Madeline Shaw

Because the older religions, God is a lot more nebulous. And what the Christian religion did was essentially, I feel like, obviously speaking entirely out of school, but it really seems that they like the concept of, he started, that God started as a dude. He started as a dude, and it shows you. It shows you what you can do in this life if you're just meek enough. Mm-hmm.

Because the older religions, God is a lot more nebulous. And what the Christian religion did was essentially, I feel like, obviously speaking entirely out of school, but it really seems that they like the concept of, he started, that God started as a dude. He started as a dude, and it shows you. It shows you what you can do in this life if you're just meek enough. Mm-hmm.

If you're just humble enough, you do become the ever loving Lord of all existence.

If you're just humble enough, you do become the ever loving Lord of all existence.

What they do is, one way they keep saints' bones, this is true, they smash them up into little Dorito-sized pieces, and they put them in a giant vase, and then people pour oil in the top that comes out the bottom, so it runs all over the bones. And then magically, the oil becomes magic because of the bones, the magic bones. And that's why when you piss in it, too, that becomes magic piss.

What they do is, one way they keep saints' bones, this is true, they smash them up into little Dorito-sized pieces, and they put them in a giant vase, and then people pour oil in the top that comes out the bottom, so it runs all over the bones. And then magically, the oil becomes magic because of the bones, the magic bones. And that's why when you piss in it, too, that becomes magic piss.

But then some people say heaven technically was a planet and a place that was considered for a long time.

But then some people say heaven technically was a planet and a place that was considered for a long time.

You're talking like this is gym talk. We're in a cult store talk. You're slowly going to be covered in turquoise. You're not allowed to go to Sedona with this line of thinking. All right? I can't allow you to go because you're going to come back. You're going to not wear pants anymore.

You're talking like this is gym talk. We're in a cult store talk. You're slowly going to be covered in turquoise. You're not allowed to go to Sedona with this line of thinking. All right? I can't allow you to go because you're going to come back. You're going to not wear pants anymore.

Oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Well, because I feel like they would do it much like when we were talking before the show. That's like a punk thing.

Oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Well, because I feel like they would do it much like when we were talking before the show. That's like a punk thing.

I just want to be able to say that once. Say what?

I just want to be able to say that once. Say what?

I do it in the car. I do it at the dentist.

I do it in the car. I do it at the dentist.

No! No! She must serve as an example. Open the keys to dog heaven!

No! No! She must serve as an example. Open the keys to dog heaven!

They really did. They did the thing. It's a smear tactic. They would just say, every single time they would do these sort of activities, calling each other brother and sister, talking about the Eucharist. You guys fuck your brother? You fucking your brother?

They really did. They did the thing. It's a smear tactic. They would just say, every single time they would do these sort of activities, calling each other brother and sister, talking about the Eucharist. You guys fuck your brother? You fucking your brother?

Even though technically I don't think that they even Well dick sucking was around They love dick sucking in Rome Don't worry about that I don't think that's an issue to me Weirdly I think it was the opposite Where it was just like you had all these fucking Pains in the asses Christians showing up And they weren't sucking dick

Even though technically I don't think that they even Well dick sucking was around They love dick sucking in Rome Don't worry about that I don't think that's an issue to me Weirdly I think it was the opposite Where it was just like you had all these fucking Pains in the asses Christians showing up And they weren't sucking dick

And in Rome, everybody was already sucking dick and fucking, and they didn't even have, I feel like they didn't have concepts for like sexual identities in Rome. Like it was all just all over the place where it's just like, they did it. They stunk it up.

And in Rome, everybody was already sucking dick and fucking, and they didn't even have, I feel like they didn't have concepts for like sexual identities in Rome. Like it was all just all over the place where it's just like, they did it. They stunk it up.

And God has to like it, because God set up the fucking rules. Except it was man who did it!

And God has to like it, because God set up the fucking rules. Except it was man who did it!

So many brilliant ideas slipped through our fingers. Why aren't we on Jimmy Kimmel?

So many brilliant ideas slipped through our fingers. Why aren't we on Jimmy Kimmel?

I'm starting to actually think this is, they're correct. I'm starting to think that we gotta go back.

I'm starting to actually think this is, they're correct. I'm starting to think that we gotta go back.

Yeah, and all the Greek gods were just like guys that walked around and they gave them funny names. They were broke.

Yeah, and all the Greek gods were just like guys that walked around and they gave them funny names. They were broke.

It was like in the Colosseum in the front row. People used to get pulled in all the time, too. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like the front row was apparently fucking nuts.

It was like in the Colosseum in the front row. People used to get pulled in all the time, too. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like the front row was apparently fucking nuts.

Remember when we saw it?

Remember when we saw it?

It's like how they have that whole underground section of theatrical stuff that would lift.

It's like how they have that whole underground section of theatrical stuff that would lift.

Isn't it weird? Not to get too MSNBC about this, but it is interesting that you see that statement and then you realize, oh, the Christians still think that. They just think it about billionaires. They legitimately are like, it's the same thought process.

Isn't it weird? Not to get too MSNBC about this, but it is interesting that you see that statement and then you realize, oh, the Christians still think that. They just think it about billionaires. They legitimately are like, it's the same thought process.

If I just am good enough, Elon himself will pick me. Elon's going to allow me to hang out. He might.

If I just am good enough, Elon himself will pick me. Elon's going to allow me to hang out. He might.

One scholar said that specifically the stories were exaggerated. Like it was to stoke a reaction. So, yeah, I mean, we all want them to have their hands cut off and their tits cut off and their faces cut off. We'd like that. We all like that as a group.

One scholar said that specifically the stories were exaggerated. Like it was to stoke a reaction. So, yeah, I mean, we all want them to have their hands cut off and their tits cut off and their faces cut off. We'd like that. We all like that as a group.

Oh, yeah. I thought I was Blandina. Yeah. Blandina, you get back in here.

Oh, yeah. I thought I was Blandina. Yeah. Blandina, you get back in here.

You know... Is it true? Is it true? Sidestories help POTL at gmail.com. And if you're emailing me, though, at the same time, send me him on the Teresa's Bucks.

You know... Is it true? Is it true? Sidestories help POTL at gmail.com. And if you're emailing me, though, at the same time, send me him on the Teresa's Bucks.

Yeah, that's the problem. They didn't want to lick. Sometimes. Maybe the periods ran them away. Maybe the periods ran them away.

Yeah, that's the problem. They didn't want to lick. Sometimes. Maybe the periods ran them away. Maybe the periods ran them away.

Now that's how you kill Blandina.

Now that's how you kill Blandina.

You know, he should save you all the way.

You know, he should save you all the way.

You know what I mean? Oh, man. Pepper Dina? Pepper Dina. Pepper Dina, you get over here. That's her spicy sister from Mexico.

You know what I mean? Oh, man. Pepper Dina? Pepper Dina. Pepper Dina, you get over here. That's her spicy sister from Mexico.

He'd be like, maybe we could think about me just sort of doing this symbolically, huh?

He'd be like, maybe we could think about me just sort of doing this symbolically, huh?

They actually are pretty certain that he was... I did some research, and I've had so many people call me an edgelord 14-year-old for saying that Jesus didn't exist, but there is yet still... Yeah, that's why Pontius Pilate famously came out and said...

They actually are pretty certain that he was... I did some research, and I've had so many people call me an edgelord 14-year-old for saying that Jesus didn't exist, but there is yet still... Yeah, that's why Pontius Pilate famously came out and said...

I think sometimes that was what TV was.

I think sometimes that was what TV was.

They talked about, it's true, it also fed the merchant world. They would have these, first it would start as a secret worship place, then it would become a public worship place where people would come and then they'd start selling, like, one of the most found artifacts of the day is these things that are little flasks, right, that people would collect the saint oil with.

They talked about, it's true, it also fed the merchant world. They would have these, first it would start as a secret worship place, then it would become a public worship place where people would come and then they'd start selling, like, one of the most found artifacts of the day is these things that are little flasks, right, that people would collect the saint oil with.

And they would point to exactly what I said. They would have a thing called a rectory, I think it was called. I forgot what it was called, where they put the things in. It was like the veneration box. Rectory sounds right. And they would collect it, but then they'd start selling the little flask. And then eventually a whole market would evolve right there.

And they would point to exactly what I said. They would have a thing called a rectory, I think it was called. I forgot what it was called, where they put the things in. It was like the veneration box. Rectory sounds right. And they would collect it, but then they'd start selling the little flask. And then eventually a whole market would evolve right there.

And they literally, the saints became the first version of like Buc-ee's. Like big old traffic stops.

And they literally, the saints became the first version of like Buc-ee's. Like big old traffic stops.

Honestly, I just need one. I just need one bone. The reason why I want Mother Teresa is just because she's the most recent and it's all like lies.

Honestly, I just need one. I just need one bone. The reason why I want Mother Teresa is just because she's the most recent and it's all like lies.

Again, but they're all lies, dude.

Again, but they're all lies, dude.

I just feel like in the end, I want to see a miracle on camera if we're doing this now. Well, you don't have to have a miracle. You have to have a miracle to be attached to you. With Mother Teresa, what they did was after the fact, after she died, is that some guy was like, I couldn't see before, and then I prayed to Mother Teresa's ghost, and now I can see.

I just feel like in the end, I want to see a miracle on camera if we're doing this now. Well, you don't have to have a miracle. You have to have a miracle to be attached to you. With Mother Teresa, what they did was after the fact, after she died, is that some guy was like, I couldn't see before, and then I prayed to Mother Teresa's ghost, and now I can see.

And they're like, done, because she didn't work or whatever.

And they're like, done, because she didn't work or whatever.

Oh, yeah, I bet.

Oh, yeah, I bet.

Yep. What was his miracle? He was a computer whiz. Was his miracle Taylor Swift's rise? He's the first millennial saint. What was his miracle? I don't think he had one. You have to have a miracle to be a saint.

Yep. What was his miracle? He was a computer whiz. Was his miracle Taylor Swift's rise? He's the first millennial saint. What was his miracle? I don't think he had one. You have to have a miracle to be a saint.

You do. I looked it up.

You do. I looked it up.

No, they have to have a miracle attributed to you.

No, they have to have a miracle attributed to you.

Jerry. I didn't realize I'm the only Protestant bastard in this room. Both of y'all are Catholic. I'm fully, I'm indoctrinated. I'm in the cult. I'm fucking, I'm confirmed. Yeah. And you can't leave if you're confirmed. What's your confirmation name? Xavier. Oh, Xavier. I did it because of comic books.

Jerry. I didn't realize I'm the only Protestant bastard in this room. Both of y'all are Catholic. I'm fully, I'm indoctrinated. I'm in the cult. I'm fucking, I'm confirmed. Yeah. And you can't leave if you're confirmed. What's your confirmation name? Xavier. Oh, Xavier. I did it because of comic books.

But then eventually it would become, you know, they always were then persecuted in certain ways.

But then eventually it would become, you know, they always were then persecuted in certain ways.

Oh, nice guy! Yeah. Is he really Constantine the Great? Yeah, that's what they call him. But I mean in terms of how great was he? Well, you don't know, man.

Oh, nice guy! Yeah. Is he really Constantine the Great? Yeah, that's what they call him. But I mean in terms of how great was he? Well, you don't know, man.

Make Constantine great again. I think. Yep. Yeah. I think. I like putting him on the spot. Really grinding shit to a fucking halt.

Make Constantine great again. I think. Yep. Yeah. I think. I like putting him on the spot. Really grinding shit to a fucking halt.

Whoa, Constantine named Constantinople! He made it. He built it. That's an easy guess.

Whoa, Constantine named Constantinople! He made it. He built it. That's an easy guess.

Lawrence was my father, and he got burned to the stake by his ass.

Lawrence was my father, and he got burned to the stake by his ass.

You truly were sort of almost like a brave figure in a way because you were openly against God. Yeah, I hated it. In Catholic school. Me too. They used to call me little devil kid and used to do this at me.

You truly were sort of almost like a brave figure in a way because you were openly against God. Yeah, I hated it. In Catholic school. Me too. They used to call me little devil kid and used to do this at me.

You know, you could have asked somebody better. because I'm the kind of person, I look to write new material every day. I try to make sure that every time I go and they do a different bit, everybody's super entertained by what I do. All right? That's me, Larry.

You know, you could have asked somebody better. because I'm the kind of person, I look to write new material every day. I try to make sure that every time I go and they do a different bit, everybody's super entertained by what I do. All right? That's me, Larry.

That same year, though. This is for Christian comics. This is Jim Gaffigan's saint. Oh, no. Yeah, this is the saint of Hot Pockets material.

That same year, though. This is for Christian comics. This is Jim Gaffigan's saint. Oh, no. Yeah, this is the saint of Hot Pockets material.

It's my Jackie Mason. I don't know why I started doing Jackie Mason the other day alone in my house. Because he's fucking hilarious.

It's my Jackie Mason. I don't know why I started doing Jackie Mason the other day alone in my house. Because he's fucking hilarious.

It's called irony. It's kind of fun, right? In a way, I did this to know it's a kind of fun thing where you look at this, right? Oh, I said it's treasures because these people are all frowning, right? Everybody here, they suck, right? Everybody here, they're sick and no one wants to be around them, right? That's why I brought them.

It's called irony. It's kind of fun, right? In a way, I did this to know it's a kind of fun thing where you look at this, right? Oh, I said it's treasures because these people are all frowning, right? Everybody here, they suck, right? Everybody here, they're sick and no one wants to be around them, right? That's why I brought them.

You're going to laugh. You're going to laugh about it. I hate him.

You're going to laugh. You're going to laugh about it. I hate him.

Hey, let's think about this. I think we've already done enough.

Hey, let's think about this. I think we've already done enough.

Oh, whoa, this is new. Whoa, wow. I got that new gridiron smell.

Oh, whoa, this is new. Whoa, wow. I got that new gridiron smell.

Turns out they didn't want me well done. They made me medium rare. Come on, everybody. Come on. There's no reason to be upset. You seem to be frowning at me because my face is a sea of scars.

Turns out they didn't want me well done. They made me medium rare. Come on, everybody. Come on. There's no reason to be upset. You seem to be frowning at me because my face is a sea of scars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Reprobus. Reprobus? Reprobus. Reprobus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Reprobus. Reprobus? Reprobus. Reprobus.

Hi. Hi, you know, hey. I'm a doctor. I work out five times a week, and I have over $100,000 in my 401k. Wow, that's so attractive. Yes, my name's Reprobus Johnson. Thank God I also love to eat vomit.

Hi. Hi, you know, hey. I'm a doctor. I work out five times a week, and I have over $100,000 in my 401k. Wow, that's so attractive. Yes, my name's Reprobus Johnson. Thank God I also love to eat vomit.

Also, I'm not calling on Christopher to save me.

Also, I'm not calling on Christopher to save me.

We did this once. This guy, it's like, he's just a comedian. You can't have an opinion these days. Yeah, it was so hard to do comedy back then.

We did this once. This guy, it's like, he's just a comedian. You can't have an opinion these days. Yeah, it was so hard to do comedy back then.

I would feel the shards. Where are Mother Teresa's bones? I have a business opportunity. Listen, where are Mother Teresa's bones? I'm looking it up right now. According to how she's in the mother house, of course. Yeah. Oh, this liar.

I would feel the shards. Where are Mother Teresa's bones? I have a business opportunity. Listen, where are Mother Teresa's bones? I'm looking it up right now. According to how she's in the mother house, of course. Yeah. Oh, this liar.

You just got yourself kissing a guy, man. That's what that is.

You just got yourself kissing a guy, man. That's what that is.

I always kind of like the idea of running into a first date and pretending to be a time traveler and saying you've got to fuck because you've got to go back because the future's over and all the women are illegal. And that's why it's good to fuck you. That's the way you do it. You've got to come in with a character sometimes.

I always kind of like the idea of running into a first date and pretending to be a time traveler and saying you've got to fuck because you've got to go back because the future's over and all the women are illegal. And that's why it's good to fuck you. That's the way you do it. You've got to come in with a character sometimes.

I don't understand. So he fucking, yeah, he should love the cross. I never understood that. And so Reprobus is going to fucking, he's a fucking fair weather friend, man.

I don't understand. So he fucking, yeah, he should love the cross. I never understood that. And so Reprobus is going to fucking, he's a fucking fair weather friend, man.

That's all he cares about.

That's all he cares about.

So Christopher is essentially like Christ's caddy? That's all that means?

So Christopher is essentially like Christ's caddy? That's all that means?

Yeah, that's later on when people got fucking lazy.

Yeah, that's later on when people got fucking lazy.

Guess what? Jesus was Indian. Was he? If he was anything. I don't think he was Indian. He was in there.

Guess what? Jesus was Indian. Was he? If he was anything. I don't think he was Indian. He was in there.

He was Asian.

He was Asian.

Yeah, what is this? You know nothing about Daffy Duck? Yeah. It's like, ow, ow.

Yeah, what is this? You know nothing about Daffy Duck? Yeah. It's like, ow, ow.

Wow. Should it be D-headed? Instead of B-headed? Yeah. I actually wonder why it's not D-headed.

Wow. Should it be D-headed? Instead of B-headed? Yeah. I actually wonder why it's not D-headed.

That's what I do.

That's what I do.

That's what I do by being a fucking moron. You know?

That's what I do by being a fucking moron. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah, dogs are good for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah, dogs are good for that.

Yeah, that one old yeller whacked him.

Yeah, that one old yeller whacked him.

No. The key is to make sure if you're traveling, that's how you know you can tell the police officers that you're traveling, is that you have the St. Christopher thing up there and you cannot be arrested because you're not operating your motor vehicle in a business aspect.

No. The key is to make sure if you're traveling, that's how you know you can tell the police officers that you're traveling, is that you have the St. Christopher thing up there and you cannot be arrested because you're not operating your motor vehicle in a business aspect.

It's fun. Yeah, honestly, it does sound like a fun topic altogether, but only religion can make this boring.

It's fun. Yeah, honestly, it does sound like a fun topic altogether, but only religion can make this boring.

Sebastian was H-O-T-T-O-G-O? Oh, we're going to get into it, bro.

Sebastian was H-O-T-T-O-G-O? Oh, we're going to get into it, bro.

Hope you like the aftertaste. More of a syrup than a wine.

Hope you like the aftertaste. More of a syrup than a wine.

More of a glop. Don't put it in your pussy. Unless you want a little baby Sebastian.

More of a glop. Don't put it in your pussy. Unless you want a little baby Sebastian.

You did it. I know Marcus is an ancient name.

You did it. I know Marcus is an ancient name.

Edward did, yeah.

Edward did, yeah.

Yeah, we'll continue. I'm sorry I did this.

Yeah, we'll continue. I'm sorry I did this.

He was going to show how he could bottom for Christ. Yeah.

He was going to show how he could bottom for Christ. Yeah.

But the reason why they are, so the reason why miracles have to be attributed is because it has to show that they were chosen specially by God and that they worked, that God, it's not them doing the miracles. It's God doing it through them. Through them. Gotcha. And so that's, and Jesus was supposed to be the ultimate example of you're destroying the avatar of God that I've brought to you.

But the reason why they are, so the reason why miracles have to be attributed is because it has to show that they were chosen specially by God and that they worked, that God, it's not them doing the miracles. It's God doing it through them. Through them. Gotcha. And so that's, and Jesus was supposed to be the ultimate example of you're destroying the avatar of God that I've brought to you.

To open it up. Because the whole point of the Jesus sacrifice is that he then opens heaven for us. Everybody can go to heaven. It's not just angels. It's not the most pure. It's that everybody can go if they follow the way of Christ. This is kind of the same thing as that he has to go through. It's about being the middle man.

To open it up. Because the whole point of the Jesus sacrifice is that he then opens heaven for us. Everybody can go to heaven. It's not just angels. It's not the most pure. It's that everybody can go if they follow the way of Christ. This is kind of the same thing as that he has to go through. It's about being the middle man.

And I also think he just asked her a question for the first time because she's the only gay man that she's ever met.

And I also think he just asked her a question for the first time because she's the only gay man that she's ever met.

Well, especially if your main dude is the flayed savior boy. You are, of course, then going to view that as good. Oh, yeah. We're going to get into that angle of it here in a bit.

Well, especially if your main dude is the flayed savior boy. You are, of course, then going to view that as good. Oh, yeah. We're going to get into that angle of it here in a bit.

They're all just whipping each other.

They're all just whipping each other.

That's what Julie has to deal with every time she has to go into the bathroom after you.

That's what Julie has to deal with every time she has to go into the bathroom after you.

Married life is amazing. I love chicken and the egging it. That's what we call it in our house.

Married life is amazing. I love chicken and the egging it. That's what we call it in our house.

She's making the eggs.

She's making the eggs.

And I think that that's a thing that we should start talking about. I think that too many people get called survivors.

And I think that that's a thing that we should start talking about. I think that too many people get called survivors.

My question is, is that, do you think on some level... they would masturbate to this material? This is a genuine question.

My question is, is that, do you think on some level... they would masturbate to this material? This is a genuine question.

The monks that make the paintings. The monks specifically don't masturbate.

The monks that make the paintings. The monks specifically don't masturbate.

But the idea of making him sexy. Are we not like... Then jerking off at it? Because is this not what porno was? I mean, they make him sexy to be like him, Jude Law, like the sexy Pope.

But the idea of making him sexy. Are we not like... Then jerking off at it? Because is this not what porno was? I mean, they make him sexy to be like him, Jude Law, like the sexy Pope.

Mother Teresa should have been cut in four parts. Like if we were really going to make her a saint. Cal cut her in two parts.

Mother Teresa should have been cut in four parts. Like if we were really going to make her a saint. Cal cut her in two parts.

Yeah, because he's sexy.

Yeah, because he's sexy.

More could have died. Yeah.

More could have died. Yeah.

No. No, Black Plague killed as many as it could. It really did its best. And I think that medicine stopped, well, AIDS, in terms of working on that.

No. No, Black Plague killed as many as it could. It really did its best. And I think that medicine stopped, well, AIDS, in terms of working on that.

Oh yeah, that's why I fucking prayed to the fucking Noid. Oh, yeah. I love that guy. St.

Oh yeah, that's why I fucking prayed to the fucking Noid. Oh, yeah. I love that guy. St.

Oh, yes. Oh, the Noid is my saint. The Noid. Yes. Saint the Noid of Assisi. A pipi. The saint, the Noid of a pipi is one of my favorite of the favorite saints.

Oh, yes. Oh, the Noid is my saint. The Noid. Yes. Saint the Noid of Assisi. A pipi. The saint, the Noid of a pipi is one of my favorite of the favorite saints.

Thank you. And that comes from the pun-ish-ment center of the Vatican.

Thank you. And that comes from the pun-ish-ment center of the Vatican.

Does it mean charge of all sex workers and ophthalmologists?

Does it mean charge of all sex workers and ophthalmologists?

It's a fun conference. Yeah.

It's a fun conference. Yeah.

We know.

We know.

Yeah, from your ass. With all the feces.

Yeah, from your ass. With all the feces.

Are you happy with that, audience? Because we're going to keep it in. We're going to keep it in because we want to. Because we want to. And because the Sandy Hook parents won. It was very real. It was extremely real. And the Sandy Hook parents won because they bought InfoWars.

Are you happy with that, audience? Because we're going to keep it in. We're going to keep it in because we want to. Because we want to. And because the Sandy Hook parents won. It was very real. It was extremely real. And the Sandy Hook parents won because they bought InfoWars.

You should never hear that anymore, wealthy pagan family. Where's the old money pagans?

You should never hear that anymore, wealthy pagan family. Where's the old money pagans?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in there. But again, in this context, it's activism. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in there. But again, in this context, it's activism. Yeah.

There's something about it. He doesn't like helping the neck. It's hard to kill a lesbian. That's what I heard. That's what I heard from my father. That's what I heard from my grandfather. That's what I heard from my baseball coaches.

There's something about it. He doesn't like helping the neck. It's hard to kill a lesbian. That's what I heard. That's what I heard from my father. That's what I heard from my grandfather. That's what I heard from my baseball coaches.

I know one of you is and you're lying to me.

I know one of you is and you're lying to me.

Okay.

Okay.

They viewed that as the, that is the local holy man. That's kind of what they're talking about. Somebody that was specifically so, you know, just so in tune with Christ that they became like sort of an aesthetic person.

They viewed that as the, that is the local holy man. That's kind of what they're talking about. Somebody that was specifically so, you know, just so in tune with Christ that they became like sort of an aesthetic person.

So you think that baby Jesus is going to make sure your coochie gets fucking filled?

So you think that baby Jesus is going to make sure your coochie gets fucking filled?

This black liar. What? Is she in Calcutta? She is in a, where is it in Calcutta? I think it's next to Calcutta Cleveland. It was in, yeah, Mother Teresa's tomb is in Kolkata. It is in Kolkata because she had such good memories there.

This black liar. What? Is she in Calcutta? She is in a, where is it in Calcutta? I think it's next to Calcutta Cleveland. It was in, yeah, Mother Teresa's tomb is in Kolkata. It is in Kolkata because she had such good memories there.

Just dressing up as Jesus Christ. He's got a local hooker helping him doing the Virgin Mary stuff. Slipping her some fucking shrooms in her dinner.

Just dressing up as Jesus Christ. He's got a local hooker helping him doing the Virgin Mary stuff. Slipping her some fucking shrooms in her dinner.

It's one of the worst ones. I still think that crucifix is pretty bad, too, because you drown in your own blood.

It's one of the worst ones. I still think that crucifix is pretty bad, too, because you drown in your own blood.

I do think that's worse too, but again, there's a meme that I've seen, but the first couple of seconds of that probably feel great. Oh yeah, for a little bit.

I do think that's worse too, but again, there's a meme that I've seen, but the first couple of seconds of that probably feel great. Oh yeah, for a little bit.

No, dude. No, she's lame. It's not the same, man. She didn't even do it out of the titties, which is the fun way to shoot milk.

No, dude. No, she's lame. It's not the same, man. She didn't even do it out of the titties, which is the fun way to shoot milk.

Yeah, it's like a different stroke. You remember a different stroke when they go into college? Different world. Different world. Different strokes was scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like a different stroke. You remember a different stroke when they go into college? Different world. Different world. Different strokes was scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Technically out of her neck.

Technically out of her neck.

Awesome! That's like Evangelion!

Awesome! That's like Evangelion!

It's so much to go through. It is. It's a lot to go through. I'm really surprised you haven't watched all of it. And we talk. We're friends. There's a bit of a barrier at times. Yeah, that's the idea.

It's so much to go through. It is. It's a lot to go through. I'm really surprised you haven't watched all of it. And we talk. We're friends. There's a bit of a barrier at times. Yeah, that's the idea.

Yes.

Yes.

It's called fan service, and they're making fun of fan service.

It's called fan service, and they're making fun of fan service.

Yeah, that's the idea. Pen Pen is making fun of fan service. Is that what it is? It's meta.

Yeah, that's the idea. Pen Pen is making fun of fan service. Is that what it is? It's meta.

Fuck Abigail.

Fuck Abigail.

When you get to the end, it's good. Cool. Oh, after the 20 hours? But I am not as good. I don't like the boy whining either, but I like it towards the end. Okay.

When you get to the end, it's good. Cool. Oh, after the 20 hours? But I am not as good. I don't like the boy whining either, but I like it towards the end. Okay.

Different Stroke. Singular. Which is just the father. The father of that having a stroke and trying to figure out how to jerk off again. God, I love the old television. They don't make shows like this anymore.

Different Stroke. Singular. Which is just the father. The father of that having a stroke and trying to figure out how to jerk off again. God, I love the old television. They don't make shows like this anymore.

Matt Reeves is a good director, but he's ruined everything.

Matt Reeves is a good director, but he's ruined everything.

Honestly, if you have time to pray to St. Barbara before an explosion, you should be running.

Honestly, if you have time to pray to St. Barbara before an explosion, you should be running.

Who are not going to be the horniest people on the face of the planet than pagan tutors? They don't even have to worry about keeping their jobs. Tutors are paid by the hour. That's a gig work.

Who are not going to be the horniest people on the face of the planet than pagan tutors? They don't even have to worry about keeping their jobs. Tutors are paid by the hour. That's a gig work.

Have you ever tried that when you're getting like, you know, It is bad. You ever run from your dad before you get the fucking spanking or whatever? And then it always makes it worse.

Have you ever tried that when you're getting like, you know, It is bad. You ever run from your dad before you get the fucking spanking or whatever? And then it always makes it worse.

Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's big.

Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's big.

Ancient Christianity has almost nothing to do with modern Christianity. Like, what it all turned into from the old, old, old days, like right after Jesus quote-unquote died, like, this is like—it really was— much closer to the ancient pagan actual magical process thought. Of course. It took a long time. They had to make it white. You know what I mean?

Ancient Christianity has almost nothing to do with modern Christianity. Like, what it all turned into from the old, old, old days, like right after Jesus quote-unquote died, like, this is like—it really was— much closer to the ancient pagan actual magical process thought. Of course. It took a long time. They had to make it white. You know what I mean?

Ah, sweet, sweet Borborka. You get five weeks off.

Ah, sweet, sweet Borborka. You get five weeks off.

Look at this. St. Boborka's. Wow. Continue on. I'm looking at pictures of Boborka.

Look at this. St. Boborka's. Wow. Continue on. I'm looking at pictures of Boborka.

And this was all done by the Karksmi Pruini, or loosely translated, the Brewer's Lodgings. So this is like dude club stuff. Yeah. So the minor groups get together and that's just all they do all night is they raise hell and they get drunk and they play pranks on each other. Yep.

And this was all done by the Karksmi Pruini, or loosely translated, the Brewer's Lodgings. So this is like dude club stuff. Yeah. So the minor groups get together and that's just all they do all night is they raise hell and they get drunk and they play pranks on each other. Yep.

You know, it honestly sounds like a lot of it sounds very interesting. I'm looking this nice because it's like because how important petroleum is to petroleum and salt to the Poland's economy. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they they say they they hold miners in high regard.

You know, it honestly sounds like a lot of it sounds very interesting. I'm looking this nice because it's like because how important petroleum is to petroleum and salt to the Poland's economy. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they they say they they hold miners in high regard.

They had to take it out and they had to strip all the fun out of it in order to convince you, the parishioner, that you had no power and that you had to speak to the priest that is the only person that could gatekeep God.

They had to take it out and they had to strip all the fun out of it in order to convince you, the parishioner, that you had no power and that you had to speak to the priest that is the only person that could gatekeep God.

Is there a difference between fresh salt... What do you mean? If you went down to the salt mine and you got some fresh-ass salt. I think salt's the same. I think so, but I don't know.

Is there a difference between fresh salt... What do you mean? If you went down to the salt mine and you got some fresh-ass salt. I think salt's the same. I think so, but I don't know.

There must be. I figured you'd know this. Yeah, there's table salt.

There must be. I figured you'd know this. Yeah, there's table salt.

I know those types of salt, but I don't know whether or not if it's fresh salt. You don't really want freshly brewed beer. It's gross.

I know those types of salt, but I don't know whether or not if it's fresh salt. You don't really want freshly brewed beer. It's gross.

Sometimes, if you left them in the bad fridge, they'd get skunky. Eat shit.

Sometimes, if you left them in the bad fridge, they'd get skunky. Eat shit.

It really was. Skunky beer was a part of my life, and then it just stopped. I don't know why. It's not like the beer got better.

It really was. Skunky beer was a part of my life, and then it just stopped. I don't know why. It's not like the beer got better.

You didn't have to drink it.

You didn't have to drink it.

I guess it's that Reuben box.

I guess it's that Reuben box.

Yeah, and you can't drive with them anymore.

Yeah, and you can't drive with them anymore.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anybody remember skunky beer? You ever had red dog beer? Come on. Remember Coors Drive? When we start naming all of the specific beers that we have, this is officially... This is what you asked for. Barbarca Day. Yeah, this is Barbarca Day.

Anybody remember skunky beer? You ever had red dog beer? Come on. Remember Coors Drive? When we start naming all of the specific beers that we have, this is officially... This is what you asked for. Barbarca Day. Yeah, this is Barbarca Day.

Because the old days, they used to vote, the community used to canonize, and it used to be more informal. But then as the church got involved, when canonization actually became an official process, that's when, as it always does, it becomes like Nepo Babies, essentially.

Because the old days, they used to vote, the community used to canonize, and it used to be more informal. But then as the church got involved, when canonization actually became an official process, that's when, as it always does, it becomes like Nepo Babies, essentially.

We went through so much here today and we're not better for it. Yeah. I want to say thank you so much for being here. That's right. Because without you being here, we can't make our own future religion. Because I think it's huge for us. I've been, you know, ruminating on it. Yeah, we should. I've been thinking about it. How do we get canonized? Oh, man. You have to sell the catalog.

We went through so much here today and we're not better for it. Yeah. I want to say thank you so much for being here. That's right. Because without you being here, we can't make our own future religion. Because I think it's huge for us. I've been, you know, ruminating on it. Yeah, we should. I've been thinking about it. How do we get canonized? Oh, man. You have to sell the catalog.

What if we lied at the church?

What if we lied at the church?

And try to get in.

And try to get in.

Yeah. And it got you creative and started thinking about it, and you're like, oh, that's a great sin.

Yeah. And it got you creative and started thinking about it, and you're like, oh, that's a great sin.

And it's like, if you were a good-ass priest. And all of a sudden, you're the kid with the big mouth. Oh, that's how it is. If you were a good-ass priest, you would improv your way to unfold it in. You would fold it in. You know, that's the idea. You go like, oh, yeah, sure, dinosaurs. Angels. Angels.

And it's like, if you were a good-ass priest. And all of a sudden, you're the kid with the big mouth. Oh, that's how it is. If you were a good-ass priest, you would improv your way to unfold it in. You would fold it in. You know, that's the idea. You go like, oh, yeah, sure, dinosaurs. Angels. Angels.

The dinosaurs are the Natalie Woods of the Bible. Patreon.com slash last podcast and left. Speaking of DLC, you can get all of our extended adventures on the Patreon. We got BTS. We have live streams. Come see all of our fucking bullshit and shit on there. It's like you watch us wiggle around on there. Go to LP on the left for all of our socials. Tick-tock and Instagram. Tick-tock and Instagram.

The dinosaurs are the Natalie Woods of the Bible. Patreon.com slash last podcast and left. Speaking of DLC, you can get all of our extended adventures on the Patreon. We got BTS. We have live streams. Come see all of our fucking bullshit and shit on there. It's like you watch us wiggle around on there. Go to LP on the left for all of our socials. Tick-tock and Instagram. Tick-tock and Instagram.

And go to LastPodcastLift.com. We are going to be doing live shows. We're out there. We have so many fucking live shows coming.

And go to LastPodcastLift.com. We are going to be doing live shows. We're out there. We have so many fucking live shows coming.

Yeah, we're going to be fucking happy. The goal is to make sure we can perform, Eddie.

Yeah, we're going to be fucking happy. The goal is to make sure we can perform, Eddie.

Because Billy Wayne, right before, he sent an email.

Because Billy Wayne, right before, he sent an email.

Yeah, I don't think we should do a dab bar and then attempt to perform. I feel like we're going to forget to do the show.

Yeah, I don't think we should do a dab bar and then attempt to perform. I feel like we're going to forget to do the show.

No, because it's frightening. I did a podcast with Frank Castillo. He did it all with dabs, and it was one of those where it's like 45 minutes in. I'm like, you know when you've been talking for so long, and they're all looking at you, and it's like, What in the living fuck have I been saying for the last 45 minutes?

No, because it's frightening. I did a podcast with Frank Castillo. He did it all with dabs, and it was one of those where it's like 45 minutes in. I'm like, you know when you've been talking for so long, and they're all looking at you, and it's like, What in the living fuck have I been saying for the last 45 minutes?

Yeah, exactly. You have to live your life. I love dabbing, but that's for when I'm finally not talking to anyone.

Yeah, exactly. You have to live your life. I love dabbing, but that's for when I'm finally not talking to anyone.

Honestly, it's very political. We're full of activism today. Hail Satan, everyone. Oh, okay.

Honestly, it's very political. We're full of activism today. Hail Satan, everyone. Oh, okay.

Really fun stuff. That's just a funny sketch. Just a room of malfunctioning robot saints is a really fun idea.

Really fun stuff. That's just a funny sketch. Just a room of malfunctioning robot saints is a really fun idea.

They are middle managers for the Godhead, who is supposed to literally be the most powerful creative force in the face of the planet. But what this shows you is that sometimes God... doesn't care. And that he needs to pass you off to his other guy. Oh, you want to do well in your roller skating competition? Talk to St. Rollesifer. He's the guy in St. O'Wheels.

They are middle managers for the Godhead, who is supposed to literally be the most powerful creative force in the face of the planet. But what this shows you is that sometimes God... doesn't care. And that he needs to pass you off to his other guy. Oh, you want to do well in your roller skating competition? Talk to St. Rollesifer. He's the guy in St. O'Wheels.

I gotta do shit like make volcanoes that kill deer that no one can see.

I gotta do shit like make volcanoes that kill deer that no one can see.

It's like the guy that got caught for sucking all the toes.

It's like the guy that got caught for sucking all the toes.

Yeah, yeah. Well, no, the guy in Big Bear that was breaking into people's homes and sucking on their toes while they were sleeping. Oh. Real saint-like behavior. You see, this is... What is interesting about the function of the saint is that it comes out of the very, very OG way of practicing Christianity.

Yeah, yeah. Well, no, the guy in Big Bear that was breaking into people's homes and sucking on their toes while they were sleeping. Oh. Real saint-like behavior. You see, this is... What is interesting about the function of the saint is that it comes out of the very, very OG way of practicing Christianity.

So for a while, like when it first started, I was watching, I watched a good documentary on it. And they watched a, the, uh, the Christian church would, they'd have some formal churches and temples, but that's not really the main way. Cause they were, the way the religion developed is that actually they had developed in secret.

So for a while, like when it first started, I was watching, I watched a good documentary on it. And they watched a, the, uh, the Christian church would, they'd have some formal churches and temples, but that's not really the main way. Cause they were, the way the religion developed is that actually they had developed in secret.

And part of the way it developed is that the, the worship services would largely be in crypts. They would go into ground, they would go into tombs. And also most of the time, the way these functions did is that there was a loose group of believers and there was a guy who That would be the intercedent for you and God.

And part of the way it developed is that the, the worship services would largely be in crypts. They would go into ground, they would go into tombs. And also most of the time, the way these functions did is that there was a loose group of believers and there was a guy who That would be the intercedent for you and God.

They believed this guy was that he was holier than all the rest of us for some reason, probably because he dick didn't work. And then what he did was like say they would pray to him while he was alive. And then what would happen is that he would die. And then that person would be then their bones would be put in the crypt where they're working.

They believed this guy was that he was holier than all the rest of us for some reason, probably because he dick didn't work. And then what he did was like say they would pray to him while he was alive. And then what would happen is that he would die. And then that person would be then their bones would be put in the crypt where they're working.

One thing they notice is a very early Christian establishments is that when you went into a crypt, there would be benches and you'd have bones all all around them. And you'd see written words written on the walls to the bones as intercedents for them to talk directly to God. Because, again, God's Bazzini doesn't give a fuck about you. So he need you need an agent.

One thing they notice is a very early Christian establishments is that when you went into a crypt, there would be benches and you'd have bones all all around them. And you'd see written words written on the walls to the bones as intercedents for them to talk directly to God. Because, again, God's Bazzini doesn't give a fuck about you. So he need you need an agent.

You have to, you're supposed to have an, this is what we believe in Catholicism. Representative. Representative. So when that guy would die, that's where all this started. Where this guy, a person, and then it would eventually become like, what if that guy was like a super popular version of that? The guy that would die and then when he was dead would then become the direct way to talk to God.

You have to, you're supposed to have an, this is what we believe in Catholicism. Representative. Representative. So when that guy would die, that's where all this started. Where this guy, a person, and then it would eventually become like, what if that guy was like a super popular version of that? The guy that would die and then when he was dead would then become the direct way to talk to God.

And this was also based off of the hero cults. of the Greek and Roman myths, like things like Hercules, those are based off real people. Like those stories are all based off real actual heroes of the time that then people would use as an intermediary. And largely this kind of just comes from the fact that we as humans love polytheistic religions. And this is a way to cheat that inside of it.

And this was also based off of the hero cults. of the Greek and Roman myths, like things like Hercules, those are based off real people. Like those stories are all based off real actual heroes of the time that then people would use as an intermediary. And largely this kind of just comes from the fact that we as humans love polytheistic religions. And this is a way to cheat that inside of it.

Mother Teresa, if we smash up her bones and we piss all over her bones and we take that piss because of the magic of Catholicism, the piss becomes magical. Then we're making our own magic piss using the bones of Mother Teresa. And that's called money making money because piss is cheap. You can just get a priest to bless your piss. No.

Mother Teresa, if we smash up her bones and we piss all over her bones and we take that piss because of the magic of Catholicism, the piss becomes magical. Then we're making our own magic piss using the bones of Mother Teresa. And that's called money making money because piss is cheap. You can just get a priest to bless your piss. No.

And it's fucking necromancy. Yeah. This whole thing is necromancy, because it's about talking, which is the reason why nobody else liked the Catholics, because we had this little function where everybody else had, like, essentially, they could talk directly to God. God wasn't busy enough for them.

And it's fucking necromancy. Yeah. This whole thing is necromancy, because it's about talking, which is the reason why nobody else liked the Catholics, because we had this little function where everybody else had, like, essentially, they could talk directly to God. God wasn't busy enough for them.

It doesn't keep coming. It ended a very long time ago. Also, the persecution here is they are using it as propaganda. Yes. Within the church to say, don't you want to be a saint? The way you do that is to make sure you die extra gnarly for Jesus Christ. And it has to make that gnarly death like an advertisement. Like, we want you to do this.

It doesn't keep coming. It ended a very long time ago. Also, the persecution here is they are using it as propaganda. Yes. Within the church to say, don't you want to be a saint? The way you do that is to make sure you die extra gnarly for Jesus Christ. And it has to make that gnarly death like an advertisement. Like, we want you to do this.

Like, please, please be flipped over on a grill four or five times.

Like, please, please be flipped over on a grill four or five times.

But when we were in the British Museum, I was reading a thing about Nero, like as we were sitting there. And it is interesting because largely the stories about Nero seem to have been because he was so popular and young. And then eventually they blamed a lot of stuff on him after the fact.

But when we were in the British Museum, I was reading a thing about Nero, like as we were sitting there. And it is interesting because largely the stories about Nero seem to have been because he was so popular and young. And then eventually they blamed a lot of stuff on him after the fact.

Because the older religions, God is a lot more nebulous. And what the Christian religion did was essentially, I feel like, obviously speaking entirely out of school, but it really seems that they like the concept of, he started, that God started as a dude. He started as a dude, and it shows you. It shows you what you can do in this life if you're just meek enough. Mm-hmm.

If you're just humble enough, you do become the ever loving Lord of all existence.

What they do is, one way they keep saints' bones, this is true, they smash them up into little Dorito-sized pieces, and they put them in a giant vase, and then people pour oil in the top that comes out the bottom, so it runs all over the bones. And then magically, the oil becomes magic because of the bones, the magic bones. And that's why when you piss in it, too, that becomes magic piss.

But then some people say heaven technically was a planet and a place that was considered for a long time.

You're talking like this is gym talk. We're in a cult store talk. You're slowly going to be covered in turquoise. You're not allowed to go to Sedona with this line of thinking. All right? I can't allow you to go because you're going to come back. You're going to not wear pants anymore.

Oh, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. Well, because I feel like they would do it much like when we were talking before the show. That's like a punk thing.

I just want to be able to say that once. Say what?

I do it in the car. I do it at the dentist.

No! No! She must serve as an example. Open the keys to dog heaven!

They really did. They did the thing. It's a smear tactic. They would just say, every single time they would do these sort of activities, calling each other brother and sister, talking about the Eucharist. You guys fuck your brother? You fucking your brother?

Even though technically I don't think that they even Well dick sucking was around They love dick sucking in Rome Don't worry about that I don't think that's an issue to me Weirdly I think it was the opposite Where it was just like you had all these fucking Pains in the asses Christians showing up And they weren't sucking dick

And in Rome, everybody was already sucking dick and fucking, and they didn't even have, I feel like they didn't have concepts for like sexual identities in Rome. Like it was all just all over the place where it's just like, they did it. They stunk it up.

And God has to like it, because God set up the fucking rules. Except it was man who did it!

So many brilliant ideas slipped through our fingers. Why aren't we on Jimmy Kimmel?

I'm starting to actually think this is, they're correct. I'm starting to think that we gotta go back.

Yeah, and all the Greek gods were just like guys that walked around and they gave them funny names. They were broke.

It was like in the Colosseum in the front row. People used to get pulled in all the time, too. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like the front row was apparently fucking nuts.

Remember when we saw it?

It's like how they have that whole underground section of theatrical stuff that would lift.

Isn't it weird? Not to get too MSNBC about this, but it is interesting that you see that statement and then you realize, oh, the Christians still think that. They just think it about billionaires. They legitimately are like, it's the same thought process.

If I just am good enough, Elon himself will pick me. Elon's going to allow me to hang out. He might.

One scholar said that specifically the stories were exaggerated. Like it was to stoke a reaction. So, yeah, I mean, we all want them to have their hands cut off and their tits cut off and their faces cut off. We'd like that. We all like that as a group.

Oh, yeah. I thought I was Blandina. Yeah. Blandina, you get back in here.

You know... Is it true? Is it true? Sidestories help POTL at gmail.com. And if you're emailing me, though, at the same time, send me him on the Teresa's Bucks.

Yeah, that's the problem. They didn't want to lick. Sometimes. Maybe the periods ran them away. Maybe the periods ran them away.

Now that's how you kill Blandina.

You know, he should save you all the way.

You know what I mean? Oh, man. Pepper Dina? Pepper Dina. Pepper Dina, you get over here. That's her spicy sister from Mexico.

He'd be like, maybe we could think about me just sort of doing this symbolically, huh?

They actually are pretty certain that he was... I did some research, and I've had so many people call me an edgelord 14-year-old for saying that Jesus didn't exist, but there is yet still... Yeah, that's why Pontius Pilate famously came out and said...

I think sometimes that was what TV was.

They talked about, it's true, it also fed the merchant world. They would have these, first it would start as a secret worship place, then it would become a public worship place where people would come and then they'd start selling, like, one of the most found artifacts of the day is these things that are little flasks, right, that people would collect the saint oil with.

And they would point to exactly what I said. They would have a thing called a rectory, I think it was called. I forgot what it was called, where they put the things in. It was like the veneration box. Rectory sounds right. And they would collect it, but then they'd start selling the little flask. And then eventually a whole market would evolve right there.

And they literally, the saints became the first version of like Buc-ee's. Like big old traffic stops.

Honestly, I just need one. I just need one bone. The reason why I want Mother Teresa is just because she's the most recent and it's all like lies.

Again, but they're all lies, dude.

I just feel like in the end, I want to see a miracle on camera if we're doing this now. Well, you don't have to have a miracle. You have to have a miracle to be attached to you. With Mother Teresa, what they did was after the fact, after she died, is that some guy was like, I couldn't see before, and then I prayed to Mother Teresa's ghost, and now I can see.

And they're like, done, because she didn't work or whatever.

Oh, yeah, I bet.

Yep. What was his miracle? He was a computer whiz. Was his miracle Taylor Swift's rise? He's the first millennial saint. What was his miracle? I don't think he had one. You have to have a miracle to be a saint.

You do. I looked it up.

No, they have to have a miracle attributed to you.

Jerry. I didn't realize I'm the only Protestant bastard in this room. Both of y'all are Catholic. I'm fully, I'm indoctrinated. I'm in the cult. I'm fucking, I'm confirmed. Yeah. And you can't leave if you're confirmed. What's your confirmation name? Xavier. Oh, Xavier. I did it because of comic books.

But then eventually it would become, you know, they always were then persecuted in certain ways.

Oh, nice guy! Yeah. Is he really Constantine the Great? Yeah, that's what they call him. But I mean in terms of how great was he? Well, you don't know, man.

Make Constantine great again. I think. Yep. Yeah. I think. I like putting him on the spot. Really grinding shit to a fucking halt.

Whoa, Constantine named Constantinople! He made it. He built it. That's an easy guess.

Lawrence was my father, and he got burned to the stake by his ass.

You truly were sort of almost like a brave figure in a way because you were openly against God. Yeah, I hated it. In Catholic school. Me too. They used to call me little devil kid and used to do this at me.

You know, you could have asked somebody better. because I'm the kind of person, I look to write new material every day. I try to make sure that every time I go and they do a different bit, everybody's super entertained by what I do. All right? That's me, Larry.

That same year, though. This is for Christian comics. This is Jim Gaffigan's saint. Oh, no. Yeah, this is the saint of Hot Pockets material.

It's my Jackie Mason. I don't know why I started doing Jackie Mason the other day alone in my house. Because he's fucking hilarious.

It's called irony. It's kind of fun, right? In a way, I did this to know it's a kind of fun thing where you look at this, right? Oh, I said it's treasures because these people are all frowning, right? Everybody here, they suck, right? Everybody here, they're sick and no one wants to be around them, right? That's why I brought them.

You're going to laugh. You're going to laugh about it. I hate him.

Hey, let's think about this. I think we've already done enough.

Oh, whoa, this is new. Whoa, wow. I got that new gridiron smell.

Turns out they didn't want me well done. They made me medium rare. Come on, everybody. Come on. There's no reason to be upset. You seem to be frowning at me because my face is a sea of scars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Reprobus. Reprobus? Reprobus. Reprobus.

Hi. Hi, you know, hey. I'm a doctor. I work out five times a week, and I have over $100,000 in my 401k. Wow, that's so attractive. Yes, my name's Reprobus Johnson. Thank God I also love to eat vomit.

Also, I'm not calling on Christopher to save me.

We did this once. This guy, it's like, he's just a comedian. You can't have an opinion these days. Yeah, it was so hard to do comedy back then.

I would feel the shards. Where are Mother Teresa's bones? I have a business opportunity. Listen, where are Mother Teresa's bones? I'm looking it up right now. According to how she's in the mother house, of course. Yeah. Oh, this liar.

You just got yourself kissing a guy, man. That's what that is.

I always kind of like the idea of running into a first date and pretending to be a time traveler and saying you've got to fuck because you've got to go back because the future's over and all the women are illegal. And that's why it's good to fuck you. That's the way you do it. You've got to come in with a character sometimes.

I don't understand. So he fucking, yeah, he should love the cross. I never understood that. And so Reprobus is going to fucking, he's a fucking fair weather friend, man.

That's all he cares about.

So Christopher is essentially like Christ's caddy? That's all that means?

Yeah, that's later on when people got fucking lazy.

Guess what? Jesus was Indian. Was he? If he was anything. I don't think he was Indian. He was in there.

He was Asian.

Yeah, what is this? You know nothing about Daffy Duck? Yeah. It's like, ow, ow.

Wow. Should it be D-headed? Instead of B-headed? Yeah. I actually wonder why it's not D-headed.

That's what I do.

That's what I do by being a fucking moron. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah, dogs are good for that.

Yeah, that one old yeller whacked him.

No. The key is to make sure if you're traveling, that's how you know you can tell the police officers that you're traveling, is that you have the St. Christopher thing up there and you cannot be arrested because you're not operating your motor vehicle in a business aspect.

It's fun. Yeah, honestly, it does sound like a fun topic altogether, but only religion can make this boring.

Sebastian was H-O-T-T-O-G-O? Oh, we're going to get into it, bro.

Hope you like the aftertaste. More of a syrup than a wine.

More of a glop. Don't put it in your pussy. Unless you want a little baby Sebastian.

You did it. I know Marcus is an ancient name.

Edward did, yeah.

Yeah, we'll continue. I'm sorry I did this.

He was going to show how he could bottom for Christ. Yeah.

But the reason why they are, so the reason why miracles have to be attributed is because it has to show that they were chosen specially by God and that they worked, that God, it's not them doing the miracles. It's God doing it through them. Through them. Gotcha. And so that's, and Jesus was supposed to be the ultimate example of you're destroying the avatar of God that I've brought to you.

To open it up. Because the whole point of the Jesus sacrifice is that he then opens heaven for us. Everybody can go to heaven. It's not just angels. It's not the most pure. It's that everybody can go if they follow the way of Christ. This is kind of the same thing as that he has to go through. It's about being the middle man.

And I also think he just asked her a question for the first time because she's the only gay man that she's ever met.

Well, especially if your main dude is the flayed savior boy. You are, of course, then going to view that as good. Oh, yeah. We're going to get into that angle of it here in a bit.

They're all just whipping each other.

That's what Julie has to deal with every time she has to go into the bathroom after you.

Married life is amazing. I love chicken and the egging it. That's what we call it in our house.

She's making the eggs.

And I think that that's a thing that we should start talking about. I think that too many people get called survivors.

My question is, is that, do you think on some level... they would masturbate to this material? This is a genuine question.

The monks that make the paintings. The monks specifically don't masturbate.

But the idea of making him sexy. Are we not like... Then jerking off at it? Because is this not what porno was? I mean, they make him sexy to be like him, Jude Law, like the sexy Pope.

Mother Teresa should have been cut in four parts. Like if we were really going to make her a saint. Cal cut her in two parts.

Yeah, because he's sexy.

More could have died. Yeah.

No. No, Black Plague killed as many as it could. It really did its best. And I think that medicine stopped, well, AIDS, in terms of working on that.

Oh yeah, that's why I fucking prayed to the fucking Noid. Oh, yeah. I love that guy. St.

Oh, yes. Oh, the Noid is my saint. The Noid. Yes. Saint the Noid of Assisi. A pipi. The saint, the Noid of a pipi is one of my favorite of the favorite saints.

Thank you. And that comes from the pun-ish-ment center of the Vatican.

Does it mean charge of all sex workers and ophthalmologists?

It's a fun conference. Yeah.

We know.

Yeah, from your ass. With all the feces.

Are you happy with that, audience? Because we're going to keep it in. We're going to keep it in because we want to. Because we want to. And because the Sandy Hook parents won. It was very real. It was extremely real. And the Sandy Hook parents won because they bought InfoWars.

You should never hear that anymore, wealthy pagan family. Where's the old money pagans?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in there. But again, in this context, it's activism. Yeah.

There's something about it. He doesn't like helping the neck. It's hard to kill a lesbian. That's what I heard. That's what I heard from my father. That's what I heard from my grandfather. That's what I heard from my baseball coaches.

I know one of you is and you're lying to me.

Okay.

They viewed that as the, that is the local holy man. That's kind of what they're talking about. Somebody that was specifically so, you know, just so in tune with Christ that they became like sort of an aesthetic person.

So you think that baby Jesus is going to make sure your coochie gets fucking filled?

This black liar. What? Is she in Calcutta? She is in a, where is it in Calcutta? I think it's next to Calcutta Cleveland. It was in, yeah, Mother Teresa's tomb is in Kolkata. It is in Kolkata because she had such good memories there.

Just dressing up as Jesus Christ. He's got a local hooker helping him doing the Virgin Mary stuff. Slipping her some fucking shrooms in her dinner.

It's one of the worst ones. I still think that crucifix is pretty bad, too, because you drown in your own blood.

I do think that's worse too, but again, there's a meme that I've seen, but the first couple of seconds of that probably feel great. Oh yeah, for a little bit.

No, dude. No, she's lame. It's not the same, man. She didn't even do it out of the titties, which is the fun way to shoot milk.

Yeah, it's like a different stroke. You remember a different stroke when they go into college? Different world. Different world. Different strokes was scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Technically out of her neck.

Awesome! That's like Evangelion!

It's so much to go through. It is. It's a lot to go through. I'm really surprised you haven't watched all of it. And we talk. We're friends. There's a bit of a barrier at times. Yeah, that's the idea.

Yes.

It's called fan service, and they're making fun of fan service.

Yeah, that's the idea. Pen Pen is making fun of fan service. Is that what it is? It's meta.

Fuck Abigail.

When you get to the end, it's good. Cool. Oh, after the 20 hours? But I am not as good. I don't like the boy whining either, but I like it towards the end. Okay.

Different Stroke. Singular. Which is just the father. The father of that having a stroke and trying to figure out how to jerk off again. God, I love the old television. They don't make shows like this anymore.

Matt Reeves is a good director, but he's ruined everything.

Honestly, if you have time to pray to St. Barbara before an explosion, you should be running.

Who are not going to be the horniest people on the face of the planet than pagan tutors? They don't even have to worry about keeping their jobs. Tutors are paid by the hour. That's a gig work.

Have you ever tried that when you're getting like, you know, It is bad. You ever run from your dad before you get the fucking spanking or whatever? And then it always makes it worse.

Yeah, he's big. Yeah, he's big.

Ancient Christianity has almost nothing to do with modern Christianity. Like, what it all turned into from the old, old, old days, like right after Jesus quote-unquote died, like, this is like—it really was— much closer to the ancient pagan actual magical process thought. Of course. It took a long time. They had to make it white. You know what I mean?

Ah, sweet, sweet Borborka. You get five weeks off.

Look at this. St. Boborka's. Wow. Continue on. I'm looking at pictures of Boborka.

And this was all done by the Karksmi Pruini, or loosely translated, the Brewer's Lodgings. So this is like dude club stuff. Yeah. So the minor groups get together and that's just all they do all night is they raise hell and they get drunk and they play pranks on each other. Yep.

You know, it honestly sounds like a lot of it sounds very interesting. I'm looking this nice because it's like because how important petroleum is to petroleum and salt to the Poland's economy. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they they say they they hold miners in high regard.

They had to take it out and they had to strip all the fun out of it in order to convince you, the parishioner, that you had no power and that you had to speak to the priest that is the only person that could gatekeep God.

Is there a difference between fresh salt... What do you mean? If you went down to the salt mine and you got some fresh-ass salt. I think salt's the same. I think so, but I don't know.

There must be. I figured you'd know this. Yeah, there's table salt.

I know those types of salt, but I don't know whether or not if it's fresh salt. You don't really want freshly brewed beer. It's gross.

Sometimes, if you left them in the bad fridge, they'd get skunky. Eat shit.

It really was. Skunky beer was a part of my life, and then it just stopped. I don't know why. It's not like the beer got better.

You didn't have to drink it.

I guess it's that Reuben box.

Yeah, and you can't drive with them anymore.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Anybody remember skunky beer? You ever had red dog beer? Come on. Remember Coors Drive? When we start naming all of the specific beers that we have, this is officially... This is what you asked for. Barbarca Day. Yeah, this is Barbarca Day.

Because the old days, they used to vote, the community used to canonize, and it used to be more informal. But then as the church got involved, when canonization actually became an official process, that's when, as it always does, it becomes like Nepo Babies, essentially.

We went through so much here today and we're not better for it. Yeah. I want to say thank you so much for being here. That's right. Because without you being here, we can't make our own future religion. Because I think it's huge for us. I've been, you know, ruminating on it. Yeah, we should. I've been thinking about it. How do we get canonized? Oh, man. You have to sell the catalog.

What if we lied at the church?

And try to get in.

Yeah. And it got you creative and started thinking about it, and you're like, oh, that's a great sin.

And it's like, if you were a good-ass priest. And all of a sudden, you're the kid with the big mouth. Oh, that's how it is. If you were a good-ass priest, you would improv your way to unfold it in. You would fold it in. You know, that's the idea. You go like, oh, yeah, sure, dinosaurs. Angels. Angels.

The dinosaurs are the Natalie Woods of the Bible. Patreon.com slash last podcast and left. Speaking of DLC, you can get all of our extended adventures on the Patreon. We got BTS. We have live streams. Come see all of our fucking bullshit and shit on there. It's like you watch us wiggle around on there. Go to LP on the left for all of our socials. Tick-tock and Instagram. Tick-tock and Instagram.

And go to LastPodcastLift.com. We are going to be doing live shows. We're out there. We have so many fucking live shows coming.

Yeah, we're going to be fucking happy. The goal is to make sure we can perform, Eddie.

Because Billy Wayne, right before, he sent an email.

Yeah, I don't think we should do a dab bar and then attempt to perform. I feel like we're going to forget to do the show.

No, because it's frightening. I did a podcast with Frank Castillo. He did it all with dabs, and it was one of those where it's like 45 minutes in. I'm like, you know when you've been talking for so long, and they're all looking at you, and it's like, What in the living fuck have I been saying for the last 45 minutes?

Yeah, exactly. You have to live your life. I love dabbing, but that's for when I'm finally not talking to anyone.

Honestly, it's very political. We're full of activism today. Hail Satan, everyone. Oh, okay.

Really fun stuff. That's just a funny sketch. Just a room of malfunctioning robot saints is a really fun idea.

They are middle managers for the Godhead, who is supposed to literally be the most powerful creative force in the face of the planet. But what this shows you is that sometimes God... doesn't care. And that he needs to pass you off to his other guy. Oh, you want to do well in your roller skating competition? Talk to St. Rollesifer. He's the guy in St. O'Wheels.

I gotta do shit like make volcanoes that kill deer that no one can see.

It's like the guy that got caught for sucking all the toes.

Yeah, yeah. Well, no, the guy in Big Bear that was breaking into people's homes and sucking on their toes while they were sleeping. Oh. Real saint-like behavior. You see, this is... What is interesting about the function of the saint is that it comes out of the very, very OG way of practicing Christianity.

So for a while, like when it first started, I was watching, I watched a good documentary on it. And they watched a, the, uh, the Christian church would, they'd have some formal churches and temples, but that's not really the main way. Cause they were, the way the religion developed is that actually they had developed in secret.

And part of the way it developed is that the, the worship services would largely be in crypts. They would go into ground, they would go into tombs. And also most of the time, the way these functions did is that there was a loose group of believers and there was a guy who That would be the intercedent for you and God.

They believed this guy was that he was holier than all the rest of us for some reason, probably because he dick didn't work. And then what he did was like say they would pray to him while he was alive. And then what would happen is that he would die. And then that person would be then their bones would be put in the crypt where they're working.

One thing they notice is a very early Christian establishments is that when you went into a crypt, there would be benches and you'd have bones all all around them. And you'd see written words written on the walls to the bones as intercedents for them to talk directly to God. Because, again, God's Bazzini doesn't give a fuck about you. So he need you need an agent.

You have to, you're supposed to have an, this is what we believe in Catholicism. Representative. Representative. So when that guy would die, that's where all this started. Where this guy, a person, and then it would eventually become like, what if that guy was like a super popular version of that? The guy that would die and then when he was dead would then become the direct way to talk to God.

And this was also based off of the hero cults. of the Greek and Roman myths, like things like Hercules, those are based off real people. Like those stories are all based off real actual heroes of the time that then people would use as an intermediary. And largely this kind of just comes from the fact that we as humans love polytheistic religions. And this is a way to cheat that inside of it.

Mother Teresa, if we smash up her bones and we piss all over her bones and we take that piss because of the magic of Catholicism, the piss becomes magical. Then we're making our own magic piss using the bones of Mother Teresa. And that's called money making money because piss is cheap. You can just get a priest to bless your piss. No.

And it's fucking necromancy. Yeah. This whole thing is necromancy, because it's about talking, which is the reason why nobody else liked the Catholics, because we had this little function where everybody else had, like, essentially, they could talk directly to God. God wasn't busy enough for them.

It doesn't keep coming. It ended a very long time ago. Also, the persecution here is they are using it as propaganda. Yes. Within the church to say, don't you want to be a saint? The way you do that is to make sure you die extra gnarly for Jesus Christ. And it has to make that gnarly death like an advertisement. Like, we want you to do this.

Like, please, please be flipped over on a grill four or five times.

But when we were in the British Museum, I was reading a thing about Nero, like as we were sitting there. And it is interesting because largely the stories about Nero seem to have been because he was so popular and young. And then eventually they blamed a lot of stuff on him after the fact.