Philip Garcia

Thank y'all. I've been crushing up Plan B and putting it in my girlfriend's eggs every morning. Yeah, she's Latina, so it's a must. She's Catholic, so I have to sneak it in somehow. Yeah, if you really want to think about it, it's like an abortion inside of an abortion, which is even crazier. Yeah, thank you. Also, it's like a $72 egg at this point, you know what I'm saying?

We're in love, though. We're shitting with the door open, which is great. I know, yeah, it's good. That's a good place to be. The other day, she got really scared, though. I think she paid attention for the first time. She walked by and she went, oh, when guys shit, their dick and balls go inside the toilet bowl with it. And I was like, yeah, that's crazy. You put your mouth on that thing.

She was like, it's in the water and everything. And I was like, sadly, we don't have that problem. Thank you for pointing that out, though. All right, guys, thank you so much. I'm Philip Garcia. Thank you. Philip Garcia.

If I was, like, blessed enough, they would probably get a little, yeah, stained.

Fair enough, you're right. Why would it... It doesn't matter.

It's going really well, actually. You work at Sunset Strip Comedy Club.

what's been going on philip you've been on the show multiple times yeah it's good to be back i've since then i've started like uh not to plug my own shit but here i go i've been doing the man on the street interviews on sixth street uh-huh so i've been capturing that madness and then recently i had some really big success with a clip that blew up however like 100 million views wow what was the clip up buffet girl maybe y'all know see good thank god the world's a good place that y'all don't know viral clip is this another dick sucking machine yeah

Now she is. She's an OnlyFans girl. So that's, yeah. I'm basically just out there creating porn stars out of thin air on 6th Street, giving them a spotlight.

No, not there yet. Maybe in a couple years when it's more successful, I guess, then I can go down that terrible road, right?

No, I would never do that. Can we scratch that?

We're going on three years now. Okay. Trace. What does she do for work? El Musician. She's a musician? Yeah, she is.

She does like, kind of like Austin Rock, you know, that southern, whatever it is that's cultivating. She's a singer? Yeah, she is.

Yeah, yeah. Check her out. She's AllieXXE.

No, but right now she is like, she has to work on an undercover project where she can't have her identity tied to it because of her label. So she has to wear like a, she's going to wear like a Mexican luchador mask. Wow. Yeah.

No, no, not at all. She speaks Spanish. She's completely wasting it, I think. Yeah. She'll figure it out. I believe in her. Either that or I'll have to close the door when I poop from here on out.

No. But you're so afraid of getting... I'm washing my sheets like three times a day, basically.

I mean, I guess, though, that's good insurance. That saves me on the paternity test, then, I guess, right? When I say something that makes sense, it is not fucking funny at all.

Uh, not much. I've been golfing a shit ton. Way too much. Okay. Handicaps, the exact same. This is a really boring golf conversation.

Got in a real bad car accident. Got an OW... Here you go. I got an OWI on a road gig.

A couple... I was actually with a couple of door guys from the mothership the day before this place opened. And one of them wanted Taco Bell so bad he rushed our leaving from the bar.

Oh, yeah. You can take a look at him.

This motherfucker, the red and blue lights came on on the way, like when we were getting pulled over, and he goes, so I guess this means we're not getting Taco Bell then, huh?

just the biggest guy in wisconsin jail too because they all have like fetal alcohol syndrome or whatever up there that's where you were yeah i was like in cowboy boots and a denim jacket and they were calling me cowboy it was you gotta be fucking wasted to get a dui in wisconsin no that's the great act your first your first dui in wisconsin is on the state it's not a it's not a criminal charge it's a civil charge because they want you to drink that fucking much

I got really, really lucky. I got a DUI in a state, one of two states, where you can kind of walk away with it with a decent attorney.