Unnamed Character 4

I mean, it's incredible. You know, if we ever make it back, we could, you know, get up early at like six in the morning and just be down there for five hours straight.

I mean, it's incredible. You know, if we ever make it back, we could, you know, get up early at like six in the morning and just be down there for five hours straight.

Oh, that is very funny.

Oh, that is very funny.

Maybe you can scamper back to the edge of the woods. And is there some kind of bird call that only you and your dad would know?

Maybe you can scamper back to the edge of the woods. And is there some kind of bird call that only you and your dad would know?

Can fly skin sting?

Can fly skin sting?

Well, I always thought they were biting my flesh, not stinging me.

Well, I always thought they were biting my flesh, not stinging me.

Yes.

Yes.

You're right, it does smell like mac and cheese.

You're right, it does smell like mac and cheese.

I'm just saying it's very busy. Figure out what to do next. Mr. Ledoux still thinks that Jean-Claude is Jean-Luc. I think, really, we have two broad options. OK. All right. I wish to decide. One is run. Two is kill the magistrate. And then, depending, I think we should vote and decide which one of those we want to do first. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm just saying it's very busy. Figure out what to do next. Mr. Ledoux still thinks that Jean-Claude is Jean-Luc. I think, really, we have two broad options. OK. All right. I wish to decide. One is run. Two is kill the magistrate. And then, depending, I think we should vote and decide which one of those we want to do first. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

But it's gonna be okay, Mr. T. Raccoon, because you'll be alive with your son. Well, for a little bit. We gotta keep moving on. Who needs the magazines and the lava lamps and the strip joint and the gambling and the bachelor pad? And the drugs. And the drugs and Skinamax and that weird bead curtain that you had between your kitchen. And general freedom.

But it's gonna be okay, Mr. T. Raccoon, because you'll be alive with your son. Well, for a little bit. We gotta keep moving on. Who needs the magazines and the lava lamps and the strip joint and the gambling and the bachelor pad? And the drugs. And the drugs and Skinamax and that weird bead curtain that you had between your kitchen. And general freedom.

So who needs any of that when you have family?

So who needs any of that when you have family?

What do you mean? Through mac and cheese and strip joints? What in the hell? Yeah. It's gonna be great. We get to settle down, enjoy the simple life. Bitsy can introduce us to all of her brothers and sisters. It's going to be a wonderful time.

What do you mean? Through mac and cheese and strip joints? What in the hell? Yeah. It's gonna be great. We get to settle down, enjoy the simple life. Bitsy can introduce us to all of her brothers and sisters. It's going to be a wonderful time.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Are you just going to leave your dad in the clearing?

Are you just going to leave your dad in the clearing?

I didn't really choose to go to Machbed. That's just sort of the way the current of the river took us. That's right.

I didn't really choose to go to Machbed. That's just sort of the way the current of the river took us. That's right.

And none of us knew how to sail that catamaran, so we just sort of drifted.

And none of us knew how to sail that catamaran, so we just sort of drifted.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, I think that's correct. Is this Nicky talking face?

Yes, I think that's correct. Is this Nicky talking face?

And we're gonna leave all that stuff in the woods, right?

And we're gonna leave all that stuff in the woods, right?

No, no, no, no, no. I'll walk up to you and I'll grab the dagger. I'll take the knife. You sure? Look, Peggy, you're seeming slightly more unhinged than normal. I don't know what you're talking about.

No, no, no, no, no. I'll walk up to you and I'll grab the dagger. I'll take the knife. You sure? Look, Peggy, you're seeming slightly more unhinged than normal. I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know if you're coming down from the drugs or if it's just a high level of stress. What drugs?

I don't know if you're coming down from the drugs or if it's just a high level of stress. What drugs?

Oh, you didn't have any drugs earlier?

Oh, you didn't have any drugs earlier?

Why don't you put the knife away and we're just gonna have a lovely jaunty walk through the woods.

Why don't you put the knife away and we're just gonna have a lovely jaunty walk through the woods.

I'm a little squeamish about death, if I'm being honest. Remember that time either it was either Booker or Bitsy stabbed me in the kidneys to get some blood?

I'm a little squeamish about death, if I'm being honest. Remember that time either it was either Booker or Bitsy stabbed me in the kidneys to get some blood?

to smear all over either that cat guy or maybe me.

to smear all over either that cat guy or maybe me.

But he stabbed both of them.

But he stabbed both of them.

Well, if we go through Nookington, we can go say hi to Hazel and her entire extended family and see how they're doing after the double funeral. Yeah, we could.

Well, if we go through Nookington, we can go say hi to Hazel and her entire extended family and see how they're doing after the double funeral. Yeah, we could.

That's a great question. I've met a few cows. They're nice fellas. Oh, God.

That's a great question. I've met a few cows. They're nice fellas. Oh, God.

What's an Ocelot? It's a mythical cryptid. They've got little hands.

What's an Ocelot? It's a mythical cryptid. They've got little hands.

Yeah. Oh, it's like a little sloth-looking thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's like a little sloth-looking thing. Yeah.

I see. Oh, they have big bodies?

I see. Oh, they have big bodies?

They're all underneath your pillow, yeah. Like a gross little bag with human teeth and maybe a...

They're all underneath your pillow, yeah. Like a gross little bag with human teeth and maybe a...

Wait, and you're saying there's a wild ocelot on the loose?

Wait, and you're saying there's a wild ocelot on the loose?

They do, yeah.

They do, yeah.

Okay, everyone, I've had enough shoe and foot puns.

Okay, everyone, I've had enough shoe and foot puns.

Well, didn't the Don say that he was born with the gift of soothsaying?

Well, didn't the Don say that he was born with the gift of soothsaying?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

So it's like Schrodinger's succulent. As long as you believe it's fake, it lives. Yeah, I had it for two years. But as soon as you believe it's alive, it dies.

So it's like Schrodinger's succulent. As long as you believe it's fake, it lives. Yeah, I had it for two years. But as soon as you believe it's alive, it dies.

I'm sorry about your succulent.

I'm sorry about your succulent.

What did Booker say? I think the way he put it was great. You certainly welcome to try. Good job. You nailed it. You got it.

What did Booker say? I think the way he put it was great. You certainly welcome to try. Good job. You nailed it. You got it.

Wow, I'm so glad we brought your dad. I didn't know he was so handy and capable.

Wow, I'm so glad we brought your dad. I didn't know he was so handy and capable.

A what?

A what?

A hammock?

A hammock?

I'll have to make me one of them.

I'll have to make me one of them.

Well, my inventory says right here I have 50 feet of hempen rope.

Well, my inventory says right here I have 50 feet of hempen rope.

That's a long rope.

That's a long rope.

Nice, 18.

Nice, 18.

Basically, like, equidistant between the river and the clearing.

Basically, like, equidistant between the river and the clearing.

Isn't it so fun? Yeah. Oh, a campfire. It's going to be all right. When was the last time we've camped under the... I guess we can't really see any stars, but, you know, out in the wilderness. I feel like it's been clearing to clearing this whole series.

Isn't it so fun? Yeah. Oh, a campfire. It's going to be all right. When was the last time we've camped under the... I guess we can't really see any stars, but, you know, out in the wilderness. I feel like it's been clearing to clearing this whole series.

Oh. What do you mean, Dad? We lost all the macaroni.

Oh. What do you mean, Dad? We lost all the macaroni.

Is there anything out here to hunt?

Is there anything out here to hunt?

Oh, my God. Have you ever heard of the dark forest theory? What?

Oh, my God. Have you ever heard of the dark forest theory? What?

So what that means is when you're in a dark forest and you make a fire, then everyone else in the forest can see you. Oh, no. And we can't see anyone.

So what that means is when you're in a dark forest and you make a fire, then everyone else in the forest can see you. Oh, no. And we can't see anyone.

Oh, you could. Oh, could you please?

Oh, you could. Oh, could you please?

That would be an amazing peace of mind.

That would be an amazing peace of mind.

Oh, um, I've read a book about it once. Wow, I didn't know you read books. Well, I used to.

Oh, um, I've read a book about it once. Wow, I didn't know you read books. Well, I used to.

Back when they let me read books.

Back when they let me read books.

When you get in trouble, they take the books away.

When you get in trouble, they take the books away.

What kind of trouble did you get into? Oh, just, like, fun books. You know, like.

What kind of trouble did you get into? Oh, just, like, fun books. You know, like.

Well, you know, adventures, or I don't know.

Well, you know, adventures, or I don't know.

I hope the main character is the chosen one and has two different colored eyes.

I hope the main character is the chosen one and has two different colored eyes.

Oh, just like, you know, various things that they would like tell me to do, like, oh, That guy spit on a guard. Can you go, like, kill him about it? For spitting on somebody? The penalty was death? Well, I'm like, oh, I don't really want to do that. Or can you go beat up this poor destitute family whose harvest was ruined because they owe the cats tax money?

Oh, just like, you know, various things that they would like tell me to do, like, oh, That guy spit on a guard. Can you go, like, kill him about it? For spitting on somebody? The penalty was death? Well, I'm like, oh, I don't really want to do that. Or can you go beat up this poor destitute family whose harvest was ruined because they owe the cats tax money?

And I'm like, well, that doesn't sound very friendly. What? And so I'd be like, I don't want to do that. And... And all they did was take your books away? Well, not just that.

And I'm like, well, that doesn't sound very friendly. What? And so I'd be like, I don't want to do that. And... And all they did was take your books away? Well, not just that.

First, they maybe give you less snacks in the mess hall, and then maybe you skip meals, and then they start taking away your recreation, and then they start removing you from interacting with your fellow comrades to break you down mentally.

First, they maybe give you less snacks in the mess hall, and then maybe you skip meals, and then they start taking away your recreation, and then they start removing you from interacting with your fellow comrades to break you down mentally.

And then they eventually just kick you out.

And then they eventually just kick you out.

This is terrible. Well, I mean, you know, it's my fault. I mean, I'm the one that broke the rules. You know, my whole thing was to serve the Marquis up, you know, and that's kind of what I'm supposed to do. And so most of the orders, I guard real good. I'm really good at standing in one place and, you know, making sure that, you know, I'm present.

This is terrible. Well, I mean, you know, it's my fault. I mean, I'm the one that broke the rules. You know, my whole thing was to serve the Marquis up, you know, and that's kind of what I'm supposed to do. And so most of the orders, I guard real good. I'm really good at standing in one place and, you know, making sure that, you know, I'm present.

That makes you such a good guard. Yeah, so they would post me up in a hallway, and so I could look down both sides of the hallway at once.

That makes you such a good guard. Yeah, so they would post me up in a hallway, and so I could look down both sides of the hallway at once.

I don't think they would dare send anyone after us, because wherever we're going to go next, it's ruled by the cats, and they'll protect us. So I feel very comfortable leaving without having to... murdered five people, mainly a mouse, a rooster, a frog, a pug, and the raccoons. Yeah! Having to kill them all.

I don't think they would dare send anyone after us, because wherever we're going to go next, it's ruled by the cats, and they'll protect us. So I feel very comfortable leaving without having to... murdered five people, mainly a mouse, a rooster, a frog, a pug, and the raccoons. Yeah! Having to kill them all.

Whoa. What does that even mean?

Whoa. What does that even mean?

No, I think they discovered that power was within me the whole time. Wow. And they utilized it.

No, I think they discovered that power was within me the whole time. Wow. And they utilized it.

I never considered that I was a chosen one as well. Yeah, maybe you are. Well, since I don't have two different colored eyes, I figured there was no way.

I never considered that I was a chosen one as well. Yeah, maybe you are. Well, since I don't have two different colored eyes, I figured there was no way.

Well, remember when I was posted outside of Mr. Ledoux's office? Yeah. And I was guarding Jean-Claude in case he got caught? And nobody got in. And I could see down both ends of that hallway at once.

Well, remember when I was posted outside of Mr. Ledoux's office? Yeah. And I was guarding Jean-Claude in case he got caught? And nobody got in. And I could see down both ends of that hallway at once.

What the fuck is that thing? Is that a mammal without fur? Someone has a wild imagination. Maybe you'll enjoy it.

What the fuck is that thing? Is that a mammal without fur? Someone has a wild imagination. Maybe you'll enjoy it.

Did she say that this book was about a ventriloquist puppet that comes to life?

Did she say that this book was about a ventriloquist puppet that comes to life?

I shouldn't read that. I have a phobia of that. Please don't.

I shouldn't read that. I have a phobia of that. Please don't.

Hey, you!

Hey, you!

But Mr. Chanticleer poops his pants, and he's a lawyer. Well, I didn't know my pants were off. Technically, he pooped in a desk. Oh, so as long as I put my pants down, it'll be fine? Well, no, he lived. You might not. I'm gonna die eating this?

But Mr. Chanticleer poops his pants, and he's a lawyer. Well, I didn't know my pants were off. Technically, he pooped in a desk. Oh, so as long as I put my pants down, it'll be fine? Well, no, he lived. You might not. I'm gonna die eating this?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Does it win? Both of you make persuasion checks.

Does it win? Both of you make persuasion checks.

I got a plus five!

I got a plus five!

I should do the right thing. We would never go to battle with a big stomach full of mac and cheese. We'll poop in your pants. I'll be more vigilant. That happens after the battle. If I pass on dinner, I appreciate you making this.

I should do the right thing. We would never go to battle with a big stomach full of mac and cheese. We'll poop in your pants. I'll be more vigilant. That happens after the battle. If I pass on dinner, I appreciate you making this.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Otters follow noodles through the woods? I didn't know that, I wasn't in Fun Scouts.

Otters follow noodles through the woods? I didn't know that, I wasn't in Fun Scouts.

So what you're saying is they will be the hunters in the dark forest?

So what you're saying is they will be the hunters in the dark forest?

We don't want them to be able to sneak up on us, just like Bubbly said.

We don't want them to be able to sneak up on us, just like Bubbly said.

That's a good point.

That's a good point.

And at this point, we can probably be seen from miles away, so they know where we are, even if we did put our fire out.

And at this point, we can probably be seen from miles away, so they know where we are, even if we did put our fire out.

I don't know. So they're scared.

I don't know. So they're scared.

Don't look at me, look at Booker.

Don't look at me, look at Booker.

Well, yeah. Don't scare him. I mean, I can't see at all. Well, you should go to sleep. I set up alarms.

Well, yeah. Don't scare him. I mean, I can't see at all. Well, you should go to sleep. I set up alarms.

Oh, we do have those alarms.

Oh, we do have those alarms.

And I'll take my armor off and I'll get curled up in this cold camp.

And I'll take my armor off and I'll get curled up in this cold camp.

We're kind of working for them right now. I was going to give this back to you, but maybe... Oh, no, no, no. I know, I know. I was going to do a whole bit about it, but you brought it up early. I suggest... You can still do it a bit, I mean.

We're kind of working for them right now. I was going to give this back to you, but maybe... Oh, no, no, no. I know, I know. I was going to do a whole bit about it, but you brought it up early. I suggest... You can still do it a bit, I mean.

And time for first! Is Pottsville in the Hollywood? Pottsville?

And time for first! Is Pottsville in the Hollywood? Pottsville?

No, no, no, don't start the story. I mean like about your friend. Did you like see evidence of it? Was he like a bloody punk? Was his neck broken? Was his head removed? I saw the shadow. Was he skinned alive?

No, no, no, don't start the story. I mean like about your friend. Did you like see evidence of it? Was he like a bloody punk? Was his neck broken? Was his head removed? I saw the shadow. Was he skinned alive?

Oh my god. Is it really? I think I hear it, too. I don't hear anything. No, I think I do, maybe. I think I maybe do. Oh, there it is. Oh, me too. You're Terrence, is that you?

Oh my god. Is it really? I think I hear it, too. I don't hear anything. No, I think I do, maybe. I think I maybe do. Oh, there it is. Oh, me too. You're Terrence, is that you?

Oh, no. Are you all right, Mr. T. Raccoon?

Oh, no. Are you all right, Mr. T. Raccoon?

What's a major image? Oh, you know, it's... That's not a thing in this book. No, no, no, it definitely is.

What's a major image? Oh, you know, it's... That's not a thing in this book. No, no, no, it definitely is.

Oh, a play? I've seen tons of plays.

Oh, a play? I've seen tons of plays.

Oh. Like moving images.

Oh. Like moving images.

Who's Sinbad?

Who's Sinbad?

Well, I'm just worried. I've never really heard it, you know, said that someone could be a loud pisser as opposed to maybe a normal or quiet pisser.

Well, I'm just worried. I've never really heard it, you know, said that someone could be a loud pisser as opposed to maybe a normal or quiet pisser.

I attract the arse a lot. You're a loud breather.

I attract the arse a lot. You're a loud breather.

But I don't piss loud? Not that I'm aware of. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, I was so worried.

But I don't piss loud? Not that I'm aware of. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, I was so worried.

Your dad really doesn't like responsibility of any kind, does he?

Your dad really doesn't like responsibility of any kind, does he?

Well, I'm sorry that I suggested it. No.

Well, I'm sorry that I suggested it. No.

You were trying to do the right thing. Get you all mixed up in family drama.

You were trying to do the right thing. Get you all mixed up in family drama.

Yeah, but we could have just let your dad, you know, get killed by the various powers that be that are one and dead. And what kind of son would that make me?

Yeah, but we could have just let your dad, you know, get killed by the various powers that be that are one and dead. And what kind of son would that make me?

You're right.

You're right.

But maybe if Peggy... took her clothes off and suggested things.

But maybe if Peggy... took her clothes off and suggested things.

No, I don't mean like right now. I just mean in general once we get there.

No, I don't mean like right now. I just mean in general once we get there.

What?

What?

Once we get to Pottsville. That's right. That's right. Then, and if he... Legally distinct! Oh, no! And then maybe you can just do what you can to convince him to stay.

Once we get to Pottsville. That's right. That's right. Then, and if he... Legally distinct! Oh, no! And then maybe you can just do what you can to convince him to stay.

You made the right decision. As our faithful leader- Oh, I wouldn't call me that. You've never led us astray, not even once. Not even when we decided to put Nestor in charge of safety and security of our musical. I'd also remind everyone.

You made the right decision. As our faithful leader- Oh, I wouldn't call me that. You've never led us astray, not even once. Not even when we decided to put Nestor in charge of safety and security of our musical. I'd also remind everyone.

Not even Quasimodo. He wouldn't have had the foresight to see that happening. Not even when we decided to throw our lot in with Alexander Hamilton, no offense, and all the perverts. That was just poor judgment.

Not even Quasimodo. He wouldn't have had the foresight to see that happening. Not even when we decided to throw our lot in with Alexander Hamilton, no offense, and all the perverts. That was just poor judgment.

Even when we decided to get mixed up with the assassination of the Viceroy in Click Clock Crossing. We didn't make a single mistake because we had you as our leader, Booker.

Even when we decided to get mixed up with the assassination of the Viceroy in Click Clock Crossing. We didn't make a single mistake because we had you as our leader, Booker.

You win some, you lose some. You just have a knack for things, is all I'm going to say. You've done a great job.

You win some, you lose some. You just have a knack for things, is all I'm going to say. You've done a great job.

Good night, Betsy.

Good night, Betsy.

Good night, Jean-Claude. Good night. Good night, Peggy.

Good night, Jean-Claude. Good night. Good night, Peggy.

Good morning, Mr. T. Raccoon. Good night.

Good morning, Mr. T. Raccoon. Good night.

Here, I'll give you one. Yeah, yeah, do it. Perception? Yeah. That's a 12.

Here, I'll give you one. Yeah, yeah, do it. Perception? Yeah. That's a 12.

You wake up in the middle of the night. As Grumly.

You wake up in the middle of the night. As Grumly.

That's just... Maybe shore closer. It happens. It's the sounds of the woods. That's what Booker always says. And you kind of feel a little bit of rumble, too. Rumble in what way?

That's just... Maybe shore closer. It happens. It's the sounds of the woods. That's what Booker always says. And you kind of feel a little bit of rumble, too. Rumble in what way?

Surely I must be dreaming right now. Mr. T. Raccoon is asleep and not shitting himself. I'll pinch myself and surely wake up.

Surely I must be dreaming right now. Mr. T. Raccoon is asleep and not shitting himself. I'll pinch myself and surely wake up.

Well, I can't see anything at all. It's too dark.

Well, I can't see anything at all. It's too dark.

You have dark vision. You have dark vision. Tell him, tell him.

You have dark vision. You have dark vision. Tell him, tell him.

I already told them. I shouted that loud the first day.

I already told them. I shouted that loud the first day.

I don't see anything. Oh, my God. Oh, so maybe it's just the sounds of the woods and the rumbling of the woods and the branch snapping.

I don't see anything. Oh, my God. Oh, so maybe it's just the sounds of the woods and the rumbling of the woods and the branch snapping.

I didn't feel any rumbling.

I didn't feel any rumbling.

Hold on, my heart's starting to go. What do you mean run? If I say run, just run, okay? All right? Where are we going to run from?

Hold on, my heart's starting to go. What do you mean run? If I say run, just run, okay? All right? Where are we going to run from?

We got to get your dad. And Jean-Claude, if you want to shoot on Mr. Ledoux's desk, that's fine. Just take him. You're welcome.

We got to get your dad. And Jean-Claude, if you want to shoot on Mr. Ledoux's desk, that's fine. Just take him. You're welcome.

Sorry, Max.

Sorry, Max.

13.

13.

And I'll reach into my tabard and I'll pull out a little crushed styrofoam plate with a little Danish. I got some for you too when you were hungry. Thanks, buddy.

And I'll reach into my tabard and I'll pull out a little crushed styrofoam plate with a little Danish. I got some for you too when you were hungry. Thanks, buddy.

It worked great. Thank you. Honestly, you know, it's a pretty good deal. Free breakfast for five hours? I mean, which hotel does that anymore?

It worked great. Thank you. Honestly, you know, it's a pretty good deal. Free breakfast for five hours? I mean, which hotel does that anymore?