Will Owens

What's the return policy on an orphan? Anybody know? Is it 30 days? Do I still need the receipt? At this point, I'll take store credit. This little nigga got to go. They told me he was refurbished good as new. Hey, he came out that box broken, all right? Oh, before I get out of here, somebody please take a picture of me so my wife doesn't think I'm cheating. Will Owens. You have one more?

I was gonna say, just send her the picture in three hours.

Yeah, I'm not from Houston.

San Bernardino, California. What made you move to Houston? It's cheaper. Okay. All right. Yeah, that's about it.

I'm a staff and agency recruiter.

All right. You like that job? Yeah, I love it. Okay. Yeah.

Fuck y'all.

Everybody likes you.

Only to my friends. I can't be my true self to strangers.

That wouldn't? Anything. I met one of my brothers when I was in, like, high school. Whoa. Yeah, I didn't even know he existed that week before.

Low-hanging fruit, that one. Was it emotional? Fuck no. Yeah, no. It was like a ghetto Maury episode and shit.

No, I don't think either one of us knew he existed, for real. My sister's good friend, she was hanging out, and my sister's good friend's mom walked in, asked her her name. She told her her full name. She was like, oh, are you related to Willie Owens Jr.? And she was like, that's my dad. And then she was like, oh, you want to meet your brother? And then she was like...

little nigga, come in here, meet your sister. So cash. And then my sister called me like, little nigga, come in here, meet your brother.

Just for real, just being a father, comedy, right every day.

Two.

Two years old.

No, it's a girl.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, I was happy. I would have been happy no matter what it was, you know? I just wanted a healthy kid. What's the toughest part about being a dad? Toughest part about being a dad? Staying there. Yep.