Unnamed Guest

So when she was killed in a wealthy neighborhood... She had been shot twice in the head and in the back, behind the heart.

She had been shot twice in the head and in the back.

So when she was killed in a wealthy neighborhood... She had been shot twice in the head and in the back behind the heart.

She had been shot twice in the head and in the back.

Yes, that was a real horse's head.

Yes, that was a real horse's head.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't know how locked in it was, but it was one of them. Yeah, remember? And I was like, oh, my God, was I drinking like puddles?

Don't worry.

We should go cook, they can talk cars.

Like, oh, what are you wearing?

My gosh, that's you.

Yeah, you got a little bit going on.

I still go say hi.

Yeah, yeah, way to kill the mood.

No.

I love how you just look towards her for all the approval on that one.

Eyes closed, too.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

All right.

You got a little bit going. You know what?

But there's sour cream on it, and I eat the sour cream.

It's got chocolate on it, raspberries, sour cream.

He's an indulger. He looks great. We were on Netflix together with the Christmas Day broadcast.

I was in studio watching your belly. It was phenomenal.

Yes, that is true.

It was... You know, first impressions are everything. Yeah. So they tell me, like, hey, tomorrow it's a full dress rehearsal. They said that. And I'm like, okay, so are we just going through the whole show? They're like, no, no, no. We need you to be dressed to the nines, whatever you're wearing on the next day, show up in that. I literally show up to the studio. Everyone's in jeans and t-shirts.

And I'm in a full suit. I don't have a change of clothes. Otherwise, I'd have changed.

I was in a tuxedo. With a cowboy hat on. With a cowboy hat on. Now, that's crazy. They actually... But that is a dressing room. I didn't have my hair done. Right? I was going to wear the cowboy hat. and they got me after the show and asked me to get my hair done so I wouldn't wear the cowboy hat.

On Christmas Eve. I'm like, hey, I can't find anyone, braider, barber. There was a braider and a barber at the apartment that we were at the Airbnb in an hour. Are you serious? They sent a hair braider and a barber to cut my hair and braid my hair so I wouldn't wear the cowboy hat.

I don't know. It definitely stole the show.

You know what I think it was?

I think it was reserved for Beyonce. Bet it was. Because she was wearing the Cowboy Carter and wearing the hat. This is exactly why they wanted us in full dress. Because they didn't want anyone to be similar to anything that was going on.

Okay.

No hard feelings, Beyonce, because my hair was flawless on that day, so I was very happy with the barber and the stylist. But, yeah, they went to the farthest lengths to get what they wanted.

It's a trade. They go to school.

Yeah, my mom did my hair for the longest, but she only knew how to do plaits, and most of my career I wore plaits, but then I had to grow up at some point, so I had to start wearing braids, and eventually I'll have to cut my hair off, because being a 45-year-old man with braids is probably not the best thing.

No hard feelings to snooze.

Oh, I see, okay. You had plaits. I had plaits my whole career, but then once I went to TV, I switched to braids. I just thought it was more professional looking.

I would pay good money to watch this man do a heptathlon.

All in two days.

Where'd you put your butter? Where'd you put your butter? Oh, those knots look good.

I got a knot in my shoulder, but it ain't that one.

No, she's not going to gas herself up, but let me introduce you to the record holder at Florida State in the heptathlon, three-time All-American, even though I like to add numbers to that all the time and call her a 20-time All-American at times, three-time ACC champion, the greatest young heptathlete in Estonian history. Wow.

Before she tells you about that, I got to give you one more story.

So, I didn't know how popular she was in Estonia. All right? So, Estonia's got about a million people. Okay. So, you know, small country, but... We go over to Estonia and people are running up to her. They don't know who the hell I am. Right. So she's super popular. I figured that out. I didn't know how popular, though, until I got back maybe my fourth time going to Estonia. Yeah.

And we had just been at like the beach, took some pictures, you know, paparazzi, whatever. We're just trying to do our thing. And we go to Estonia like a week later. And I'm sitting at the dining table in the living room, and there's a magazine on the dining table. And it's a blown up picture of her on the cover of the magazine. And I'm like, what are you, a damn Kardashian over here in Estonia?

Right?

She's literally a Kardashian in Estonia.

Wow.

Way down at the sex tape. Yeah, no sex tapes. You don't need it. I met a Kardashian today. Yeah. She always gets mad at me when I say a Kardashian, but I mean it in the sense of popularity, not in the sense of how you got popular.

Okay.

I mean, if you ran a 440, you're just putting in 40 more meters of work.

Oh!

Oh, seriously. The 440, were you guys running on dirt?

Thank you, baby. You guys are so great.

Both of us tore our ACLs. I tore my right, she tore her left. So we feel like we complete each other.

Oh, no.

I didn't know she existed. I didn't know where Estonia was when I first met this woman.

But I found out.

Oh. That's how you do it. Oh my God.

She's like, no!

Oh, shit. It's RG3. RG3.

Miss Poland?

Is that a city in Georgia?

Oh, my God. Have you ever heard of it? No. I've never heard of it.

No.

I just, you know. Isn't there a... There's a Paris, Texas.

So some people say they're from Paris, and I'm like, oh, really? Like, we, we, poo-poo, no, no? No, no.

No, no, no.

Sorry to interrupt you about track and field, but... No, I wasn't saying anything.

You should have somebody do an assessment on us and be like, what game should we play? Fortnite? Wait, do you play video games? No. She does play video games a lot.

Yeah, it's true. Very dark, very dark.

Yeah.

Via mail, you know?

It's crazy how far we've come.

Oh, here we go.

My country too, clearly.

She played video games before she met me in college. She used to play Tekken.

If we pulled out Super Smash Bros right now, she would be a baller at Super Smash Bros. She loves that game.

On how we met? Yes. You want the real story or the fake story? Tell me the fake story.

The real story is I slid in the DMs.

Someone try these. Slid in the DMs. Shot my shot. It went in. And then the first time we met, I traveled to St. Petersburg, Florida. St. Pete, Florida. And we met. She drove five hours from Tallahassee to St. Pete because I didn't know. that St. Pete was five hours from Tallahassee.

That's the one we played on the Switch and on Wii.

Because I'm not from Florida, so I just... He said, I'm going to Florida.

I was like, hey, I'm going to Florida. You know, come see me.

She's like, that's five hours away. And I'm like, ah. Then I thought she was a catfish because, you know, there was some stuff going on where she couldn't get there. So I was in St. Pete for three days. Yeah. And she didn't show up the first two days.

I'm like, I thought I got catfished. And I'm like, oh.

But see, here's the thing. She didn't tell me about the track meet until I was already in St. Pete.

So now, Bert, imagine this. You're going to St. Pete to meet this Estonian woman.

I DMed her, but there was some confusion in my mind that she might be a catfish. Oh, yeah, easy. I'm in St. Pete. All of a sudden, she's got to go to track meet. Coach told her at the last second. I'm like, all right, this person is not real.

I'd like to help. She's got Estonia in her bio. I'm like, where the hell is Estonia?

No way. Her picture looks like she's a Russian double agent. I'm like, all right. I just got botted, and this she's fake.

I got botted, and she's fake. My cousin comes up from Miami, my cousin Brian, who ended up marrying us because he was the first person in my family to meet her. And all of a sudden, last day, she's like, all right, I'm back from the track meet. I'll be there in five hours. She drove five hours down to St. Pete. Wow. to spend eight hours with me because I was leaving.

Well, I mean, I was there for two days without you, so I think it was a good compromise, okay? Okay, so she shows up, and I'm still in my mind thinking, she's like, I'm in the parking lot, and I'm like, I'm going to go out there, and it's going to be Bert Kreischer, you know, getting out of the car. I'm like, there's no way this person's going out. That would have been so good. And when I saw her.

There's no Estonian person. I'm sorry, bro. And I tell you, man, the smile that I got on my face when I saw her. We've been talking for over a month at that point. It just was love at first sight. So the fake story I tell everybody is that we met at Texas Relays, which is not true. We did go to Texas Relays together, but she competed at Texas Relays and you had one of your best meets ever. Yeah.

So I like to take all the credit for that.

I was there. She was, you know, ready to go. I was trying to show off. But that's the real story. And, you know, she saved my life. She made me believe that love could actually be real.

That's badass to hear. I did, but then I didn't.

But, you know, it was. It's a real question. It's a real question, and the answer is exactly what you got to. It was just a bad experience.

A bad experience, and you feel like you give everything to somebody, and you want that back. And when you don't get that, it can kind of crush you. I also believe that some of the biggest players in the world, not football players, but guys that are like, you know,

Players, you know, playa, playa, all that, were once good guys that got messed over by somebody so badly that they were like, I am never letting this happen to me again. And she saved me from that. And when you're a pro athlete and you have an opportunity to kind of just go out there and do whatever, it can be detrimental not only to your life, but also your mental health.

She saved me from from going through that.

Yeah. So 2016, I was in a really I don't ever think I was depressed, but I was in a really bad part of my career being in Washington. I didn't play that year in 2015 at all.

I got a concussion at the beginning of the year. And then when I got back healthy, they didn't give me give me the job back. So I was coming off of that year of not playing. So she actually went through free agency with me. I went to see the Jets. I ended up going to see the Browns. I went to the Jacksonville Jags and a bunch of other places. And I signed with the Browns.

So she went through that whole process with me. And she's been there with me through all of the downs. So she didn't get to experience Washington when we won Rookie of the Year and won the division. And they were saying I was, you know, one of the faces of the NFL.

Yeah.

She experienced me being in Cleveland, getting hurt first game and then getting cut and then being out of the league for a year and then going to Baltimore and backing up Lamar Jackson for three years, which I enjoyed that process. But she didn't get to see me be that guy. So some people like, oh, she's only there for the money. And I'm like. You don't know who she is and what her heart is.

She wasn't there when it could have been all about the money. She's been there through the grind, and now we're shining together, and I love it.

No, so for Jaden, Heisman Trophy winner, second pick in the draft, goes to Washington, D.C. Never been a D.C. kid. You know, he's a California kid. So he's traveling all the way across the U.S. to go play in a new city in a new town. That's my same experience. I just didn't come from California. I came from Texas.

And for him to do what he's done, the difference between him and me, there's two main differences. One, they went to the NFC championship game. Same braids, by the way. Same braids. Yeah, same braids, too. That's right. That's right. They went to the NFC Championship game. So we didn't get there. We played in the wild card round of the playoffs and got knocked out. I got hurt.

You know, the rest is history. But the other difference is the organizational structure. So I know you guys or anyone that's, you know, put together a team or had kids, anyone watching this had kids. How you set them up is going to help them be the most successful.

So I had an owner and a head coach that hated each other. The coach didn't want to draft me. Then they draft me. Now you got the owner, the head coach, and the GM all beefing about it. But we won the division the first year, so no one knows.

Right.

But then the next year we go four and 12. And it was because we didn't have that camaraderie. We didn't have that united vision.

Like cohesion.

That cohesion. Jaden comes in. He's got a new owner, a new GM, a new head coach, a new offense coordinator. And all of them are aligned because if one of them sinks, they all sink. Very rarely do you see a GM fire a head coach and that GM survives for eternity.

Right? So they're all aligned. They bring this young man in. They've set him up for success. And he didn't get hurt at the end of his rookie year. He's going to be phenomenal the rest of his time and be on a track to be there for 10 to 15 years.

Right.

And when you say, like, I'm the only one that's experienced the same thing or similar thing, that city, there's no better city to win in than Washington, D.C. Yeah. I tell her all the time, you go to the mall and you see these streamers nowadays getting mobbed by these kids. I live that.

I lived being the Drake in Washington, D.C., being bigger than the president of the United States of America in the capital of the United States of America. That's crazy. Jaden Daniels is bigger. I don't know if he's bigger than Donald Trump, but he's bigger. He's bigger than the presidential election at that time because he's so impactful. And that city has been longing for that.

Exactly. Now they're just watching them play and like, oh man, did you see what he did?

They haven't had a franchise quarterback since Joe Theismann.

For like an extended period of time. Right. So I just know for him that whole experience was great. And he's going in. He had a foundation that helps him grow a growth mindset. I think that's important. It's a great lesson for the other teams in the NFL, but also just anybody in general. You set a growth environment for your kid, for your business. It's going to grow.

Okay.

It's going to do well as long as everyone's aligned.

The knots are slapping, by the way. See, I'm so good. Slapping.

It's great in slang. Good, good, good.

Yeah, because I tore mine first in 2009, so... When we tore ours within a month or a couple weeks of each other, it was my second one. I tore my ACL first in college, and a lot of people don't remember that.

Yeah, same one. I tore it in 2009. I played four games in 2009 at Baylor, and then I missed the rest of the season. Came back the next year, and then the year after that, we won the Heisman. So I had already been through it, but just talk about your experience of coming back from the injury.

You hate that. Last one.

Oh, for real?

Yes, you can overcome anything.

It was much easier. But like you and Bert being apart for a long time, you know, and like you grow fonder of each other. Although I hear what you just said right now. I'm trying to stir a good pot here for you, Bert.

Oh, wow.

Great teamwork. All right. Are you about to flip it now? No, no, no, no, no.

That's good. I mean... I wouldn't say we're doing all of that in the locker room. Probably none of that. But that energy.

And that camaraderie of being with the guys. It's why when I hear, I heard someone recently talk about taking individual glory in a team sport over team glory. Like winning an MVP over winning a Super Bowl championship. You always want to win that Super Bowl championship.

Yeah, of course.

Because then you call up Tom, you're like, hey, yo, Tom, remember that one time we won the Super Bowl in 1995? Connected forever. You're connected forever.

It is.

Forever, yeah.

You're not going to call Tom and be like, hey, Tom, remember when I won the MVP?

Yeah, right.

In 1997. Meeting of the year. Bro, I was the fucking best, wasn't I?

That was what it was. I think she was distracted.

Yeah.

Exactly.

And if I walked around saying I won the Heisman, I said it right after the game when we beat Texas in 2011. They told us we couldn't beat them. Texas was a top 25 defense. You know, it's the Longhorns. Longhorn Network, they got all this stuff going for them. And they had never had a pass completed on them that season over 30 yards. We completed a 50-yard touchdown on the second play of the game.

Because, you know, you stand next to Pac-Man, you might get secondhand high, so...

And we did it on purpose because we wanted to show them, like, hey, man, this isn't the same old Baylor that you're used to playing. And after the game, Samantha Ponder, I think it was, interviewed me, and I said, I could be wrong, but I think Baylor just won his first Heisman Trophy.

And like for me, I've always held it that way because it is a team award. Like the individual gets honored. But every chance I get, I shout out all my teammates about that year. And we have stories that we talk about from that year where they were picking guys from other teams in 2011 in the offseason. Like I take this quarterback. I take this quarterback. Hey, hey, RG, who would you take?

I'm taking me. What do you mean? I'm taking me. Well, you should take me too. They're like, oh, you know, we were just excluding him. I was like, all right, this year, I promise you, you won't exclude me. And we went and we won the Heisman. And we have fun conversations about those things because it's the camaraderie. It's the lessons that you learn.

And we had a running back on the team named Terrence Ganaway, who was 242 pounds. He ended up winning the bowl game, the last game I ever played. And he won bowl game MVP because he ran for over 200 yards. But it was the work he put in the offseason to go from 260 to 240 that helped us be the team that we were. He helped us win the Heisman.

There's one back here.

It was an easy... That's a good one.

Got you pregnant twice. It's my fault. Really? I mean, I got you pregnant three times, but twice when you were competing.

And this is one thing I wanted to talk to to ask you about, because we've talked about that transition from being an athlete and and feeling the roar of the crowd. Right. So for athletes like ourselves, our shelf life is very short. You know, the average NFL career is two and a half years.

And you get guys like Brady who play to their 40s, but that's very rare. And then for track and field. You know, I don't know what the average track and field career is, but it's not that long. Can't be into the 30s. And even if it's, say, it's probably not 10 years, but say it's 10 years. That's 10 years of your life.

You still have, hopefully, 50 to 60 to 70 years of your life that you still have to live. So we don't really get that back. For comedians, it ebbs and flows and it comes and goes and you could be 20 and be the hottest in the world and then you have a couple years where you're not and then you show up at 45 and boom, it's all back for you.

Four girls. Nine, seven, oh my god.

And you're selling out, you know, stadiums and doing all that. I think the biggest struggle, not necessarily for myself, because I just embedded myself in my family and just made that my identity. A lot of guys, they struggle when they don't walk out of the tunnel and they got 90,000 people chanting their names, screaming for them. They score a touchdown.

It's like, oh my God, this guy's incredible. You don't get that when you walk into Walmart. You don't get that when you go to Target or when you pick your kids up from school. You don't feel that anymore. So they don't feel like they have a purpose per se.

We are in the thick of it. We are in the thick of it like cow lard. Yes, we are.

Let's keep cutting garlic while you talk. You know what, I'll cut the garlic. You know what, I'll cut the garlic.

Yeah. I think for me, she's a huge part of it. Because I think if your at-home life is in order, It makes you more adventurous. It makes you be able to take more risks and put yourself out there because you're comfortable with who you are because you don't go home and have to be a different person.

If you have to go home and be a different person, then when you step outside the house and your friends see you, that's the one thing I never wanted. I didn't want my friends to be like, yo, you're different around your wife.

Mm-hmm.

Right. Like I want to be able to be who I am, crack jokes, have fun around my wife in the same way that I do around my friends. And she provides me with that. But she also puts air under my wings because if I'm like, yo, should we try this? We have those conversations and it's like, I don't think we should do this, blah, blah, blah.

But then if it's like we should do something, she's 100 percent behind it. And so for me, in 2017, I was out of the NFL for a year. And a lot of people don't know that either. But in 16, I played for the Browns, got hurt, got cut in March in 2017, missed the whole football season. I didn't play football for an entire year. I went to workouts, didn't get signed. I'm 27 years old.

Heisman Trophy winner, second pick in the draft.

Wow.

Someone's going to bring me back, right? Yeah. Now I end up finding out that I was blackballed from the NFL, from certain coaches, so that kind of played into it. Why? The whole thing with Mike Shanahan in Washington. He's a very powerful coach. But regardless, I trained that whole 2017. I'm out at UCF throwing the palm trees.

It was a running joke on Twitter when I would say something, the fans would be like, oh, ha ha, go throw some more palm trees. When I hit like five in a row, I'm like, I don't know who you're really dissing here. I mean, this is impressive. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, that's impressive work. Okay, this is just random.

And I ran on the track because I actually started doing the decathlon. I was training and gearing up to go back to track and field. I was 27. What a fucking great move that would have been.

I felt like I needed to still compete. I was so young and I wasn't getting the opportunity. So I'm like, I'm just going to go back to track and field.

Why? Five is Cat Williams trying me. Yes, yes, yes.

Correct. So it was like, well, she's doing it. I should do it. I lost 25 pounds. I got to 193 pounds at one point when I was 224 as a player. And I was running on the track, running the 400 hurdles because I was really good at the 400 hurdles. That was my thing. And I did a 10-hurdle breakup. You run one hurdle, come back, run two, come back, run three, all the way through 10.

You can imagine how tired I was.

I had full leg cramps, couldn't breathe after the 10. Damner walked across the finish line. I'm laying there. She looks at me. She says, why are you doing this?

Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? You don't need to work. I had taken care of my money, so I didn't need to play. And I said, I'm doing it so that if I do get the call, it won't be because of me.

So my mindset was always, I don't want to be the reason I'm not successful. So I'm going to over prepare for whatever moment that pops up. And then when the moment did come with the Ravens, I was ready to go. But that year out showed me that if I ever had another year out, I needed a plan so that I could redefine who I am. So I put a lot of effort and work into social development.

and just showing my personality more and being more forthcoming with who I really am. Because if you met me 10 years ago, you would not know that, you know, I think I'm pretty funny. I don't know. I think I'm a good time.

You're very charming also.

I think I'm a good time. You are. You would have not known that because I was more in my shell because I was an NFL quarterback and I needed to make sure that I didn't do that. And back then it wasn't as acceptable. No, it was not. It was not. So that's how I made the transition and truly showed myself. So when I get on TV, they're like, man, you look like you're having so much fun.

Yes, because I prepare.

And when you prepare, you're prepared. Like, you know her background. You know my background. It's easy to have a free-flowing conversation.

Yep, so I picked it for her. That's all me. That's my fault. All my fault.

You think it's done? It's brown, yeah.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to stay together, Bird.

No, I don't think so. It is juicy, though. It looks juicy as shit.

Maybe it's a soup pizza? Scoop. Scoop or soup?

It's such a contrast because a two-year-old is like, you know, they still say when you say I love you, they say it back.

It's all about timing.

It's like, I love you.

Yeah. So cute.

I want another one.

It's in my mouth. What are his fingers made out of? That hurt instantly. Do you guys not see the steam? Right?

Those four bags of cheese are delicious, though.

Yeah, we definitely want another one.

No, we don't. Are you serious?

The cheese is phenomenal. Yeah. I don't even know what to call it. I wouldn't call it pizza.

Are you serious? We're going to use this show to go for the boy. No. We're going for the boy. We went for the boy. It was another one. It was a girl. You got to keep going. We went for the boy twice. Babe Ruth struck out on more than half of his at-bat attempts, but he's still a Hall of Famer.

I think watch. It's succulent.

Yeah. We don't want the juices everywhere. We've got to contain the juices.

Come on, Byrne. Show them what's up. Got to cut through all the way. There it is.

That actually does look good. It just looks like they made the pizza and then threw toppings on top. It looks like a blind person made a pizza.

That is true.

This is what happens when you make an upside down pizza. See, maybe the meat needed to go on before the cheese.

And the cheese can hold the meat in.

It did.

Oh, that's right. Then it would have melted it down completely.

No, we just created it.

You want me to bite into it?

I mean, it looks. It's delicious.

We're going to get our hands dirty, okay? No forks. No forks.

It's so fucking hot.

She learned from my mistake.

Yes.

No, it's not too hot. You and Bert can do it. It's not too hot anymore. Mm-hmm.

Is it good? A lot of dough.

That is a lot of dough. But it's great.

It's actually pretty fucking good. That's really good.

Oh, my God. It's like the sloppy joes of pizzas. That's a lot of cheese, too. There's a lot of cheese and a lot of dough. That's a lot of cheese. It's great.

I didn't know if you wanted me to use that.

I thought it was just for show.

Yeah, you have been sweating for quite some time. I didn't want to point that out.

Is that why you made that noise?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I was like... Ghost-eated. I've never heard that before.

I've never heard that saying.

What?

What south are you guys from?

Really? Yeah.

Out of Pocket. You guess. Whatever you're the expert at, that's what we're talking about.

That's great.

Yeah, Deion.

This man has more sayings than a fortune cookie. He was on it. He was on it. I'm a believer in Dion. I love Dion. I love Dion.

You mad that they didn't bring him to Florida State as a head coach?

I like Mike Norville as well. We think he's a great coach, great guy. Every time we've ever talked to him, he's been phenomenal.

I think some of the fans now are upset that they were so against Deion being the coach. Right? Because I know the administration had reached out to him, and we talked to Deion about it. I won't share anything that he told us, but... Mike's got an uphill battle. You know, now, after going, where'd they go? Two and ten?

It was for the aesthetics.

Oh, I got, I got luggage. You know, we coming and I'm bringing my Louis luggage with me.

So if you don't want to be, if you don't want to be a part or you're not ready to win, go ahead and jump in the portal. And so a bunch of kids just left. Just left. And like the whole team just left.

Yeah. It's kind of weird because Dion's like the streamer of coaches. You know how streamers are like taking over and doing the whole thing? Dion coaches differently. He brings the cameras around. He lets them show their emotion and show their swag.

My man went from straight bald to a fade. It's incredible. He pulled off a Brian Urlacher and a Tom Brady and a Drew Brees.

You're invited.

Yeah, nobody loves a jello fish.

At least a million people. He's tried it, and he was disgusted, and she was like, I have not tried a jello fish.

Oh, Jesus. Do you have OCD? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can tell. It's not a bad thing. I have it, too.

Are you sure? Yeah, 100%. I think our kids have it, too. Oh, my kids got it. Our two-year-old was lining the toys up on the ground the other day, and one of them was out of line. She ran all the way from the bedroom back to the living room just to move that toy a centimeter.

Oh shit!

Yeah.

He doesn't have the tiny kind. Cheers. Oh, he has the, appreciate you.

Did you want a drink, Leanne?

Okay, good.

Oh, Starbucks. There you go. White girl heaven.

Stupid. Am I y'all's black friend for the day?

You're my black friend every day.

And that would be a hit. It's just going to be a hit. Do you play video games? Yes, I do. What do you play? Madden. I'm more of a RPG game guy, though. What's RPG you? Dragon Age Origins.

There's different shades.

Blood sausage.

Fuck.

Robert hasn't grown to like it yet. I will eat the blood sausage, but it's not my first choice. Yeah. Oh, it's my actual first choice. Yeah. It's delicious. We had the family get together. Was it Thanksgiving or Christmas? Or what? When your family first met my family. Christmas. Christmas. My family's from New Orleans. Mom and dad both born and raised here in New Orleans, Louisiana.

So it was tough to explain to my family what blood sausage is. Oh. You know? Yeah.

I still don't know to this day.

So I believe it, but... We've got to try a blood sausage sometime together.

It's a role-playing game.

Like, you go on missions and you do things. Like, I love Call of Duty, but I love Call of Duty Story Mode more than I love Call of Duty Online with the 13-year-old in Japan who's a professional and can snipe me from 700 yards away. I don't really like playing against that guy. I hate playing against that guy. It's terrible. It's not a fun experience. But, no, I love video games.

Yeah. Now, the one thing I will not eat is they have this thing over there in Estonia, and I call it fish jello.

It's terrible, Bert. It's terrible.

It looks like dog food inside of jello. It looks like dog food.

34, 31.

I like fruit in Jell-O.

But meat inside of Jell-O.

25, 27. So we could probably get into it, and it'd be fun.

I think that's one of their sayings over there. You know, to get over the hangover, you just keep drinking. Yes.

Tell them about the cake. The cake that your mom makes. That is unbelievable.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

Just as he gets up, he goes, what's up, everybody? Everyone's like, whoa. Whoa, whoa, cut this, cut this. I go, hey, how's everybody doing? We like that. Oh, that's so funny.

You can get it on Amazon?

Let's go. You're fucking lying.

That wasn't real Vietnamese. Dude.

I knew that right away. We could tell.

Oh.

It is young and old.

And the numbers

Because again, like we've been chasing this left-right divide

Hello guys, this is your Chinese spy speaking. I want to post this video before it's too late. I guess we are not going to see each other again in the future. That's why I have something to say. It is a great honor to spy on you for the last few years. I wish you all have a great life in the future. Now is something personal.

laura from california you shouldn't drink that much coke cola it's bad for your health and also peter from new york uh you mama loves you you shouldn't treat her like that okay and stephanie from texas don't set your new picture to the guy called marvin he's a boy he's talking to other girls as well That's all I have to say. Bye-bye, guys. Bye-bye.

See?

We can't just say, oh, it's okay for people to like super complicate deals. And to collude on deals and to not look at us as human beings, as artists and athletes and actors, that we have to be willing to like stand up for that to be able to change something. And we need to come together as a society to be the first civilization to actually became civil.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Right.

Right.

Right.

I have heard it.

Thank you.

Hmm.

They're called blue zones.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, AI, tell us.

Ding, ding, ding.

All right. What is this?

Floor content of piped water in Soconawa, only one supply had value. Almost five, geez.

There is no water or flood, food fluoridation.

Okay, and how about Greece?

I like Greece. I want to go there someday.

Okay, fluoridated water contains... Okay, fluoridated water.

There was.

Nicoya. Now, is this because they chose not to or is it just that the rest of the world doesn't generally do this?

All right. Longest living people. No fluoride.

Yeah.

They get pretty big. Farmed tuna.

A hundred tuna farms.

Is that who it is? No, it wasn't Grant. Maybe it was. You sent me two.

Yeah, he did it for reals.

And that's with no wind.

There's trees surrounding him.

Well, he said that it's a... I mean, it's a heavier caliber, and it's just a better rifle.

Oh, that's a, that's a poor guy. He was an astronaut.

Well, he's sleeping with her.

No, no. He found love. I think I know who you're talking about.

Hmm.

That must be research funding.

What is his company called? I think he's got, is that longevity?

Cellularity.

Cellularity.

Yeah.

Fun fact, that computer was built with 2,800 vacuum cubes and weighed five tons.

I don't understand what it's saying here. It's saying, okay, the ILLIAC was built with 2,800 vacuum tubes, weighed about five tons. By 56, it had gained more computing power than all other computers at Bell Labs that represented 40-bit words in which, oh, I see, 40-bit words is talking about words. So 12,000 of those words were on a drum memory. Holy crap. You ever had kratom?

Yeah.

Von Neumann.

Greek. You wrote Greek. Ancient Greek. You wrote Greek. What does it say? Do you got it up there? Von Neumann.

Goodness gracious. What did you say? Science?

Dr. Mengele.

Can you look him up, Steve? I think it's on your notes.

Oh, gosh. We never had any body of Hitler, right?

What the hell is that? Oh, it's an actual link. I thought it was a corrector.

Yeah, it's going to be kind of tough. Keep going.

No, no, it's, it's Bill Clinton.

Fuck.

Yeah, it took a minute. It's embedded in this congressional thing.

Yeah.

Lives. So they'd feel pressured to get vaccinated. Can we run the audio clip on that, please?

Once people feel empowered and protected legally, you are going to have schools. universities and colleges are going to say, you want to come to this college, buddy? You're going to get vaccinated. Lady, you're going to get vaccinated. Big corporations like Amazon and Facebook and all of those others are going to say, you want to work for us? You get vaccinated.

And it's been proven that when you make it difficult for people in their lives, they lose their ideological bullshit and they get vaccinated.

Yeah, true. Immunity due to his work position.

Yeah. We have 400 ready to go.

The last nuclear test was done in 92 by the U.S., and it was halted? They were cut short in October 92, and they no longer used any, tested any more nukes. Wow. That was in, what, Nevada? Yeah.

53.

And it's a strange shape. And it was explained in a documentary why that occurs. But there's some type of vortex...

Yeah.

Right.

Boom.

That's sound.

Right.

Absolutely.

Those are my number one.

No.

Thank you.

What's up, Schwartz?

Yeah.

I already don't like this.

Yeah.

If you've got to protect the First Amendment, it's not much more important than that.

Yeah, so the question was in regard to FAA layoffs. So to be clear, the FAA has 46,000 employees. Okay. As you can hear.

It's time for, it's time for more black people. This movie wasn't good enough when it was white.

No. Hey, I'm Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I guess.

Is there perhaps a neighborhood for sale of gingerbread houses? Come drop bushes. I'm in love. He wants to Airbnb some of these gingerbread houses.

He was... Wow, there's some real supply sluts in the audience tonight. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Get back on the line, bitches.

Yeah.

Smoke dick and suck weed.

No. No.

She is a big lady.

Wow, that is incredible.

Yeah.

A little bit smoother than I thought he'd be.

This is absolutely incredible. A lot of two questions at a time. Do you read books? Do you listen to books?

All he can talk about is books.

My friends in my head say... Wow, Colin, you are your own thing.

Look at you.

He pulled in in reverse.

He's literally one of the most profitable musicians in Austin, but he has...

Everybody's having a good time.

Very good.

Dude, fucking, this weed is the bomb, dude. This shit is fucking nuclear, dude.

Charlie. Oh, poor Charlie.

He's been sitting on that since the word Brazilian came up, everybody. You know, red band. That's what he thinks Brazil is.

Wow.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you. Amazing.

I was like, oh my gosh.

Wow.

Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with like your ex-husband and be like, you should be with somebody better?

The wall. Cutting up.

She don't... Buff it up. Lee in Jamaica, she's strict.

She don't play this shit. No college. What they call it?

I like a little rough brow. We know. We know at least. We know. We know.

Oh, Lauren. Yes. I want to be in my man. Lauren is coming. I want to be in my man.

She ain't been gone for more than 24 hours. Why you just lying like that?

Right.

You almost finna get off my daddy. She is.

Excuse me.

And now.

Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. Why do you care?

Yeah.

I want to know what you look like, damn. Right? Like, if you know how to do all that, it's true.

Because she was so mad about that chicken. Oh, my goodness.

Please tell the chicken story.

Yes.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Get us together now.

I'm your girl. You're my girl. We are girls. Don't you know that I love you?

And he really getting stressed from the job and I ain't making it easy.

But I need my man. I don't think y'all understand. I'm telling you, girl.

We your girl. We your girl. Don't you know that I love you. Yeah. Come on. I can see it in your eyes. I'm on a leash. Girl, I've been knowing you since you were 10. You cannot hide from your friends. Girl. We your girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Galatized gals. Pure friends.

Yeah, yeah.

We got a lot of guests today.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Where?

And yeah,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Former MLB All-Star Sean Casey, a.k.a.

Mm-hmm.

100%.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

10,000?

Oh.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Yeah, absolutely.

Mm-hmm. How are the Egyptian families?

Look at his hair. Talk about where am I going?

Yeah.

Yeah. You've had the same situation Oprah had.

They messed up her name on the birth certificate and they switched the letters. So her name on her birth certificate is Orpah.

Orpah. Oh wait, no, I think her family wanted it to be Orpah and they put Oprah on the birth certificate.

I think Orpah is like some type of a goddess and some, I think.

Yeah, Orpah, but they just, you know, white people didn't care. They was like, Oprah.

Jay Jordan.

Yes.

Yeah. And you felt accepted. I mean, where does the separation there come from? Because I'm assuming it is the North African saying we are not black.

Okay.

Yeah, I've never really thought of that specific thing, but that would make sense. Yes, I am a descendant of slaves. I've been to my family's plantation. I've met my white slave owners.

Yes.

I have.

I have a cousin. I have a white cousin that I hang out with.

Yeah, through slavery, yes. I have a lot of white cousins, a lot of white family members.

For sure. That's what they did.

That's why my hair is, you know, not as coily as it should be.

Like we say, evidence of a crime. This is my skin being lighter than it should be is the evidence of said crime. So, but with that being said, race is a construct. So Black, when people say Black, they are referring to the descendants of slaves. So when we go to other countries, I mean, there are Indians that are Blacker than the Blackest person I know. I've been to Taiwan.

You know what I'm saying?

I've seen people, my complexion in Taiwan and a lot of, as Ali Wong would say, the jungle Asian countries when you are exposed to the sun. So it's like, I mean, I'm sure you have darker family members as well.

So that's the question of what is blackness, period. But also when they say colored, that's why it's like colored. People in the comments are like, where do the Latinos go? You're colored. Where do the Asians go? You're colored. The coloreds only was the discrimination against all of us. It wasn't just for black people. It was for colored people.

And while we at it, bring back sundown towns. They never left, but... What's up? Well, a sundown town was back in the day during Jim Crow where black people weren't allowed to be in a town after the sunset.

That's what I'm saying. We will be thriving.

LOL, Chet Hanks. Only if he is lifting heavy things.

Yes, he has to be doing some work and also pay a fee.

I mean, I don't... Lady Gaga. I don't want... Initially, let us chill for a couple of years. We got to figure all this shit out. So no white people for the first five years.

Absolutely. And then we could get a white passport. They got like safe, light auto glass. We're going to have the safe white auto passport. And you got to convince us that you are a safe white. You got to have three people of color representatives to come to the passport office.

I love that story.

Yeah. I mean, there were definitely some black people in the comments that were like, no, no, you're not welcome.

So those towns never left. They still exist in America, but they took the signs down. I want them to put the signs back up. I wanted to say 248 miles to the next town that likes colored people. Get your gas in Atlanta. Don't stop till you get to Savannah, all right? I'm with her. He with me.

A lot of people in the comments said you can't come. Wow.

I mean, and that's what I'm saying. Five years, leave us alone. Let us figure it out. We got to get our elected officials. We got to get the land together. We got to see who's going where, who is leading what, you know? And then we could consider it, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's not me. My first guess was Brooklyn. Let's give us Brooklyn and the Bronx and Harlem. And you can have Midtown Manhattan. And we're going to have a bullet train that goes straight from uptown to downtown. We don't got to stop in that middle part. And y'all can thrive in there.

They ain't been black. They ain't been, they were white since the Godfather. When the Godfather came out, because before the Godfather, when they was the olive oil people,

Yeah. When the mafia was taking over and getting money and getting power and being with the politicians, they were white then. That's when they became white. They purchased their whiteness.

Also, you know, crimes were committed. So they're white. Italians were white. Yeah. Sorry, y'all. And a lot of that we're like, does she not know about cured meat and olive oil? And it's like, yes.

And I love me some pasta. I truly do. But we got mad noodles. In the colored community.

Noodles and rice, mad carbs.

Yes.

Yeah, I mean, but they have their Black sections as well. Like Black New Orleans is amazing and beautiful. They also gave slaves Sundays off in New Orleans.

Which was a wild fun fact.

They gave it to the press. I can get down with that because especially like when these elections happened, there was a lot of liberals that were like, what? How? And I'm like, travel. Go to New Jersey.

How you doing? I like that Asian reference because my boyfriend is half Taiwanese. So I'm like a Sichuan pepper with the Subway take.

Go upstate New York.

Absolutely. If you go to the south of New Jersey, it is like you are in Alabama, bro. Okay. They are down there believing different things. So it's the same. I think it's the same vein of how I think everybody should be a server once in their life. It's to get a different perspective and to see, you know, humanity is trash.

People going to the South? Going to the South or becoming servers. I think people becoming servers would absolutely change being more human in situations, I think.

That was the first person that came to mind. You took the words out of my head. But also, he's a Nepo baby, so Nepo babies are kind of hopeless sometimes.

He is the uncoolest, richest person in the world. Like, you can't purchase swag. You truly cannot purchase swag.

I never. I never looked at that man and believed in him. You don't have emerald money. You don't have emerald mine money. I don't believe in you with emerald mine money. There's no way. He purchased all that shit. He's not brilliant.

He's rich.

Yeah. And then you're sweating and my palms are itching for some reason.

When I found out how many kids he had, I was like, oh, trash.

It's some crazy number. It's on some Nick Cannon level. And when you got that many kids, you're goofy. My father had that many kids like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My dad. My dad was a megalomaniac and a narcissist. So that's why I understand people like Elon Musk and Donald Trump. And I can see that a mile away. You know, I'm like, oh, that's a goofy over there.

So that's why I would never, I never fell for that because I was like, oh, he's goofy and he's going to do something dumb real soon. And here we are.

God don't like ugly. God's peeling that man's everything off. He got half a trillion dollars and you look a mess.

It really can't. And also it's like, nobody loves him. You can tell nobody loves him. The way you can tell nobody loves Donald Trump, like you can see people who have love in their lives and like someone helping taking care of them and telling them, you know, hey, maybe don't do that or say that. Nah, not Elon.

That's all any human being wants. We want love. We want to be able to take care of our loved ones and, you know, go have some omakase every now and again.

I'm obsessed. I love it. It's my favorite thing in the world. It's my happy place.

Oh, my gosh. See, I keep saying this. Karami, I got to shout them out because they're the best. And you got too much reach, man. I'm about to mess it up and I'm not going to be able to get a reservation up in there.

Oh, please. Can I take you to my favorite omakase? Oh, my God. Yes. I would love to go. Yes, I will definitely take you there.

Yeah, because they they parse it out. So it's kind of the whole, you know, eating with chopsticks. You eat slower. So you get full over a shorter period of time.

I mean, should you? But we are a chopsticks household. So we use, yeah, we use chopsticks a lot up in here.

So I'm going to go ahead. I use my fingers with omakase, so.

absolutely a thousand if you want to date full stop period if you want to be a human being period you need therapy everybody needs therapy i am the therapy queen therapy stan me and my partner have four therapists between the two of us what you got two each uh yes we had well he had we are couples therapists we have couples therapy today

I can do a medium.

Yes, we have couples therapy, and he does a thing called parts work. We examine the different parts of you, and then we both have individual regular therapists. So we are a therapized household. We be communicating. And it works? It works so much because I was single for almost two decades just doing stand-up comedy. You were married to the gang.

Exactly. Yes. Yeah. I'm a little Disney plus with my with my spice level. But my my boyfriend will be he'll go extra spicy and then he'll literally be sweating and he loves it.

absolutely yeah but the only people who would be attracted to us female comedians are other comics because uh male comics aren't emasculated by it because they're funny too but a regular dude in the street is like terrified a civilian a civilian yes absolutely it was so it was very hard to date um men like that and so you wanted to hold on to this love Yeah. And also, like, I'm rude.

And I will, you know, I don't like men. So I say rude shit all the time. And I can't do that. You can't do that when you love somebody. So our therapists teach me to chill out, Joyelle.

Or you just need to understand why you're doing the things that you do.

Any argument you've ever had in your relationship is based off something from your childhood.

LOL.

Therapy is a marathon, not a sprint.

Oh.

That's fantastic.

That is very brave of you. I do not suggest raw dogging. All of that. But also you had therapy. So you had it. So, you know, you did it.

But it's a very comfortable crutch.

Oh, yeah.

No. I know a lot of contrarians.

Oh, yeah. You can be convinced.

Truly. Yeah.

Oh, that's what I want too. And therapy makes you happy.

If you have the right therapist and also understand seeking a therapist is like dating. So shout out to all those people who thought I had terrible therapist. Therapy sucks. No, you just went on a bad date. So try to find somebody new and yes, you can put a time limit on it, but you could also just, I don't know, go once a month.

Go once a quarter.

That is a therapist that wants money. Our couples therapist, he's so funny because he's so good at what he do that we'd be like, oh, we're going to take a year off. He'd be like, all right, I'll see if I have an opening when y'all come back because he's so coveted.

It feels like it. It feels like it.

Listen, his price did go up in the break that we had. My partner was like, oh, he costs more money now. I was like, damn it.

I'm blaming everything on Trump.

Everything is his fault.

maybe he'll do a good job like i was trying to just convince myself that it was not going to be as bad as we thought it was going to be and boy was i absolutely fucking wrong yeah the way i've gone into like almost a zen about it has surprised me and i think therapy has been helping that but i'm like y'all go fuck around and find out and i'm gonna be in paris i'm about to move

That was one of the subway takes where the dude was like, you just need water. And everybody, every woman was like, no.

Oh, yeah. There's a lot of expats. My cousin moved to Bangkok. Wow. Might spend the next couple years doing a little Taiwan, a little Bangkok, a little Paris.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they got a nice little artist visa in France.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And a lot of people were like, aren't you going to stay and fight? No, I'm not staying and fighting. The fuck? Fuck.

Staying and fighting? Are you kidding me? That is not good for my skin. I cannot stay and fight. I am not a soldier. I am not a member of the army. I am not a soldier. I am not. I'm an entertainer. Are you kidding me? Let me entertain you.

But I'm not fighting.

I will dodge a draft. What do I need? I got asthma. You don't want me in your army.

Bone, spur it up, baby.

I can't run to the danger. So I'm going to stay back here.

It's a segregated take. It's a straight man's take. And y'all can't be in these streets looking like nobody loves you. You better moisturize your skin.

Oh, yeah. The propaganda machine.

You in the trenches with full body armor.

Yeah, we probably shouldn't have voted for him.

Yes.

Oh. I want to be. You want to be that vice reporter.

I think that would be good for that to be a person of color.

Yeah. Because we got to get it from that perspective, but we definitely need, if we were to get our Wakanda, we need our colored army.

Mixed martial arts.

Yeah.

You belong to the subway, actually.

Princeville.

Ain't nobody fighting our army.

It would be a fire. Everything, every way you could slice it, you know? And I'm in for the de facto segregation amongst the people. Like, the Latinos can have the Bronx.

Heck yeah, de facto segregation so we can all be homogenous together and then come together at the restaurants and the dance parties. Damn it.

Hell yeah. I would have it be like zones, like districts, like the Hunger Games.

Yes, exactly.

Yes. I mean, I think it's all mixing, but living and learning together is a maybe, but... Let's learn alone. And then we can come together at college and discuss what we learned in high school and elementary school with our own, you know?

No, not yet.

Yeah.

Jewish people got tunnels too.

I... Yeah, I mean, I can understand how somebody would say that. I don't want to entertain audiences that are exactly the same. I want diversity in my audiences because diversity, I think, is a good thing. But when we have, you know, white supremacy working against us. Against?

Against us. That's where the problem lies. So I am seeking homogeny for peace. for peace of mind for the people who are seen as inferior so that we are not inferior amongst ourselves. If we lived in an ideal society, I would love for us to be, I would love for Brooklyn to be all over the world. I love Brooklyn. I love the diversity of Brooklyn. I love it.

But we also have segregation in Brooklyn and all you gotta do is travel up Bedford Avenue.

Absolutely.

It's fully invaded. And that's the thing that, you know, it's like we had our shit infiltrated. And it's kind of like the FBI with COINTELPRO. That's why we can't have no white people for the first five years.

Excuse you.

You came over here. Go to white land where it's quiet.

Roy Wood Jr. talks about this in his special, just how we're losing connection as human beings. And part of automation, part of people who think Elon Musk are cool, are the people who want to create an automated society where people aren't having relation. Colored cultures are big family issues. get together once a week.

When I got to college and I met a bunch of white people, they're like, oh, we don't talk to our extended family. And I'm like, you don't know your cousins, you don't get together with them. It just seems like a very indigenous thing to do, get together and have community. And when all of that automation takes place, you're losing connection with people.

Yeah, like I'm never talking to them ever again.

That's hilarious. You're getting tortured. Yeah, no. It's definitely a difference there. And I just... This is just so that people can have a peace of mind. This is where that thought process came from. Is a peace of mind. And I want community. I want the communities to develop. But initially... We need to be on our own.

in the uh colored people's club yeah that was my master plan um before i got on the show i watched every single episode and you only like disagreed in the beginning for like five of them yeah then the person got you on on their side and i was like this is what i want to happen and it was fantastic i really appreciate you hearing me out on that one because it was a crazy takeoff

People of no color.

We're the people and they're the people of no color.

We're the global majority. Exactly. Absolutely. And they are not, they don't outnumber us. And that's why we have the strength in these numbers to suppress white supremacy. I believe in us.

People of no color.

Yeah.

Yeah. I do envy that for you. I love that for you.

I love the places. I mean, because colorism is global, you know? Yeah, yeah. And the fact that I am that paper brown, paper bag test color, it's like, depending what happens to you in the summertime. People are asking that in the comments. What happens? A tan happens.

I knew you did.

I can't wait to see that.

We'll go get omakase in the summer.

I wouldn't know.

Okay.

He's a good white. We'll play his music. Are we playing his music in the restaurant?

Okay.

I have literally never heard a Harry Styles song.

Yeah.

It's in the house.

Um... 100% agree.

Because all you got to do is be skinny.

Oh, yeah, because everybody on Ozempic. Shout out. If you're on Ozempic, please let people know. Why do you have to let people know? Because you'll be hanging out with somebody and they'll tell you they're on Ozempic. And you're like, oh, that's why we haven't eaten all day. Like, I'm angry. I'm angry and I'm hungry. And I was like, oh, you're not hungry.

You don't eat. Guess what? Other people have to eat. Other people need things.

So, yeah, being skinny, I didn't realize that. My boyfriend was the one that told me, like, a lot of these people, a lot of these movie stars ain't hot. They just skinny. And you're like, oh, yeah, because their face is weird. And it's like, who's hot? Who's actually hot? And what makes somebody hot and skinny right now seems to be the thing.

Yes, I do think it's hard and it's quite miserable. When I was the best shape of my life and I was the skinniest I have ever been, I couldn't eat. I couldn't eat and I hated it.

That's the only way.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I like my body type. I have been fat shamed by people before my mother.

Yes, I love my mommy. She's great. But she was like, you should lose weight. You're overweight. And I'm like, you know what? I'm comfortable with this size because people think, you know, only skinny is hot. And we're here to tell you, no, it's not. We like being thick boys and girls.

Shout out to Michelle Buteau, Survival of the Thickest, out on Netflix.

Oh, nice. Were you going to be the therapist?

Oh, cool.

Yeah, no, I think that counts. I think you could go for black roles. I don't think you could go for black roles.

I'm going to get roasted.

I do stand by what I said.

If you have a fro, if you can do a successful fro, we will consider your application. You might get an extra pass. You might need one less recommendation of a color person.

Yes, two instead of three. Because the fro counts. The fro is the third recommendation. Yes, we will consider you. But yeah, if you're just skinny... I hate all these shows that are telling me these specifically white women are so beautiful because they'll be saying that in the show. They'll be like, but you're so pretty, but you're so pretty. And I'm looking at her face like, where?

Oh, she's skinny.

I did.

Yeah. I actually love that show.

I love it. I love succession. I love a, I love a fighting white family. I love, I love discord amongst the whites. I love it.

It's yeah. It's like a voyeuristic thing. I absolutely love it. And Mike white stresses white people out to no end. And I love it.

Well, apparently Patrick Schwarzenegger wasn't acting. Apparently, he was like a monster on set. Oh, no, I didn't know about this. Yeah, one of my friends told me that. She read an article, but he was hilarious in the role. And then you realize, oh, most people aren't good actors. They're just being versions of themselves.

Oh, I thought the accent was like Southern white woman who's always either drunk on wine or on pills. That's because it was kind of like... Lorazepam. Lorazepam. I need my Lorazepam.

Yeah. We took away Jennifer Coolidge. We added Parker Posey. I'm a Parker Posey stan.

Yes.

Absolutely, yes. They had it available. It paid off.

No spoilers, but they landed that plane. And what people told me I did on my subway take, Rocky take off, but I landed the plane.

Yeah.

Not for the black people.

The two?

They made out. I was in the house screaming, cheering along. I kind of, I loved it. I loved it. I like mess.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, they can find me. The only social I have is Joyelle Nicole for Instagram. I heard I'm popping on TikTok, but had to delete that after they, you know, showed their ass. So I am on Instagram and you can see me performing all over. Got a show called Frankenbaby twice a month at Union Hall.

Union Hall.

She's a Jersey girl.

Union Hall.

It's a hole. There's holes in the walls in the hall. Yes.

Yay! Thank you. Thank you.

You in the club. Whether you like it or not with that name.

you absolutely belong in a club. I don't know, no white Kareem's. But it was just so interesting looking at the responses because that was the big thing for me. I just wanted black people to like it. I just wanted, I, that was my love letter to black people and how I believe in us. And I want us to be together. Cause I know we thrive that way.

De facto segregation is a real situation where we just go where we're comfortable with our people. And I, It allows people to thrive. And that's what I want for this world and this country. I want people to be comfortable and homogeny sometimes builds comfort. And then we go out and we mingle when we feel like it.

But specifically for learning purposes, I really want it for the schools because I had to learn about slavery from white faces surrounded by white faces. And that is my villain origin story.

We sure enough did it. I ended, remember, I ended in person saying reverse Brown versus Board of Education. Y'all cut that part out.

Absolutely, yeah.

I grew up in Union, New Jersey.

Yes. And my godmother was one of the people who desegregated the schools in Union. That was her class.

Yeah. So by the time my generation came, we were like that next generation of people that had to go to school amongst mostly white faces. And honestly, it was stressful. It was stressful.

I would love to undo it. I read Quinta Brunson's book. Quinta, shout out to Quinta. She went to school her whole entire childhood with Black people, learning from Black teachers, and that gave her confidence. That allowed her to do everything that she's doing right now because she's had the confidence in her complexion from a very young age.

When I was going to school with white people, I had to get coached the first time I got my hair braided. Because they were like, look, you're going to go to school and the white girls are going to try to touch your hair. These are my big cousins telling me. They're like, what do you say if a white person has to touch your hair? I was like, mind your business and get away from me.

They were like, OK, calm down. They said, say it a little nicer. And I was literally like six years old and I had to know about racism that early and discrimination and all that stuff. That's a lot for a six year old. And also I got to learn math.

Yeah. I mean, also, I just feel like... Everyone needs to learn about all history, you know, and history is vast. White people need to learn about Black history too. We need to learn about all the things that are happening. But when you allow the peace, because school's stressful. You're going to get bullied. I was bullied. I was bullied relentlessly.

Bring it back. I want to know where I'm not welcome, OK? Put them signs back up. Colors only, whites only. Let's do it, all right? Rip the Band-Aid off. Especially for a restaurant. Are you kidding me? Whites only? What do I want to do in there? What they got? Mashed potatoes? Mayonnaise hot dogs? Colors only, we got seasoning, turmeric, paprika.

I would love to remove the race element and just get bullied regularly. But my fellow black girls, you know, just bullying each other like, you know, your mom is so fat. Those little things. Not I'm – you are beneath me.

Yeah. And that's the thing that integration did. It made us think white was right. So instead of appreciating everything that we had, it was like, oh, you shouldn't go to Howard. You should go to Harvard because Harvard is better than Howard. Who says Harvard is better than Howard but white supremacy? Because they talk about Harvard being one of those schools that's difficult to get in.

But once you get in, you skating all on ice with roller skates because it's like, oh, we're all at Harvard and now let's just, I don't know, jerk each other off. But anyway.

Yes, exactly.