Sari Solden
speaker
39 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Apr 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Sari Solden’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I used to have a woman who would see a psychiatrist early on. A guy told her, well, take this pill, and when your house is clean, you're cured. I mean, it was bad on so many levels. That's what they used to tell women, like, okay, so the goal would be to clean your house, and this pill is going to cure you of who you are. These are real-life stories.
Executive functioning has to do with coordinating, prioritizing, synthesizing all the things it takes to run a household, to take care of your kids, to pack their lunches, to remember all the appointments, all the millions of things that women as mothers have to do, or even women as friends, remembering everybody's important occasions, buying presents.
There's a lot of information overload or embarrassment about not being able to entertain the way maybe their mothers did or easily or everything's a great stressor and a great, they have a lot of overwhelm and stress. So all those executive function tasks make them feel uncomfortable. bad that they can't keep up with or make themselves understood or make themselves seen by other people.
These women had no way of knowing that anybody else was experiencing this. Can you imagine? I know people can't imagine that now. So there was no Google, there was no internet, there was nothing.
As she walked into the room, she saw... Hundreds of people bumping into each other, interrupting, laughing, you know, just having a great time. Not because other people had problems like that. Other people could keep up with them and talk like this. And they had a great time. And it was like the women were biting like they're flies. phone numbers on there.
We didn't have cell phones on, you know, right on their arms and numbers or spilling their contents or their purrs. So like not hiding anywhere. It was like amazing. So that was the first time where I saw how much of the time without knowing it, we're hiding or keep or passing for normal.
It was like really fun. And everybody was discovering themselves, all the people, they were discovering themselves and finding people like them. But even us professionals were meeting people who we've never met before, those kind of people. It was a different, whole different vibe.
So we had to do it fast, maybe six months. I had no idea how I was going to organize thousands of ideas. I literally had to cut and paste all my ideas of different subjects into paper bags. And then my husband helped me put them into categories and help me. I don't know how this happened. And then I would rewrite it, and then he would edit it.
So a lot of this book on women is all about that internal experience, that emotional experience, what's wrong with me, and that... the impact on people's identity as mothers, friends, wives, you know. And that's what this book is about, the emotional legacy, really.
CHAD was academic white males and medical people talking to parents and teachers about the way it was, okay? There were a lot of old guards there.
And I had quoted him. I had liked him. He was in my book. But for some reason, I guess he got permission. He said, if I'm going to be the keynote speaker, I'm going to say what I want to say. I felt like he was saying I was a child abuser. It was like so, it was shameful. So even though I was talking about shame to other people.
There's a few snobs, you know, the gatekeepers were very used to being gatekeepers. So then the one other guy said, oh, if you're going to play with the big boys, you got to learn how to blah, blah, blah, whatever, you know, like very condescending and you can't get your feelings hurt. And, you know, there's nonsense and there's science, there's non-science and there's nonsense.
But I think you're actually just non-science. And, you know, but they were, the men there were all like really arrogant. Let's put it that way. Yeah, I mean...
I had no idea I was being brave. Let's just put it that way. I had no idea I was a pioneer. I had no, I just saw what I saw because I didn't come from that world that they came from. I wasn't in that field at all. And so this just happened to me. And so I had no idea that I was going against, you know, and this happened in every field where women weren't allowed to define their own experiences.
So I really took a couple of days to recover. And then I gave this huge speech there and I, was able to then frame it. This is what happens when women say what they see and know what they know. And anyway, it was a triumph for me in the end.
Then it just like took off and women started talking to each other and started defining for themselves what it was like for them not being defined by all these other gatekeepers.
And it was translated into a lot of languages. And it was funny because they were translated based on cultural norms. So like in Japan, it was like women who can't tidy up. We used to laugh like in France, it would be like women who can't accessorize. But that was nice. In Germany, it was like the chaos princess, you know, women living between misery and talent or something. It was beautiful.
I didn't know anything to do with those things, but yeah. That's when women said, I felt like you followed me around this book. And they were astounded, and it was healing because they realized if it was in that book that it must be real.
So even though I see tremendous progress, obviously, because I have millions of people who are diagnosed and, you know... I know that no one's taught about it. So that's the problem. And so nobody is looking for it.
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