Luke Burbank

I don't think I knew Greenland was a real place until about eight months ago.

Yeah.

That's why neither of us should be trying to take control of the place we only learned existed eight months ago.

The underground?

As it were.

I'm a huge proponent of bidets.

As I've often said, if you got some peanut butter and a shag rug, you wouldn't take it out with a paper towel.

Yes.

But like...

Because of my love of bidets, I was doing some remodeling at my house, and I thought I was really upgrading these two little bathrooms.

Both of them have these robo-toilets that have the bidet built into the toilet.

Yes, those great Japanese washcloths.

And I was so excited to have people over and to have everybody enjoying this really nice experience.

And...

Everyone has been going out to the garage to use the one normal toilet at my house because these toilets are terrifying if you've never used one before.

See, that's a trap, and I'm not going to fall into it.

We did have a comment card that people were filling out on the way out.

Like, how did you enjoy your bidet experience?

Right.

Is Tom Hanks going to be part of this moon mission?