Ariel
Appearances
Four the Moms
Q&A with the Moms
Yes. Being a mom is hard. It's not easy. It is. It's not. It's very, very rough. And I'm not no perfect parent, and I'm not no gentle parent.
Four the Moms
Q&A with the Moms
What was the other question? There was another question. That was it, huh? That was the cookbook.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So it was really crazy finding out that like this woman who was kind of like everybody's mom and like everybody's best friend in town had this completely secret life that even her best friends didn't know about. That was just like so huge. Alaska sucks. We never got the toxicology report back and I don't know. Alaska is a place where like it is still a wild west.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
If something falls off the map, it's just like, well, we don't know. So it's possible that she was using drugs that night. We don't know. And I think that she got really stressed. She had two kids and she was. like feeling herself and in a marriage that she wasn't feeling. And I think that she just like lashed out in a way that made her feel in control.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And like, along with like the debt, like my mom then just like, Again, like, I don't know what she spent this money on. Like, I think, like, just, like, retail therapy. Like, she'd just, like, buy clothes or, like, do nice things for her friends. Like, oh, let me get dinner. Let me pick up that tab. Or, like, she finally got to a point in her job where she got to, like, go on business trips.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I think she was just like, fuck it. I had a fucked up childhood. Like, shit is fucked. I'm going to fucking go into debt. You know, like, she was like, I'm going to treat myself. I'm going to ball. And so I think that she just like had this life where it was like really wholesome on the outside, but she had a lot of shit that she didn't want to admit, but it was a shock to everybody.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So then like a couple more days go by and like, you know, it's like the most insane depression one can feel. And I just like was in this pattern of like not able to get out of bed. It was just getting really bad. And around then is when I ended up having one of those experiences again, where I was visited by my mom. So this time I remember I was in my room.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I was just sitting there and I felt myself floating upward towards my ceiling. And just like, almost like I wasn't moving, but the ceiling was getting closer. That's the only way I can describe it. And then when I hit the ceiling, I was in the downtown area of Juneau, of my hometown. And it was like a gorgeous sunny day, which is so rare there. It's like one of the places that gets the most rain.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I'm pretty sure in the world, if not like North America, it's like 250 days of precipitation out of the year. It's pretty wild. So it was like bluebird sky, sunny, like 70 degrees. And I'm downtown. And then all of a sudden I see my mom walking up to me. She's there, but in nicer clothes this time. So she's not just in the sweats and t-shirt.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It was almost like she was getting ready to go to an event. And she's like, well, now you know. And I was kind of in this state of I couldn't be mad because I was just so happy to see her. And again, it was like she always touching my shoulder. So she touched my shoulder and I could feel the warmth of her hands. I could feel the wrinkles within her weathered palms. It was so real.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And she's like, well, this is the last time I'm going to see you in a really long time. Let's have a great day. And we just walked around downtown Juneau. I don't remember there being other people. It was literally us in the town alone. And we walked around. We went into a thrift store and looked at clothes. It was very normal and wholesome. And then we walked out of the thrift store.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I remember a conversation just being casual. She's like... basketball going and I'm like well you died so I like haven't really been playing like I've kind of just been like at home she's like oh yeah like it was like she kind of like this like oh like okay that was like so yesterday like what are we doing now you know she was like trying to like build me up And she's like, how's it going?
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
How are we playing drums? And I'm like, well, you know, I've been getting all the good aggression out. She's like, that's great. And so we leave this store, and everything is great. And this experience was really just so light. The last one, I remember it was all so dark and heavy, but this felt very light. The world was our oyster. And we step out into the street.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And then, like, weirdly, my bed was in the street. It was just up here. And she's like, well, this is the last time I see you in a really long time. She's like, let me just like cuddle you to sleep. which was something that we hadn't done since I was a small child. She'd hug me. We weren't really the most physically affectionate family. So I was like, that's really sweet. Okay, let's do that.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So we crawled into the bed, and she just said, I love you, Ariel. I said, I love you too, Mom. Oh my God, I can cry right now even just thinking about it. And then she spooned me, so her arms were around me. And then I remember me taking a big breath, just going... And then I open my eyes and I'm back in my real bed. So this is no longer the dream. This is physical reality. And I go.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And then I feel the blankets behind me depress. Like as in there was a body behind me and then the blankets fell because the body quickly disappeared. And I like turned over and there was a head depression on the pillow that was separate than mine. It wasn't like I had rolled over.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It was like singular head depression, you know, where like a pillow ends, another pillow begins, and then where my head was. And... There was no bullshitting with that. Like it was like, it was such a great experience. I didn't want it to end. And that was kind of like a big part of like the grieving process for me. That was when the anger kicked in because I'm like, girl, now I'm pissed.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Like, okay, you helped me get to this point, but now you're actually gone. And like, I know it on a deeper level than just physical. Like I'm not, I'm really not going to feel you for a long time. And yeah, that's really how it was. That was the last time I did see her for a couple of years.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So flash forward a few years, I'm 17 at this point. My dad, doing the best he can, right? Like his whole world just shattered. My sister moved away to New York and had also just come out as queer. And so I saw, my dad grew up really conservative. And like literally when my sister came out, like my dad was just like, I don't need a relationship with you.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Like you're basically like, you're not my kid anymore. And I knew I was queer at that time. So I was just like, I was dealing with a lot. Like I had a dad in an alcoholic spiral who wouldn't come home for days. My one support, my sister now lives in New York. I can't say I'm queer because I don't want to get kicked out at 14.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And so I knew I had to get out of that town because it would kill me if I stayed. So I was like, how am I going to get money to get out of here? Because at the time I was going to high school full time and I was working full time. Me and my dad just trying to keep the lights on while he's paying off this insane amount of debt.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Like there was literally a year where I think we only ate ham hock and barley and also being embarrassed about it. Going to school and saying you haven't eaten in a while. Like, I don't know. It was... It was rough. So I was like, I have to come up with some money fast to get out of this town because I know I am in a downward spiral. So I started selling weed. I sold weed and I sold psychedelics.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So my mom had a very severe cocaine addiction when she was really young. I didn't know this like before my mom died, but people, and they were still like way too hush hush about it. Like for anybody, if you have a history of addiction in your family, tell kids young before they get fucking hooked on shit, please. Like you're never too young to know.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So in my head, I was like, oh, if I don't do the drugs that you get addicted to, I'm fine. That was like my state of denial. So I just really hit like all the rave drugs really, really hard. ecstasy, MDMA, all that stuff super early. Then when I found acid and mushrooms, that's when I was really like, oh, this is the safe one. You can do this.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You can totally check out from society and it won't do any bad thing to you. At least that's what I was told by old hippies and stuff. And then kind of from there, I got offered cocaine at a party when I was 16. And I was like, did it. And I was just like, Oh fuck, this is like, this is the one my body wants too much. Like this, this is the one I have the problem with.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Um, so I've never let myself sell it because I knew I would never, uh, I'd never make it out alive. So I would only sell, like I said, like kind of like rave drugs, but mostly weed. And so I got to a point where I was just like almost done with high school and I was just like so fed up with everything.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I was in a place where I felt so unstoppable and so untouchable that I just felt nothing that I did. Like there'd be no repercussion for my actions until I was grossly humbled one evening. So I used to sell acid in the liquid form and that comes in a glass bottle with a little screw top and you drop it out with an eyedropper of sorts. That's how you measure it out.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I was at the end of a bottle, and it looked like there was only about two hits left in there. So I'm hanging out with my friends. We are in the downtown area of Juneau. My friend was doing a poetry reading that night a few blocks away, and this is January. It was butt-ass cold, and it's an ocean town, so when it's 10 degrees and that ocean wind's coming in, it was just, everything was icy.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It was so bitter. And... I said, I'm going to take some acid. I'm going to go to my friend's poetry reading. I'm going to cheer her on. Then we're going to come back. We're going to hang out, play some N64. I take these hits of acid. They're in the bottom of this bottle. And then I look at the cap. And I'd never done that before. By that point, I'd been going through bottles of acid.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I'd just been throwing them in the recycling. I looked at the cap. And I said to my friends, oh, there's all this gunk on the top. I bet this could get me high. They say, yeah, I'm sure it could. Absolutely. What are you going to do? I'm just going to lick it. I'm just going to lick the cap. And I did. And it was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
As soon as I knew I did it, I knew I'd made a huge mistake. It was the size of, you know, the little Halloween Laffy Taffy's. If you chopped one of those in half. So it was a good amount of goop on my tongue. It was from the acid vial. It was in my backpack. So as you walk around, it's jostling up and down in this jar. So it'll hit the top just as if in a cave, a stalagmite.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It was a little residue on the top. Just from hitting it over and over again. And I came to learn later when I was trying to figure out how much I'd taken. It was anywhere between 50 to 100 hits, depending on the potency of the batch. For non-acid takers, to put it into perspective, one hit is feeling kind of goofy.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You've had, you're chilling, kind of feel like you smoked a couple joints and had a couple beers and you might have some light visuals. Two hits, that's kicking it up a little bit. You're definitely feeling more goofy. You're seeing more visuals. By visuals, I'm not talking dragons and shit. I'm talking about just waves. People talk about fractal patterns. That can happen on two hits. Not really.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You're mostly just, everything's breathing is a good way to put it. Everything is just a little bit more lively. Colors are a little bit more vivid. Three hits, you're going on a trip. You definitely don't want to be operating a vehicle. You want to be with people you trust. You want to make sure you don't have any obligations for the day.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You want to check out for eight to 10 hours if you're taking three hits. So 50 to 100 hits, that's That's not fun. At that point, that's not. And I think it's so funny when people talk about, yeah, I would just rave. I took 30 hits and I was high for days. And I know in reality, one, either you got sold terrible acid because if you had 30 hits, you would be in the medical tent.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You would not be having a good time. You would not just be at home. Electric Zoo or wherever the fuck you say you are. So knowing that I took 50 to 100, it's terrifying. Now, it's not okay, especially for a 17-year-old with a developing brain. Awful. Awful. Hope I'm okay. Hope I'm doing okay since this happened. So it was way more than anybody should be ingesting. So that's the context.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I took it and it was the most bitter, terrible chemically taste. It just encrusted my tongue. It felt like a sugar cube melting on my tongue, which is ironic because you can dose out acid on a sugar cube. So it was a sugar cube made of acid essentially. And I knew I'd made a terrible mistake and it was almost instantaneous. So again, for context, acid takes a second to kick in.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It's almost frustrating that it's happening. I'm going to die. His limbs were just like wrung.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It could take 45 minutes, an hour, depending on your body weight or your metabolism. It can take two hours sometimes. That's happened with me. This was within 10 minutes, and that's when I knew I was in trouble. And it was not just giggly, goofy, things are waving. I couldn't walk a straight line. I was totally not okay. I could feel my body way more than I should be able to.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And again, I felt untouchable. And so I just decided to roll with it. And I said, I'm a veteran. I know what I'm doing. I have done this more times than I can count. I'm going to go to my friend's poetry reading. So worst thing ever. I get into my car. I drive to this fucking cafe that the poetry reading is at. I get in my car. I open my eyes.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Everything's flipped upside down, fisheye lens style, and I still make it. I get there. It's far too overwhelming, and one of my friends is there, and she sees me visibly shaking in the corner, and she says, are you okay? I said, no, can you walk me to my car? I think I'm just not feeling this right now, trying to be really discreet, not freak anybody out.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So I go back to my friend's house, which is a few blocks away, and I knock on his door, and they all sound kind of surprised. They're expecting me to be gone for an hour or two. I'm back in 15 minutes. And I hand them my bag of drugs that has all my weed, all my other drugs, all my cash, and my phone, and my wallet, and I said, hey... I'm going to be a wreck for a while. Do not call the cops.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Because I'm still under the impression that I'm just having a bad time. I'm going to get through this, right? Because that's what you're always told with psychedelics is it's all in your head. You're going to be okay. You just need to get through it. Even if anybody's taken too many edibles of weed, you can definitely get that feeling sometimes. So I'm still very much thinking I just did a mistake.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It's going to be funny. I'm going to get through it. So something important to note is my dad was on probation. So he told me point blank that if I got in trouble with the law, he would go to prison. So I very much knew that. My friends knew that. So that's why we knew that no matter what happened to me, we could not call the cops. We couldn't call the ambulance.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
We just had to get through it together. So we're in a studio apartment. Three of my friends are there. They're all teenage boys. And I lay down on my friend's bed, which is in the main room. It's a studio. So couch is out there, bed's out there, TV's out there. And then they had a separate kitchen. So at this point, I can't see. I'm pretty much losing optical function in so much pain.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
That was the big thing when I knew I was in trouble. So it felt not just, it didn't feel like I needed to vomit. It felt like my insides were trying to be ripped out of my body. And I just remember trying to talk and not being able to talk. It felt similar to what I feel having a stroke would be. And so I'm trying to say words. And then I realized at one point I cannot communicate verbally.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I just need to lay down and just wait this out. So I lay down on the bed and this is when I know I'm really in trouble. And I do want to preface, I have done acid so many times. I know the difference between being too high and being in trouble. This was not being too high. This was an emergency situation.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I knew that because even through the tripping state, I started to get extreme chest pains to the point where I couldn't breathe. And I started losing function in my left arm. And I knew in that moment, I said, I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack. I think that's I think that's what's happening. Again, I was trying to tell myself, you're high, you're tripping, you're fine.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Just keep pushing forward. And when I say pushing forward, you're just trying to feel similar to when you are having food poisoning and you're just telling yourself, I just need to get to the next day. I just need to vomit and get over this. It's that on the most extreme scale I could think of. Just need to get through this, need to push through it. I can't see anything. Everything's black.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
At this point, it doesn't even feel... similar to a psychedelic trip. I just know I'm having a heart attack. So I'm holding on. I'm holding on. I'm sure they heard me. It just trying to breathe, trying to get through it, trying to keep myself calm. And then I get to a point where the pain is too much. And I just say, fuck it, let go. And I did. I stopped breathing. I let go.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And when I let go, that was, it was the most relieving moment of, I don't know if I can call it my life, but whatever this experience of Ariel is, I separated from my body by floating up above it. And I was just looking at my physical form. And I would say in Earth terms, it was being a couple yards above my body, just a couple feet.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And everything being so detailed, it just felt as if I was looking through a frosted glass. Everything was kind of a different tint, almost a little bit more grayish than normal life. But at the same time, I knew I was looking into a physical world and I was no longer in it. I knew that in that moment.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
My name is Ariel. I now live in Portland, Oregon. I am fleet manager for a car rental company. Pretty normal. And I play drums by night. I play in a punk band with three other kick-ass ladies. I'm a they, so I'm a half of one of them. But we call ourselves an all-girl group. I grew up in southeast Alaska in the capital city called Juneau. It's a very interesting town. It is...
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I was looking at my body and I saw I was curled up in the fetal position just because I was trying to hold everything together. And I saw my lifeless skin. I think the thing that was the craziest was seeing your own body, not breathing. That was when I knew, yeah, I did that at 17. I did that to myself. The weird thing was suddenly I felt no pain. And it was almost as if not feeling at all.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And it was only, the only way I can describe it is only energy. It felt as if I was just a thought of myself. So I remember being so happy that I was no longer in physical pain because it was so excruciating. But at the same time, you're not in a state of feeling. You're in a state of acceptance. So it's almost like it's weird. Now I walk through my life when I get super angry or I'm super happy.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I remind myself this is a really human thing, emotion. Feeling is really human because in that place, there's no feeling. It's kind of observe and accept. So I kind of just sat with it for a second. I was just staring at my body as it was different than looking in a mirror. It was seeing something for as it truly was, and it wasn't a reflection.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I think I was waiting for myself to go back in and wake up. And I don't know how much time is passing at this point, Earth time. It felt as if I was staring at myself for hours. But I know it wasn't. So I kind of float into the kitchen, and I can see all of my friends hanging out in there, which was crazy. I could see them talking to each other. I remember trying to yell to them.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I was trying to tell them, like, go look at my body. Go help me. I remember it was almost Charlie Brown talk. I couldn't hear their exact words, just kind of wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. They were talking amongst each other, but I had no idea what they were saying. And I just remember trying to tell them, please go look at me. Please do something. This is the time. This is go time.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And they're not feeling it. And I, again, it's this ultimate state of acceptance where I said, okay. This is it. This is time to move on from this situation because I've done this. This is, I need to see what the next chapter is. I think that was the thing that was so weird looking back on it is knowing, okay, there's another place to go. And that's the thing that still racks my mind today.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Like, what is the next place? How did I know there's another place to go? What is the next place? I don't know. So at that point, I realized I can't go back into the physical body because I kept wanting to, yearning to, knowing that. And so I move out of the physical, the apartment. And that was a weird thing. I could move in between everything as if what we would think a ghost would.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I just floated out into the street and I could see people walking. And I knew the difference between human people and ghosts. And that was the crazy part because I'd see people and they'd look at me and they'd be kind of grayish like me. And they, hey, hey, you see me? I see you. It was so strange. And it wasn't a lot. I saw one or two other spirits, people.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I remember that jarring me and that they looked just as human as me. I remember specifically on the corner seeing this older gentleman and he was dressed, I'm not shitting you, tweed,
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
like tweed pants hat it looked as if he was taken from a picture in 1940. he seemed as if he'd been there for a long time and i remember seeing him and he recognized me and kind of just energetically nice to see you I remember seeing a woman, she was wearing more modern attire. So I thought that was strange too. This person looks what I would perceive to be old in where I live in human reality.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
An island, by technical terms, it's surrounded by a massive ice field on one side and ocean on the other. So you can only get in by boat or plane. Like I remember when I was a kid, if a barge came in and like half the produce was rotten, like you didn't have onions until like the next barge came in and had onion. It is so incredibly raw. It is so untamed.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And this other woman looks closer to modern dress. It was almost as if she didn't perceive me. She was just walking, just wandering. And this other person was almost as if he was there to greet me, almost. It was very strange, but we didn't spend a lot of time elaborating on that. Just kind of, you're here now, I'm here. But again, jarring in the sense of I didn't expect that. I accept that.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
You don't really have time to react and feel. It's just, okay, cool. Move on. So then, very cliche as it sounds, I just start to ascend up as what we would call the sky on Earth. I'm just going in that direction. And I did see a fucking light. It looked... As if it was just a very bright flashlight. And I intuitively knew that's where I'm supposed to go. I'm supposed to follow that thing.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So I start to go up and up. And as I'm getting closer to it, I'm feeling less connected to my physical body. And knowing that. Knowing that this chapter is over. So without any effort, I just let myself go towards this light. And it's happening really slowly. I remember that. I thought it was going to be just immediate. And it's kind of dragging on. I'm not feeling impatient.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Just kind of taking it for what it is. Looking down and the city is just eventually gone. Just at some point, I just stopped noticing it. So I'm just in this... purely white space with a light above me that I still can't seem to reach. It's there. I know I'm going towards it, but I can't get to it. And then that is when I just feel this huge rush of energy and my mom is just in front of me.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
She is a force of nature. It is so different than the energy of her that I knew. So powerful. It's who she was to the max, is what I can say. Because it is all the things that she was. It was just so powerful. I was almost cowering from it. And I'm almost thinking, is this my mom? It looks like her. She's literally wearing a white fucking robe. It was just the purest a person could be.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I remember thinking, this is so... This is silly. I would not think this to be true, but this is happening right in front of me. My mom's in front of me in this robe. This is all the things you hear about. But again, I'm thinking that, but it's all acceptance. Just, okay, this is just what it is. She's in a state almost as if she's water.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Just in constant movement, her robe is floating independently from her body. So everything is just reverberating. And so fluidly, nothing was jagged. Everything was so almost circular is the only way I can describe it. And at this point, we start to actually communicate. And she says to me, so you really fucked up. And I said, yeah, I really did. I definitely just overdosed at 17.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
She said, yeah, mom. You know, I remember her saying, it's one of many. And kind of knowing in that moment, one of many. Okay, one of many times to get to do this? One of many different opportunities to do this? I don't know. It's one of many. And she's kind of laughing it off. I said, damn, I'm proud of you. And I said, okay, cool. She said, but you know, you do have the choice. You can go back.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And this is just talking about a very specific part of Alaska, right? You go up. into the interior and beyond. And it is a completely different world, too. It's such a vast landscape.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I said, well, yeah, obviously I want to. This is kind of embarrassing. She said, well, nothing's embarrassing. It's all a lesson. I remember that being a big thing. Nothing's embarrassing. Everything's a lesson. Okay. She said, but this is, you got to pick now. You don't have a lot of time, but do you want to go back? And I said, yeah, I do.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And she said, it's not going to be easy, but you will learn a lot more if you go back than if you go on to the next place. And I said, I want to do that. And then literally she just, she did this thing with her hands, almost as if she was creating an orb of energy. She did that. And then I got sucked back.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
and it was instantaneous i was in this place where it's all white it's the light and then i saw myself go backwards back into the apartment and damn back into my physical body oh my god the pain when i got back to my body it was Unbelievable. I remember that. I'm only assuming because my heart just kickstarted itself again.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I remember being back in my body and just going, just groaning, just, oh my God. It felt like I had gotten hit by a mack truck. It was so excruciating. And I'm taking a second, kind of composed myself, just deep breaths. My eyes are still closed. no idea what's going on in the world around me, just kind of in the head space that, damn, I just went through something really extreme.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
But being in this place, growing up on an island, the people, the harsh weather, the intense rain, the wildlife, the exposure you get to natural beauties that people might possibly not even see in their lifetime, it's something that I never take for granted. And to this day, it fully shaped me for who I am. I did not realize.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I'm in a lot of physical pain. I might have to go to the doctor after this. I was really getting into the reality of the situation and I was no longer high. I think that was the weird part is I knew I was stone cold sober in that moment. So I'm kind of just taking a couple of deep breaths. I'm letting these waves of pain pass. And then I slowly open my eyes.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So it's my five best friends standing over me, and they are horrified. One of them is on the verge of tears. And one of them's standing over me, trying to resuscitate me. They had just seen someone come back to life. Two of them took a step back, kind of trying to figure out what they just saw. And I, as I do with most things, try to use humor as a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I said, woo! That was a really tough 30 minutes. I remember specifically saying, that was a really tough 30 minutes, thinking this whole thing happened in a half hour. Everyone looked at each other, and then they looked at me, and my friend who has knelt down over me said... You've been not breathing for a couple minutes. We were about to call an ambulance because we couldn't get you to wake up.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And that was... I have not told any of them this story to this day. Everybody was just silent for, like, 15 minutes. Nobody said a word, just sitting there. I'm on the bed. I'd fucking pissed myself. I... Like, everything that happens when... One stops living. A mess. Everybody's a mess. It was the most emotional moment in my life.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
We put the bed in my friend's giant closet and we all slept in one big huddle together. That was... Such a defining moment in all of our lives. And my friends really took care of me. But again, I have not told any of them to this day what happened. It was kind of one of those things where we, I think we were all a little embarrassed and we kind of just wanted to forget it.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
The next day I spent alone. So as I had said, me and my friends had all curled up and slept together that night in my friend's apartment where this occurred. And it was very, oh, it was not an afterglow. It was a melancholy stillness the next day. Everybody had to go to work. I called in sick because I just had this crazy experience and I went home alone and I listened to music all day.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I remember that being something that really brought me back to reality. But again, when I woke up on that bed, I was stone cold sober. So the next day I was too. And I didn't see my dad for a few days after this event. So I was very alone. My friends would ask me if they wanted to hang out. They were concerned, and I told them I just need some time in my head.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And a lot of it was just saying, hey, you're 17. The message was very clear. You can either go on to the next thing or you can come back and do whatever this stimulation of the video game, whatever you want to call it, is. And really thinking for myself, okay, what do I want to do with my time here? Kind of weird for a couple of days, mostly philosophically. And I get through the rest of the year.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And in the fall, I moved to New York as I had dreamed to. My sister was already there. So that was incredible to have her there and have somebody teach me what's what. And I started making my little friends. And very new perspective. Taking my life more seriously. And I'm not just talking job. I took stock of the sanctity that is waking up in the morning.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
how different of a place it is growing up there until I moved out of Alaska later in my life. It made me a lot more open to just like the idea that there's more to nature than we could ever begin to even understand. I hope we could understand what science someday.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
How wonderful it is, as shitty as it sounds, to stub your toe. It means you're still here. Just... existing in the happiness that I still had this body and this chance at this timeline. It's affected everything about my life. It let me know that there's more to consciousness than just this. But at the same time, it's left me with more questions of what does it mean?
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
It makes me think of if I will ever see her again in another way, you know, whether that means like we come back as Something else, when I do crossover for good, is she still going to be there the way that I saw her the first time? I could spend a lifetime thinking about that.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Ever since that event happened and my mom graciously gave me the, I won't say the option, but the direction to come back and be Ariel, my life has completely changed. changed in a way where I do see things. And it's in a myriad of ways. I've been able to see full apparitions, but most of the time it's shadow figures and more of a feeling.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I don't know if this is how it is with other people who have had near-death experiences, but I feel as if when I came back from that experience, I almost have an on-air sign outside of a recording studio door, and my light is on, and people... know that they can use the microphone, so to speak. It's really strange.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I think that as I've gotten older, I've figured out how to control when that light turns on or if that light is on, but that has taken well over a decade to figure that one out. And I still have trouble sometimes, but I definitely have built up my toolbox to control it a bit more. Through all these crazy experiences that I've had in my life. I found myself settled down in Portland, Oregon.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I've been here for five and a half years now, and I have a pretty normal life. I'm the fleet manager of a small car rental company. I am a drummer. I do that almost every day of the week, playing around town and recording. But I think the biggest takeaway of what my life is today versus one massive moment happened in my life is never taking anything for face value and listening to everybody.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
There's so many skeptical people. There's so many religious people who have more intersecting beliefs than I think they don't. I think that And the more experiences that I have with whatever you want to call it, the beyond, the more I know that I know nothing. Funny tidbit, actually, it would have been my mom's 58th birthday.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
The biggest thing that kind of like formed my formative years was my mom passed away when I was 14, super suddenly, like literally a heart attack, like in the middle of the night. So I was actually in a town close to Juneau. I used to play basketball.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And, you know, there's certain calendar days in particular where I feel her so hard. And On her birthday, I was reflecting and kind of just what I would say spending time with her just in a spiritual sense. a song came on that just let me know, hey, I'm here. I haven't gone anywhere. At least a piece of her is. Again, I don't know what happens to consciousness.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I don't know if we split off and have a certain part here and we travel on in a different sense. But I know that that part of my mom that I've needed in my adult life and didn't necessarily get to have in a human sense, she's not going anywhere. She's going to be with me until it's my time to be a spirit as well.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So when you travel for sports there, you don't just drive there, play a game and come back because you have to take a boat or you have to take a plane. It's a big endeavor. So you go for a couple of days. These towns are really small, so you don't really have a place to stay. So you stay with the members of the community.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So everybody in Southeast Africa knows each other because you'll play basketball with this person. live at their house for three days, you'll eat with their family. It's pretty crazy. So I was staying with this family and my coaches literally were like, hey, you need to call your dad right now. And I called my dad and he was straight up just like, your mom died last night.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I'm getting you a plane ticket. You're coming home right now. It was really, really surreal. It was March 8th. Like, obviously I'll remember that day forever. I remember like being in this car, like calling my dad and he said that. And at the time, you know, this was like little, like Nokia phone. I just like threw it on the ground and I like stepped out and it was like snowy.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
There's like ice in my face. I'm literally, I just like screamed at the fucking ocean. And like, it's icing on my face and it's snowy and I don't believe it. But at the same time, it was the realist thing. Like nothing will beat that feeling. I was so detached, but at the same time, it was like the most winter feeling I could ever experience.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Total depression, total submission to the frigid winter in that moment. It was surreal. I was told that my mom got in a car crash at 1230 in the morning. And my parents were like functioning alcoholics. So, and my parents used to throw like big ragers at our house. So it was not, and that was like the weird thing that fucked my head too, right?
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Because I'd go to like Christian school during the day and then I'd come home and then there'd be like 50 people at my house till like 4 a.m. and like having like a massive party and then just like rinse, lather, repeat. And so my parents were like known to party, right? Like, so that wasn't quite the shock.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Um, but my dad told me that they had like split up from a party and that my mom went with another friend and on their way home, they got in a car crash and my mom had a heart attack and they could not resuscitate her. So that's what I was told. That's what I knew getting on to the plane and getting home to Juneau. And that was like something crazy too, I think.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I mean, people who go through grief all experience it differently, but like, I remember getting off that plane. and being like, I know she's gonna be there to pick me up. Like, this is just not real, it's not happening. And I remember just like walking out of security and seeing like a bunch of people and not one was her. And that's when I was like, this is real, this is real.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So that night I go to bed. I am dreaming, but I wake up from the dream. I am aware that I'm awake, but I turn around and I see my physical body lying in my bed. But I know, like I'm looking at myself and I'm like, we are the same, but we are not the same. Like something different is happening here.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And like now, as I've like researched throughout the years, it's what people I think would call like astral projection. So I was standing in the hallway of my house. We had like a ranch style house where there's a hallway, there's a bathroom. My room was like directly across from the bathroom. So my bedroom door was open in the stream. I turn around, I see my physical body. I say, okay.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So everything is also like kind of shadowy. Like I know I'm in my house, but it seems different. It was like a darker tone to it. And I'm only able to see like the hallway, my room and the bathroom. So then I like hear someone panting, like they're running for their life. And I look to my left and my mom is running from like an infinite amount
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
She's running towards me ferociously and she literally grasped my arms and she starts crying. She's like, oh my God, oh my God, Ariel, is that you? Is that you? Is that you? I'm like, yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? You know, I'm like, are we dreaming? Like, I was like, is this real? Did you die? Like, I was just like... I seriously thought I was awake.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I could physically feel her grabbing my shoulders and she was like, like trembling. It felt so human. That's why like when it was happening, I was like, have I dreamt the last 24 hours? Like, am I going crazy? It had me questioning my waking life because it felt so real.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And so she's like, oh my God, I've been trying to get to any one of you for, and it sounds like she didn't know like what time was. She's like, I've been trying to get to you for so long. This has only been 24 hours since she's died, right? So... She's like, I've been trying to find one of you. And she's either talking about me, my sister, or my dad. We're the only people that live in this house.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I'm like, trying to find us. Like, what are you talking about? And she's like, I am so sorry. And I'm like, why are you sorry? You died. Like, I'm sorry for you. You're not here. And she's like, no, no, no. You're going to hear a bunch of things about me very soon. You're not going to want to believe them. They're all true. It's terrible. I'm really sorry.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I want you to know that I love you and your sister. you're not going to think of me the same way as you did before now. And I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? All like cryptic and weird. And she was just like really trying to say like, I fucked up. And I'm like, okay, okay. I'm like, I'm just, I just want to be here with you right now.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Like, this seems like this is like a small point in time. Can we just enjoy this? And she was just like spilling her guts. It was almost like she couldn't say anything else besides the phrase she was saying. It was very specific. Like I said, I was like, what are you talking about? And she's like, I can't elaborate. And she just kept saying the same thing. Ariel, I'm so sorry.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I know you're not gonna believe it, but I really fucked up. What I did is really gonna hurt you, but please just know that I love you and your sister so much. And I'm just so sorry. So I kind of like snap out of it and like, it's that feeling of like getting sucked backwards. So we're in the hallway and then I get sucked back into my room and it's back into the body that I was looking at.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So sucked backwards, back into my bed. wake up and it's morning. And so I was like, whoa, that was just a really fucking weird dream. Like I, and like even trying to think about it logically, even as a 14 year old, I'm like, obviously I'm going through grief. You know, the brain's going to do a crazy thing. I am obviously just missing my mom.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
Two days go by, and I don't know if you have dealt with a family member passing, but it's a whirlwind. It was overnight. We had 25 people who flew up to take care of paperwork. We didn't have money for a funeral. We had literally a barbecue at our house where people came to celebrate my mom. All these things to help my dad And kind of get through this while having two teenage kids.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So two days go by and then things are kind of starting to calm down a little bit. People are starting to leave. And my dad tells me, he's like, okay, I have to sit down with you and I have to tell you something. Because again, I've been told that my mom died in a car accident. He sat me down at our kitchen table. He had a glass of wine. Honestly, I think he offered me one. Again, I was like 14.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
So it was just like, all right, kid, we got to talk about some real shit. Just like, let's knock this out. Not going to sugarcoat it for you. He sits down and just very point blankly, he tells me, your mom didn't die in a car accident. Your mom died having a heart attack, having sex with another man. That was not me.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I just found out that she had about 20 credit cards open in my name and we are a hundred thousand dollars in debt. And in that moment, the dream came back to me and I was like, I know. And he's like, you know, like who told, he was more like pissed. Like he thought like another adult had told him before me. And he's like, you know, I'm like, no, I didn't know.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
But like, I knew then he was confused. He was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I was like, she told me. And he was like, excuse me. And I was like, she came to me in a dream two days ago and told me that she did something that was going to make me really upset and And that she still loved me. And that I wasn't going to forgive her. But she told me that she fucked up.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And he just like wrote it off. He just like did not believe me. Like it... Yeah. So I don't know what he thinks of it. And that's when I knew. I was like, that wasn't just a fucking dream. That was literally her coming to give me a message so that it would harshen the blow of this crazy hammer of just having your mom be your hero and then finding out that everyone's got their demons.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
And I will say it did help. If I had heard that without her coming to me in the dream... Oh, my God. Like, I think it would have been a completely different reaction. I don't know. I think I really needed that because shit got really, really hard after that. And she was able to find me. I don't know. She just said, I've been trying to reach one of you.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
I think she was really surprised to see that it was me. I don't think she was expecting it to be me. But yeah, my dad proceeded to tell me that he found out because they went through her phone records. She'd been having an affair with this guy for like five years. My dad had no idea. People who knew my mom, like, Like, fantastic. Like, oh, my God. Walk into a room and light it up.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
She was so, like, the most extroverted a person was. She had a really crazy childhood, too. She grew up on a logging camp in Alaska with, like, 100 people. And, like, literally, like... You want dinner? Go get a deer. There was only one store on the island. They had whiskey, cigarettes, and ammo.
Otherworld
Episode 105: Second Chance
That was like... So when she was... Came into herself, I think that she was just so happy to just like... be living in a place with other people, honestly. She played a lot of community sports in our town.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
Our production staff will be helping you. What does our first phone call look like with our clients? Step one, my name is Ariel. It's pleasure to meet you. We usually get to know our clients on a first name basis. By the time we're finished, we know them as family. What goes into the next steps? When's your event? Where is your event? How is your event?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
The who's, what's in, what to do for your party. Are we doing lighting? Are we doing a stage? Are we doing a dance floor? There's so many factors that go with being a DJ. Being a DJ isn't just pushing the button. Being a Jewish DJ has so many factors that go into it. Sort of, where are we staying? What's going on for the wedding? Who's walking down for football? Who's the rabbi?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
There's so many factors that go into it. What we do is make it special. Our goal is to make your event memorable.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
Boom. You call us for your events. Boom. Alright, that's it.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
You call us for your revenge. How productive is that? Could we help you? What does our first phone call look like with our clients?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
Step one. My name's Ariel. It's a pleasure to meet you. Pause it.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
the christmas kiss heard round the world
We're finished. We know the mystery. I mean, is he American? Because he seems to have a loose grip on English. Sort of. Where are we staying? What's going down for the wedding? Where is the rabbi?