Jessie Johnson

Well, we would play Power Rangers on the playground. Like, I'd be Pink Ranger. But I watched Simpsons. And then what would y'all do?

Well, we would play Power Rangers on the playground. Like, I'd be Pink Ranger. But I watched Simpsons. And then what would y'all do?

Well, about like 30 minutes of an hour recess, about half of it was all the girls fighting over who was Pink Ranger. Of course. And then once we finally decided, then I don't, yeah, we just run around the playground.

Well, about like 30 minutes of an hour recess, about half of it was all the girls fighting over who was Pink Ranger. Of course. And then once we finally decided, then I don't, yeah, we just run around the playground.

I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

Probably. Yeah.

Probably. Yeah.

I liked Foursquare. Yeah. Yeah.

I liked Foursquare. Yeah. Yeah.

What's transitions? I didn't know you transitioned.

What's transitions? I didn't know you transitioned.

You think you kind of always knew, but...

You think you kind of always knew, but...

I'm glad you did it, too, because you would be, and I don't mean, I mean all this with respect, but you'd be like a hideous woman.

I'm glad you did it, too, because you would be, and I don't mean, I mean all this with respect, but you'd be like a hideous woman.

Wow. Unforgettable experience, I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Unforgettable experience, I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

Do some women's stuff, William.

Do some women's stuff, William.

William, did you get your nails done recently?

William, did you get your nails done recently?

Oh, yeah. That's why we keep them long. Right, ladies?

Oh, yeah. That's why we keep them long. Right, ladies?

Oh, and you made fun of me for asking pre-show.

Oh, and you made fun of me for asking pre-show.

I was having a huge identity crisis. I didn't say much because I was like, who is that?

I was having a huge identity crisis. I didn't say much because I was like, who is that?

My eyes started doing double vision looking at that monitor.

My eyes started doing double vision looking at that monitor.

Yeah, you go, oh, anymore request?

Yeah, you go, oh, anymore request?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

No, no, they're not. This is not, what are you talking about?

No, no, they're not. This is not, what are you talking about?

Why everybody always ask us, is that bass player really blind? They ask? Yeah. Yeah.

Why everybody always ask us, is that bass player really blind? They ask? Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. We weren't recording.

That's true. We weren't recording.

A little racist.

A little racist.

Yeah, yeah. Joel has a lot of baggage.

Yeah, yeah. Joel has a lot of baggage.

You think all black musicians look the same, huh, Grant?

You think all black musicians look the same, huh, Grant?

Yeah, they all look black, too.

Yeah, they all look black, too.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

What do you think is better? Or like, what do you think would be harder? No sight or no sound? You have to answer.

What do you think is better? Or like, what do you think would be harder? No sight or no sound? You have to answer.

Born that way or later? Right now.

Born that way or later? Right now.

Maybe you were born that way. Fuck.

Maybe you were born that way. Fuck.

Really? You don't care about hearing then?

Really? You don't care about hearing then?

Let's get the doctor in here, William. No, no, no. I don't want to be deaf. Joel made his choice. So you're going deaf? I thought this was hypothetical. No, no, no. It was a test and the doctor's back there. He has the supplies ready. What?

Let's get the doctor in here, William. No, no, no. I don't want to be deaf. Joel made his choice. So you're going deaf? I thought this was hypothetical. No, no, no. It was a test and the doctor's back there. He has the supplies ready. What?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

We talked before this to get you here because we're like, he's got to lose his sense.

We talked before this to get you here because we're like, he's got to lose his sense.

I know. It just kind of organically worked out like that.

I know. It just kind of organically worked out like that.

Well, I mean, just get ready to hear it because it's the last time you will. This is sad.

Well, I mean, just get ready to hear it because it's the last time you will. This is sad.

I'll open the windows.

I'll open the windows.

My dog knows the sound of my car. Really? Yeah. So you could be like that.

My dog knows the sound of my car. Really? Yeah. So you could be like that.

Okay, bring out the doctor.

Okay, bring out the doctor.

Have fun playing with that van tonight.

Have fun playing with that van tonight.

Yeah, she put wax. She made earplugs out of candle wax.

Yeah, she put wax. She made earplugs out of candle wax.

I read the diary.

I read the diary.

We had to in school. They made us read this little girl's diary. It's kind of messed up if you think about it.

We had to in school. They made us read this little girl's diary. It's kind of messed up if you think about it.

I think her uncle couldn't sleep, and so she made him earplugs out of candle wax for Christmas.

I think her uncle couldn't sleep, and so she made him earplugs out of candle wax for Christmas.

Maybe I'm remembering that part wrong.

Maybe I'm remembering that part wrong.

That's so funny to me.

That's so funny to me.

You know Ramsey, right?

You know Ramsey, right?

He's a funny comic.

He's a funny comic.

It'll come up organically.

It'll come up organically.

The motherfuckers would be like, it'll come up organically.

The motherfuckers would be like, it'll come up organically.

In the comments, leave what you think motherfuckers be.

In the comments, leave what you think motherfuckers be.

It feels like a floor.

It feels like a floor.

It feels like we're laying on a floor looking up.

It feels like we're laying on a floor looking up.

That's too scary.

That's too scary.

This is fun.

This is fun.

Really?

Really?

Okay. Well, Casey's not here, so if you wanted to tell people what you really think about him... Well, Casey's not here because we've been getting into it a lot recently.

Okay. Well, Casey's not here, so if you wanted to tell people what you really think about him... Well, Casey's not here because we've been getting into it a lot recently.

That's in people's ears.

That's in people's ears.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How does he find these images?

How does he find these images?

Oh, yeah. I think the last time was during the pandemic when we were doing those pandemic episodes.

Oh, yeah. I think the last time was during the pandemic when we were doing those pandemic episodes.

William and I tapped out.

William and I tapped out.

Betterbox. Betterbox.

Betterbox. Betterbox.

Shout out, Gino.

Shout out, Gino.

Yep.

Yep.

We're one of the few people in the world that got to perform every week during that, though.

We're one of the few people in the world that got to perform every week during that, though.

Two, three episodes or something.

Two, three episodes or something.

Wait. Well, Betterbox Studio was there for a long time. But then you guys, we did that weird studio once.

Wait. Well, Betterbox Studio was there for a long time. But then you guys, we did that weird studio once.

And I got COVID.

And I got COVID.

And so I missed the next one.

And so I missed the next one.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, the first one was the ice house.

Yeah, the first one was the ice house.

Yeah, I missed that one. That's the one I couldn't make.

Yeah, I missed that one. That's the one I couldn't make.

That is a picture of L.A.

That is a picture of L.A.

I'm just kidding. And then we went back to the Comedy Store.

I'm just kidding. And then we went back to the Comedy Store.

Dang, that was William.

Dang, that was William.

I remember the last episode at the Comedy Store and you were sitting in Mitzi's booth and I went and joined you and you were so drunk. And I remember we just kept looking at each other and you'd look at me and you'd go, this is sad.

I remember the last episode at the Comedy Store and you were sitting in Mitzi's booth and I went and joined you and you were so drunk. And I remember we just kept looking at each other and you'd look at me and you'd go, this is sad.

I know. And it was sad. Yeah. But yeah, we were both very drunk and that was the whole night. This is sad.

I know. And it was sad. Yeah. But yeah, we were both very drunk and that was the whole night. This is sad.

And no one was talking about it.

And no one was talking about it.

It was so funny how no one was talking about it. But we all knew what was happening. And I remember all the band was like, are they moving? And I just walked up to Tony before the show and I was like, hey, are you guys moving? And he started cracking up because no one would talk about it.

It was so funny how no one was talking about it. But we all knew what was happening. And I remember all the band was like, are they moving? And I just walked up to Tony before the show and I was like, hey, are you guys moving? And he started cracking up because no one would talk about it.

I do it too and I know you're not supposed to. What do you mean? Is that really a thing? You're not supposed to? Joel's right. You're not supposed to do it. Dr. Drew told me you can't do it. Oh, really? Yeah. A doctor.

I do it too and I know you're not supposed to. What do you mean? Is that really a thing? You're not supposed to? Joel's right. You're not supposed to do it. Dr. Drew told me you can't do it. Oh, really? Yeah. A doctor.

That was a fun one too. I kind of miss the characters sometimes.

That was a fun one too. I kind of miss the characters sometimes.

He played characters too.

He played characters too.

Can I say this?

Can I say this?

He was faking.

He was faking.

Oh, that's right. Gosh. I remember now.

Oh, that's right. Gosh. I remember now.

That was hilarious. I remember that. Man. I thought about doing a character on the episode last night of being one of the lesbian firefighters from L.A. visiting. Oh, my God.

That was hilarious. I remember that. Man. I thought about doing a character on the episode last night of being one of the lesbian firefighters from L.A. visiting. Oh, my God.

I think that would have been fun.

I think that would have been fun.

No, that was on my set. Stand-up.

No, that was on my set. Stand-up.

He goes, when did I do stand-up?

He goes, when did I do stand-up?

Yeah, he did. He said you're really not supposed to do that because it pushes the wax in.

Yeah, he did. He said you're really not supposed to do that because it pushes the wax in.

Oh, I know. That's Brian Poussin. Yeah. He's funny. I like Sarah Silverman's show. It's funny. I wish she would do more stand-up at the clubs. I've seen her go to the comedy store once and she was like in her pajamas and I thought it was funny.

Oh, I know. That's Brian Poussin. Yeah. He's funny. I like Sarah Silverman's show. It's funny. I wish she would do more stand-up at the clubs. I've seen her go to the comedy store once and she was like in her pajamas and I thought it was funny.

But I don't know her.

But I don't know her.

I know. I wish she popped in more. Do y'all see a bunch of famous people up at the comedy store? Yeah.

I know. I wish she popped in more. Do y'all see a bunch of famous people up at the comedy store? Yeah.

Chappelle just dropped in. Dave Chappelle. Oh, cool. He's pretty big. Yeah.

Chappelle just dropped in. Dave Chappelle. Oh, cool. He's pretty big. Yeah.

He's an Ohio guy.

He's an Ohio guy.

He's got a few specials out on Netflix.

He's got a few specials out on Netflix.

Oh, he did have a show. It's called The Chappelle Show.

Oh, he did have a show. It's called The Chappelle Show.

Yeah, but when Comedy Central was cool.

Yeah, but when Comedy Central was cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. You know him. I love him. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. You know him. I love him. Yeah.

So he dropped in last week. Who else was there? We've had a bunch of Poppins recently, but I can't remember like famous people dropping in to watch.

So he dropped in last week. Who else was there? We've had a bunch of Poppins recently, but I can't remember like famous people dropping in to watch.

Yeah. We're allowed to go. That's a good coffee name.

Yeah. We're allowed to go. That's a good coffee name.

David Tell was there, too.

David Tell was there, too.

He comes in when he's in town. Who? Dan Soder stopped in.

He comes in when he's in town. Who? Dan Soder stopped in.

Oh, yeah. Louie's going to be there. Cool.

Oh, yeah. Louie's going to be there. Cool.

There's also famous people that just go to watch the shows. Basketball players and... Shaq? Shaq.

There's also famous people that just go to watch the shows. Basketball players and... Shaq? Shaq.

Joel has a Shaq joke.

Joel has a Shaq joke.

I am too.

I am too.

Do you guys want to get Shake Shack before you go to the gym and you go to the doctor?

Do you guys want to get Shake Shack before you go to the gym and you go to the doctor?

Grant.

Grant.

Grant, do you have any chicken sandwiches?

Grant, do you have any chicken sandwiches?

Do you have any chicken sandwiches back there, Grant?

Do you have any chicken sandwiches back there, Grant?

Yeah, me either.

Yeah, me either.

Five, and that's it.

Five, and that's it.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Because five doubles is ten burgers. That's too many.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Because five doubles is ten burgers. That's too many.

Oh, he's skating. Or Osama Bin Laden.

Oh, he's skating. Or Osama Bin Laden.

Do you have a time machine?

Do you have a time machine?

We could go back in time.

We could go back in time.

Grant, could you put the time machine up to last night at the mothership?

Grant, could you put the time machine up to last night at the mothership?

The time machine is starting.

The time machine is starting.

And William's on stage, and he's talking about Osama skating. Yeah. And maybe if you can fit in the joke, but Grant, can we go back in time or not? Oh, sorry.

And William's on stage, and he's talking about Osama skating. Yeah. And maybe if you can fit in the joke, but Grant, can we go back in time or not? Oh, sorry.

And to the mothership, or is that impossible?

And to the mothership, or is that impossible?

Because we were on stage at Kill Tony last night.

Because we were on stage at Kill Tony last night.

It looks like a blooming onion from Outback.

It looks like a blooming onion from Outback.

Yeah. Literally yesterday. The motor's starting.

Yeah. Literally yesterday. The motor's starting.

No. You guys have to make sure when we come back to present time that nothing drastic changes.

No. You guys have to make sure when we come back to present time that nothing drastic changes.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember that.

Was that Ashton Kutcher?

Was that Ashton Kutcher?

Oh, my God, we're back. That's me in the van.

Oh, my God, we're back. That's me in the van.

Okay, send us back, Greg.

Okay, send us back, Greg.

Well, it seems like everything is back to normal.

Well, it seems like everything is back to normal.

Wait, why did our glasses mix up?

Wait, why did our glasses mix up?

Something changed, you guys.

Something changed, you guys.

Joel, we went back in time so Joel could do the joke and you took it. So I think that messed things up in the timeline.

Joel, we went back in time so Joel could do the joke and you took it. So I think that messed things up in the timeline.

Do you even understand the severity of what's going on, Joel?

Do you even understand the severity of what's going on, Joel?

Well, thanks for bringing that up.

Well, thanks for bringing that up.

This is crazy, guys. And I'm tiny. Oh, no. I got tiny.

This is crazy, guys. And I'm tiny. Oh, no. I got tiny.

Whoa. Well, William, why did you take Joel's joke?

Whoa. Well, William, why did you take Joel's joke?

No, I thought Joel was going to do the joke. I thought he said, I wish I did this joke last night. And then we got a time machine, went back in time, set it up, and then you took it, and now all of our glasses are switched.

No, I thought Joel was going to do the joke. I thought he said, I wish I did this joke last night. And then we got a time machine, went back in time, set it up, and then you took it, and now all of our glasses are switched.

Motherfuckers be like, oh, this banana is good.

Motherfuckers be like, oh, this banana is good.

Shrimp skin.

Shrimp skin.

Oh my gosh, yeah. Shrimp skin. That's pretty gross.

Oh my gosh, yeah. Shrimp skin. That's pretty gross.

We can only do questions.

We can only do questions.

Sounds like a David Lynch character.

Sounds like a David Lynch character.

Sorry, I don't... Dude, I don't think this existed before we went back in time.

Sorry, I don't... Dude, I don't think this existed before we went back in time.

You've never heard of this, right, William?

You've never heard of this, right, William?

Wait, so the... There was an earthquake in L.A. two days ago. Yeah.

Wait, so the... There was an earthquake in L.A. two days ago. Yeah.

Everyone's gone.

Everyone's gone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You didn't hear about that?

You didn't hear about that?

Yeah, well, it has magnesium in it and lion's mane.

Yeah, well, it has magnesium in it and lion's mane.

Well, don't tell anybody that, though.

Well, don't tell anybody that, though.

Don't tell anybody I'm not drinking.

Don't tell anybody I'm not drinking.

No, don't tell anybody that.

No, don't tell anybody that.

Trying to get rid of all of my street cred?

Trying to get rid of all of my street cred?

I'm wasting.

I'm wasting.

Yeah, I was.

Yeah, I was.

Yeah. Damn!

Yeah. Damn!

Well, I was drunk. Yeah.

Well, I was drunk. Yeah.

Don't eat it.

Don't eat it.

I wouldn't. You could drink it, though, which is funny. Little drinks. They make aloe vera drinks.

I wouldn't. You could drink it, though, which is funny. Little drinks. They make aloe vera drinks.

Are there people watching this?

Are there people watching this?

Oh, these are what people are saying for real?

Oh, these are what people are saying for real?

You do bottom of the barrel tonight. They'll be like, it's going to be like Zelensky's the topic that you pull out. And you'll be like, a motherfucker would be like, Zelensky.

You do bottom of the barrel tonight. They'll be like, it's going to be like Zelensky's the topic that you pull out. And you'll be like, a motherfucker would be like, Zelensky.

Why wouldn't you be able to?

Why wouldn't you be able to?

What do you mean if their phones weren't?

What do you mean if their phones weren't?

What? What about me and William? You introduced this game to us. So now you're saying it's a thing?

What? What about me and William? You introduced this game to us. So now you're saying it's a thing?

That sounds good. I'm getting hungry. Who am I, Red Band?

That sounds good. I'm getting hungry. Who am I, Red Band?

What? Yeah.

What? Yeah.

I have Mexican family, though.

I have Mexican family, though.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, you're back.

All right, you're back.

Whoa, you dude.

Whoa, you dude.

Oh, they're lucky in love. Is that the Irish book?

Oh, they're lucky in love. Is that the Irish book?

That's true.

That's true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Rainbows and arrows.

Rainbows and arrows.

Rainbows and arrows.

Rainbows and arrows.

It was a mess. It was expensive, too. A lot of pots of gold.

It was a mess. It was expensive, too. A lot of pots of gold.

Grant, can you make me a leprechaun?

Grant, can you make me a leprechaun?

It's just an absinthe and a cherry.

It's just an absinthe and a cherry.

How are you boys? How are you young lads?

How are you boys? How are you young lads?

My name is Sparkly the Leprechaun. Sparkly. I just popped in your studio and...

My name is Sparkly the Leprechaun. Sparkly. I just popped in your studio and...

Hey, what did I say? I'll grant you one wish.

Hey, what did I say? I'll grant you one wish.

And if you want to make the deal.

And if you want to make the deal.

I'll tell you after this.

I'll tell you after this.

Well, give me the wish and I'll make it to your command.

Well, give me the wish and I'll make it to your command.

Oh, I'll give you your hearing back if we have a deal.

Oh, I'll give you your hearing back if we have a deal.

You want to go back in time?

You want to go back in time?

All right. So we got one time travel and one here and back. Is that a deal? We got young lads.

All right. So we got one time travel and one here and back. Is that a deal? We got young lads.

That's fine. We can do that, too. I'm a leprechaun.

That's fine. We can do that, too. I'm a leprechaun.

Okay. All right, let's do it. You have to snap your fingers to make the deal official. Okay. Now I have your soul. Oh, no. Oh.

Okay. All right, let's do it. You have to snap your fingers to make the deal official. Okay. Now I have your soul. Oh, no. Oh.

Heidi, Woody, hi. I'm so powerful now. I have two young lads.

Heidi, Woody, hi. I'm so powerful now. I have two young lads.

Oh, Heidi, I'm going to have a good old time at the pub tonight.

Oh, Heidi, I'm going to have a good old time at the pub tonight.

What are y'all still doing here? Get out of here.

What are y'all still doing here? Get out of here.

You are empty. I've eaten your souls and I'm full.

You are empty. I've eaten your souls and I'm full.

Oh, and I've already taken your souls. There's not much more we can take.

Oh, and I've already taken your souls. There's not much more we can take.

Thanks, Grant.

Thanks, Grant.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much for having me.

Bye.

Bye.

Wait, should we say a sign off or something?

Wait, should we say a sign off or something?

do not think.

do not think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I bet he watches this podcast. He does. Yeah, he watches. He's kind of a supportive dad. Yeah. He reminds me of a type of dad who had to leave the family, but he's still like, now that we're older, he really wants to make up for not being there when we were kids.

I bet he watches this podcast. He does. Yeah, he watches. He's kind of a supportive dad. Yeah. He reminds me of a type of dad who had to leave the family, but he's still like, now that we're older, he really wants to make up for not being there when we were kids.

I am too.

I am too.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like he did it. He left for us.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like he did it. He left for us.

Yeah. And now he, and now he checks in and he watches every podcast I do.

Yeah. And now he, and now he checks in and he watches every podcast I do.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I like that he has the same smile in both pictures.

I like that he has the same smile in both pictures.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

Shout out, Red Band.

Shout out, Red Band.

Probably still out there.

Probably still out there.

How much water does he hold?

How much water does he hold?

They sound like good pitchers.

They sound like good pitchers.

A couple gallons is a lot.

A couple gallons is a lot.

What position is that on the team?

What position is that on the team?

Nick shortstop.

Nick shortstop.

He was in Grandma's Boy.

He was in Grandma's Boy.

He was in Grandma's Boy, and he's so funny.

He was in Grandma's Boy, and he's so funny.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Grant us a segue.

Grant us a segue.

We're not supposed to riff while we're here.

We're not supposed to riff while we're here.

No, that's not Red Band. That can't be Red Band.

No, that's not Red Band. That can't be Red Band.

You don't have pictures like that from when you were younger?

You don't have pictures like that from when you were younger?

So that picture's out there somewhere.

So that picture's out there somewhere.

Careful, careful. Red Band's probably jacking off watching this right now.

Careful, careful. Red Band's probably jacking off watching this right now.

What are you talking about? The girl who starred in it?

What are you talking about? The girl who starred in it?

Let me see her picture because I used to watch that show.

Let me see her picture because I used to watch that show.

Look at Lilium, dude. That's not Lilium.

Look at Lilium, dude. That's not Lilium.

Wait, can you pull up a picture when she was uneven, Stevens?

Wait, can you pull up a picture when she was uneven, Stevens?

Wait, so she's got shot in the head, but she survived?

Wait, so she's got shot in the head, but she survived?

I didn't know that could happen.

I didn't know that could happen.

I need to know more information.

I need to know more information.

Yeah, I love that show.

Yeah, I love that show.

Where'd she get shot though?

Where'd she get shot though?

She got shot in the eye?

She got shot in the eye?

No, like on stage though, I feel like it's an untapped market and I might start like bringing spiders with me or something.

No, like on stage though, I feel like it's an untapped market and I might start like bringing spiders with me or something.

Gunshot's overrated. I guess it's not that bad.

Gunshot's overrated. I guess it's not that bad.

We should go shoot each other later.

We should go shoot each other later.

Thanks, Grant.

Thanks, Grant.

Oh, I like him, too.

Oh, I like him, too.

Wow, this is a poppin' studio.

Wow, this is a poppin' studio.

But for you specifically or the whole studio?

But for you specifically or the whole studio?

Ooh.

Ooh.

I don't know. I just like, I think spiders are scary and maybe if I could incorporate, like nobody is doing scary comedy and I think there's something there is all.

I don't know. I just like, I think spiders are scary and maybe if I could incorporate, like nobody is doing scary comedy and I think there's something there is all.

Well, we would play Power Rangers on the playground. Like, I'd be Pink Ranger. But I watched Simpsons. And then what would y'all do?

Well, about like 30 minutes of an hour recess, about half of it was all the girls fighting over who was Pink Ranger. Of course. And then once we finally decided, then I don't, yeah, we just run around the playground.

I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

Probably. Yeah.

I liked Foursquare. Yeah. Yeah.

What's transitions? I didn't know you transitioned.

You think you kind of always knew, but...

I'm glad you did it, too, because you would be, and I don't mean, I mean all this with respect, but you'd be like a hideous woman.

Wow. Unforgettable experience, I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

Do some women's stuff, William.

William, did you get your nails done recently?

Oh, yeah. That's why we keep them long. Right, ladies?

Oh, and you made fun of me for asking pre-show.

I was having a huge identity crisis. I didn't say much because I was like, who is that?

My eyes started doing double vision looking at that monitor.

Yeah, you go, oh, anymore request?

What are you talking about?

No, no, they're not. This is not, what are you talking about?

Why everybody always ask us, is that bass player really blind? They ask? Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. We weren't recording.

A little racist.

Yeah, yeah. Joel has a lot of baggage.

You think all black musicians look the same, huh, Grant?

Yeah, they all look black, too.

Oh, my.

What do you think is better? Or like, what do you think would be harder? No sight or no sound? You have to answer.

Born that way or later? Right now.

Maybe you were born that way. Fuck.

Really? You don't care about hearing then?

Let's get the doctor in here, William. No, no, no. I don't want to be deaf. Joel made his choice. So you're going deaf? I thought this was hypothetical. No, no, no. It was a test and the doctor's back there. He has the supplies ready. What?

Oh, fuck.

We talked before this to get you here because we're like, he's got to lose his sense.

I know. It just kind of organically worked out like that.

Well, I mean, just get ready to hear it because it's the last time you will. This is sad.

I'll open the windows.

My dog knows the sound of my car. Really? Yeah. So you could be like that.

Okay, bring out the doctor.

Have fun playing with that van tonight.

Yeah, she put wax. She made earplugs out of candle wax.

I read the diary.

We had to in school. They made us read this little girl's diary. It's kind of messed up if you think about it.

I think her uncle couldn't sleep, and so she made him earplugs out of candle wax for Christmas.

Maybe I'm remembering that part wrong.

That's so funny to me.

You know Ramsey, right?

He's a funny comic.

It'll come up organically.

The motherfuckers would be like, it'll come up organically.

In the comments, leave what you think motherfuckers be.

It feels like a floor.

It feels like we're laying on a floor looking up.

That's too scary.

This is fun.

Really?

Okay. Well, Casey's not here, so if you wanted to tell people what you really think about him... Well, Casey's not here because we've been getting into it a lot recently.

That's in people's ears.

Yeah.

How does he find these images?

Oh, yeah. I think the last time was during the pandemic when we were doing those pandemic episodes.

William and I tapped out.

Betterbox. Betterbox.

Shout out, Gino.

Yep.

We're one of the few people in the world that got to perform every week during that, though.

Two, three episodes or something.

Wait. Well, Betterbox Studio was there for a long time. But then you guys, we did that weird studio once.

And I got COVID.

And so I missed the next one.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, the first one was the ice house.

Yeah, I missed that one. That's the one I couldn't make.

That is a picture of L.A.

I'm just kidding. And then we went back to the Comedy Store.

Dang, that was William.

I remember the last episode at the Comedy Store and you were sitting in Mitzi's booth and I went and joined you and you were so drunk. And I remember we just kept looking at each other and you'd look at me and you'd go, this is sad.

I know. And it was sad. Yeah. But yeah, we were both very drunk and that was the whole night. This is sad.

And no one was talking about it.

It was so funny how no one was talking about it. But we all knew what was happening. And I remember all the band was like, are they moving? And I just walked up to Tony before the show and I was like, hey, are you guys moving? And he started cracking up because no one would talk about it.

I do it too and I know you're not supposed to. What do you mean? Is that really a thing? You're not supposed to? Joel's right. You're not supposed to do it. Dr. Drew told me you can't do it. Oh, really? Yeah. A doctor.

That was a fun one too. I kind of miss the characters sometimes.

He played characters too.

Can I say this?

He was faking.

Oh, that's right. Gosh. I remember now.

That was hilarious. I remember that. Man. I thought about doing a character on the episode last night of being one of the lesbian firefighters from L.A. visiting. Oh, my God.

I think that would have been fun.

No, that was on my set. Stand-up.

He goes, when did I do stand-up?

Yeah, he did. He said you're really not supposed to do that because it pushes the wax in.

Oh, I know. That's Brian Poussin. Yeah. He's funny. I like Sarah Silverman's show. It's funny. I wish she would do more stand-up at the clubs. I've seen her go to the comedy store once and she was like in her pajamas and I thought it was funny.

But I don't know her.

I know. I wish she popped in more. Do y'all see a bunch of famous people up at the comedy store? Yeah.

Chappelle just dropped in. Dave Chappelle. Oh, cool. He's pretty big. Yeah.

He's an Ohio guy.

He's got a few specials out on Netflix.

Oh, he did have a show. It's called The Chappelle Show.

Yeah, but when Comedy Central was cool.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. You know him. I love him. Yeah.

So he dropped in last week. Who else was there? We've had a bunch of Poppins recently, but I can't remember like famous people dropping in to watch.

Yeah. We're allowed to go. That's a good coffee name.

David Tell was there, too.

He comes in when he's in town. Who? Dan Soder stopped in.

Oh, yeah. Louie's going to be there. Cool.

There's also famous people that just go to watch the shows. Basketball players and... Shaq? Shaq.

Joel has a Shaq joke.

I am too.

Do you guys want to get Shake Shack before you go to the gym and you go to the doctor?

Grant.

Grant, do you have any chicken sandwiches?

Do you have any chicken sandwiches back there, Grant?

Yeah, me either.

Five, and that's it.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Because five doubles is ten burgers. That's too many.

Oh, he's skating. Or Osama Bin Laden.

Do you have a time machine?

We could go back in time.

Grant, could you put the time machine up to last night at the mothership?

The time machine is starting.

And William's on stage, and he's talking about Osama skating. Yeah. And maybe if you can fit in the joke, but Grant, can we go back in time or not? Oh, sorry.

And to the mothership, or is that impossible?

Because we were on stage at Kill Tony last night.

It looks like a blooming onion from Outback.

Yeah. Literally yesterday. The motor's starting.

No. You guys have to make sure when we come back to present time that nothing drastic changes.

I don't remember that.

Was that Ashton Kutcher?

Oh, my God, we're back. That's me in the van.

Okay, send us back, Greg.

Well, it seems like everything is back to normal.

Wait, why did our glasses mix up?

Something changed, you guys.

Joel, we went back in time so Joel could do the joke and you took it. So I think that messed things up in the timeline.

Do you even understand the severity of what's going on, Joel?

Well, thanks for bringing that up.

This is crazy, guys. And I'm tiny. Oh, no. I got tiny.

Whoa. Well, William, why did you take Joel's joke?

No, I thought Joel was going to do the joke. I thought he said, I wish I did this joke last night. And then we got a time machine, went back in time, set it up, and then you took it, and now all of our glasses are switched.

Motherfuckers be like, oh, this banana is good.

Shrimp skin.

Oh my gosh, yeah. Shrimp skin. That's pretty gross.

We can only do questions.

Sounds like a David Lynch character.

Sorry, I don't... Dude, I don't think this existed before we went back in time.

You've never heard of this, right, William?

Wait, so the... There was an earthquake in L.A. two days ago. Yeah.

Everyone's gone.

Yeah.

You didn't hear about that?

Yeah, well, it has magnesium in it and lion's mane.

Well, don't tell anybody that, though.

Don't tell anybody I'm not drinking.

No, don't tell anybody that.

Trying to get rid of all of my street cred?

I'm wasting.

Yeah, I was.

Yeah. Damn!

Well, I was drunk. Yeah.

Don't eat it.

I wouldn't. You could drink it, though, which is funny. Little drinks. They make aloe vera drinks.

Are there people watching this?

Oh, these are what people are saying for real?

You do bottom of the barrel tonight. They'll be like, it's going to be like Zelensky's the topic that you pull out. And you'll be like, a motherfucker would be like, Zelensky.

Why wouldn't you be able to?

What do you mean if their phones weren't?

What? What about me and William? You introduced this game to us. So now you're saying it's a thing?

That sounds good. I'm getting hungry. Who am I, Red Band?

What? Yeah.

I have Mexican family, though.

Okay.

All right, you're back.

Whoa, you dude.

Oh, they're lucky in love. Is that the Irish book?

That's true.

Yeah.