a publicly owned course, you're paying like £20 to play a game. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. A really good course will cost you hundreds. And really good golf clubs will cost you thousands.

So a lot of the publicly owned courses in like Liverpool are a bit shit. And then there's like the middle ones. The middle ones are normally the ones that I'll play. And they're good. But I've played like good courses a handful of times. And like what these like professionals are playing on.

Like I seen a video the other week and it was like, do you think you could win the US Open if you started on the green?

that's a great that's a great uh what's it called okay and the answer is no no not even not even close do you know what he's asking right yeah but like the green is close to the hole right the green is the the patch with the shortest so you couldn't win the green could be between the size of this room and four times the size of this room

And I might be being really nice as well.

I'm good at that puck play shit. Until you can read a green. So like the best course I've ever played on was about six months ago with a friend of mine called Thomas. It's called the Shire. It's about an hour outside of London. And there's a practice green at the start of the course for you to just like practice putting before you tee off. And I dropped the golf ball.

from just the height and it just went its own way and then rolled off the green and if you tap it it will go but these pro golfers can look at a green and see if they drop the ball here exactly where it's going to end up and that's what you're playing against and you'd just be looking at a green going right I'm here the hole's there I'll hit it that way but what you actually need to do is hit it over there so that it does that and they know how to do that so you'd go that way and then you'd be then you'd be off the green right

No, I'd figure that out.

It's so much better. And like the women technically get paid more. Wait, what do you... Oh, because they play less. Yeah, so the prize money for men's and women's Wimbledon is the same, but men is best of seven sets and women is best of five.

So I'm like, right, I really need to sort my head out here. But then, like, whenever I'm talking to you guys or if I'm on stage in the States, my accent softens quite a bit.

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to be great at any sport, you can't be great at that tiny bit of the sport. And it's like, oh, well, you've sort of made it harder for me to use that. It's like, well, then you weren't a tennis player, you were that guy. Like, you've got to be good at the whole... You've got to be able to get around the whole thing. Yeah.

It's like with football, like, the game changes every sort of, like... five to 15 years, like a new coach comes in and is like, what about it?

We'll play like this. Like at the minute, the game's very like possession based for the top teams. Like we're going to keep the ball until you make a little mistake and the wrong player runs at us and then we'll find that gap. But like, that's about, I think that's about to change again. Like pace is,

He's doing an American accent.

pace is not quite as important now for the best teams because when, when there's a game of football and you've got like the full pitch and you know, A team who's bad against a really good team will just line up right in front of their own goal. So there's very little space in between the lines for them to find.

So like this team's fast players don't get to utilize their pace very much because it's like... They neutralize the pace.

I honestly think I sound like Jay-Z right now. I'm trying to do I thought I'd be coached this is how you talk to the police but in Liverpool and Manchester especially like for the crowd I know I can just just lay in I can just let go So, like, what would normally take me, you know, 20 minutes to do out here? I could probably do in 10 in Manchester. So I go on and I'm doing my set.

So then the best teams want the best technically gifted players because they can find the spaces in between this rather than trying to run through it.

But when they get hurt... Yeah.

Yeah. Rarely, though. Yeah, but... Because for it to be a dive, it has to be you weren't touched and you're faking it. But if they touch them at all, it's like, oh, maybe it did hurt them that much.

We spoke about Jamie last time we were here, the guy whose autistic brother beats him up.

Dr. Catford? Yeah, yeah, Dr. Catford. So Jamie's, like, well on the rise, and he's not got any stand-up available online. All of his clips are podcasts, and his idea with that is, you've got to see me live or you don't get to ever see what I do. And he's very, like, different on stage, and he's very aggressive with the audience. It's almost clowning.

hmm in that like it's like there's substance to it it's not just clowning it's stand-up as well but like he'll get right in audiences faces and it's you know there's levels to it and he's like I don't think that translates to video so I'm not doing it and he's just sold a lot of tickets on a tour um that's dangerous he's doing real well there's a

I'm not in the clubs as much at the minute because I've been touring for a good few years and I've took a little break since I put the special out. I'm starting again now. Um, so I can only really tell you about, do you know what? Actually, there's a lad who's a friend of mine called Elliot steel. Okay. And, uh,

Elliot's good mates with a couple of US comics because he's really good mates with Daniel Sloss who's got like a career out here as well and stuff Elliot I met when he was 17 and I just thought he was fine I was like ah you're fine he's a good friend of mine but I was like he's fine he's not a great comic but he's fine and then about 18 months ago maybe a year ago I was in London for some like work stuff and I was like I'm gonna

just go to the comedy club and do some spots. And I had to follow him and I watched him and I was like, oh, you've been working really hard. And he's just an absolute, and he's not just, he's not just killing with like easy stuff. He's really, he's in like a really young liberal mindset.

London comedy club and he's really provoking them but in a really brilliant way yeah so that was really good for me to see that because it was a friend of mine who to be honest like I was like oh I just think he's okay when I met but he was a fucking kid do you know what I mean he was 17 yeah and he's now mid 20s and he's going to be very very very good um

Yeah, I think those two, for me, they're the first two that have come to my head.

No, not surprises. I mean, I feel like I've got a pretty good handle on it. I also feel like I see things coming and stuff. Yeah, not particularly surprising, no.

Chrissy D was asking me about this. Look, he's super famous. That's a great point. Who's Robbie Williams? Okay. So here's Robbie Williams.

We like Ricky Gervais. I can't tell you why. I don't know whether it's just I can't get my finger on it, but like... I wouldn't expect Robbie Williams to be big here. And I know that he isn't now because of this movie that's come out.

He's a pop star. He was in a boy band called Take That. He was seen as like the entertainer, like the one a lot of women fancy because he was like the naughty boy of the group. He wasn't the talented one of the group. The talented one was the lead singer who wrote all the songs called Gary Barlow. And then when Take That sort of...

And I don't know whether you want to tell the rest of the story, but I have a joke in my set at the time about a girl I'm breaking up with, and I'm happy to see her go, so she's trying to upset me. And she said, while we were together, I've faked, like, half of my orgasms. And I'm like...

you know, had that boy band thing where one of them is going to go and do their own thing and they're going to break up and whatever. Robbie Williams became like the guy. He was the solo star. Sony gave him like 80 million for like three albums. And that was like back in the 90s or the early 90s. So it was a big fucking deal. So like he was like the guy, big tours and very famous.

And like you could stop anybody on the streets of the UK and be like, do you know Robbie Williams? And they'd say, yeah, like he's that level of famous. He hasn't been massively in the public eye for a few years because he got 80 million for three albums, so he's had to sit down. But there's a movie that's come out this year and it's called Better Man or something like that. Yeah.

So the movie bombed here. Oh, it came out already. So Universal bought the rights to it in America, and these numbers will not be accurate, but it's essentially like they paid $100 million for the rights, and they got like $5 million back.

But did it do well over there? It's done fine. I mean, cinema is not doing very well anyway. Like the big movies that like are being pushed. I know a few people who've seen it and being like, it's what you think it is.

You know what it is? I imagine you've had meetings like this where you meet with TV people. And now, because no one's watching movies and stuff, Robbie Williams has gone in and gone, hey, I'm ready to tell my life story. And they're like, yeah, Robbie, it's just not new. It's not interesting. And he's like, what if I'm a monkey?

we need something interesting make me a fucking monkey then and the idea is like oh I'm less evolved than other people like I'm more primitive or something I think the idea of it is he's just like you know the whole old adage of like oh you're just like a dancing monkey like you're not like oh you're just like you're not a person you're just a fucking go and do the thing for us yeah yeah I think that's what it is and does he become a real boy at the end I don't think so I think he's just a monkey the entire time he gets kissed by Jimmy Savile and then he comes out

that's a compliment like like half fucking that's a whole every two balls like it's fucking insane but mark's got a similar bit about like proving that i'm good at sex like why i think i'm good and he went on straight after me because he couldn't understand the word i was saying he does that joke in the whole room's like that last guy just did that

I think I'll probably come back into town in April or May and do some more spots. Spots or shows? Have you toured here, actually?

Probably not. What I would like to do out here... I really like the relationship I have with the US right now in that I've done the sort of guest spots and the trials at the clubs. And when I'm coming out there, you know, they'll throw me up and that's nice.

And then because of people like you and other guys who've had me on the podcast and stuff, I'm slowly sort of like, I did like Tommy Pope and Chris's podcast. And there's comments on it going, I've seen this guy.

It was funny. They're really good guys. So, uh, I like that. And eventually I'd like to tour out here in that I can come out and do a few shows in a few cities, but also I just really love jet. Like I love being in the States. Generally. I love Nashville, big country music guys, but I love New York. I just love being here the best.

And like being here for like a week, jumping up and doing some spots, writing in the day, writing, Like, I've got my places now where I go for pizza and for a sandwich and for a bit of coffee. Like, I know what I like and where it is. I feel like I've got a good... And there's so much more of this city I obviously haven't seen.

But, like, I can come to New York and not even get maps out on my phone and know where I'm going and know when I'm going to be places and stuff. Yeah. It's a great system. I really like it. Yeah.

yeah and you're spending your days like looking for a diner to go eat and it's you're really selling this it creates some awesome shit it's i actually you get to see real america too it's i truly believe that and i do want to see a lot more of the states i really really do so yeah maybe that that might be sort of uh something i do in the next sort of few years definitely yeah That'll be fun.

So wait, did you tell him afterwards or something? I did briefly. I was like, Mark, you know that bit that like...

confused you in the middle like i'd done the same sort of premise like before you went on and he like he'd just come off stage he was a bit frazzled he was like oh yeah yeah no worries and then before when we got here like when we were waiting around like he he's like oh yeah this and i was like you didn't really click onto this i had yeah go go go go yeah that's it like i had no clue i didn't register because i came off stage and goes oh yeah we have a similar bit and i go that's awesome man yeah

Didn't we have two shows?

I was drinking Guinness while you did the late show.

What is the grooming part? I don't understand. So, like, I mean, it's going to make me sound like I'm an expert on it, but, like, grooming someone, like... It's when, like, a teacher is, like, wanting to fuck one of their students. They, like, groom them, like, hey, it wouldn't be too bad if we fucked.

That would kill me, you know, because it doesn't just ruin that bit. The whole audience then goes, this guy's full of shit. He's not even married.

That joke wasn't real. I think I'd have got to the end of that. I'm being like, oh, they don't have Uber here. Yeah. There's a handful of times. Because I come out here and I'll come out here.

I'll Google stuff now, even before a club set over here. If I've got something I'm going to try out, I'll be like, I'm checking this. I'm checking homeless people drink cider. Nope. Okay.

I remember when you texted me about London, you were like, what the fuck is... what are these people? Like I can't get me finger on. And I was like, no one where you are is a Londoner. That's the thing. Yeah.

They've all moved there. Yeah. So, like, because London's... I suppose in a very similar way to New York, London has become so expensive and gentrified that everyone who used to live here now lives there, and everyone who used to live there now lives there. Because everyone gets pushed out by, like...