Dr. Anna Lembke

And I don't want to get into the whole thing of like, you know, sex is exercise or sex is recreational fun compared with sex, you know, as something that's maybe more sacred because I'm not here to judge any of that.

And I don't want to get into the whole thing of like, you know, sex is exercise or sex is recreational fun compared with sex, you know, as something that's maybe more sacred because I'm not here to judge any of that.

Except to say that if a main pathway for a young person to learn about sex is through watching pornography, that's going to give them a very distorted view of what, you know, real sex is like. Not to mention what relationships are like, right, and how sex becomes a part of an intimate relationship.

Except to say that if a main pathway for a young person to learn about sex is through watching pornography, that's going to give them a very distorted view of what, you know, real sex is like. Not to mention what relationships are like, right, and how sex becomes a part of an intimate relationship.

I absolutely agree, which is why I've talked about the smartphone as a masturbation machine. Essentially, these devices have become the way that we meet our physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual needs. And taken to the extreme, that would mean that We're no longer relying on other people to meet those needs. We're meeting the needs ourselves with this technology and with the devices.

I absolutely agree, which is why I've talked about the smartphone as a masturbation machine. Essentially, these devices have become the way that we meet our physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual needs. And taken to the extreme, that would mean that We're no longer relying on other people to meet those needs. We're meeting the needs ourselves with this technology and with the devices.

And I don't think that's a future that anybody wants taken to the extreme, right? Because we are social creatures. We need to connect with each other. Human connection is vital to a thriving life and survival in general. So, yes, I have a lot of concerns that pornography is now replacing intimacy with people in real life or disrupting our expectations of intimacy with people in real life.

And I don't think that's a future that anybody wants taken to the extreme, right? Because we are social creatures. We need to connect with each other. Human connection is vital to a thriving life and survival in general. So, yes, I have a lot of concerns that pornography is now replacing intimacy with people in real life or disrupting our expectations of intimacy with people in real life.

That too and also just expectations around sex. So a lot of folks that I work with with sex addiction as they try to give up pornography, compulsive masturbation or whatever they define as their sexually addictive behaviors –

That too and also just expectations around sex. So a lot of folks that I work with with sex addiction as they try to give up pornography, compulsive masturbation or whatever they define as their sexually addictive behaviors –

What they find is that they almost go in the opposite direction and they kind of have zero interest in sex or they just don't have interest in sex with their real-life partner or they can't enjoy sex with their real-life partner, you know, which all kind of makes sense, right?

What they find is that they almost go in the opposite direction and they kind of have zero interest in sex or they just don't have interest in sex with their real-life partner or they can't enjoy sex with their real-life partner, you know, which all kind of makes sense, right?

When you've hijacked the reward pathway with this incredibly potent version of sex, you come back down to earth with your actual partner who's got his or her own needs and, you aging bodies or whatever it is, it's hard to experience pleasure in that realm.

When you've hijacked the reward pathway with this incredibly potent version of sex, you come back down to earth with your actual partner who's got his or her own needs and, you aging bodies or whatever it is, it's hard to experience pleasure in that realm.

Step one is really just acknowledging the behavior, that it's problematic and that it might require some changing in our lives. The next step is being honest with ourselves and maybe another person about why we do the behavior, what we get out of it, what's positive. Step three would be honestly making a list of all of the problems with the behavior.

Step one is really just acknowledging the behavior, that it's problematic and that it might require some changing in our lives. The next step is being honest with ourselves and maybe another person about why we do the behavior, what we get out of it, what's positive. Step three would be honestly making a list of all of the problems with the behavior.

How is it interfering with my goals and, as we talked about, my values? What do other people say to me about how it's problematic? Is one of the problems potentially that it's just not working anymore the way that it used to, right? I'm developing tolerance. I need more to get the same effect. It's doing the opposite of what I want it to do.

How is it interfering with my goals and, as we talked about, my values? What do other people say to me about how it's problematic? Is one of the problems potentially that it's just not working anymore the way that it used to, right? I'm developing tolerance. I need more to get the same effect. It's doing the opposite of what I want it to do.

And after we've done all that, really done a really honest self-assessment about the behavior, I recommend a 30-day dopamine fast. Now, we're not really fasting from dopamine, right? Because we're not really ingesting dopamine. What we're doing a fast from is whatever that substance or behavior is that is causing these kinds of problems potentially.

And after we've done all that, really done a really honest self-assessment about the behavior, I recommend a 30-day dopamine fast. Now, we're not really fasting from dopamine, right? Because we're not really ingesting dopamine. What we're doing a fast from is whatever that substance or behavior is that is causing these kinds of problems potentially.