Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson

And so they might not come out and say that to the young man, but they would make him start to feel bad about pursuing something that they didn't like. And they would start withholding approval for his choices in order to get him on a path that would again, align with their own egocentric view of who they want to be, which is the parent of a successful child in their mind.

That's a great example. Yes, because it's using emotional coercion It's using force on the other person to make them comply with something that they don't want to do. And they have told you that, and you are disregarding their right to have their own needs or their own opinions. And you're saying, in effect, my needs are more important than yours, and you are being a bad person.

That's a great example. Yes, because it's using emotional coercion It's using force on the other person to make them comply with something that they don't want to do. And they have told you that, and you are disregarding their right to have their own needs or their own opinions. And you're saying, in effect, my needs are more important than yours, and you are being a bad person.

That's a great example. Yes, because it's using emotional coercion It's using force on the other person to make them comply with something that they don't want to do. And they have told you that, and you are disregarding their right to have their own needs or their own opinions. And you're saying, in effect, my needs are more important than yours, and you are being a bad person.

because you are morally obligated to give me what I want.

because you are morally obligated to give me what I want.

because you are morally obligated to give me what I want.

Because what that does is it creates a false sense of emotional intimacy when you triangle like that and you confide in somebody about a third party. That feels really good to the emotionally immature person or the parent because it's a way of kind of talking about deep stuff, but it's not intimate between you and the person you're talking to. It's sharing a secret about this third person.

Because what that does is it creates a false sense of emotional intimacy when you triangle like that and you confide in somebody about a third party. That feels really good to the emotionally immature person or the parent because it's a way of kind of talking about deep stuff, but it's not intimate between you and the person you're talking to. It's sharing a secret about this third person.

Because what that does is it creates a false sense of emotional intimacy when you triangle like that and you confide in somebody about a third party. That feels really good to the emotionally immature person or the parent because it's a way of kind of talking about deep stuff, but it's not intimate between you and the person you're talking to. It's sharing a secret about this third person.

So it kind of hits a bunch of points simultaneously, but It's destructive to the relationship between, say, that child and that other family member, right? Because you're talking behind their back. And it's uncomfortable. And it's uncomfortable, right?

So it kind of hits a bunch of points simultaneously, but It's destructive to the relationship between, say, that child and that other family member, right? Because you're talking behind their back. And it's uncomfortable. And it's uncomfortable, right?

So it kind of hits a bunch of points simultaneously, but It's destructive to the relationship between, say, that child and that other family member, right? Because you're talking behind their back. And it's uncomfortable. And it's uncomfortable, right?

Exactly. Or they might even say... This is an example of a woman who actually confronted her mother and said, you know, don't talk to me about Aunt So-and-So because it ruins my relationship with her. I can't be close to her after you've told me all these things that she's done. And the mother said, I know that you've told me not to do this, but who else am I going to talk to? It's like...

Exactly. Or they might even say... This is an example of a woman who actually confronted her mother and said, you know, don't talk to me about Aunt So-and-So because it ruins my relationship with her. I can't be close to her after you've told me all these things that she's done. And the mother said, I know that you've told me not to do this, but who else am I going to talk to? It's like...

Exactly. Or they might even say... This is an example of a woman who actually confronted her mother and said, you know, don't talk to me about Aunt So-and-So because it ruins my relationship with her. I can't be close to her after you've told me all these things that she's done. And the mother said, I know that you've told me not to do this, but who else am I going to talk to? It's like...

Who cares? That's your problem.

Who cares? That's your problem.

Who cares? That's your problem.

I really hope that when people listen to this, they'll come away from it feeling like, oh, I knew this all along. I just didn't know what to call it. Or I knew I was right about that all But everybody was telling me that I was off the mark or crazy or whatever. But this is what I experienced.