Rich Voss

Rich? It's very funny, but as a Jew, when you came out like this, a little offensive.

Keep doing this, man. A year and eight months is nothing. You just keep fucking doing it. And let me tell you something. You do it. I'm pretty...

Do you meet any hot girls making coffee?

Do you close any deals?

Okay. Do you think she's going to hold on to you?

Oh, I got to learn how to roller skate.

That's a different place. Now, when you're making coffee and construction guys come in, do you get kind of jealous? You know what I mean?

Yeah.

When three people show up and they only have a table for two, how do you handle it? Okay, he looked like a Major D. It didn't work.

But it's pretty much the same thing. Now, with your van, do you have a fake cast and a couch?

Thank you. Wait. That's fucking one of the best jokes you'll ever hear. What the fuck? What the hell happened here?

The serial killer that had a fake fucking cast and a couch and he had a van and he would go to colleges and go, hey, can you help me get the couch on the van? What year was this?

And if you pick up a homeless girl, you could drop her off anywhere.

Thank you.

No, because I thought he was fine. Listen, I'm doing a firehouse in Allentown, and if you want to open, I could have you.

And I'm glad because I requested Adam.

And thank you for coming, Adam. I'm telling you, this is great.

I'm going to sit out this one.

Unbelievable. Rich Boss. Are there comedy clubs in Japan?

In Tokyo? Yeah. Do American comics work there?

He sounds like a romantic.

And my wife is home fucking somebody else.

I didn't think Shane's liver had this much energy right here. What? Who? Shane's liver.

I said to him, I go, is this funny? He goes, you got to do it. This motherfucker. I love your blaming Adam on your fucking jokes. He said it was funny. It's weird. My oldest daughter married a black dude. I mean, so I heard they're family.

Yeah. I'm not racist. Wow. People think I'm racist because I have two drinking fountains at my house. No signs above them.

When you lived in Africa and you would walk down to the river to do your laundry... No, I took the zebra, nigga.

And I'm still a doorman. Fuck.

You would've thought the last guy would've done that.

I don't know if it's a prison outfit. It's fucking culottes. You got shorts. That's a prison outfit? And the streak continues.

It doesn't matter. The problem is I came out too hot. Did you walk here? What? Because your knuckles are scraped. Oh, my God.

This guy's got the fucking... I know how to pick him. He's going to end up on SNL. I guarantee it.

I was fucking shell-shocked from the whole night. What the fuck? I didn't know that was a dude. I got fucking hard for nothing.

When you said they feed her three times a day, I just said, no shit.

No, listen. Look, you're doing comedy. You're having fun. Do it all before you go to hell. That's what I'm... Yeah.

Thank you.

That's my birthday.

630. I like your fucking J's. You look good, man. New sneakers, fucking... You know about... Do you know what J's are? I got 50 pairs.

Why are you... All right, co-headliner.

No, not a black dad.

Hell, yeah. Has anybody ever tried to use you as a dildo? Oh. Okay.

Can you do an impression of a guy that uses hair conditioner?

Oh, because I don't have hair? If that thing was any drier, it'd be my wife's pussy.

That's some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard.

I haven't seen it in two years.

Really?

Does she ever think she's having sex with a scallop?

Scallop, no pigment. Yeah, yeah. Hey, they fucking laughed.

He looks like a Time and Life Civil War chess set piece.