Dr. Anna Lembke

The parents know that the money they're giving the child is mostly going to drugs and yet cannot bring themselves to stop giving the money.

The parents know that the money they're giving the child is mostly going to drugs and yet cannot bring themselves to stop giving the money.

And often they're manipulated by the child, the child saying, well, the adult child saying something like, well, if you don't give me money for drugs, I'm going to go get it off the streets and it's going to be laced with fentanyl and then I'm going to die and it's going to be on your hands. So this kind of like emotional hostage taking.

And often they're manipulated by the child, the child saying, well, the adult child saying something like, well, if you don't give me money for drugs, I'm going to go get it off the streets and it's going to be laced with fentanyl and then I'm going to die and it's going to be on your hands. So this kind of like emotional hostage taking.

But even when it's not that blatant, what can happen is just this very fascinating, very twisted and meshed relationship between the addicted person and the codependent person. where, again, having the person engage in their addiction in a way is a predictable scenario for the codependent person.

But even when it's not that blatant, what can happen is just this very fascinating, very twisted and meshed relationship between the addicted person and the codependent person. where, again, having the person engage in their addiction in a way is a predictable scenario for the codependent person.

So even though they may say on the face of it they want this person to stop their addiction, on another level they really don't. They get to be the martyr. They get to be the savior. Or they even just get to predict what that person is doing based on their use.

So even though they may say on the face of it they want this person to stop their addiction, on another level they really don't. They get to be the martyr. They get to be the savior. Or they even just get to predict what that person is doing based on their use.

Yep. Yeah. It's really – so Kai Erickson wrote this book on deviance where he studied Puritan societies and found that no matter what group of humans you looked at, there was always – there were always going to be people who were on the margins of the society. He used the word deviance. His point being that

Yep. Yeah. It's really – so Kai Erickson wrote this book on deviance where he studied Puritan societies and found that no matter what group of humans you looked at, there was always – there were always going to be people who were on the margins of the society. He used the word deviance. His point being that

Groups of humans, we just have these roles and we have these hierarchies and there's always somebody on top and always somebody below. And when we're occupying a certain niche or when we stop occupying it, we make room for somebody else. So when you stop being the hero and the savior, that person had room to stop being the sick victim.

Groups of humans, we just have these roles and we have these hierarchies and there's always somebody on top and always somebody below. And when we're occupying a certain niche or when we stop occupying it, we make room for somebody else. So when you stop being the hero and the savior, that person had room to stop being the sick victim.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we can always try to find our empathy for them without necessarily doing things that would perpetuate or enable that behavior. And we need to recognize that for many people with severe addiction, the only thing that will get them into recovery is real-life consequences. real-life negative consequences, and that our trying to protect them from that is not protecting them at all.

I think we can always try to find our empathy for them without necessarily doing things that would perpetuate or enable that behavior. And we need to recognize that for many people with severe addiction, the only thing that will get them into recovery is real-life consequences. real-life negative consequences, and that our trying to protect them from that is not protecting them at all.

I mean, this is a hard one because you have a lot of families now dealing with children who are severely addicted to opioids for whom, you know, being out on the streets might really result in their death. So this is not for every situation, but I can tell you in my clinical experience after 25-plus years...

I mean, this is a hard one because you have a lot of families now dealing with children who are severely addicted to opioids for whom, you know, being out on the streets might really result in their death. So this is not for every situation, but I can tell you in my clinical experience after 25-plus years...

The majority of people with severe addiction who get into recovery get into recovery as the result of a real life negative consequences. Lost their job, lost their partner, ended up in jail, whatever it was. Until there are those significant consequences, for some people, they just won't be able to have the motivation to make a change.

The majority of people with severe addiction who get into recovery get into recovery as the result of a real life negative consequences. Lost their job, lost their partner, ended up in jail, whatever it was. Until there are those significant consequences, for some people, they just won't be able to have the motivation to make a change.