Chelsea

That's your opinion.

Problem gelöst.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's exactly what happened.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Mm hmm.

Remember that?

I don't want to see this shit. That's it.

Can I pause you for one second? I know what happened. Do you?

Although it is incredibly steep, so I do think it would have taken quite a lot of balancing to find a spot to appropriately go to the bathroom. But anyway, we're making our way up to the top, and she's like, no, I, like, really need to find a bathroom. I then hear the loudest stomach grumble I've ever heard in my life. Oh, my God.

She starts screaming, pushes her way out of the woods, runs across the wide concrete path into this little grassy clearing where there's woods behind her, but she's not under any coverage. She's out in the open. She starts halfway taking down her denim shorts and starts shitting her pants everywhere. Oh, no.

And she's just standing there, pants halfway off, just screaming like, oh my gosh, like, I'm so embarrassed. Don't look, don't look, I'm so embarrassed. Her face is red. You can tell she's in a lot of pain. And when I say shitting her pants, I mean, it's like liquid and spraying. Like, I've never seen diarrhea like that.

Yeah, it's like she couldn't control herself. She just had to get them off and start going. And the poor thing couldn't stop. It was coming in waves. So she would like have one around. She thought it was done. And then it kept coming, kept coming. So I'm just standing there in the middle of this wide concrete walking path. I don't know what to do because I don't really know this person.

So I'm like, do I need to walk away and give her privacy or do I need to offer her help? I just don't know what to do. She's clearly embarrassed. Yeah. She's like, you have to go find something to help us clean this up. And I'm like, okay, because we have nothing on us.

Her person. It's gotten all over the place. Like, it's running down the back of her legs. It's, like, in her shorts. It's a real mess. And I'm like, okay, there's probably, like, a public bathroom at this park. I can go look for something. She's like, well, before you go, can you check my phone? Because she can't check her phone because there's shit all over the place. Oh, man.

So I grab her phone and I look to see that the future groom has texted. Fuck. And said, hey, we parked in the parking lot. We're on our way up the path. Okay, so now imagine this like an action movie where there's like a timer in the corner. And we've got maybe 25 minutes to get this all cleaned up and go get in position before the couple is up at the top of the hill like ready to get engaged.

And we also don't know how fast the couple is walking. And is the couple going to pass you? Yes. So we are still about 200 or 300 yards away from the overlook, probably. But I mean, she's standing right off this path. So the couple will walk right past the spot. So I take off sprinting further down the hill to try to find a bathroom. And I finally find one. And I'm like, OK, perfect.

Try to get in. Everything's locked.

I'm like climbing on things trying to push through the window at the top can't get into this building and I have to then make a calculated decision I can keep running further down the hill but I don't know if there's a bathroom there and I also risk running into the couple and not being able to stop them in time until they come across Jane standing there covered in her own

And so I'm like, I just have to go back up to where Jane is. So I go back up the hill. Poor thing is like sticky, covered in her own poop. She is using leaves and branches to try to clean herself up. And it's 95 degrees and humid. So the smell that's wafting up into the air. This is a nightmare.

And so we're just kind of standing there at a loss. We have a timer ticking down and we have no way of cleaning this up because we're wearing like shorts and a tank top. Like we don't even have extra clothes on us. And Jane is certain that she doesn't have anything in her car that can help us because she just cleaned it out.

And Jane also can't just go hide in the woods and let me do it because the couple knows her personally. And so if the groom shows up to the engagement and Jane isn't there, he's going to be like red flags are going off and it could risk ruining the whole proposal. Then, out of nowhere, we hadn't seen a single soul at the park yet that day.

We look toward the direction of the overlook, and this lovely middle-aged woman is jogging in our direction. She's very fit, very in shape, and I'm like, this poor woman doesn't know what's coming. So I flag her over. I'm like, ma'am, excuse me. She gets close to us. She looks horrified, like it stinks. There's poop everywhere. She's like, what did I just run across?

I'm like, ma'am, we're clearly in a situation. We're photographers. We're here shooting an engagement. The couple is on their way. We have no way of cleaning up this poop. Like, do you have anything? She's looking very skeptical, but for some reason is nice enough to agree. You know, I think I have some like old beach towels or something in my car. I can run down to my car and look.

And I'm like, okay, but here's the catch, ma'am. You can't go down the normal path because you're going to run out of time. So I ask this poor woman to please cut down the very steep hill back down to the parking lot. And she, by some miracle, says, okay, sure.

Seriously, like that's Southern hospitality. She runs down the hill. Jane and I are standing there. She is so embarrassed, like can barely look me in the eyes. I'm trying to be like, it's okay, it's okay. You know, it feels like a lifetime that we're standing up there, but it was probably 10 minutes, 15 minutes. The woman comes running back up.

She has a bottle of hand sanitizer and these old musty beach towels. And she's like, yeah, you guys can obviously keep these. We don't get her name. We don't get her phone number, her address. I have no idea who she is, but we just say, thank you so much. And she takes off finishing her jog back down the path, and we never see her again. Sure.

She pulls her denim shorts, fastens them, turns around, and there is just, like, a huge shit stain on the back of these denim shorts. And I'm like, okay, well, we gotta go. They're five minutes away. So we make our way to the overlook, and she's like, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna do the shoot. You're gonna take my camera. I'll get the wide-angle shots and just stay far away.

So I'm, like, nervous, because I'm not a real photographer. But anyway, we go hide in the bushes. The couple comes up. They get engaged. It's lovely. They're so happy. The girl is crying. I get some nice detail shots. Jane is waving at them and, like, strategically maneuvering to, like, keep her backside away from them. the whole time. And then they say thank you so much.

They take off hand in hand back down the hill.

No idea. And Jane had to stay far away because she smelled like shit. Anyway, we cut back down through the woods back to the car and Jane had insisted on us driving together. So she had to sit on these dirty beach towels the whole way home and it smelled like a porta potty for 40 minutes.

That's what we were trying to figure out. I was like, did you get food poisoning or something? Because she seemed fine after that. She dropped me back off at home and made me swear that I was never going to tell a soul.

So I was like, you know what? I'm not going to tell anybody, I promise. So I get back to my apartment and my roommates are like, how'd the photo shoot go? And I'm just like, it was great. I sat on this story for like a year and then I ended up running into Jane at an event and she was laughing about it and was like, I don't care. You can tell people it's so funny.

So then I was able to unburden myself.

But this is like a movie. It's so high stakes. A proposal. If this woman hadn't been on her little jog, this couple's engagement story would be so radically different. She really saved the day.

Yeah, truly the wildest thing I think I've ever experienced.

Yeah, I listened to the crazy proposal story episode. I was like, I should have written this story in. And I saw the kind gesture and I was like, oh yeah, this woman.

Right. That's probably fake duty. An elaborate plot. Yeah.

Oh, what a story.

That was fun. Thanks for letting me share it. Can I have two friends come say hi really quick? Yes, of course. They happened to have the day off work, and they are the biggest armcherries that I know. And Dax, you are my friend Rebecca's biggest celebrity crush.

And this is Brian. Good.

Hi, how are you?

Yeah, my husband is very musical, so we have lots of musical equipment around our house. So when he heard I was coming on the podcast, he was like, I've got you. We've got a blanket screwed onto the wall in our closet. We really workshopped it yesterday.

Yeah, it's finally come to pass that it's actually useful.

I am in Kentucky.

I haven't, but I'm actually in Louisville and it's Derby Week.

Do you have a hat picked out? I'm actually not going to the track this year. I've gone the last two years.

Yeah, you totally should come. We're such a good food city. It's like gorgeous scenery. And going down to the track for Derby is a blast.

You've made a lot of mistakes in your life.

We've got some smaller lakes. We don't have as many lakes as Nashville or as Tennessee has.

We do have a river.

No, flesh-eating bacteria.

I was. It's the summer of 2018, and I've just graduated college, and I'm waiting on my first real big girl job to start. And so I'd picked up a couple gigs as a second shooter for some local photographers. And if you're not familiar with second shooting, the photographer basically hires you to be an extra body with a camera.

You're getting some of the background shots, some of the wide-angle shots, but you're not really in charge of anything. And a lot of times, second shooters aren't professional photographers themselves, myself included.

My degree was in economics.

She goes, I'm not really good at it. But I'm actually not a professional. I'm not that good at it. Although I'm now getting my PhD in English, so I did like a hard pivot. But yeah, so I picked up a few gigs and I'd worked one wedding with a photographer, we'll call her Jane. And this wedding that Jane and I had worked together went really well, we got along.

And so she texted me about a week after the wedding and said, hey, I am shooting a surprise proposal next week at a park. Would you come along to get some of the wide angle shots for me so I can get the detail stuff? And I was like, yeah, sure, why not? So it's summer in Kentucky, which is miserably hot outside. Okay, 95 degrees, 100% humidity.

You walk out your door, you're like sweating your ass off. And the proposal is going to take place at a park. And it's going to be scheduled for the middle of the afternoon. So like hottest part of the day. So the day of the event comes around and Jane is pretty insistent that we drive together because the park we're going to is about 30, 40 minutes away from where we both live.

She's like, we can save on gas money. Let's go together. I'm a little skeptical because I don't know Jane very well. Like we got along fine enough, but I'm like, this is going to be a lot of small talk. I'd rather listen to a podcast in the car or something on my way. But she's pretty insistent. I'm like, sure, why not? So we drive. It's fine.

We make our way to the park and park in the parking lot. And she's sort of giving me the lowdown on how this is going to go. The proposal is going to take place at this big overlook at the top of a giant hill. It's gorgeous. You can see for miles. Perfect place to get engaged. But to get to the overlook from the parking lot, you have to walk up this really long winding path. Wow.

To get to the top. It's like a wide concrete path. And you can think about it kind of like a giant switchback. It's kind of like in a U shape. And to get to the top, it takes like 30 minutes.

It's a full hike. Yeah. So the plan for the couple is for them to park and take this nice leisurely stroll through the park. And then he'll propose at the top. So Jane and I get out of the car and she's like, you know, I really feel like we could save some time if we find an alternate path up to the top of this overlook.

She's like, I'm looking at the map and I see that if we avoid the long winding path, we can cut straight up the side of this hill through the woods. I'm like, this is not what I signed up for today, but okay. So we make our way up this hill. I really am shocked we didn't get poison ivy. We're like pushing branches out of the way, climbing over logs. It's really intense.

We've got camera bags on our shoulders and it's so miserably hot outside. So I'm like, oh my gosh, we're both panting. We're most of the way up to the top. And Jane's like, I really need to find a bathroom when we get up to the top. Jane's become unhinged. It's a public park. I'm sure there's a bathroom up at the top. We're a little closer and we can now see the path.

Hey, Dave.

$250,000.

So you're killing it. Yes. Congratulations.

yeah recession resistant is like what we like to call it what'd you say recession resistant definitely good yeah actually recession can cause it yeah that's fun how many kids do you guys have we have two okay how old are they luke is five and ryan is three okay they're keeping us young man so you had babies during kind of all of this i mean at least the second one during this process yeah

The grass feels different.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would say, I mean, our friends and family have always been huge cheerleaders in each other. I mean, we, working together is not for everyone, married couples, but I feel like we make a great team and we kind of offset each other. And yeah, we've been, I've, when he started, he worked seven months straight, like you said, no days off. No, he worked nights.

He worked during the day during doing sales and, And I just was trying to be there to be the grounding person because I also had a full-time job. So I was also supporting us with my full-time job. So yeah, we cheer each other on too.

And, of course, discipline, just living like no one else, like you say. We always kind of repeat that to each other, like we want to live like no one else.

It's amazing.

It feels great.

Oh, you guys.

Right.

What do you mean? I mean...

I didn't force him to jerk you off.

Once you've connected with someone on a spiritual level, you can't go back to cheap sex. Hooking up with you would be an empty experience.

Yeah? Where should they be, Rick? Out in the fields? With the farmers? They're venomous snakes.

Yeah.

Snakes are evil. Read the Bible.

Scorpio. It's not easy for me, Rick. I'm an Aries. I need everything out in the open.

Just tell me what's going on.

Of course it concerns me. Everything you do concerns me. I'm your life partner, Rick.

The tragic story of Emily Pike, seen by millions. I wanted to say that I miss you so much. After the 14-year-old's dismembered body was found in eastern Arizona on Valentine's Day, her remains stuffed into trash bags. But the story hits hardest for those who lived with Emily in the Mesa group home, like her roommate, who were calling Chelsea to protect her identity.

My relationship with Emily was just like... Trying to steer her in the right direction because it's hard being in the group home.

Chelsea says she lived at the group home near Mesa Drive and McKellips for four years and that Emily lived there two different times. Emily was from the San Carlos Apache Reservation and Chelsea says she struggled with mental health and there were better resources in the valley. While Chelsea recently moved out, she's in contact with many of the girls still living there.

She says Emily left the home in late January because she wanted to visit a boy she met while taking guitar lessons. Chelsea says at the time Emily left, a church group was conducting activities at the group home.

What it looked like was that the church was there and that served as a distraction of when Emily left. She left because she wanted to go out and see the boy that she liked. and she wanted to talk to him. She either used the back door or she used the window and she left as everyone was distracted.

Based on where Emily's remains were found off Highway 60 heading northeast, Chelsea believes she was just trying to go home.

I feel like she just ran away and she got, she was trying to hitchhike back to her reservation to see her parents and she just got picked up by the wrong person.

Hi, I'm Chelsea.

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