Javier Ramirez

Hello, everybody. Hello, world. Good to be here. Okay, let's talk about it. Contrary to popular belief, I have not yet gone through puberty. I am puberty. That is my favorite way to say I say I go inside of teenagers, huh? Who's with me? No? Oh, no. But yeah, I just moved back to America. Very happy about that. It's cool to see slimy people sell everything, even kids.

So I wonder what a commercial will that. Yeah. Come on down. We're running a sale on new children with features such as feistiness and easy disposability. Ooh. Call now or visit our website, theclintonfoundation.org. Yeah. Do you guys like impressions? All right, here's one. I have a pussy, I promise. That's Michelle Obama. Usually I'm not good at those, but that one is spot on. All right.

Thank you. Hell yeah.

Yeah. I do love kids. Okay. All right. Oh, no. I want to. Sorry.

How you doing, huh? How are you?

Yes, once, and I was on with Matt Reif, yeah.

It's a fun time. Good to see you guys, huh?

Doing good. Yeah, no nervous at all. All right. All right. So what do you do for work? So I work in tech, but I'm really trying to, yeah.

Just do more voiceovers, more comedy. I've been doing a lot of comedy, and I love it. My God, am I enamored with it. I just moved back to America, so I'm very happy to, like, Bomb, you know, just being here is the dream.

Yeah.

I love the Jews.

There you go. It's all happening. I'll come at us trans, I'll do it. Yeah, just like regular commercials and like IVRs and like dumb stuff. It's just like, it's a weird industry now, you know? So comedy is really where it's at, you know, I feel like, I don't know.

Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Hinchcliffe. This is a brand new episode of Kill Tony, live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas.

I'm coming for you. Fart noise. All right, all right. It's what he does. He's the best in the business, but I'm coming for you, fatty.

Roasted. All right. Got my ass. Javier, what do you do for fun? Well, really, I do a lot of, like, hang out at comedy clubs, come see shows, go swimming, harass people, I don't know.

I'm muffling, baby, you know. But, yeah, just mostly a lot of comedy. I'm always out of creek. Yeah, hanging out, you know. A lot of comedy.

I was about 15. It was very confusing.

Get out.

You know, I was definitely creepy from before that. So, you know... What was creepy before that? Everything about him.

Oh, thank you. I earned this mustache.

I'm fucking.

No, I'm actually, I haven't kissed anybody here. Yeah, very funny. All right. No, I'm not. It's hard to date here in Austin. There's a bunch of whores around, you know?

Well, yeah, you know, it's been fun, but, you know, I really want to, you know, traditional. You know, I just moved back from Costa Rica, so it's like... I wanted one that I could talk to, you know what I mean? What? What do you mean? I don't know what you mean. I don't know. It's just that these white... Go ahead. Let it out. No, no, I love the whites. I love all of them.

Uh, you know, it's just fun. It's just, like, it's a dating city, you know, so it's not really... I'm trying to... What?

Yes.

I bomb a lot. No, it's fun. I like to, you know, have fun with them and then...

You look fantastic, Heidi.

Muchas gracias. I'm so good. So what do you like to do usually when you're not with Tony?

Oh, yeah. Do you like to read books? Do you listen to books?

I would love to read to you, baby. Let me tell you.

Yeah. You like smut? I don't like smut. Well, do you? I don't know.

Well, I've come to realize, you guys... What you're reading is horrible, terrible things. I don't know, what do you like to read, Heidi? I like to read... You really are bad at this, Javier.

Really got into it there. The waiter walks away, and action. So, do you like a dark spirit? Jesus Christ.

Oh, no, baby. You're going straight in a barrel. All right. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry.

And action. Do you like Latin men? Latin men, have you ever been with a Latin man? Very passionate lovers, you do know that, yes? Hey, shut up, my beans. All right, keep it on the fucking date. Keep it on the fucking date. What is it about a Latin man that you find attractive?

Yes.

Oh, yeah. We all sound like this, yes.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I have a studio if you want to go check it out. You know, we could record or do stuff.

I do audio stuff. Do you like books? All right.

I've spoken with Heidi. She's very smart. I don't like to say that.

Well, yeah. Well, I spoke to Heidi before, like when I did the show, I spoke to Heidi more.

Yes. Okay. Yes. Did you say you worked with Heidi? No, no, no. After the Kill Tony from last time. Right. Just spoke. Oh, how are you guys doing, huh? I'm sorry, guys.

It's unbelievable what women do to you.

Did you not hear my set? Come on now. No, I love women. I'm trying to do... He's like a robot.

Coming this summer, me. All right.