Vik Shivdasani

So I just gotta make a stipulation real quick. I do sit down, not stand up. It's a little bit different. My name is Vikash Shivdasani, but I go by Vik, so you're welcome. I know what you're all thinking seeing me up here, but I'm not really disabled. I'm just really lazy. Or at least that's what I tell people. See, people always feel the need to come up to me and be like, hey man, what happened?

Why are you in a wheelchair? My favorite, like, the old Indian people were like, so, what is wrong with you? I'm like, man, what the hell is wrong with you? I got no manners, jeez, nothing's wrong with me. I just got tired and wanted to sit down. I had a lazy idea to add wheels. Now I can bring my own chair everywhere. It's fucking genius.

One time, one time this dude came up to me and was like, hey man, what's your handicap? I was like, what? I don't know. I don't even play golf. But seriously though, I used to walk and now I've been in a wheelchair for about 18 years. When I was 22 years old, after a night of partying, I fell off of a third floor apartment balcony after a night of, left me paralyzed from the waist down.

For the record, the punchline there was oops. Okay. You didn't like that. Okay. Vic. Vic Dasani. Shiv Dasani.

Yep, we got it.

So we had a night of party, we went out to the club, we came back and... How long ago was this? How old were you? 18 years. I was 22 years old at the time.

12 drinks deep, probably.

We took cabs to and from the club. We were responsible drunk people.

No, no.

We got back to the apartment. One cab was missing. I went to the balcony to call my cousin who was in the missing cab. He's like, we're right around the corner. I lean over the balcony to see if I could see any headlights coming. I lost my balance. Last thing I remember was losing my balance. Oh my God. Yeah. Pretty much.

I lost my balance, and the next thing I remember was waking on the ground. I don't remember falling or anything. Wow. Incredible. And what did they tell you when you awakened? No one actually saw me. My friends with the missing cab came literally right after I fell. All I had was a bloody nose. Nobody knew what was going on. I was coming to, and then I was like, I think I fell off the balcony.

It was kind of a crazy moment. See, hold on a second.

I couldn't get up. I couldn't move. And that's when I was just like, something happened. How did they find you? I landed on the only four-foot patch of grass right next to a curb and six inches from a sprinkler.

I actually am a... I help people heal from emotions. I'm an emotional healing coach, I guess. I actually wrote a book. You wrote a book? I wrote a book. It's called Rolling With It, Lessons Learned While Sitting Down.

I got to use blue pills every so often, but... It works. But, yeah.

That's great. One miracle, yeah. That's great.

I play for the Austin Wreckers. Whoa, look at that.

That's a very interesting question.

Absolutely, absolutely. I think the people who have been paralysed more recently hate the people that have... They just think this is life, you know? You're looking down on them?

Because the people who are born crippled, like, that's just been their life, so they're, like, this is it, and...

I cannot believe this is happening right now.

Well, here she comes back up. Oh, my God.

Can I just say one more thing? Absolutely. Finally, someone with a disability on this show that can fucking enunciate.

Happy New Year!