Ranjani's Roommate

And suddenly I hear this bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, which, you know, it's that particular tone. It's a scary knock. And so I step up and, you know, again, half of my hair is unbraided, half of it's braided. The cat's confused. I'm confused. I go to the door and I go, who is it? Someone yells back, police! And I go, OK, well, my heart's beating fast.

And I just know that I don't want to open the door because one, anyone can yell police to I'm in my bathrobe. And so, you know, any kind of armed men is not walking into my apartment right now.

They start reeling off information about Ranjani in a very sort of like good cop kind of way. They're like, oh, we know that you're visa was canceled, we're the only people you can turn to, we really, we just want to talk to you, we just have some questions. And I'm sort of there just like, who's we? And I can't see through, I can't see anyone through my people.

And so The Voice starts talking about really intimate details of Ranjini's visa and immigration status. And I stop him and I go, wait, do you have a warrant? He doesn't respond to that. And I sort of just keep asking, what is this about? She goes to tell Ranjani what's happening.

I again get the knock, but the knock doesn't stop.

Whereas before it was maybe 20 seconds of knocking, this time it's just knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, in that same aggressive, sort of authoritative way for probably three minutes.

So someone calls through the door, hey, you've got to open the door. And I hear a key in my lock. And at that point, I hop up. I am in full sort of defend my home mode. They go, it's the police. We're coming in. We have a warrant. And they're opening the door. All I hear is, hands up, hands up.

I don't understand the question.

I reside in the door on the right.

I have a cat in the living room. Please do not touch her. Okay.

Yes, I would. Okay. Go right ahead. And what is your name? Is your roommate here? No one is here except for me and my cat. Okay. What is your name?

There are no weapons in the apartment.

I'm not the roommate. My roommate's legal address is this apartment. Okay, thank you. I'm not sure where they are.

My cat's terrified on the couch. I grab her up. She's freaking out, as cats do. Come here. Come here, sweetie. Come here, sweetie. There's a guy in a shirt and a bulletproof vest clearing through the doors. He's opening bang, opening bang, opening bang doors, going through everything, opening the closets, opening, you know, all of the stuff.

And where's the judge's signature?

U.S. Magistrate Judge. Okay. Thank you. I will not say the same for you.