Nino

Uh-oh, the Tesla bots, AI, the future is here. Where my Latinos at? Ya estuvo, se acabó. No more el trabajo. Jose, did you get the job? No, they gave it to the robots. He's cheaper. Bike says hate it when they don't work, dude. I can just picture Tesla bots selling fruit on the side of the highway. Like, three, four, five, try it. Very good, very sweet.

There's not gonna be homeless people no more, just homeless robots. All the obsolete ones. Please, sir, help my wife. She needs a new lithium battery. Think of the children. It's like, all right, dude, here's 10 bucks. I'm a good person. Cholos are gonna send the robots on missions. Just like, hey fool, send the robot to go pick up the sack, dog. The cops won't check them.

All right, that's my time. Thank you.

I deliver groceries for a living. I'm an essential worker.

Let's see. You know, hang out with the boys.

You guys want to hear the craziest thing?

I set a homeless man on fire once.

All right, so I'm from the hood, from Santa Ana, California. And Mexicans in the hood, they love 4th of July. We love it more than rednecks. So my neighborhood was known for going crazy on 4th of July. So a lot of friends came over from high school and all that stuff. It's about 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. We still have some fireworks.

So I had the bright idea like, hey guys, let's go to the main boulevard and throw fireworks at cars and mess with people. So on the way to the main street. How old are you during this? I was probably like 15, 16. Okay. In high school, yeah. Thank God, that makes sense, okay. So there was this liquor store notorious for homeless people hanging out. It was called Natty's Liquor.

So I don't know if you guys know what a Piccolo Pete is. So I had some Piccolo Pete's in my pocket. I had the bright idea to light it and I was gonna throw it at the bum to scare him. But my aim, my throw was so good, it landed on top of him. And this guy was like blacked out plastered and he just, the pickle of heat just went off and he just engulfed in flames.

So they hold out, so we rush over there. Wait, wait, wait, it gets better. Whoa. Hold on, hold on. So we rush over there to put it out. He's all fucked up. He doesn't know what's going on. He's like, ah, whatever. So then we continue our little adventure on the boulevard. We get hit up by some gangsters. We're throwing fireworks at them or whatever. They have a paintball gun.

My homie, Alan, is like, hey, I'm going to go get my paintball gun. Follow me back to my house. So we start walking back. And I see the liquor store. I see a trail of smoke. And I go, no way. That's not, that can't be the bum. Like, we literally put him out. Dude, we run towards the liquor store. The guy's on fire again. So we're like, fuck. So this time, we try to get water.

We throw water on him, put it out, and we saved him, and I didn't go to jail. He didn't die. So, yeah.

I'm a good citizen, guy. Don't deport me.