Jen Wilson
Appearances
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
you know from the minute we get up to the minute we go to bed we're exposed to micro stressors all the time so from messages emails phone pinging getting the kids to school doing this doing that there's just something every second of the day isn't there it's just constant it's just a constant onslaught of things happening and throw in the mix a few more stressful things than your day-to-day and then that adds on to the top of that because you're already
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And that was really my turning point because it was just really significantly impacting my relationship with him. And I just thought, what am I doing? This has got to stop. So I promised myself from that point on that I was never ever going to allow myself to burn out again. And I started making lots of changes.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
you're already at your limit just trying to get through the day. And if you like that day in, day out, that leads to chronic stress because your body's constantly preparing for that fight or flight for all those little stressful things, which means your nervous system's just constantly on with adrenaline and cortisol, which is like really bad for your health. You never get the downtime.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
You never get the time to stop and take a breath or do anything to...
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
like calm your nervous system yeah and that's the difference that's that's what i call bad stress when you constantly switched on as opposed to that big event where stress is on stress is off it's done and like some of the danger signs obviously feeling overwhelmed is one but you might sort of feel irritable and impatient a lot of the time racing thoughts like you can't switch off which is one of those i mentioned earlier
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
constantly worried or tense, problems sleeping, digestive problems is one, constipation, diarrhea, stomach pains, and then things like finding it hard to make decisions, being forgetful and finding it hard to concentrate. They're like real sort of key warning signs that you've been overwhelmed for far too long.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
The potential is that you'll burn out. So you'll just get to the point where you've got nothing left to give. And I can tell you what that feels like because I've experienced it twice. And burnout really, so for me physically, this is my interpretation. If you Google it, you'll get different ways of reading what it is.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
But my interpretation, how I experienced it, physically, you're just so utterly exhausted. It's a challenge to get through the day. Like you can literally just get through the day. Emotionally,
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
i would say that you don't feel anything much about anything or anyone i know when the first time my husband said to me how would you feel if something happened to the dogs when i just shrugged my shoulders that's quite serious you know how much i love my dogs there was nothing there was just nothing there i can't even put into words how it felt now and mentally
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
You just can't take anything else in. I remember being at my job before I was signed off and people would speak to me. And I could see the mouths move. Couldn't tell you a word that said, and I told my doctor and he said, you just, you just can't take any more. Your body is just shutting down. So that's what burnout feels like.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And I'd like to say that burnout takes a really, really long time to recover from. It's not like, oh, well, let's get signed off for a few months. I'll go on holiday for a couple of weeks. I mean, some people might hit burnout quicker if there's been a really serious, stressful event, but For most people, it's over a period of time.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
There was a lot of trial and error of trying to find ways to manage my stress for the long term. to avoid hitting burnout again. I then worked with the coach myself because I got so far that I felt better, but there was still something missing. So I got some additional support and it was during that time that I had a light bulb moment and I thought, hey, do you know what?
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
So if you think how long it's taken you to get to that point, you've got to think how long it's going to take you
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
to undo do it which is a bit like the learning of new habits isn't it it's like i've i've programmed myself to do this and then you've been doing that and reiterating it for years upon years which is what i said earlier you've almost got to in a way reprogram and you haven't purposely developed bad coping habits it's just they just kind of evolve on their own as you're trying to get through what you're getting through it's not until you
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
well not until you stop I can't even say that it's when you kind of got through and look back like yeah that didn't really that didn't really serve me but just quickly for people who are wondering signs of burning out withdrawing from people so you might just not want to see people go out can't be bothered just kind of shut yourself off from the world a bit being uninterested in life generally
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
and like losing enjoyment in things that you once did enjoy. Muscular aches and pains, headaches. I had a headache every single day for two years. They kept thinking it would go away and it never did. That was the buildup. Feeling detached, that utter exhaustion, no amount of rest or sleep helps you feel any more energized and just kind of feeling a bit defeated with life.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
They're real classic signs that you're burning out.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah, I've got a quiz that helps people identify how stress is affecting them. So it'll either say, no, you're not stressed. You're absolutely fine. Oh, yes. You need some help. And there's a bit in between as well. But it just it asks question based based around how people are thinking and feeling and behaving.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And it gives you a really good indication because if anything, like me, I didn't know, I didn't know what stress was. Like I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what, and I thought something was really seriously wrong with me, but I couldn't pinpoint anything to go to the doctor. And I stumbled across an article on stress that listed all the symptoms and I had them all.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And I remember being like, yes, I'm just stressed. Like rather naively looking back. Oh, it's only that. I was really rather foolish. But at the time, I was so relieved that I had nothing, what I thought wasn't seriously wrong. Looking back, I now know it was seriously wrong. But just I didn't have something else seriously wrong. I felt relieved.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
But then as the years went by, and now I know how that affected me long term, physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm trying to help women change.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah, totally, because people just throw the word around, don't they? It's not taken very seriously, unfortunately.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
I could I could retrain and I could help other people, help other women. And that's my mission now, really, is to help other women so they don't have to suffer alone like I did. And what was missing?
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Totally, because life is stressful and there's always going to be stressful events and you're never not going to have stress. But there's a difference between short term coping with a stressful event and constantly feeling like you're like going through the motions every day, a bit robotic, like life's just, you know, you just kind of get through and do what you can. That isn't normal.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Nobody should feel like that.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
They can access it on my website. It's in my Instagram links bio. It's on my LinkedIn profile page. And where is the best place to find you?
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah, it's still quite hard to put into words. So I made a lot of changes. So I put a lot of boundaries in place. As a business owner, I wasn't very good at that at one point. You feel like you've got to be there all the time to please everyone, especially when your business is quite new. So I didn't have boundaries. I was always rushing my son to bed because I had work to do.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Looking back, I was so stressed. I was incredibly unproductive. So although I was working really long hours, I wasn't actually achieving very much at all. So boundaries was one, sort of saying no, asking for help more from family and adding that self-caring, trying to take better care of myself. So all those things added up to feeling better, but I was still really, really, I call it unsettled.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
I just, something was just amiss. My mind was racing. It just went 100 miles an hour all day, every day. I didn't know whether to do my business, whether to get a job, whether to do this, whether to do that. It was just, yeah, it was a really strange time. When I started working with a coach, what I realized was missing was mindset.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And we spent a lot of time working on mindset, which I'll say now is still ongoing. It's probably one of the hardest things to address. I can see why it's the last thing I address. It wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't actually know a lot about mindset then. I didn't really know a lot about it, but I learned from Rachel, my coach, that's what it was.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And interestingly, when I went on to do my training, when I decided to retrain as an holistic wellness coach, there's all these elements of wellness. And as I went through my training, I realized that in my own way, I'd muddled my way through all of them over the years. And mindset was one of those, was one of those things. And that was definitely the missing piece for me. So. And mine, it's mine.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Hello, I'm Jen, and I help women who are overwhelmed and burnt out to get organised, take back control and start living a joyful, happy life again.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
mindset's really impacted because you get into this really negative thought spiral and that you can't break free from. And as the stress continues and things continue to get worse, that negative thought spiral gets worse and worse and you get stuck in that really bad place with your mindset. So you kind of got to almost dig your way back out.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
No, it's really not. And you've got to unlearn things that you've. you've learned years learning that you didn't even know you were learning yeah and it's coping behaviors that you take on that you don't know you've taken on that you've taken on to try and manage the stress they're actually not very good coping behaviors and you've almost got to relearn relearn them it is it is challenging yeah
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Life. Life's busy, isn't it? I think overwhelm and stress, both those words are thrown around, aren't they? Like people say it flippantly. I'm so overwhelmed or I'm so stressed. But it's actually really quite serious, especially when it impacts your day to day. And I think that's the thing is it's knowing that when you are, this isn't a good place to stay. No, it definitely isn't.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And I think that. I was just talking to someone today when, when you're there, when you're in there, you're just trying to get through each day. You're just trying to survive. Yeah. Don't really stop to evaluate what you're doing and how you feel.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And you know, it feels pretty awful because you're not particularly enjoying every day and having fun in life, but you don't have the time to stop and evaluate what you're doing. That's making you feel like that. Cause you literally are just trying to get through the day. It's quite scary, isn't it?
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah. It's one of the biggest mistakes women make. They think that it's just the way life is and it's just the way life has to be. So I've just got to get on with it. Yeah. Get on. That's that's the card you've been dealt sort of thing.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Absolutely. And nobody wants to admit like that they aren't coping. You feel like you're a failure, like everybody else is getting on just fine. So why aren't I? Well, I'll let you into a little secret. Everyone else isn't just getting on just fine. Everyone's really good at putting a front on.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And I am one of those people because I used to put a front on and it was only really close family that actually knew how serious things were. People at work when I was first signed off, when I first had the first burnout.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
No, it's not fun at all.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
they had no clue they were like whoa where's Jen gone what's going on because I just put this front on that everything was fine and we all every woman that I work with does that I've got a friend you would have no idea she's so outgoing so happy she's always laughing but underneath it's a mess and we're made to feel like we can't say that life's hard or we're not coping or we need some help because like you've said society is like programmed us to believe that
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
My own personal experience, I was chronically stressed for over a decade. And in that time I experienced two burnouts. So originally brought on by work, a really stressful job, but then not having anyone really to tell me it wasn't normal to feel that way. Nobody to guide me and say what I could or couldn't do. So I just kind of got on the best I could with life.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah, my mum actually asked me the other day, she was trying to, she said to me, why is everybody so stressed nowadays? You know, like, what's different? I gave up that conversation quite quick because I couldn't quite put it into words to explain to her, like, pretty much what you've said. Yeah.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
But I couldn't find the words to put across to her that, yes, women are still being mums like they were, but then they're going to work. But it's all that other stuff that piles on top of it that makes it so much worse.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And I think what comes from that is all these things that, especially as a parent, that you should be doing this and you should be doing that. And, oh, well, I better stop doing that because it might cause some damage to my child when he's older. And, oh, how should I start behaving? And, oh, I should do that.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
And then before you know it, you've added all this other stuff on your plate that you've got to deal with and you're already overwhelmed. Like that adds to the negativity you were feeling because you already feel like you're failing and then you're failing at all this other stuff that all these people online tell you that you should be doing. It's crazy.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah. We place too many expectations on ourselves. Yeah. Straight away. And I don't care. Anybody says something has to give. If you're overwhelmed, something somewhere has to give because if it doesn't, nothing's ever going to be.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Yeah, because I'm not completely stressed and overwhelmed all the time. When I look back at the hours I was working and what I was actually producing was laughable now. I was like, what was I doing? I felt like I was working so hard, you know, but nothing was really happening.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
Although looking back now, I wasn't really getting on very well with it at all. But I just muddled my way through being chronically stressed for a really long time. I didn't realize at the time, but looking back, I realize that now. And then I hit my second burnout as a business owner. And that came about when my son was only four.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
who's she floating around going for all these walks? Like, you know, she sat at a desk working really hard. So you've got to say, I'm busy, I'm working really hard. I don't anymore, by the way, but that was how I used to feel. Because as a business owner, surely you've got to work every hour God sends to get what you want.
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
work like like we do with the you know it was just a different it was a different world so you're struggling with ben like reference points of people who are doing it who are doing it in a healthy way yeah and i don't think there's there's no absolute right or wrong because everybody's limits are different and everybody operates differently don't they so what might stress really stress one person somebody else could just sail through it and that that was really easy but i think like
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
knowing when it's too much there's sort of like key things to look out for in terms of
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
you're feeling whether it's like physically mentally or emotionally overwhelm is caused by all these daily what i call the micro stresses all these little things so when we think of stress it can be like a really big event can't it i don't know maybe there's an accident and somebody's seriously that's really stressful and we have the stress response to cope with what's happening and get through it that's like normal but then once that event has passed and things are okay
You Can! Inspiring Women In Business
Breaking the Cycle of Burnout & Stress
the body's back to a calm state and the job's done. You know, go back to survival mode, chased by a tiger, stress response kicks in, you get to safety, you get to your cage, you're safe, body goes back to calm. The way we live now, we're exposed. From the minute our alarm goes off in the morning, because the alarm's a microstressor in itself, is it not, when that starts?