Lydia Fenet
Appearances
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
What am I going to do? She was still creating art by the hands picture after picture after picture. I think it was her outlet during COVID, but what she'd lost was that confidence in being able to sell it. And from the outside looking in, nothing had changed for her. In fact, people were at home for the first time in their lives where they were just staring at walls.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
So art was something everybody wanted. It was just a question of her reminding people that she was out there. And we had a long conversation one day, and I used that same phrase, action leads to action. And I was like, Kate, you have to go out there and get those clients. It's not their responsibility to come to you. You have to remind them what you're doing.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
You have to get your art out there in front of them. And it was amazing to watch that spark because once it started, it was like a wildfire. I mean, she was hosting sales online and she was going back to clients and all of a sudden she had all of these new clients and these new commissions. And for me, that was just such a perfect example of how action leads to action.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
You can't, as you said, sit there and wait for something to happen to you. You make everything happen that you want to happen in your life.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Yeah. Or here's another way to think of it. My sister's an entrepreneur and she said this to me once, which I absolutely love. Out of every 10 asks, nine will be a no guaranteed as an entrepreneur. So you just have to keep asking for that one and always start looking for that one out of 10.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And it was funny because she said it to me years ago, and it really stuck when I was doing the case studies in my book because I asked women, very powerful, successful women, to share their thoughts. And the first person I asked was this very well-known anchor on CBS. I'd been seated next to her at a lunch in New York and had given her my information and we'd had a great conversation.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
So I was like, I'm sure she'll do it if I ask. And I sat there, I mean, I can't even tell you, I probably sat there for 10 minutes just looking at the button waiting to hit send. And her email came back pretty quickly with a, unfortunately, I can't do this contractually, it doesn't work for me. But I had a list of 59 other people behind her. And the amazing thing was after that first no,
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
None of them really stung. Does that make sense? After you've taken that leap and the no has been said or the thing you fear the most has happened, it's actually a lot easier on the other side. So what I would say to anybody who is scared to take that leap or is fearful or feels like someone's going to think that they're silly or who cares?
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
At the end of the day, if you're living the life you want and the life that you want to create for yourself, it's going to happen. It's going to be part of it. It happens to all of us. But be confident that that does not define you. That's just part of your journey. So embrace it. And remember, nine no's, one yes. And then if two people say yes out of 10, you're incredibly excited.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Absolutely. And going back to what I said, it's something that I hear at almost every Q&A. It doesn't matter, man, woman, age, it has no boundaries, really. So imposter syndrome is that feeling you get when you walk into a room and you think you shouldn't be there because everyone around you is much smarter or better or has a better opinion than you do. And
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Sometimes you might be right, but you're not helping yourself by thinking that about yourself. So what I say in my chapter on imposter syndrome is because I'm an auctioneer, I use acronyms that have gavel related moments. So I say to slam it down. And that can be summed up in four letters, S-L-A-M, slam. So the first slam.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Stop counting yourself out before you've even had the chance to get in the room. I'm sure you've heard this, Mike. I've heard this from so many accomplished friends over the course of my life. When someone puts them up for something, an award or a promotion, they're the first one to back out of it. No, no, no, I could never do that. I don't even really know how. No, I...
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
There's a reason someone's put your name forward. Step into that role. You will learn it. Step into that moment. You will take it. Don't be the person who counts yourself out before you even have a chance to get in the room. The L is for listen. Listen to what someone is saying, not what you think they're saying.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
So the next time you find yourself going into a negative spiral because someone has said something that you perceive as negative, instead of putting a tail on the end of it that's negative, turn it into a positive spin. So... In my own experience, I had three children in four years. So I was on maternity leaves three out of four years.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And as you can imagine, it becomes a very uncomfortable thing because you just assume that everyone around you is thinking that you're not good at your job anymore. You're not doing it. Plus, you have this incredible child, children at home where you're trying to balance everything. And it's a lot of work, especially those very early years.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And I remember going back to work and someone said to me as I was walking through the office, hey, it's so good to see you back here again. And I remember thinking, oh my God, they must be thinking that they haven't seen me and that's why they said that. And then I just went into this negative spiral about how I'd had three children so quick.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
It was just the most ridiculous thing because that's not what the person had said to me. They'd said it was nice to see me back in the office. And so I decided that day to make a change in terms of my mentality about work. when people said things to me, what I was going to take from them. But I refused to put myself into that negative spin anymore.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
It had taken way too much time and layered on too many layers of imposter syndrome for me. The A... is to accept that there are no gold stars in life as an adult. So I don't know how many people you've interfaced with over the course of your life, Mike, but I oversaw a lot of different teens at work.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And one thing that I noticed amongst some of the people who worked for me was that they were always looking for a gold star from someone else. They wanted someone to applaud them for work done or something that was just part of their daily job. And what I said to them all the time is, at some point in your life, especially as an adult, you have to accept that no one gives you a gold star.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
You have to give yourself the gold star. You are old enough to know if what you've done is good, if your work quality is good. In my case, I got off stage and an auction went well. I know. I don't need anyone else to tell me that.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And again, going back to that confidence piece, what happens is if you are looking for other people's praise and they don't give it to you, that takes away from your confidence too.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
So accept that there are no gold stars for doing the things that you want to do in your life and really take ownership of your life and make sure that people understand that you give yourself the gold star and that's enough. And the final, the M, is make your point and don't back down. A lot of times people will start to backpedal as soon as they're challenged, even if they're in the right.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
If you know what you're talking about and you have the confidence to back it up, make your point and don't back down. Don't forget that your opinion matters just as much as anyone else in the room does, and never forget that. So the next time you feel like you have imposter syndrome creeping in, I suggest you slam it down.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I think that you can be confident in certain areas of your life and not confident in others. I mean, I've certainly seen that with people who are confident in their work life, but maybe not so much in their personal life. But again, I think at some point it all starts to blend together.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Maybe not when you're 18 years old, but as you move through your life into your late 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and beyond, I do believe that all of those things are do inform one another. Like you can't be confident at work unless you are somewhat confident personally, because you can't walk into a room and own a room unless you're feeling confident on the inside.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And that's what you're going to need to do to succeed in work. So I do believe that you can have confidence that ebbs and flows in certain areas. And I do think that that's something that happens with confidence in general. It goes and comes. But as long as you are propelling yourself forward to try new things and to push yourself out of your comfort zone,
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
you will be able to maintain confidence in every facet of your life.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I appreciate your time, Mike. Thank you so much. This was such an incredible interview.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Thank you so much, Mike. I'm delighted to be here.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I believe we're all born with confidence and it's up to us over the course of our life to claim that confidence by putting ourselves outside of the box that we are supposed to be in over the course of our life. So I don't think that playing by anyone else's rules or necessarily being comfortable all the time is what makes you confident. I think it
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
oftentimes happens from pushing yourself into the places that make you a little uncomfortable, that you learn how much you're capable of. And it allows you to grow and really grow into the confidence that I believe we all have within us.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I was on book tour for my first book and the word confidence was something that I heard almost every time I had a question and answer session. So anytime I would get up and say, you know, at the end of a speech, does anyone have any questions? One of the first questions I would get was always, how are you so confident? Or, Where did you become so confident?
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Or most often, do you have imposter syndrome? And if so, how did you get rid of it? Or how can I get rid of it? So to answer your question, I think most people don't have it. Or if they did have it when COVID came along, I think a lot of people lost it.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
So this is the time that we all have the opportunity to reclaim it and to claim what we might have had once in our lives that we didn't feel like we had anymore. Yeah.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I think confidence feels like you are entirely sure of who you are. So if you walk into a room, you're not thinking to yourself, oh gosh, is everyone thinking that I'm not supposed to be here? Or if someone makes a comment about you that you overhear something that isn't necessarily kind, it doesn't affect you because you realize that that's about them, not about you.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
When you become confident, it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy because that confidence propels you to try things and not to care so much about the result. So, a lot of times, I believe people who've been through really difficult things often have more confidence than people who don't.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
It's being comfortable in your own skin and confident in the person that you are at that moment, regardless of what other people around you think or frankly, what other things happen around you.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Yeah, I think that there's truth to that. I think a little bit of it's faking, but I think it probably is that they were tested early on and realized that they were strong and kept following that thread. Because the interesting thing about confidence I found in my own life is when you become confident, it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy, right?
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
because that confidence propels you to try things and not to care so much about the result, but really understand that it's more about the journey. So a lot of times, I believe people who've been through really difficult things often have more confidence than people who don't, because they've already seen that they can stand up again, they can keep going.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And as a result of that, it makes them stronger. If you think about someone who's an ultra athlete or somebody who has exceeded all expectations of what their career should be, they're probably a pretty confident person because they've been knocked down a lot to get to that point.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Athletes will stand on top of the Olympic gold medal podium holding that gold medal, but at the end of the day, how many defeats went into that to get them there? Many, right? But they've overcome it and they've learned from it. So I would think that there are certainly some people who are born with the you know, Teflon skin, nobody can knock them down.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
But I also believe that there are a lot of people who through small actions over the course of their life have built up confidence and can take that confidence with them wherever they go.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I think it really comes down to pushing yourself outside of the things that make you feel comfortable. So let's say that you're a person, and I often say this because I teach a lot of people how to do public speaking, that if you're a person who's scared of public speaking and you feel like you have no confidence when you get on stage with a microphone, what is the thing that you don't want to do?
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Get on stage with a microphone. So what you should do is get up every single time you have the opportunity to stand up in front of a group of two people, in front of a group of 10 people. You should, if you have the opportunity, take a class to make yourself try anything. and feel that failure or feel that greatness in either side, just keep practicing.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Because again, that's where confidence comes from. You don't get confident when you're at the top of the mountain, you get confident learning how to get there. And once you get there, because you're up there, you've realized that you've dealt with all of these issues to get yourself to the top.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And all of that learning has allowed you to be confident and to continue being confident throughout your life. So whatever it is that you're not confident about, if you don't feel it at all, start pushing yourself to try something that you don't think you can do. Because honestly, I think a lot of times we'll surprise ourselves.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
We have no idea what we're capable of until we've pushed ourselves outside of that comfort zone.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
in small steps. You know, it's all about the micro steps when you're trying to do something. So let's go back to public speaking since that was something I talked about earlier in the interview. When it comes to public speaking, if your ultimate goal is to be able to stand in front of a room of people confidently and speak,
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
then take the opportunities that are smaller that don't seem quite as large and overwhelming. If there is an opportunity, I'm a parent of three, so there are a lot of parent-teacher moments over the course of the year. What I would say to someone who's trying to be a better public speaker is stand up and ask a question. You have that opportunity. It happens every single month.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
There's a parent-teacher conference. Stand up once a month and ask a question. Feel that adrenaline come in. Understand what nerves feel like. Because once you feel it, you start to recognize it. And then it stops holding that fear over you, that grip over you. And in terms of asking the girl out, I think sometimes you just have to have a leap of faith.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
But, you know, and other things, there's always the opportunity to practice when the lift or the setting is low so that you have the opportunity to get better the more you do it.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Definitely. I've become a charity auctioneer over the course of my career, but when I tried out, I was young, I was not very good.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And I had all of these sort of disastrous nights on stage where I would get up there and something would go terribly awry and I would leave and cry a lot because that was always sort of my coping mechanism for not being competent, but wanting to be more competent and also to gain confidence on stage.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And what I learned every single time was that when something happened on stage that went terribly wrong, it prepared me for the next time that it happened again. Because over the course of a two-decade career where you're on stage over 60, 70, 80 nights a year, things do go wrong pretty much every single time. So we talk a lot about microphones, right?
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
That's an important part of your interview process. You want to make sure that it's great. I've been on stage nine times over the course of my career where people have either forgotten to get a microphone or the microphone just didn't work. And so I've had to learn what to do when I get on stage and that happens. And now if there's no microphone, no problem.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
I know exactly what to do because it's happened to me so many times. But the first time it happened to me, I was not competent and it was a disaster. I cried for the entire evening afterwards. After I left, I sort of crawled out of there with nothing but shame. But the bottom line is I didn't die. I survived and I went back and did it again. And again and again.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
And that's where that competency piece, as you said, is such a huge part of confidence. Because you've learned how to do something. You've spent the time learning how to do it. And it gives you the confidence to try more and to take more on.
Something You Should Know
Proven Ways to Boost Confidence & How to Overcome Procrastination - SYSK Choice
Yes, I completely agree with that on every level. And I think that anytime you have a business, for the people out there who own their own business, I give this amazing example in my book of a friend of mine during COVID who was an artist and was so paralyzed with fear about money during COVID as many people were. She was thinking to herself, my art is not in these galleries anymore.