Stephen Waddell
Appearances
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
She knew I was very introverted and different. And we're both involved in the modeling industry. And so I think she liked it. initially and it was like something that i think it may be it was more of a
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
middle of the bell curve type of relationship that it would have been noticed sooner, but it was such a relief from somebody who doesn't really care about social status, isn't too concerned with what people think about them, almost oblivious to it. And so I think she liked that, so it fell under the radar. And her father is highly introverted, so I think That played into it as well.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And we were in that time in our lives when we were building our career. I think she knew what was different. We didn't really have words for her. And I think around the time my brother and I were talking about this stuff, and I ran it by her. And I forget if I ran it by her exactly or if she mentioned it to me. But the general reaction was like, yeah, it sounds about right. Okay.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I just assumed that I'm fine with that. It's... I think the main reason why I won't seek a diagnosis is because I've heard that there are some instances where it can be classified as a disability and eventually it can hurt you in some capacity in work and other professional fields. I don't know how I really feel about that still. It's still new for me and...
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Growing up, I always knew I was maybe a bit of an odd duck, different, very introverted person. very comfortable being alone. Then later on in life, my brother's wife, Hope, she started studying this and started talking to my brother about it and said, your behaviors match up with this. And then one thing led to another.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I wonder what would I get out of it if I did. Yeah.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Maybe thinking about it for about three years and then consider myself probably a year and a half where I was like, Yeah, it just fits. And now it's gotten to the point where I'm comfortable telling my gal, it's like, all right, I have to de-stim, which is pretty much me pacing in a circle, tossing this rock in my hand repeatedly for anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I don't know why I need to. I just know it's what happens and just how I am.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Yeah. Yeah. Very repetitive. It's what drew me into the accounting field as well, is it's very repetitive, high-focus work. And I know Chase Bank has a program where they're employing autistic folks to do this kind of work.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
It depends on what happens. Given the political climate and everything that's happening there too, Yeah. For myself, I really want to continue to hone into my work with nonprofits. I love it. I enjoy it. I've learned a lot about the nonprofit sector, and I view it very much as an essential way that we can fix the problems of our world.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I see the business sector providing value in certain areas, the government and other areas, and nonprofit world in another. And
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I really enjoy and can see AI as this leveling of the playing field type of tech in ways in which it can allow people with a good work ethic, a good idea, and it matters less the background that you came from and the relationships that you have because a lot of times this tech can replace a lawyer. Right. My dad's a lawyer. I can go call him for legal advice. That's an immense privilege.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
But now I can use AI to help me read a contract. I can use AI to help me write a contract. And sure, it's not perfect. But a lot of times, if you don't have the resource and that's all you have, it's a hell of a lot better than nothing at all. You can learn how to do SEO on your website on it. You can have it write a grant application for you, even if English isn't your first language.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
You can write the thing verbally in your native tongue just by speaking into it. And then you can have a grant application produced in English. So I think it's going to help remove a lot of gatekeeper professions. and it's going to allow more access to opportunity. But in the same token, it's also going to condense control and power in the hands of basically the people who learn how to use it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
It's got that kind of positive and negative, and the short is spend some time every day to learn how to use it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I started calling my brother on long drives and we started talking about this stuff. And I was like, you know, I do that. And yeah, I do that. That's called stimming. And I was like, oh, okay. There's a word for it. I was like, that's interesting. I just thought I was weird. There's that. And then we started talking about social masking.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I think really I'd like to reach somebody in my shoes 20 years ago. Just say, take your time. It does get better. In the same token, I'm glad we live in a world where we can now talk about this openly because I'm not sure I would have followed the same path if podcasts were out and this information was out when I was in my young 20s.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I wouldn't have gone through this immense amount of pain, just this fog of just not understanding how the social component works. And I would say if I can hit one thing that would resonate with people, it's at that young age. It's that social confusion fog.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And that was big for me because I think I was somewhere on the spectrum where it's like I know enough when something's not going not right socially. Right. But I don't know what it is. And Be yourself, be open, and learn what works for you. I'd probably encourage everybody to work as a contractor or a business owner as a young age with this too. I couldn't imagine being an employee.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I couldn't imagine being, and that's something too, like a big part of my journey that perhaps is that I missed is I very rarely was an employee for any of these periods. It was always contractor-based work. Twofold, I'd say I've encouraged young people to consider contractor or business owner types of Yeah. Now you brought something up that I definitely want to ask.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Of course, everything is 2020 when you're looking back. It's perfect. You see it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I think... It's one of those things where it's more, I wish I would have done this soon. And that's what goes on in my brain where I'm like, I wish I would have reached out my hand sooner to introduce myself to people. I wish I would have learned how to open myself up to connection sooner. That's a big part of my journey.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I think, too, I wish I would have noticed the alcohol use in particular sooner and how I was using that to cope with all of these feelings that constantly came up. I even attended some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings later on in life. And this was basically maybe a year or two before thinking about autism. And I noticed a lot of similarities there.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
But in the end, the truth is I started noticing some really key differences, too, that were really big, like The being able to stop component, like I was always able to stop, even though it caused wreckage. I was like, okay, that's it. I'm done. It was fine. And that's where the journey shifted quite a bit.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
So I put that out there too, because I think that some of the reading that I've done, some of the listening that I've done with other folks who are autistic or self-identify as such also talk about alcohol and how it shows up.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And that's where it really settled in for me in a big way, because that's always been a big hurdle of mine is the whole social component. I'm a little bit fuzzy now, and I put on some weight in accounting season, but my background ended up being in the modeling industry.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I ended up building my career doing stuff in the front end of the modeling industry a little bit after I basically lost a bunch of weight after a bad accident, which we can talk about at some point if it's interesting. I'm open about it. Lost a bunch of weight, ended up working in the modeling industry, and then ended up working in the back end of the modeling industry. Entertaining, right?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Where being social is very important. And also in the modeling world, understanding social etiquette becomes pretty important too in terms of kind of income drivers, right?
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
So it was a very interesting world to be in, and I was almost forced to have to learn step by step, do this, do not do this, build those scripts as a way to fit in. It's at the point now where it's almost like I might have to learn how to unmask. because it's been 15 years of doing the same kind of thing like over and over again.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And it's really like the people who know me well and see me a lot privately understand that what gets presented out to the world ends up quite frequently looking like somebody who might've been like the captain of the baseball team or something like that, which is a very common assumption people have.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
But the person I actually am, very quiet, very introverted, lots of niche tastes, very peculiar at times, picky with some things, not with others, odd sense of humor, all that kind of stuff. And I think if we're talking about it in terms of the spectrum, and you can see here one of my stimming objects right here, which is rocks. In terms of the spectrum, I'm probably less openly showing about it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
In my college years or high school, people might have thought it then, but 15, 20 years of masking in a very social industry where you have to appear like you're that part of the party, you tend to learn certain things that people are looking for.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I didn't do a ton of it, but mainly stuff in suits. You can call it bridal, that kind of thing.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I don't, per se. I happen to really like wool. And this sweater is not a wool one, but I have a wool sweater I like wearing that's a little bit more. And this goes back to the masking, and I can actually show you. This is one of the wool sweaters that I like wearing. but it looks like a Christmas sweater.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And so when you're appearing on business meetings and Zooms, and I just was on one, you can only get away with that for a few weeks out of the year.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Forced it. 100% forced. Brutal force. And that really happened after I had a life-changing accident. When I was 21, me and a couple of friends were out drinking. And I'll cut the story kind of short on this part because it relates, but it's not why we're here. But essentially, I ended up tripping and falling on the third rail of the New York subway after just nights out of drinking.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I think that really played a role in the socialization. And just if it's a social event, I just needed copious amounts of alcohol to feel normal. just would use that. And then after that accident happened, I have an epiphany. I was just really happy to be alive. And I was like, okay, this arm is, I can show you on zoom so you can see the scar on this arm.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And so that's where I hit the rail and the electricity came out a few spots up my spine. So I have lots of scar tissue on the inside, a couple spots out on my legs. And just did something to me where I was like, I need to figure out how to participate in life. I need to figure out how to do this.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
So I would just force myself to learn how to have a conversation with people, which was just the beginning stages were rough because I would just go out to bars and I'd ask people the same question over and over again. What did you think of the game last night? Did you see the game last night? What did you like about the game last night? But it was just a force it.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I would say the interesting thing about that is the vast majority of people were relatively kind. That's great to hear. I would say 10% of the people just got a bad attitude about it. And that was rough to deal with. So that kind of sparked something in me. And then I was pretty overweight at the time, too. It was about 320 pounds.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And basically through this process of about a year and a half, I stumbled into an accidental Atkins diet because the doctors told me I needed to eat a lot of protein to regrow muscle mass. And I lost a lot of weight. And I ended up like one of those moments where they're like, you can actually model.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And I ended up doing a little bit of that, but I've got this big scar on my arm and I'm almost six foot five, which in the modeling world is not a profitable thing as a male.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Yeah, you're too tall. So you want to be between 5'11 and a half and 6'2, maybe 6'3. Otherwise, you don't get the sample sizes of the clothing. And it's a business just like anything else. It's a little bit different now because your influence matters with social media and stuff that add that component to it. But nonetheless, it's still an industry.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And then being in that industry, you were forced... very much to understand what's happening socially. For me, it's almost like I was able to turn a negative into a positive because I was forced to break everything down and forced to really understand things.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
What eventually gave me staying power in the industry were really two things. I was able to understand the analytical side of the business, which very few people who understand the modeling world and the creative aspects do. And that translates well into the nonprofit sector as well, which is primarily where I am living now in this day and age.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
The second part to it is you end up dealing with a lot of hard to deal with people. Here's where we could touch on a little bit of mental illness as well. So I became a little bit of the narcissist rambler. Mainly because, and I've noticed this, and as I've gone through the late diagnosis and everything, that us autistic folks, and I think we're very sensitive to truthfulness.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
So typically that personality type, it's called NPD, I think, they play around with the truth in ways that I think folks who are normal, neurotypical, don't pick up on it right away. until it's too late. But it almost became a success for me in this industry of being able to identify this and also not just that, deal with these folks to a profitable result for all entities included.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I can't get into too many specifics with it because if NDA is in this kind of thing, but we work with large companies, publicly traded ones, and just it's
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Every day. I still go through it. And that's one of the dangers of, I think, my job and one of the reasons why I'm continuing to move into the nonprofit sector and start doing that consciously away from the modeling sector. Because you can see, I've got one of my stem rocks in my hand. I would say a lot of pacing and circles and some sort of object like this.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And then I have another one here, similar rock, but I found I like the different sensation in my hand. Like sometimes I want this cause it's an even weight in my hand. And then sometimes I want this because it will give me a different sensor each time because it doesn't always land the same way. I get them from a rock store that's five minutes away where all they do is sell rocks. I treat myself.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I'm still learning a bit more exactly what a meltdown is, but my understanding of what happens with me is I have a heat pad on the floor, and so I'll just lie on the heat pad until my head stops spinning. It triggers the chronic pain as well. I require solitude and stillness is what kind of works for sometimes four to 12 hours.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I don't know. Not really. I can't say it. There's a couple of foods that produce disgust. I think it's in the normal range. It's nothing like too outstanding.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
Yeah, primarily what I do, I got connected with a firm specialized in nonprofit accounting. I've been working there with them for over a decade, have some private clients of my own in the nonprofit world, and started really utilizing AI quite a bit. to really reduce my workload down. I started really noticing how AI can really help nonprofits
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
bridge a lot of gaps and help with the grant management and grant writing and essentially that portion of every nonprofit that they have to go to. So that's really, I would say, that's become my area of specialty and interest, many reasons. And I think the simplest one is I see it very much as... leveling the playing field.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
And if we're going to bring it into autism and how it relates for autism is the whole social masking and scripting process is very labor intensive and requires immense amount of emotional energy for me. When I can program an AI to write me an email in a way that it gets better over time, I don't have to think about how I need to respond. I don't have to think about what's socially normal.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I don't have to think about the emotions that go into it and what's expected of me. The AI does that for me. It removes what I find to be a huge emotional burden. And just writing a one paragraph response to somebody who I want to connect with Like my brain will go crazy and think of all of these details, all the stuff that's irrelevant.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
What sparked that was really my brother and my brother's wife. And so she's involved with... She's involved in getting a PhD, and I hope I don't butcher it, what exactly it is, but it's one of those things where it's very long and very niche. But essentially, it's in that world where she studies this kind of stuff.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
But when I'm just able to get on my phone and say, hey, Jimmy emailed me and they want financial reports for this day and I can't get them by this date. Can you write a response? And just having AI do that and looking at that response, I'm like, okay, serviceable, good, off. For everybody and for all humans, I think, that's a very beneficial thing.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
very small circle even though people think otherwise it's really i would say my girlfriend who i've been with for 14 years now yeah so my gal we've been together 14 could be 15 in august i can't believe how time flies but it's amazing she's wonderful and my brother dan My dad, maybe a little bit sometimes, I call him. But really, that's the social circle. And I have some friends too.
Tony Mantor: Why Not Me the World
Steven Waddell: Rocks, Rails, and Revelations: A Model's Autism Story
I was just talking to my friend Andy today, but he's somebody I probably speak with. I'm talking to him more now, but maybe three to six times a year over the phone. And he's in Rhode Island. But I would say, yeah, the friendship circle is pretty small.