Katy Milkman

You don't have the answers.

You don't have the answers.

I have the answers. I'm going to give you the answers. And that's our instinct. And she thought, what if we flip the script? What if instead of putting our arm around someone and giving them advice, we said, you know... What would you do? What would you do?

I have the answers. I'm going to give you the answers. And that's our instinct. And she thought, what if we flip the script? What if instead of putting our arm around someone and giving them advice, we said, you know... What would you do? What would you do?

And not even just how, would you actually have them coach someone else? Like, put you in the role of a mentor and coach to someone else who has similar goals so that you feel like you're on a pedestal. Wow, someone... trusts me to give this kind of advice, I must be kind of cut out for this. Maybe I'm better at this than I thought.

And not even just how, would you actually have them coach someone else? Like, put you in the role of a mentor and coach to someone else who has similar goals so that you feel like you're on a pedestal. Wow, someone... trusts me to give this kind of advice, I must be kind of cut out for this. Maybe I'm better at this than I thought.

And then you're going to start introspecting in a way you might not if it was just your problem. Because you've got to help someone else and you don't want to let them down. And then when you do that, you actually figure out, well, I've got some good ideas. Maybe I do know something. And then once you've told someone else to do it, you're going to feel like a hypocrite if you don't do it yourself.

And then you're going to start introspecting in a way you might not if it was just your problem. Because you've got to help someone else and you don't want to let them down. And then when you do that, you actually figure out, well, I've got some good ideas. Maybe I do know something. And then once you've told someone else to do it, you're going to feel like a hypocrite if you don't do it yourself.

So this is another sort of social trick. Max would put us in these sort of advice-giving circles where the senior students are working with the junior. And he rarely gave advice, actually.

So this is another sort of social trick. Max would put us in these sort of advice-giving circles where the senior students are working with the junior. And he rarely gave advice, actually.

By helping others. And he would, you know, he's nudging along the way and like, good job, or like maybe a little redirection. And if you go to him and you're like, I need to know how to do X, he tells you. But there wasn't a lot of... backseat driving, if that makes sense. And I think that also helped build confidence. It made us believe in ourselves in those roles.

By helping others. And he would, you know, he's nudging along the way and like, good job, or like maybe a little redirection. And if you go to him and you're like, I need to know how to do X, he tells you. But there wasn't a lot of... backseat driving, if that makes sense. And I think that also helped build confidence. It made us believe in ourselves in those roles.

And I now actually have an advice club of people who are former Mac students maybe no accident, we sort of try to keep this going even beyond that point in our lives where he was coaching us. And each of us were at similar career stages, all professors, similar goals.

And I now actually have an advice club of people who are former Mac students maybe no accident, we sort of try to keep this going even beyond that point in our lives where he was coaching us. And each of us were at similar career stages, all professors, similar goals.

And we reach out to each other for solicited advice whenever we're facing a challenge, a career challenge, and aren't sure what to do. And it's just been totally amazing. So it's this peer group of people who support each other, care about each other. There's friendship. That's all built in. We see others achieving and it helps us see, oh, if they can do it, I can do it.

And we reach out to each other for solicited advice whenever we're facing a challenge, a career challenge, and aren't sure what to do. And it's just been totally amazing. So it's this peer group of people who support each other, care about each other. There's friendship. That's all built in. We see others achieving and it helps us see, oh, if they can do it, I can do it.

But then also we get to give advice and we grow from that as well.

But then also we get to give advice and we grow from that as well.

I think, I think a lot of positive feedback is super important that that's like the predominant sense is that this person thinks I'm doing great. Even if they're also telling me ways I can improve. Cause you don't want to only, obviously it's really important to also get well, like a little more like this, uh, you need, you need that nudging, but it needs to be with a positive.

I think, I think a lot of positive feedback is super important that that's like the predominant sense is that this person thinks I'm doing great. Even if they're also telling me ways I can improve. Cause you don't want to only, obviously it's really important to also get well, like a little more like this, uh, you need, you need that nudging, but it needs to be with a positive.