Joe Barnholt

My name's Joe because I was named after the crab shack that I was conceived in. You guys, I'm single, so I've been going on a bunch of dates. It's not really helping my love life, but I do have an outstanding balance on my credit card. Yeah, it's hard to stand out in the dating world when you look like the vanilla flavor of white men.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad flavor, it's just not anybody's first choice. I don't even have any tattoos or anything, or as I call them, sprinkles. You guys, I'm so white, I get 2% milk at the store because whole milk's too spicy. I feel like there's a lot of weirdos in the dating world. I went on a date with this one girl.

She told me she had two half-brothers, which is just a really strange way of saying you have a brother. For everyone that's slow at fractions, I'm going to give you a second to catch up there. It's like, what, did you cut them in half or something? Like, when I say I have two half women in my freezer, that makes sense. Bunch of weirdos out there, you guys. Thank you, my name's Joe Barnholt.

I've been doing it about a year. But I've been playing music for about 16.

Full band hip-hop.

Have you been on this show before? I was about a month ago.

I do musical comedy and I tried to sing a song about fucking Santa and forgot the lyrics.

Yeah, I can play guitar and rap for you guys if you want.

Away we go, hope this boat sail through life on a safe little boat. But I see it's time for me to abandon ship, abandon hope like whoa. So merrily we row, life's but a dream we woke. We try to flee but run these circles round the glow. It's up there on side to side, never stray from that path. I charted round and round this wild ride and always end up where I started.

Lap after lap at the dog track, life's a bitch then you die. Maybe that bitch is man's best friend, I wonder why.

I'll take it. It was fine. Hey, thanks. I'll take it.

I've not heard that joke.