Dr. Anna Lembke

But just being open to whatever comes. And I think that's really a key shift. That... I'm not trying to control my experience in the moment and that it's okay to be unhappy or restless or uncomfortable and not trying to run away from that but just really turn and face it and embrace the discomfort, which I also think is quite universal. I don't think I'm alone in that.

But just being open to whatever comes. And I think that's really a key shift. That... I'm not trying to control my experience in the moment and that it's okay to be unhappy or restless or uncomfortable and not trying to run away from that but just really turn and face it and embrace the discomfort, which I also think is quite universal. I don't think I'm alone in that.

And then the key piece about not anticipating the reward is – Helps me be in the moment, right, because I'm not just waiting for the good thing to come after. I'm saying to myself, imagine there's nothing good coming after, nothing at all, right? There's just, there aren't rewards. This is it. And then also being able to say, and it's okay if in the moment, like, it's not great.

And then the key piece about not anticipating the reward is – Helps me be in the moment, right, because I'm not just waiting for the good thing to come after. I'm saying to myself, imagine there's nothing good coming after, nothing at all, right? There's just, there aren't rewards. This is it. And then also being able to say, and it's okay if in the moment, like, it's not great.

Like, I can embrace that. You know, I can be unhappy, right? or restless or anxious or whatever it is. And then when I do that, you know, I feel like there's a funny, funny thing that happens and all of a sudden I'm not as anxious, right? And I am present and there is some joy there.

Like, I can embrace that. You know, I can be unhappy, right? or restless or anxious or whatever it is. And then when I do that, you know, I feel like there's a funny, funny thing that happens and all of a sudden I'm not as anxious, right? And I am present and there is some joy there.

Yeah. I think we have this, and it's fed by modern culture, this kind of expectancy that really we should be happy all the time. And that if we've arranged things appropriately for our lives and we've done our work and aimed true, then we should just be like, life is great. And I don't believe that anymore. Yeah. I think that, you know, I mean, like Buddha said, life is suffering.

Yeah. I think we have this, and it's fed by modern culture, this kind of expectancy that really we should be happy all the time. And that if we've arranged things appropriately for our lives and we've done our work and aimed true, then we should just be like, life is great. And I don't believe that anymore. Yeah. I think that, you know, I mean, like Buddha said, life is suffering.

But I really think that fundamentally, like, it's uncomfortable to be alive and that it's a kind of a constant state of restlessness and discomfort. If we're being really honest and tuning in, when I really let myself see that and feel that, all of a sudden I'm freed from some of that.

But I really think that fundamentally, like, it's uncomfortable to be alive and that it's a kind of a constant state of restlessness and discomfort. If we're being really honest and tuning in, when I really let myself see that and feel that, all of a sudden I'm freed from some of that.

Yeah, you're good. You could have been a psychiatrist.

Yeah, you're good. You could have been a psychiatrist.

There's still time.

There's still time.

You get a new profession. Yay. I think, you know, for me, the big turning point was that we lost a child. And in the immediate aftermath of our child's death, I was just determined to, like, sort of undo the experience and, you know— get enough psychotherapy and enough whatever, whatever it took to sort of not feel that pain.

You get a new profession. Yay. I think, you know, for me, the big turning point was that we lost a child. And in the immediate aftermath of our child's death, I was just determined to, like, sort of undo the experience and, you know— get enough psychotherapy and enough whatever, whatever it took to sort of not feel that pain.

And it wasn't until I really just said, oh, I'm going to feel this pain for the rest of my life, it's never going away, that suddenly I felt some relief from that pain. And that was a real window for me.

And it wasn't until I really just said, oh, I'm going to feel this pain for the rest of my life, it's never going away, that suddenly I felt some relief from that pain. And that was a real window for me.

Yeah. And I think one of the reasons I love treating patients with addiction is because I really relate to that hitting bottom moment, that moment when it's like you just have the feeling that Like everything I try to do to manage this behavior or to make my life better only makes it worse.

Yeah. And I think one of the reasons I love treating patients with addiction is because I really relate to that hitting bottom moment, that moment when it's like you just have the feeling that Like everything I try to do to manage this behavior or to make my life better only makes it worse.