Shira Gill

With relationships, as I mentioned, with the volume of stuff you own. So I like to think of it as this tool that you can apply to any area, just by saying, do I have too much or too little? And where do I want to adjust the volume in this particular area of my life to feel more balanced and in alignment with my bigger goals?

With relationships, as I mentioned, with the volume of stuff you own. So I like to think of it as this tool that you can apply to any area, just by saying, do I have too much or too little? And where do I want to adjust the volume in this particular area of my life to feel more balanced and in alignment with my bigger goals?

Yeah, I love this question because the thing that I see in my work the most is actually what's difficult for people is not organizing, it's making decisions. And the reason decision making is difficult is, as you beautifully pointed out, because most of us focus on what we're losing or what we're letting go of, missing out on. Our brain has a real negativity bias.

Yeah, I love this question because the thing that I see in my work the most is actually what's difficult for people is not organizing, it's making decisions. And the reason decision making is difficult is, as you beautifully pointed out, because most of us focus on what we're losing or what we're letting go of, missing out on. Our brain has a real negativity bias.

And so even for something as simple as editing your t-shirts, what I find is people go to a sense of lack and scarcity as opposed to a place of abundance. What am I adding here? If I only have my favorite five t-shirts, I'm going to simplify decision-making for myself. I'm going to ease my morning routine. I'm going to take better care of the things that I do own.

And so even for something as simple as editing your t-shirts, what I find is people go to a sense of lack and scarcity as opposed to a place of abundance. What am I adding here? If I only have my favorite five t-shirts, I'm going to simplify decision-making for myself. I'm going to ease my morning routine. I'm going to take better care of the things that I do own.

That's where my mind naturally goes. But what I've found is for most humans, they go to what am I giving up? What am I losing? What if I regret this decision? What if say the t-shirt has a memory link to it? Like the marathon I competed in. If I get rid of this t-shirt, am I going to forget that memory? Am I going to lose that identity?

That's where my mind naturally goes. But what I've found is for most humans, they go to what am I giving up? What am I losing? What if I regret this decision? What if say the t-shirt has a memory link to it? Like the marathon I competed in. If I get rid of this t-shirt, am I going to forget that memory? Am I going to lose that identity?

And so when I think about editing, I like to really flip the switch towards what are we adding? And I think most people feel like they're drowning in, as we've been saying, too muchness. They're drowning in overwhelm, over commitment, over saturation. And most people will tell me I crave more spaciousness. And

And so when I think about editing, I like to really flip the switch towards what are we adding? And I think most people feel like they're drowning in, as we've been saying, too muchness. They're drowning in overwhelm, over commitment, over saturation. And most people will tell me I crave more spaciousness. And

The truth is in order to create more spaciousness in your home or your life or your mind, you have to decide what you wanna let go of on purpose. And so being, I call it ruthless, but not reckless with those decisions so that you can clear the space for yourself and focus on what you're gaining. So when I'm helping a client edit, I always say to them, What is your vision of an ideal life?

The truth is in order to create more spaciousness in your home or your life or your mind, you have to decide what you wanna let go of on purpose. And so being, I call it ruthless, but not reckless with those decisions so that you can clear the space for yourself and focus on what you're gaining. So when I'm helping a client edit, I always say to them, What is your vision of an ideal life?

What would your day be like? What would your morning routine be like? And so then when we get into editing and they inevitably get overwhelmed or face paralysis, I can get them back to that vision of what are we creating space for? What are we building? And the only way to build that is by letting go intentionally.

What would your day be like? What would your morning routine be like? And so then when we get into editing and they inevitably get overwhelmed or face paralysis, I can get them back to that vision of what are we creating space for? What are we building? And the only way to build that is by letting go intentionally.

I love that, John. I live in California, the land of the fire and the earthquake. And so we're also forced to reckon with if a natural disaster strikes, what are those things you're grabbing in the fire or the hurricane or the earthquake? And what's interesting to me about asking that question is it forces you to become aware.

I love that, John. I live in California, the land of the fire and the earthquake. And so we're also forced to reckon with if a natural disaster strikes, what are those things you're grabbing in the fire or the hurricane or the earthquake? And what's interesting to me about asking that question is it forces you to become aware.

an editor and very intentional and when i asked my husband and my kids what would they take the first thing they said was the dog and i just loved that because it was like that's what matters right it's the people it's the animals it's the relationships in our lives are what people really care about on a deep level the stuff is all a bonus that's how i think about it

an editor and very intentional and when i asked my husband and my kids what would they take the first thing they said was the dog and i just loved that because it was like that's what matters right it's the people it's the animals it's the relationships in our lives are what people really care about on a deep level the stuff is all a bonus that's how i think about it

So a belief is just a thought we've practiced a lot. And I think a lot of us take for granted that our beliefs can't be changed. They're hardwired. But one of the things I've learned, I went to life coach training school a few years ago. And one of the things that really blew my mind was this idea that we can change our thoughts.

So a belief is just a thought we've practiced a lot. And I think a lot of us take for granted that our beliefs can't be changed. They're hardwired. But one of the things I've learned, I went to life coach training school a few years ago. And one of the things that really blew my mind was this idea that we can change our thoughts.

We can change our lives through shifting those hardwired belief systems and those habits. And like you mentioned, complaining is a habit that I think most of us, myself included, have adapted long ago that we just don't think about or question. But it does bring negativity into our lives. And I write about in the book, there was a day I challenged myself to go on a complaining fast.

We can change our lives through shifting those hardwired belief systems and those habits. And like you mentioned, complaining is a habit that I think most of us, myself included, have adapted long ago that we just don't think about or question. But it does bring negativity into our lives. And I write about in the book, there was a day I challenged myself to go on a complaining fast.

And I barely made it five minutes. And I realized, wow, I'm walking through the world thinking that I'm this positive, optimistic person. But I have this really negative habit of pointing out things that I don't like, say, in my environment, like this chair is uncomfortable or what's that smell? Or why did my kids leave their backpacks by the door?

And I barely made it five minutes. And I realized, wow, I'm walking through the world thinking that I'm this positive, optimistic person. But I have this really negative habit of pointing out things that I don't like, say, in my environment, like this chair is uncomfortable or what's that smell? Or why did my kids leave their backpacks by the door?

These little things that just seem like innocent observations really do have a cost on our mental health. And so those things that I outline to let go of intentionally are all based in belief systems that I think can all be shifted with intentionality, with just saying I'm going to audit how I spend my time, or I'm going to audit how often I complain, or I'm going to think about

These little things that just seem like innocent observations really do have a cost on our mental health. And so those things that I outline to let go of intentionally are all based in belief systems that I think can all be shifted with intentionality, with just saying I'm going to audit how I spend my time, or I'm going to audit how often I complain, or I'm going to think about

my relationship to imposter syndrome. We all have these things, they're so human and they're so hardwired. But what I love is thinking about the capacity for personal development that we all have. And the biggest thing is just awareness. So even if we just start by saying, I'm gonna just pay attention to say, where imposter syndrome crops up in my life.

my relationship to imposter syndrome. We all have these things, they're so human and they're so hardwired. But what I love is thinking about the capacity for personal development that we all have. And the biggest thing is just awareness. So even if we just start by saying, I'm gonna just pay attention to say, where imposter syndrome crops up in my life.

I'm going to write it down as it arises, and I'm just going to question it. That's really the first step here. You don't have to make huge sweeping changes. It's just about cultivating a new awareness of your habits and deciding, just like with editing your sock drawer, is this something I want to keep on purpose or is it something I want to let go of intentionally?

I'm going to write it down as it arises, and I'm just going to question it. That's really the first step here. You don't have to make huge sweeping changes. It's just about cultivating a new awareness of your habits and deciding, just like with editing your sock drawer, is this something I want to keep on purpose or is it something I want to let go of intentionally?

And when people are overwhelmed in their homes, I often start them with the sock drawer because it's one of those universal clutter magnets. And if you can make decisions about your sock drawer, you can make decisions about anything.

And when people are overwhelmed in their homes, I often start them with the sock drawer because it's one of those universal clutter magnets. And if you can make decisions about your sock drawer, you can make decisions about anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely. So I'll give a few examples. So in the physical realm, what I find is the thing that really weighs people down the most is paper clutter. And as much as we live in a digital world, there is no avoiding some level of paper clutter. We all have Mail coming in through the front door, bills, briefs from work. If you have young kids, you may have art or homework or school forms to sign.

Absolutely. So I'll give a few examples. So in the physical realm, what I find is the thing that really weighs people down the most is paper clutter. And as much as we live in a digital world, there is no avoiding some level of paper clutter. We all have Mail coming in through the front door, bills, briefs from work. If you have young kids, you may have art or homework or school forms to sign.

And so one thing I started early on in my career was this concept of an inbox is one centralized place. where anything that was paper that required your eyes or attention went.

And so one thing I started early on in my career was this concept of an inbox is one centralized place. where anything that was paper that required your eyes or attention went.

And this sounds so simple that it almost sounds silly, but I can tell you from being in now thousands of people's homes, when I walk in the front door, I typically see paper in the entry, paper on the kitchen counter, paper strewn on the dining room. And I always ask people, do you have one centralized place for the papers that you need to review?

And this sounds so simple that it almost sounds silly, but I can tell you from being in now thousands of people's homes, when I walk in the front door, I typically see paper in the entry, paper on the kitchen counter, paper strewn on the dining room. And I always ask people, do you have one centralized place for the papers that you need to review?

I would say at least nine times out of 10 people say, we really don't, they end up here and here. So I like to define a system as like the simplest route to solve a problem. And so for me, that simple route for paper clutter is one big open vessel in your home where you can put all of your paperwork, anything that needs to be reviewed. And then all you have to do is commit to

I would say at least nine times out of 10 people say, we really don't, they end up here and here. So I like to define a system as like the simplest route to solve a problem. And so for me, that simple route for paper clutter is one big open vessel in your home where you can put all of your paperwork, anything that needs to be reviewed. And then all you have to do is commit to

Once a week, you're looking through and you're taking care of business. That's one for the home. For life management, I love the system of a get it done day. So what I find is in life, we all have these kind of annoying grading errands like, Need to pick up the dry cleaning or get this shirt mended or drop off our donations, repair this electronic.

Once a week, you're looking through and you're taking care of business. That's one for the home. For life management, I love the system of a get it done day. So what I find is in life, we all have these kind of annoying grading errands like, Need to pick up the dry cleaning or get this shirt mended or drop off our donations, repair this electronic.

And it becomes clutter in our brain, these unfinished tasks. And so what I like to do is centralize all of those. kind of nagging errands into a single get it done day. Realistically, I probably schedule one once a season. So this doesn't have to be an overwhelming thing that you're adding to your to do list. But essentially, if you can plop all of these things into one container,

And it becomes clutter in our brain, these unfinished tasks. And so what I like to do is centralize all of those. kind of nagging errands into a single get it done day. Realistically, I probably schedule one once a season. So this doesn't have to be an overwhelming thing that you're adding to your to do list. But essentially, if you can plop all of these things into one container,

It will make a huge difference in your efficiency. You can go run all the errands, make all the phone calls, book all the appointments in one single day. Likewise, I talk a lot in the book about automation. Automation is a tool most people use in business and less so in life. So I talk about looking at everything as an opportunity for automation. I personally realized I was sending

It will make a huge difference in your efficiency. You can go run all the errands, make all the phone calls, book all the appointments in one single day. Likewise, I talk a lot in the book about automation. Automation is a tool most people use in business and less so in life. So I talk about looking at everything as an opportunity for automation. I personally realized I was sending

almost the exact same email again and again verbatim. And so I created a canned email that now can go out in one second. I spare myself the 15 minutes of rewriting that same email. Likewise with appointments, like maybe with paying your taxes, you can get that automated once a year, same day, same time with your CPA.

almost the exact same email again and again verbatim. And so I created a canned email that now can go out in one second. I spare myself the 15 minutes of rewriting that same email. Likewise with appointments, like maybe with paying your taxes, you can get that automated once a year, same day, same time with your CPA.

Same with medical appointments, dental appointments, self-care appointments like haircuts. It's taking all of these things that take up our time and seeing how can we batch them? How can we automate them? So we just take out the guesswork and all of that extra time with the scheduling and the mental load. The last example I'll give is just a personal one.

Same with medical appointments, dental appointments, self-care appointments like haircuts. It's taking all of these things that take up our time and seeing how can we batch them? How can we automate them? So we just take out the guesswork and all of that extra time with the scheduling and the mental load. The last example I'll give is just a personal one.

I find that many of my clients complain about not having time for the things they truly care about. So. a date night with their partner or having a lunch with a good friend or a walk. So I've started helping people automate all of those things, putting those big rocks first in their calendar.

I find that many of my clients complain about not having time for the things they truly care about. So. a date night with their partner or having a lunch with a good friend or a walk. So I've started helping people automate all of those things, putting those big rocks first in their calendar.

So an example would be saying, I'm going to have my two best friends over for dinner on the first Saturday of every month. We're going to lock it in. So we never need to schedule. We never need to go back and forth, but we know that's baked in that value of seeing each other more. We can look forward to every month. I do this with my kids. I have two teenagers. They're so busy.

So an example would be saying, I'm going to have my two best friends over for dinner on the first Saturday of every month. We're going to lock it in. So we never need to schedule. We never need to go back and forth, but we know that's baked in that value of seeing each other more. We can look forward to every month. I do this with my kids. I have two teenagers. They're so busy.

The mess of life sometimes keeps us from having quality time. I now have baked in a brief date with each one of my girls every week. So it's asking yourself first, what are the things that matter? It could be a health or a fitness goal, a goal to see or maintain a relationship better. It could be a financial goal or savings goal and looking at what is the goal?

The mess of life sometimes keeps us from having quality time. I now have baked in a brief date with each one of my girls every week. So it's asking yourself first, what are the things that matter? It could be a health or a fitness goal, a goal to see or maintain a relationship better. It could be a financial goal or savings goal and looking at what is the goal?

How can I create the simplest system to automate that goal? So I'm giving it the attention that it deserves.

How can I create the simplest system to automate that goal? So I'm giving it the attention that it deserves.

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

Yes.

Yes.

So if you've ever tried to build a new habit or break an existing habit, you've probably encountered quite a bit of resistance. And that's because, as we know, our well-intentioned brains are designed to keep us safe and protect us from harm, even when there's no actual threat.

So if you've ever tried to build a new habit or break an existing habit, you've probably encountered quite a bit of resistance. And that's because, as we know, our well-intentioned brains are designed to keep us safe and protect us from harm, even when there's no actual threat.

And so because of this tendency, our own brains can really work against us by trying to prevent us from doing anything new that it perceives as risky business. So because of this, we want to start super, super tiny with a habit, both to minimize the resistance of our brain and just simply to make it easier and more sustainable for us. And I love, you talked about BJ Fogg.

And so because of this tendency, our own brains can really work against us by trying to prevent us from doing anything new that it perceives as risky business. So because of this, we want to start super, super tiny with a habit, both to minimize the resistance of our brain and just simply to make it easier and more sustainable for us. And I love, you talked about BJ Fogg.

He's all about making things tiny. And so I call it making it micro. So if you want to start a new habit that feels overwhelming to your brain and or even to your schedule, you have to start thinking, what's the tiniest, easiest way I can start making a shift in my life? So for me, I really struggled with exercise. I'm a busy working mom, running a business, writing books.

He's all about making things tiny. And so I call it making it micro. So if you want to start a new habit that feels overwhelming to your brain and or even to your schedule, you have to start thinking, what's the tiniest, easiest way I can start making a shift in my life? So for me, I really struggled with exercise. I'm a busy working mom, running a business, writing books.

I knew that I wanted to exercise, but it was so challenging for me to get it on the schedule, to make my way to a class, to carve out that big chunk of time in my day. And so finally what I did is I said, you know what? If I'm just going to do anything that feels easy, something is better than nothing. And so I challenged myself to a 15 minute walk each morning. I thought I always have 15 minutes.

I knew that I wanted to exercise, but it was so challenging for me to get it on the schedule, to make my way to a class, to carve out that big chunk of time in my day. And so finally what I did is I said, you know what? If I'm just going to do anything that feels easy, something is better than nothing. And so I challenged myself to a 15 minute walk each morning. I thought I always have 15 minutes.

There's really no excuses there. I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to shower after. So this is a way I took a big thing. Like, really, I would have loved to take a fitness class for an hour and a half every day, but it wasn't happening. So I said, how can I make this micro? in the form of a tiny walk where I move my body. I did that for about six months.

There's really no excuses there. I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to shower after. So this is a way I took a big thing. Like, really, I would have loved to take a fitness class for an hour and a half every day, but it wasn't happening. So I said, how can I make this micro? in the form of a tiny walk where I move my body. I did that for about six months.

I just got in that habit of, I wake up, the first thing I do is I put on my shoes, I walk out the door and I do a little loop. And what I found is just by making it tiny, I was able to then start having the experience of doing this new habit of thinking of myself differently as someone who can successfully establish a new habit. who can move my body regularly.

I just got in that habit of, I wake up, the first thing I do is I put on my shoes, I walk out the door and I do a little loop. And what I found is just by making it tiny, I was able to then start having the experience of doing this new habit of thinking of myself differently as someone who can successfully establish a new habit. who can move my body regularly.

And once I had gotten over that initial hump, I then found I wanted to walk for longer and longer stretches. I now take a one hour walk every morning. And so it's really compounded into a very healthy, regular effortless habit.

And once I had gotten over that initial hump, I then found I wanted to walk for longer and longer stretches. I now take a one hour walk every morning. And so it's really compounded into a very healthy, regular effortless habit.

But that happened just by saying, how can I make this as tiny and reduce all of the overwhelm and all of the block that my brain is having, thinking that this is too big of an obstacle to get over.

But that happened just by saying, how can I make this as tiny and reduce all of the overwhelm and all of the block that my brain is having, thinking that this is too big of an obstacle to get over.

Absolutely. Yeah. So every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes.

Absolutely. Yeah. So every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes.

And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to take a temperature check of how am I doing? How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year. I, again, like to make those super tiny.

And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to take a temperature check of how am I doing? How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year. I, again, like to make those super tiny.

So if I feel like I wanna put a little more effort into health and wellness, it could be as small as ordering a multivitamin online and saying, I'm just gonna add that to my routine. If it's wanting to be more intentional in terms of my finances, every week on Sunday, I'm just going to look at my P&L and really get to know my finances on a deeper level.

So if I feel like I wanna put a little more effort into health and wellness, it could be as small as ordering a multivitamin online and saying, I'm just gonna add that to my routine. If it's wanting to be more intentional in terms of my finances, every week on Sunday, I'm just going to look at my P&L and really get to know my finances on a deeper level.

So this exercise only takes about 30 minutes total. And it will help you clarify where you want to focus your time and energy and effort for the coming season or coming year. And I like to think about it. So I think there's so much pressure to do everything well all at once. And we know that we simply can't. As human beings, we all have limited capacity.

So this exercise only takes about 30 minutes total. And it will help you clarify where you want to focus your time and energy and effort for the coming season or coming year. And I like to think about it. So I think there's so much pressure to do everything well all at once. And we know that we simply can't. As human beings, we all have limited capacity.

And so the way I frame this life audit exercise is really about saying, Stephanie Pinder- At the end of it, where do I want to invest the bulk of my time, energy and attention for this season ahead so knowing that I can't get a perfect five in all areas.

And so the way I frame this life audit exercise is really about saying, Stephanie Pinder- At the end of it, where do I want to invest the bulk of my time, energy and attention for this season ahead so knowing that I can't get a perfect five in all areas.

Stephanie Pinder- where's The one thing I want to dive into I like to see for the season ahead, because it feels less intimidating than an entire year and. depending on where you're at and what your goals are it could be i'm dating after divorce i really want to focus on cultivating meaningful relationships, or I want to start dating.

Stephanie Pinder- where's The one thing I want to dive into I like to see for the season ahead, because it feels less intimidating than an entire year and. depending on where you're at and what your goals are it could be i'm dating after divorce i really want to focus on cultivating meaningful relationships, or I want to start dating.

If you want to have a financial goal, it could be, I'm going to put all of my eggs in that basket. I'm going to really focus. And so the thing that people ask me is they say, okay, sure. I'm going to say, here's the one area I want to dive into, but what about everything else? Like I can't drop the ball on everything else. And to

If you want to have a financial goal, it could be, I'm going to put all of my eggs in that basket. I'm going to really focus. And so the thing that people ask me is they say, okay, sure. I'm going to say, here's the one area I want to dive into, but what about everything else? Like I can't drop the ball on everything else. And to

So I like this idea of establishing a minimum baseline for all of the other areas of your life while you take a deep dive into one primary area. So I talk about lowering the bar on purpose as opposed to dropping the ball by accident, which can feel liberating and empowering. So I actually make a list of places where I'm okay dropping the ball. For me, that's making a perfectly cooked meal.

So I like this idea of establishing a minimum baseline for all of the other areas of your life while you take a deep dive into one primary area. So I talk about lowering the bar on purpose as opposed to dropping the ball by accident, which can feel liberating and empowering. So I actually make a list of places where I'm okay dropping the ball. For me, that's making a perfectly cooked meal.

Maybe I'm gonna order takeout instead. I know that I'm terrible at keeping plants alive. I'm giving up on that completely, right? Maybe I wanna take a break from networking events for this season. But the goal is to think about where do I want to be really purposeful and effortless in this season of my life?

Maybe I'm gonna order takeout instead. I know that I'm terrible at keeping plants alive. I'm giving up on that completely, right? Maybe I wanna take a break from networking events for this season. But the goal is to think about where do I want to be really purposeful and effortless in this season of my life?

And what are the things I can put on the back burner on purpose, as opposed to just seeing them as a failure?

And what are the things I can put on the back burner on purpose, as opposed to just seeing them as a failure?

So I like to think about building your relationship dream team, and you have to start by identifying which current connections you'd like to cultivate or invest in more. So that would be turning up the volume and which relationships drain or distract you. And you want to turn the volume down on those. Many of us have people in our lives that are unavoidable, right?

So I like to think about building your relationship dream team, and you have to start by identifying which current connections you'd like to cultivate or invest in more. So that would be turning up the volume and which relationships drain or distract you. And you want to turn the volume down on those. Many of us have people in our lives that are unavoidable, right?

Colleagues, bosses, family members that we feel maybe we can't cut off entirely. but we can think about how do we turn the volume down in terms of the energy and effort we invest in those relationships and the boundaries that we put up. So I think about clarifying your relationship deal breakers

Colleagues, bosses, family members that we feel maybe we can't cut off entirely. but we can think about how do we turn the volume down in terms of the energy and effort we invest in those relationships and the boundaries that we put up. So I think about clarifying your relationship deal breakers

a quick exercise anyone can do is just thinking, what are your values with regard to friendships and partnerships? We all have different standards and boundaries when it comes to what we will and won't tolerate. I found by just making a list for myself of what are my deal breakers, what are the places where I will not pass go, writing those down and being intentional about them

a quick exercise anyone can do is just thinking, what are your values with regard to friendships and partnerships? We all have different standards and boundaries when it comes to what we will and won't tolerate. I found by just making a list for myself of what are my deal breakers, what are the places where I will not pass go, writing those down and being intentional about them

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year.

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year.

Then when you come across an interaction or an engagement with someone that crosses that boundary, you've already done the thought work to decide that's not a place where I'm going to engage. This is a person that maybe I need to disengage from or set a clear boundary. In terms of systems, I already talked about systematizing the relationships that you care most deeply about.

Then when you come across an interaction or an engagement with someone that crosses that boundary, you've already done the thought work to decide that's not a place where I'm going to engage. This is a person that maybe I need to disengage from or set a clear boundary. In terms of systems, I already talked about systematizing the relationships that you care most deeply about.

I think the most common complaint I hear from people with relationships is I don't have time for the people I care about most, or they just get lost in the shuffle of my life. I prioritize my work or my kids, but my partner gets lost in the shuffle.

I think the most common complaint I hear from people with relationships is I don't have time for the people I care about most, or they just get lost in the shuffle of my life. I prioritize my work or my kids, but my partner gets lost in the shuffle.

So then it's thinking about just like you have a quarterly review at work, having a quarterly review for your relationships and saying, where could we turn up the volume and invest more? What systems can we implement to improve our relationships? What habits could make a big difference? Like my husband is a real words of affirmation guy.

So then it's thinking about just like you have a quarterly review at work, having a quarterly review for your relationships and saying, where could we turn up the volume and invest more? What systems can we implement to improve our relationships? What habits could make a big difference? Like my husband is a real words of affirmation guy.

and he said to me just by giving me a little compliment when i walk out the door like saying that i look good or you like the outfit i've put together that boosts me and lifts my spirits more than you can imagine and just him telling me that really informed my habits and behavior moving forward because That's not something I crave. I'm more of a acts of service person.

and he said to me just by giving me a little compliment when i walk out the door like saying that i look good or you like the outfit i've put together that boosts me and lifts my spirits more than you can imagine and just him telling me that really informed my habits and behavior moving forward because That's not something I crave. I'm more of a acts of service person.

If you drive me to the airport, I'm grateful for life. That's my love language. And so by communicating with the people in your life, what are the small habit shifts that could really mean a lot and boost our relationship? What can we start implementing in terms of both systems and habits, and really doing a relationship audit.

If you drive me to the airport, I'm grateful for life. That's my love language. And so by communicating with the people in your life, what are the small habit shifts that could really mean a lot and boost our relationship? What can we start implementing in terms of both systems and habits, and really doing a relationship audit.

As ruthless as that sounds, there are some people that you may want to cut out of your life entirely, or you may want to divest from. And so thinking about who are the people that I want to put my time and energy and resources into? Who are the people that I want to put on the back burner? And I heard on a podcast recently, and this really stuck with me, this idea of the parking lot test.

As ruthless as that sounds, there are some people that you may want to cut out of your life entirely, or you may want to divest from. And so thinking about who are the people that I want to put my time and energy and resources into? Who are the people that I want to put on the back burner? And I heard on a podcast recently, and this really stuck with me, this idea of the parking lot test.

So when you go out with someone, whether it's a friend or a date or a colleague, as you're walking back to your car post date or dinner, How do you feel? Do they pass the parking lot test? Meaning, do you feel boosted, inspired, energized, connected, or do you feel drained or depleted and starting to pay attention to that? Once I spend time with someone, how am I feeling?

So when you go out with someone, whether it's a friend or a date or a colleague, as you're walking back to your car post date or dinner, How do you feel? Do they pass the parking lot test? Meaning, do you feel boosted, inspired, energized, connected, or do you feel drained or depleted and starting to pay attention to that? Once I spend time with someone, how am I feeling?

Thank you so much. I'm so looking forward to this conversation.

Thank you so much. I'm so looking forward to this conversation.

Is this adding value to my life or is it really a time suck and something where I want to divest and shift my energy?

Is this adding value to my life or is it really a time suck and something where I want to divest and shift my energy?

So I think just asking yourself the question, how might my life be better with less? might open some really interesting answers. I think because we're so hardwired to think that more is the answer and we always need to be adding.

So I think just asking yourself the question, how might my life be better with less? might open some really interesting answers. I think because we're so hardwired to think that more is the answer and we always need to be adding.

I think just by flipping that script and I just pose that question to your listeners, how might my life benefit from less can really open up some juicy creative exploration.

I think just by flipping that script and I just pose that question to your listeners, how might my life benefit from less can really open up some juicy creative exploration.

In my own life, by reducing the volume of stuff that I own, the volume of plans on my schedule, the volume of commitments that I make in my career, I've really supersized my results, both in my career and finances, but also in the meaning and the intimacy of my relationships. And so applying this concept of fewer better to all areas of your life is an invitation that I'd love to leave you with.

In my own life, by reducing the volume of stuff that I own, the volume of plans on my schedule, the volume of commitments that I make in my career, I've really supersized my results, both in my career and finances, but also in the meaning and the intimacy of my relationships. And so applying this concept of fewer better to all areas of your life is an invitation that I'd love to leave you with.

Yeah, just my website, shiragill.com. I have a free newsletter and community that gives lots of actionable tips. And you can find my three books wherever books are sold.

Yeah, just my website, shiragill.com. I have a free newsletter and community that gives lots of actionable tips. And you can find my three books wherever books are sold.

Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.

Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.

Yeah, so it's interesting. My work is very much anchored in minimalism and the way that I define minimalism is as being radically intentional. So not just with the things you own, but with how you spend your time, resources.

Yeah, so it's interesting. My work is very much anchored in minimalism and the way that I define minimalism is as being radically intentional. So not just with the things you own, but with how you spend your time, resources.

There's an intimacy in the darkness and an intimacy to being warm when it is cold that I think can really foster connection. I think conversations can deepen and it's a sense of being closer together because who do you do that with? Who are you with in the warmth and the light when outside it's cold and dark? Those are usually people you feel very close to.

There's an intimacy in the darkness and an intimacy to being warm when it is cold that I think can really foster connection. I think conversations can deepen and it's a sense of being closer together because who do you do that with? Who are you with in the warmth and the light when outside it's cold and dark? Those are usually people you feel very close to.

And so when I think of what is an intentional life, in my definition is it's about clarifying what's important to you and cutting the clutter and distraction that stands in the way. And that's really what I've dug into in my work as an organizing expert, as a minimalist, as a coach.

And so when I think of what is an intentional life, in my definition is it's about clarifying what's important to you and cutting the clutter and distraction that stands in the way. And that's really what I've dug into in my work as an organizing expert, as a minimalist, as a coach.

It's all about helping people figure out what are the few things that matter and what's adding real value to your life and what can you let go of completely.

It's all about helping people figure out what are the few things that matter and what's adding real value to your life and what can you let go of completely.

Absolutely. Yeah. And we're in a culture right now where everything is go more and more and it's incumbent upon us to slow down and put the brakes on and recalibrate and really think about what we're saying yes to and what we're saying no to on purpose. Not a small task.

Absolutely. Yeah. And we're in a culture right now where everything is go more and more and it's incumbent upon us to slow down and put the brakes on and recalibrate and really think about what we're saying yes to and what we're saying no to on purpose. Not a small task.

Yeah, I mean, it's much more simple than you might think. I think I address in this new book volume, the idea of the volume of our lives in all areas. And I've been organizing homes and lives for over a decade now. And what I see is just a massive amount of volume of too many yeses and not enough nos. And I think we spend probably at least the first half of our lives accumulating

Yeah, I mean, it's much more simple than you might think. I think I address in this new book volume, the idea of the volume of our lives in all areas. And I've been organizing homes and lives for over a decade now. And what I see is just a massive amount of volume of too many yeses and not enough nos. And I think we spend probably at least the first half of our lives accumulating

And that's not just accumulating physical things, but accumulating friendships, relationships, jobs, career opportunities, and we're adding. And I think most of us don't have a system in place to start editing or questioning or cutting the clutter.

And that's not just accumulating physical things, but accumulating friendships, relationships, jobs, career opportunities, and we're adding. And I think most of us don't have a system in place to start editing or questioning or cutting the clutter.

And really the messages that we receive constantly, not just from social media, TV, but even the people all around us, everybody that I speak with says they feel like they're drowning. They feel like it's just too much. The responsibilities, the tech, the notifications, the volume of paperwork in their lives. I really think about it like a mathematical equation. If we just keep adding and adding,

And really the messages that we receive constantly, not just from social media, TV, but even the people all around us, everybody that I speak with says they feel like they're drowning. They feel like it's just too much. The responsibilities, the tech, the notifications, the volume of paperwork in their lives. I really think about it like a mathematical equation. If we just keep adding and adding,

without any subtracting, we're going to be drowning in a mountain of too muchness. And so my book and my work really addresses how do you start editing? How do you start cutting that clutter and reducing? And really what I found is the hardest thing for people is the decision making around what stays and what goes. And I think you have to have a really compelling yes to make those no's easier.

without any subtracting, we're going to be drowning in a mountain of too muchness. And so my book and my work really addresses how do you start editing? How do you start cutting that clutter and reducing? And really what I found is the hardest thing for people is the decision making around what stays and what goes. And I think you have to have a really compelling yes to make those no's easier.

So in my work with clients and in my own life, I'm always thinking about the question of what is your most compelling? Yes. Whether that's a career goal or taking care of a elderly parent or a younger child. or wanting to supersize your income or write a book or pursue some big, creative, innovative project, what is the thing that calls to you the most deeply that is your big, compelling yes?

So in my work with clients and in my own life, I'm always thinking about the question of what is your most compelling? Yes. Whether that's a career goal or taking care of a elderly parent or a younger child. or wanting to supersize your income or write a book or pursue some big, creative, innovative project, what is the thing that calls to you the most deeply that is your big, compelling yes?

And once you have that firmly in place, the no's, the editing, the saying, no, thank you, I can't, I'm at capacity, comes much easier.

And once you have that firmly in place, the no's, the editing, the saying, no, thank you, I can't, I'm at capacity, comes much easier.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yes.

Yes.

Such a good question. And as a busy working mom with a dog and a husband and now two teenage girls, the chaos is inevitable. I think as much as we can be planful and meticulous with our time and our schedules, life is going to throw curveballs at us all the time. And so with the particular example you speak of,

Such a good question. And as a busy working mom with a dog and a husband and now two teenage girls, the chaos is inevitable. I think as much as we can be planful and meticulous with our time and our schedules, life is going to throw curveballs at us all the time. And so with the particular example you speak of,

that I opened the book with of we were going to host this huge holiday party for our friends and family and basically all chaos broke out in our home and we ended up getting lice treatments till two in the morning and I think what it is, it's getting back to the anchor. For us, the goal was to be with friends and family to curate a lovely, meaningful experience for the holidays.

that I opened the book with of we were going to host this huge holiday party for our friends and family and basically all chaos broke out in our home and we ended up getting lice treatments till two in the morning and I think what it is, it's getting back to the anchor. For us, the goal was to be with friends and family to curate a lovely, meaningful experience for the holidays.

While that specific evening got derailed, we had our values firmly in place. once we had picked up the pieces of that particular debacle, we were able to quickly reset because our values were clear, our intentions were clear. We had done that work to define what does a meaningful holiday look like for us?

While that specific evening got derailed, we had our values firmly in place. once we had picked up the pieces of that particular debacle, we were able to quickly reset because our values were clear, our intentions were clear. We had done that work to define what does a meaningful holiday look like for us?

when you take away all the tinsel and the pressure to consume, what does it really come down to? And for us, that was wanting to gather with friends and family. So even though we got completely derailed on the night we were hosting a holiday party, we were able to quickly recalibrate to that intentionality and that goal.

when you take away all the tinsel and the pressure to consume, what does it really come down to? And for us, that was wanting to gather with friends and family. So even though we got completely derailed on the night we were hosting a holiday party, we were able to quickly recalibrate to that intentionality and that goal.

And we, instead of having it in December, recalibrated and had a party on January 1st. So I think it's being able to have some flexibility and some give. And in my life, as I call myself a control enthusiast, I love being in control of my life and my home and my plans. But time and experience has shown me there's always going to be curveballs coming at us.

And we, instead of having it in December, recalibrated and had a party on January 1st. So I think it's being able to have some flexibility and some give. And in my life, as I call myself a control enthusiast, I love being in control of my life and my home and my plans. But time and experience has shown me there's always going to be curveballs coming at us.

So how can we be nimble and flexible and be able to come back to that baseline of what we're looking for in our lives, what we care about? I think if those intentions are clear, even if you get derailed, you can quickly reset and come back.

So how can we be nimble and flexible and be able to come back to that baseline of what we're looking for in our lives, what we care about? I think if those intentions are clear, even if you get derailed, you can quickly reset and come back.

Absolutely. So volume, as I mentioned before, the way that I think about it is if you think of like a dial on a radio, you get to turn it up, turn the volume up or turn it down. And it's all about being intentional, right? To find the right volume for you. I think where we get stuck is we get in the practice of just saying yes and letting things come at us.

Absolutely. So volume, as I mentioned before, the way that I think about it is if you think of like a dial on a radio, you get to turn it up, turn the volume up or turn it down. And it's all about being intentional, right? To find the right volume for you. I think where we get stuck is we get in the practice of just saying yes and letting things come at us.

So an example of that would be I've worked with people in their homes for years and years. And what I've seen is the biggest problem for people is not a lack of organization. It's a unmanageable amount of volume. So if we look at the example of, say, an entry closet, if somebody comes to me and they say, My entry is out of control. We can't find anything. The coats are a jumble.

So an example of that would be I've worked with people in their homes for years and years. And what I've seen is the biggest problem for people is not a lack of organization. It's a unmanageable amount of volume. So if we look at the example of, say, an entry closet, if somebody comes to me and they say, My entry is out of control. We can't find anything. The coats are a jumble.

We've got to get organized. What I know as being an organizing expert for most of my career is that probably we have more of a volume problem than an organizing problem. So the thing I always look at first is, do we have too much or too little? So in the case of the entry, often if I just say, you know what?

We've got to get organized. What I know as being an organizing expert for most of my career is that probably we have more of a volume problem than an organizing problem. So the thing I always look at first is, do we have too much or too little? So in the case of the entry, often if I just say, you know what?

Let's pick a favorite coat for each member of the family and relocate the rest and make sure that all we have by the entry are the coats and bags and dog leashes and things we need on an everyday basis. If we can relocate the things that don't belong here and just reduce the volume, we're gonna make our lives a lot easier.

Let's pick a favorite coat for each member of the family and relocate the rest and make sure that all we have by the entry are the coats and bags and dog leashes and things we need on an everyday basis. If we can relocate the things that don't belong here and just reduce the volume, we're gonna make our lives a lot easier.

So I started taking that principle and expanding it into other areas of life. So if we look at relationships, for example, Do you feel that you're drowning in social plans, engagements, you have so many friends you can't keep up with them or really manage quality time?

So I started taking that principle and expanding it into other areas of life. So if we look at relationships, for example, Do you feel that you're drowning in social plans, engagements, you have so many friends you can't keep up with them or really manage quality time?

Or do you feel like you're in a season of life where things have maybe slowed down and you feel a lack of deep intimacy or connection and you want to turn the volume up on relationships? So it's really a tool to just help you recalibrate In any area of your life, that could be finances. Do you want to turn the volume up on earning or saving?

Or do you feel like you're in a season of life where things have maybe slowed down and you feel a lack of deep intimacy or connection and you want to turn the volume up on relationships? So it's really a tool to just help you recalibrate In any area of your life, that could be finances. Do you want to turn the volume up on earning or saving?

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then

With relationships, as I mentioned, with the volume of stuff you own. So I like to think of it as this tool that you can apply to any area, just by saying, do I have too much or too little? And where do I want to adjust the volume in this particular area of my life to feel more balanced and in alignment with my bigger goals?

Yeah, I love this question because the thing that I see in my work the most is actually what's difficult for people is not organizing, it's making decisions. And the reason decision making is difficult is, as you beautifully pointed out, because most of us focus on what we're losing or what we're letting go of, missing out on. Our brain has a real negativity bias.

And so even for something as simple as editing your t-shirts, what I find is people go to a sense of lack and scarcity as opposed to a place of abundance. What am I adding here? If I only have my favorite five t-shirts, I'm going to simplify decision-making for myself. I'm going to ease my morning routine. I'm going to take better care of the things that I do own.

That's where my mind naturally goes. But what I've found is for most humans, they go to what am I giving up? What am I losing? What if I regret this decision? What if say the t-shirt has a memory link to it? Like the marathon I competed in. If I get rid of this t-shirt, am I going to forget that memory? Am I going to lose that identity?

And so when I think about editing, I like to really flip the switch towards what are we adding? And I think most people feel like they're drowning in, as we've been saying, too muchness. They're drowning in overwhelm, over commitment, over saturation. And most people will tell me I crave more spaciousness. And

The truth is in order to create more spaciousness in your home or your life or your mind, you have to decide what you wanna let go of on purpose. And so being, I call it ruthless, but not reckless with those decisions so that you can clear the space for yourself and focus on what you're gaining. So when I'm helping a client edit, I always say to them, What is your vision of an ideal life?

What would your day be like? What would your morning routine be like? And so then when we get into editing and they inevitably get overwhelmed or face paralysis, I can get them back to that vision of what are we creating space for? What are we building? And the only way to build that is by letting go intentionally.

I love that, John. I live in California, the land of the fire and the earthquake. And so we're also forced to reckon with if a natural disaster strikes, what are those things you're grabbing in the fire or the hurricane or the earthquake? And what's interesting to me about asking that question is it forces you to become aware.

an editor and very intentional and when i asked my husband and my kids what would they take the first thing they said was the dog and i just loved that because it was like that's what matters right it's the people it's the animals it's the relationships in our lives are what people really care about on a deep level the stuff is all a bonus that's how i think about it

So a belief is just a thought we've practiced a lot. And I think a lot of us take for granted that our beliefs can't be changed. They're hardwired. But one of the things I've learned, I went to life coach training school a few years ago. And one of the things that really blew my mind was this idea that we can change our thoughts.

We can change our lives through shifting those hardwired belief systems and those habits. And like you mentioned, complaining is a habit that I think most of us, myself included, have adapted long ago that we just don't think about or question. But it does bring negativity into our lives. And I write about in the book, there was a day I challenged myself to go on a complaining fast.

And I barely made it five minutes. And I realized, wow, I'm walking through the world thinking that I'm this positive, optimistic person. But I have this really negative habit of pointing out things that I don't like, say, in my environment, like this chair is uncomfortable or what's that smell? Or why did my kids leave their backpacks by the door?

These little things that just seem like innocent observations really do have a cost on our mental health. And so those things that I outline to let go of intentionally are all based in belief systems that I think can all be shifted with intentionality, with just saying I'm going to audit how I spend my time, or I'm going to audit how often I complain, or I'm going to think about

my relationship to imposter syndrome. We all have these things, they're so human and they're so hardwired. But what I love is thinking about the capacity for personal development that we all have. And the biggest thing is just awareness. So even if we just start by saying, I'm gonna just pay attention to say, where imposter syndrome crops up in my life.

I'm going to write it down as it arises, and I'm just going to question it. That's really the first step here. You don't have to make huge sweeping changes. It's just about cultivating a new awareness of your habits and deciding, just like with editing your sock drawer, is this something I want to keep on purpose or is it something I want to let go of intentionally?

And when people are overwhelmed in their homes, I often start them with the sock drawer because it's one of those universal clutter magnets. And if you can make decisions about your sock drawer, you can make decisions about anything.

Yeah.

Absolutely. So I'll give a few examples. So in the physical realm, what I find is the thing that really weighs people down the most is paper clutter. And as much as we live in a digital world, there is no avoiding some level of paper clutter. We all have Mail coming in through the front door, bills, briefs from work. If you have young kids, you may have art or homework or school forms to sign.

And so one thing I started early on in my career was this concept of an inbox is one centralized place. where anything that was paper that required your eyes or attention went.

And this sounds so simple that it almost sounds silly, but I can tell you from being in now thousands of people's homes, when I walk in the front door, I typically see paper in the entry, paper on the kitchen counter, paper strewn on the dining room. And I always ask people, do you have one centralized place for the papers that you need to review?

I would say at least nine times out of 10 people say, we really don't, they end up here and here. So I like to define a system as like the simplest route to solve a problem. And so for me, that simple route for paper clutter is one big open vessel in your home where you can put all of your paperwork, anything that needs to be reviewed. And then all you have to do is commit to

Once a week, you're looking through and you're taking care of business. That's one for the home. For life management, I love the system of a get it done day. So what I find is in life, we all have these kind of annoying grading errands like, Need to pick up the dry cleaning or get this shirt mended or drop off our donations, repair this electronic.

And it becomes clutter in our brain, these unfinished tasks. And so what I like to do is centralize all of those. kind of nagging errands into a single get it done day. Realistically, I probably schedule one once a season. So this doesn't have to be an overwhelming thing that you're adding to your to do list. But essentially, if you can plop all of these things into one container,

It will make a huge difference in your efficiency. You can go run all the errands, make all the phone calls, book all the appointments in one single day. Likewise, I talk a lot in the book about automation. Automation is a tool most people use in business and less so in life. So I talk about looking at everything as an opportunity for automation. I personally realized I was sending

almost the exact same email again and again verbatim. And so I created a canned email that now can go out in one second. I spare myself the 15 minutes of rewriting that same email. Likewise with appointments, like maybe with paying your taxes, you can get that automated once a year, same day, same time with your CPA.

Same with medical appointments, dental appointments, self-care appointments like haircuts. It's taking all of these things that take up our time and seeing how can we batch them? How can we automate them? So we just take out the guesswork and all of that extra time with the scheduling and the mental load. The last example I'll give is just a personal one.

I find that many of my clients complain about not having time for the things they truly care about. So. a date night with their partner or having a lunch with a good friend or a walk. So I've started helping people automate all of those things, putting those big rocks first in their calendar.

So an example would be saying, I'm going to have my two best friends over for dinner on the first Saturday of every month. We're going to lock it in. So we never need to schedule. We never need to go back and forth, but we know that's baked in that value of seeing each other more. We can look forward to every month. I do this with my kids. I have two teenagers. They're so busy.

The mess of life sometimes keeps us from having quality time. I now have baked in a brief date with each one of my girls every week. So it's asking yourself first, what are the things that matter? It could be a health or a fitness goal, a goal to see or maintain a relationship better. It could be a financial goal or savings goal and looking at what is the goal?

How can I create the simplest system to automate that goal? So I'm giving it the attention that it deserves.

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

Yes.

So if you've ever tried to build a new habit or break an existing habit, you've probably encountered quite a bit of resistance. And that's because, as we know, our well-intentioned brains are designed to keep us safe and protect us from harm, even when there's no actual threat.

And so because of this tendency, our own brains can really work against us by trying to prevent us from doing anything new that it perceives as risky business. So because of this, we want to start super, super tiny with a habit, both to minimize the resistance of our brain and just simply to make it easier and more sustainable for us. And I love, you talked about BJ Fogg.

He's all about making things tiny. And so I call it making it micro. So if you want to start a new habit that feels overwhelming to your brain and or even to your schedule, you have to start thinking, what's the tiniest, easiest way I can start making a shift in my life? So for me, I really struggled with exercise. I'm a busy working mom, running a business, writing books.

I knew that I wanted to exercise, but it was so challenging for me to get it on the schedule, to make my way to a class, to carve out that big chunk of time in my day. And so finally what I did is I said, you know what? If I'm just going to do anything that feels easy, something is better than nothing. And so I challenged myself to a 15 minute walk each morning. I thought I always have 15 minutes.

There's really no excuses there. I don't have to drive anywhere. I don't have to shower after. So this is a way I took a big thing. Like, really, I would have loved to take a fitness class for an hour and a half every day, but it wasn't happening. So I said, how can I make this micro? in the form of a tiny walk where I move my body. I did that for about six months.

I just got in that habit of, I wake up, the first thing I do is I put on my shoes, I walk out the door and I do a little loop. And what I found is just by making it tiny, I was able to then start having the experience of doing this new habit of thinking of myself differently as someone who can successfully establish a new habit. who can move my body regularly.

And once I had gotten over that initial hump, I then found I wanted to walk for longer and longer stretches. I now take a one hour walk every morning. And so it's really compounded into a very healthy, regular effortless habit.

But that happened just by saying, how can I make this as tiny and reduce all of the overwhelm and all of the block that my brain is having, thinking that this is too big of an obstacle to get over.

Absolutely. Yeah. So every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes.

And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to take a temperature check of how am I doing? How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year. I, again, like to make those super tiny.

So if I feel like I wanna put a little more effort into health and wellness, it could be as small as ordering a multivitamin online and saying, I'm just gonna add that to my routine. If it's wanting to be more intentional in terms of my finances, every week on Sunday, I'm just going to look at my P&L and really get to know my finances on a deeper level.

So this exercise only takes about 30 minutes total. And it will help you clarify where you want to focus your time and energy and effort for the coming season or coming year. And I like to think about it. So I think there's so much pressure to do everything well all at once. And we know that we simply can't. As human beings, we all have limited capacity.

And so the way I frame this life audit exercise is really about saying, Stephanie Pinder- At the end of it, where do I want to invest the bulk of my time, energy and attention for this season ahead so knowing that I can't get a perfect five in all areas.

Stephanie Pinder- where's The one thing I want to dive into I like to see for the season ahead, because it feels less intimidating than an entire year and. depending on where you're at and what your goals are it could be i'm dating after divorce i really want to focus on cultivating meaningful relationships, or I want to start dating.

If you want to have a financial goal, it could be, I'm going to put all of my eggs in that basket. I'm going to really focus. And so the thing that people ask me is they say, okay, sure. I'm going to say, here's the one area I want to dive into, but what about everything else? Like I can't drop the ball on everything else. And to

So I like this idea of establishing a minimum baseline for all of the other areas of your life while you take a deep dive into one primary area. So I talk about lowering the bar on purpose as opposed to dropping the ball by accident, which can feel liberating and empowering. So I actually make a list of places where I'm okay dropping the ball. For me, that's making a perfectly cooked meal.

Maybe I'm gonna order takeout instead. I know that I'm terrible at keeping plants alive. I'm giving up on that completely, right? Maybe I wanna take a break from networking events for this season. But the goal is to think about where do I want to be really purposeful and effortless in this season of my life?

And what are the things I can put on the back burner on purpose, as opposed to just seeing them as a failure?

So I like to think about building your relationship dream team, and you have to start by identifying which current connections you'd like to cultivate or invest in more. So that would be turning up the volume and which relationships drain or distract you. And you want to turn the volume down on those. Many of us have people in our lives that are unavoidable, right?

Colleagues, bosses, family members that we feel maybe we can't cut off entirely. but we can think about how do we turn the volume down in terms of the energy and effort we invest in those relationships and the boundaries that we put up. So I think about clarifying your relationship deal breakers

a quick exercise anyone can do is just thinking, what are your values with regard to friendships and partnerships? We all have different standards and boundaries when it comes to what we will and won't tolerate. I found by just making a list for myself of what are my deal breakers, what are the places where I will not pass go, writing those down and being intentional about them

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then once you've ranked each area, you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year.

Then when you come across an interaction or an engagement with someone that crosses that boundary, you've already done the thought work to decide that's not a place where I'm going to engage. This is a person that maybe I need to disengage from or set a clear boundary. In terms of systems, I already talked about systematizing the relationships that you care most deeply about.

I think the most common complaint I hear from people with relationships is I don't have time for the people I care about most, or they just get lost in the shuffle of my life. I prioritize my work or my kids, but my partner gets lost in the shuffle.

So then it's thinking about just like you have a quarterly review at work, having a quarterly review for your relationships and saying, where could we turn up the volume and invest more? What systems can we implement to improve our relationships? What habits could make a big difference? Like my husband is a real words of affirmation guy.

and he said to me just by giving me a little compliment when i walk out the door like saying that i look good or you like the outfit i've put together that boosts me and lifts my spirits more than you can imagine and just him telling me that really informed my habits and behavior moving forward because That's not something I crave. I'm more of a acts of service person.

If you drive me to the airport, I'm grateful for life. That's my love language. And so by communicating with the people in your life, what are the small habit shifts that could really mean a lot and boost our relationship? What can we start implementing in terms of both systems and habits, and really doing a relationship audit.

As ruthless as that sounds, there are some people that you may want to cut out of your life entirely, or you may want to divest from. And so thinking about who are the people that I want to put my time and energy and resources into? Who are the people that I want to put on the back burner? And I heard on a podcast recently, and this really stuck with me, this idea of the parking lot test.

So when you go out with someone, whether it's a friend or a date or a colleague, as you're walking back to your car post date or dinner, How do you feel? Do they pass the parking lot test? Meaning, do you feel boosted, inspired, energized, connected, or do you feel drained or depleted and starting to pay attention to that? Once I spend time with someone, how am I feeling?

Thank you so much. I'm so looking forward to this conversation.

Is this adding value to my life or is it really a time suck and something where I want to divest and shift my energy?

So I think just asking yourself the question, how might my life be better with less? might open some really interesting answers. I think because we're so hardwired to think that more is the answer and we always need to be adding.

I think just by flipping that script and I just pose that question to your listeners, how might my life benefit from less can really open up some juicy creative exploration.

In my own life, by reducing the volume of stuff that I own, the volume of plans on my schedule, the volume of commitments that I make in my career, I've really supersized my results, both in my career and finances, but also in the meaning and the intimacy of my relationships. And so applying this concept of fewer better to all areas of your life is an invitation that I'd love to leave you with.

Yeah, just my website, shiragill.com. I have a free newsletter and community that gives lots of actionable tips. And you can find my three books wherever books are sold.

Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.

Yeah, so it's interesting. My work is very much anchored in minimalism and the way that I define minimalism is as being radically intentional. So not just with the things you own, but with how you spend your time, resources.

There's an intimacy in the darkness and an intimacy to being warm when it is cold that I think can really foster connection. I think conversations can deepen and it's a sense of being closer together because who do you do that with? Who are you with in the warmth and the light when outside it's cold and dark? Those are usually people you feel very close to.

And so when I think of what is an intentional life, in my definition is it's about clarifying what's important to you and cutting the clutter and distraction that stands in the way. And that's really what I've dug into in my work as an organizing expert, as a minimalist, as a coach.

It's all about helping people figure out what are the few things that matter and what's adding real value to your life and what can you let go of completely.

Absolutely. Yeah. And we're in a culture right now where everything is go more and more and it's incumbent upon us to slow down and put the brakes on and recalibrate and really think about what we're saying yes to and what we're saying no to on purpose. Not a small task.

Yeah, I mean, it's much more simple than you might think. I think I address in this new book volume, the idea of the volume of our lives in all areas. And I've been organizing homes and lives for over a decade now. And what I see is just a massive amount of volume of too many yeses and not enough nos. And I think we spend probably at least the first half of our lives accumulating

And that's not just accumulating physical things, but accumulating friendships, relationships, jobs, career opportunities, and we're adding. And I think most of us don't have a system in place to start editing or questioning or cutting the clutter.

And really the messages that we receive constantly, not just from social media, TV, but even the people all around us, everybody that I speak with says they feel like they're drowning. They feel like it's just too much. The responsibilities, the tech, the notifications, the volume of paperwork in their lives. I really think about it like a mathematical equation. If we just keep adding and adding,

without any subtracting, we're going to be drowning in a mountain of too muchness. And so my book and my work really addresses how do you start editing? How do you start cutting that clutter and reducing? And really what I found is the hardest thing for people is the decision making around what stays and what goes. And I think you have to have a really compelling yes to make those no's easier.

So in my work with clients and in my own life, I'm always thinking about the question of what is your most compelling? Yes. Whether that's a career goal or taking care of a elderly parent or a younger child. or wanting to supersize your income or write a book or pursue some big, creative, innovative project, what is the thing that calls to you the most deeply that is your big, compelling yes?

And once you have that firmly in place, the no's, the editing, the saying, no, thank you, I can't, I'm at capacity, comes much easier.

Absolutely.

Yes.

Such a good question. And as a busy working mom with a dog and a husband and now two teenage girls, the chaos is inevitable. I think as much as we can be planful and meticulous with our time and our schedules, life is going to throw curveballs at us all the time. And so with the particular example you speak of,

that I opened the book with of we were going to host this huge holiday party for our friends and family and basically all chaos broke out in our home and we ended up getting lice treatments till two in the morning and I think what it is, it's getting back to the anchor. For us, the goal was to be with friends and family to curate a lovely, meaningful experience for the holidays.

While that specific evening got derailed, we had our values firmly in place. once we had picked up the pieces of that particular debacle, we were able to quickly reset because our values were clear, our intentions were clear. We had done that work to define what does a meaningful holiday look like for us?

when you take away all the tinsel and the pressure to consume, what does it really come down to? And for us, that was wanting to gather with friends and family. So even though we got completely derailed on the night we were hosting a holiday party, we were able to quickly recalibrate to that intentionality and that goal.

And we, instead of having it in December, recalibrated and had a party on January 1st. So I think it's being able to have some flexibility and some give. And in my life, as I call myself a control enthusiast, I love being in control of my life and my home and my plans. But time and experience has shown me there's always going to be curveballs coming at us.

So how can we be nimble and flexible and be able to come back to that baseline of what we're looking for in our lives, what we care about? I think if those intentions are clear, even if you get derailed, you can quickly reset and come back.

Absolutely. So volume, as I mentioned before, the way that I think about it is if you think of like a dial on a radio, you get to turn it up, turn the volume up or turn it down. And it's all about being intentional, right? To find the right volume for you. I think where we get stuck is we get in the practice of just saying yes and letting things come at us.

So an example of that would be I've worked with people in their homes for years and years. And what I've seen is the biggest problem for people is not a lack of organization. It's a unmanageable amount of volume. So if we look at the example of, say, an entry closet, if somebody comes to me and they say, My entry is out of control. We can't find anything. The coats are a jumble.

We've got to get organized. What I know as being an organizing expert for most of my career is that probably we have more of a volume problem than an organizing problem. So the thing I always look at first is, do we have too much or too little? So in the case of the entry, often if I just say, you know what?

Let's pick a favorite coat for each member of the family and relocate the rest and make sure that all we have by the entry are the coats and bags and dog leashes and things we need on an everyday basis. If we can relocate the things that don't belong here and just reduce the volume, we're gonna make our lives a lot easier.

So I started taking that principle and expanding it into other areas of life. So if we look at relationships, for example, Do you feel that you're drowning in social plans, engagements, you have so many friends you can't keep up with them or really manage quality time?

Or do you feel like you're in a season of life where things have maybe slowed down and you feel a lack of deep intimacy or connection and you want to turn the volume up on relationships? So it's really a tool to just help you recalibrate In any area of your life, that could be finances. Do you want to turn the volume up on earning or saving?

Every year on New Year's Eve, I sit down and I just take a few minutes to rank each area of my life on a scale of one to five based on level of fulfillment and overall satisfaction. And so that's part one of the exercise. It only takes about five minutes. And the goal, of course, is not to get a perfect five in every area, but just to kind of take a temperature check of how am I doing?

How am I feeling in all of these different areas? Then