Witty
Appearances
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
No, subliminally. No way Witty copies Zazz. Well, Witty copies Mike. Witty copies Mike.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
This song's been around for 40 years.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
In 40 years, Pink Pony Club will be the same thing. I bet you in five years it won't.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
You guys heard the Weezer cover? That's the reason all these 22-year-olds in our office know what it is.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
Sorry, Mike Malley and Ethan Badowski.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
Smash hit from a new artist that's going to be around for a long time.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
He's looking. He's looking. Title's going to be, Amin Confuses Obama with Osama.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
Postgame Show: Steaks For Stakes
The segregation, that's what happened.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
He does. My mum does. My mum does, and all of my cousins.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It just felt like we are winning and we are going to win emphatically. It, you know, it was wonderful. The only person that must have not enjoyed it was Mbappe. Do you know what I mean? I can imagine. I hope to God he wasn't wearing white jeans. Because I imagine there was food everywhere. He was flinging stuff. His neighbors must have been like, Jesus, Killian's really losing it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Yeah. Do you know, that's one of my memories. I remember John staying around my house and I'd done various impressions of my mom on stage down the years. And John was wearing some sandals, if you can believe such a thing. And he very neatly put the sandals or the flip-flops at the bottom of the stairs before he went to bed. And my mom saw these sandals bellowed up, who's staying in the house?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Yes, but he harks back to that sort of, you know, that mid-naughties. So it was the perfect time for football. And, you know, obviously I'm nostalgic about it, but it's when managers like Ian Holloway could still be in the Premier League. I guess Ange is...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
kind of a bit like that he's kind of I'm not a clown mate I'm not a clown it's those moments and it's kind of you know I miss that it feels like sometimes managers have the kind of their media trained out of those I would love it if we won love it you know and you very rarely get that. I guess Arteta does it a bit.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Sometimes you can sort of see the sweat on the mascara and he's kind of got that fury. But yeah, I miss managers like Holloway. I really do.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
On a separate note, I was talking about my cousins. My cousin Lewis, his son's team, an under 13 team, just outside Bristol, they won their league. And going into the final game of the season, he was staying around my house with his son and his daughter the day before. And we kind of had this chat, me and Lewis. And I said, how are you going to approach it as their manager?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
And he was like going... I don't really know. And I was trying to be the kind of older brother and going, I think what you've got to do is just tell them, listen, give it everything. Don't leave anything there, but don't frighten them. You know, let them know about the potential that this is going to be a memory forever. And he was like, yeah, yeah, fair point. It's 2-2.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
And in the last 10 minutes, they win 5-2. And I speak to Lewis and I said, what did you say? And he went, I just called him in and said, you do it. You fucking little fuckers. You go out there, you smash. All the plan, all these plans went out the window. He told me, he goes, it's the first time I've done it, but it really works. So he essentially screamed at his children.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But it was, they were fantastic. Hakimi was fantastic. Due, Vitinha, Jauneves, the Georgian that nobody can pronounce. Just, just unreal. Dembele, what a team. And it's that, it's like you've said, really, it's that team has come together since January. Yeah. And they're young. And yeah, they're going to take some stopping. And it was a great final. It was one sided.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I don't know if you've ever seen the... He got a result out of them, so... So maybe gentle parenting doesn't work. Another favourite moment for the team was singing Liverpool songs with our friend and exec producer on Goalless, Will Arnett. Particularly, Witty's valiant attempt to do Luis Diaz's song Justice. Let's listen.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It's beautiful, isn't it?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Imagine hearing that. Can you imagine? That would be the best heckle at a karaoke bar. Not one I've heard of.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I tell, I had an experience. I was in a karaoke bar in Sheffield recently. And when you hear old Northern men singing Arctic monkey songs, it really changes the feeling of the lyrics. Do you know what I mean? I bet that you, I bet that you look good on the dance floor. If you're a teenager in a tracksuit, that's fine.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I don't know what you're looking for. It's chilling. It's amazing. It changes everything. But I didn't know you knew that song. How did you find that song out? You're not a Liverpool fan.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I think because there's no cheerleaders, nobody's shooting a t-shirt with a rocket into the crowds, you know, there's nobody with an organ going, it's just deeply frustrated men who've spent a lot of money, who start screaming, and then somebody puts that to a tune. I I think that's kind of, do you know what I mean? It's sort of, but it is, it's weird.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I remember there's a brilliant comedian called Glenn Wall, a Canadian comic, and he kind of made that point. He went, I remember this line he had where he went, went to my first soccer game, pleasantly surprised to see that you sing songs. And out of, and it's so unusual if you've never, you know, like, you know, and they had this bit about, you know, I didn't know it had to be specifics.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But having watched the Europa League, which was like watching two alcoholic grandmothers fight in a car park. It's nice to see a truly brilliant team turn on the power, you know.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But you're so right. It's like, I've got a sore throat last night. I was singing at some men. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, I was reaching for the high notes.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But it's my favorite song just because of how random it is, is the Chelsea song. I love that because I don't know how they came up with it. But it's that, you know, this speaks to boredom. The Chelsea official song is celery, celery. If she don't come, I'll tickle her bum with a lump of celery, celery. That's the song. They all sing it. That can't be the song. That can't be the song.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Google it, my man. That's the song. Yeah, Celery. That's unbelievable. Google Celery now. Google Celery Chelsea. Please. All right, I'm on it. I know you're in a hotel and you don't want them going through your internet history, but it's fine. Just get rid of it. Go to private browser.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I'll tell you how that came about. That was a nil-nil draw and a pervert just started bellowing. That's how that came about. And yet everyone must have been like, Celery. He's just there in the corner. Celery. Celery.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Sorry, he's fucking mad at you. Celery. It's quite catchy though, isn't it? Celery. If she don't come, I'll tickle her palm with a lump of celery. Someone should really get rid of him. Celery! And before you know it, people are going to green grocers. They're picking out the biggest and best bit of celery to then throw at the club.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
John Terry, I think after they won the Champions League final, is swinging celery around like Morrissey with leeks. It's absolutely fantastic. All right, we're supposed to be doing clips here. We've got another one here, mate. This next one is actually a favorite of mine.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It's Reece Darby telling a story about filming the movie Next Girl Wins and realizing halfway through that he's telling a story he can't tell and then trying to get out of it by being as vague as possible.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Can you imagine if the news was that vague? It would be... Wouldn't that be wonderful? It was just context clues. Welcome to Hollywood. Something terrible's happened. I think you know who it is. I know. Here's the weather.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
There you go. Recy, Recy.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Oh, is that who it was? Yeah, that's who it was. That's who it was. Okay. Six months later, you go, and here's what it was. Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
God, I love that. What's so great, it's all his words. I love it. It's just even like near death and even being Bulgarian, he still speaks like a footballer would speak. Do you know what I mean? But that is a man essentially describing a 10-year-old defeat. And at the end he goes, but you know, next week we go again, we fix the defence and who knows? You know, it's just that...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
my god what a thing but in the end you have to be positive press conference chat press conference chat from a dead man oh man I love it oh so great yes I really enjoyed that what a terrific terrific story and he's still with us we should check that because this is this is a couple of months later yeah producers come on let's check he's still here Now, here is another one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
There's been many impassioned moments from you this season. It's been hard to pick the best witty rant. There's been a few, but we've gone for this one about Eric Ten Hag sacking from Man United. Let's listen.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
That was the football nerd equivalent of Eminem's Stan. Do you know what I mean? It was so detailed. And yet, they're in exactly the same position with their new manager. Extraordinary, isn't it? Worst position? Yeah, but given that it's like, so quickly, where do we go from here? What do we do? To the point where you go, you even forget that Ten Hag was the manager at the beginning of the season.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
That's what I mean. Football is so fascinating, isn't it? You just kind of... You really thought that he would sort of kick that team on. But all of a sudden, particularly without... They don't have Europa League football. They don't have Conference League football. They don't have the Champions League. They've just got the Premier League. Have we got any more? Is there anything...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
We've got one final one.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Handjob in midfield. Trombone is the holding 10. Number 10, Fat Labia and Missing Clicks.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It's an absolute rollercoaster of emotions, Witty. For a final time this season, let's go.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
So it's shit, fuck and wanker. Right, Witty, what do you think, man?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Well, I hope you enjoyed that as much as we did, but it was a real trip down memory lane. What a season it's been. And on that note, we should look ahead to next year. Let's do that.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I know. It's insane, isn't it? There's clearly money to spend. And I think they're going to offload it for you. But my God, yeah. Who saw that coming? Florian Wurz. I mean, we're spending a lot of money on him, but he's 22. And in the kind of PSG thing that I was talking about earlier, if he does well, we'll probably be able to sell him for 150.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
So I think we'll make money off him if he does go to Bayern Munich in the future. It's a very cynical way of looking at it. That's kind of how you have to look at it, right? I've seen a lot of highlight reels of him and he looks phenomenal. I'm just really surprised. I'm really surprised that Man City haven't gone...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
for him apparently it came down I mean you never know this is the thing about the transfer as soon as the season ends football fans are so desperate for any sniff of football crack but I was reading some article and basically the implication was that his family had gone to meet
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
And they were less impressed with Guardiola and whether Guardiola is still going to be with City versus, you know, the Liverpool set up felt very kind of, you know, you know, Arnie Slott is like, I'm here. This is what I want to do. We won the league. We're going to go on. We're going to do this. We've got places. You know what I mean? It's just... He was more impressed.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
So by all accounts, kind of, it was the chat with slot that got him over the line. And I think similarly, with kind of Vincent company at Bayern Munich, you're kind of like, you're not really a Bayern Munich manager, you won the Bundesliga, but yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're with Bayern Munich. You should do that. So incredible, really. And apparently we're in for Kirkus as well.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But what do you think about City signings?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Really not surprised by that. But he's... It's a lot of money, though, Russ.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Yeah, it must be. And Arsenal have got that Zubimendi, apparently. And it's the sort of strikers, really, isn't it? It's Osserman, Shieshko, and is it... Jokeres. Jokeres, but there's also a German lad. It's like Eketike or something like that. Oh, Eketike from Eintracht.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But this is what happens. It's a bit like football fans in England become a bit like, you know, sort of milfs at a Spanish bar overhearing cocktails. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, we should try one of them. Yeah, let's get like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. But it is that thing. We've got nothing else to do. So you just, you kind of...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Yep. But, um, uh, Newcastle, you know, I think cause they made it into the champions league. Um, I think at the very least to keep their guys at the very least.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Um, well I think Liverpool should win to play it safe. It's probably like Man City, Arsenal, um, Chelsea, I would say is my top four with, with Chelsea to win the league cup. Liverpool to win the FA Cup and yeah I would say PSG win the Champions League again
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
That's what I mean.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I would say Newcastle, but you know, aside from City and Arsenal, like City can't underperform like that again. I just can't see it happening. Especially with Roger back. Yeah, exactly. And I think Arsenal will get a striker and they'll have a few more
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
kind of goals and i just think chelsea have got the the beginnings of something there but i also do think newcastle so i could i could easily see them kind of sneaking i think the problem is for newcastle again it's playing that champions league every week and crystal palace who you know they were fantastic towards the end but you wonder if they if they lose as a do they kind of start as they did last season where it took them forever to get going and then they eventually went on and won things
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
And so I feel like you'd want to give it a real go. I think Forest could really struggle next year. Like, okay, that's my interesting, wild kind of... I think Forest could get relegated next year. I think they're going to get raided as well. And I think if they lose a few players, they're in real trouble. And I don't think Chris Wood will ever have a season like that.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
So that's my kind of crazy, it could happen. It could happen that Forrest get relegated next year.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
You need striker and two centre-backs. Yeah, that's what they need. And a keeper. They need a proper keeper, I think.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Nice. It'll be very interesting to see what Yamal does next year as well. I just love that team, man. I love that team. But again, it feels like they're in the beginnings of where PSG have got to.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It would have been good, wouldn't it?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It certainly is. As ever, your support means the world to us. So please remember to like, rate, and subscribe to Goalless wherever you listen to podcasts. And follow us at GoallessTheShow on Instagram for one final time. Let's do it, Witty. You know what to say.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Yeah, it's funny you mention that, because that was exactly what I was thinking. It's like, you have Hakimi, who could essentially play as a forward or a right-back. You know, Dembele can play anywhere across the front three. They're a really good team. How does Mbappe feel, do you think, watching that? Is it frustration? Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Chris Whittingham has one foot on the beach. Go and put the other one on it. Goalless is a Smartless Media and Meadowlark Media production. The show is hosted by me, Russell Howard, and Chris Whittingham, produced by Ethan Schreier and Timothy Fornara, with associate producer Mike Malley, edited and engineered by Maxwell Carney, with original music by Troy McCubbin.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Additional sound design by Devin Tory Bryant. Executive producers are Bimil Kabadia and Julia McInnes. For Smartless Media, the producers are Anne Harris and Bernie Kaminsky, executive producers producers are Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Will Arnett and Richard Cawson.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Is it, or did, or is it that thing that they, is there something exciting about the teams that are holding on to their star man to see a team lose the star men of all star men and then go on to be better? Is there something quite exciting about, you know, Man United going, is there a future beyond Fernandes, Palace getting rid of Eze, you know, Liverpool and Salah?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Like, does it, hopefully it gives hope that the system is always better than the one individual. Yeah.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I don't know if Enrique doesn't tell them. Do you know what I mean? I think that might be their secret weapon. It's like, I trust you because all of you have got the ability to do something extraordinary. And if you fail, somebody's got your back. Like, do you know what I mean?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Like one minute, they're a jazz band. Next minute, they're dropping drones. Yes, exactly. It's like you can do whatever you want and then we've lost it. Kill, kill, kill. You know what I mean? But that's what's so impressive about them. But the great Barcelona team with the kind of noughties had that same thing. As soon as they lost it, they just kind of swamped teams.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I think it wasn't, but the difference being they're bought for $240 million. They're probably worth $500 million now. But that's the difference.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
It's kind of like high-level money ball, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? They'll probably lose a bit of money on the two other strikers you mentioned, but fundamentally they could still sell the team and be in the green. I bet Bettini will play very well again.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Well, yeah, because it feels like they're young or they're in their prime. But Hakimi is absolutely in his prime. And any left-sided winger going up against him is going to have to have the game of their life to do anything. Donnarumma has been phenomenal this year. And also they've got that monkey off their back. They've won it now.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
So they don't have that kind of... They won't have the fear from the crowd of like, oh, we're going to screw it up. Did you watch the other European finals?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Has there been a worst European Cup final ever than that? In terms of like, are they the two worst teams to have ever played in a major European final? It was... We'd have to go back and look through it, but it was terrible.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
I was imagining kind of like what kind of foreign fans would think of English football. Do you know what I mean? You could just imagine the world over going, what this is... this is English football? This is, you know, they're just, you know.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Can you sack somebody if they've got you Champions League football?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
My friend Adil, who's a Spurs fan, was crying because it just... And there's something really lovely about that, that you kind of forget...
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
you know a lot of clubs don't get to win stuff it's like Palace winning the FA Cup final it's just brilliant you know I mean it's obviously a red Jesus but the very fact that there has been you know the fact that Newcastle won the League Cup great Palace won the FA Cup
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
However they got to that team, the team they have is exceptional. And I noticed watching it, not only are they a team, but individually, they all win their battles. And this is a good Inter team. I kind of also sense that Luis Enrique... I don't know that, you know, it felt like the spirit was with him, you know, with the whole story with his daughter.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
McTominay you know wins Serie A with Napoli first season you know Harry Kane's first silverware of his career you know one of the biggest shocks was and I was only aware you know I don't really follow Dutch football from the day to day but the way that Ajax fell apart my god that's wild Nine-point league with seven games to go.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
But what a season. It's been fantastic as ever. And also here's the big thing. Here's the certainly in England the elephant in the room is still what's going on with Man City? Like, were they under investigation? Do you know what I mean?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
GOALLESS - The Divine Shadows (Season Finale)
Tell the world what's going on. We've got a demonic Santa working that poor elf bastard. It's unbelievable.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
I'm not a wooer, though. This is a three America situation because in Hispanic families, the entire family's cheering, applauding.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
So I don't have a bathtub in my apartment in Connecticut. So I'm in my shower. I mean, it is a tub like white. Is it porcelain? I don't even know what material this is. It's it's my it's how I bathe slash shower in the morning. So I'm here. Here I am. I'm doing it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
I'm trying to scum around it, you know? Are you sitting down? Do you have a bench in your shower? I am sitting down. I'm on my bare bottom, and I'm balancing my laptop on my knees. Bare bottom? A Pooh Bear situation, huh? Yeah, yeah. I figured you guys wanted me to be in a bathtub, so I figured I'd take the pants off so that I'd at least live up to at least part of this bit.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
No, I do not. I just have my lights on. It's pretty bright in here, so I'm good. I'm well lit. Chris Whittingham is a fancy lad. How did I fancy lad there? What did I do?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
It's currently caught in business shipping. So we're in one to four business days.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
It was a fun bit. Roy is reflective of the correct view, in my opinion. I am not welcome back. I don't want to be welcomed back.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
But the thing is that the darkness and the sadness is what has made this experience for me. I have been ripped up and down on social media. I have been ripped up and down on this program. I have been destroyed by several group chats of my friends. My friends hate me. I didn't do all of that to then at the final hurdle be like, you know what? I'm rooting for the Panthers and the Stanley Cup final.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
No, I'm rooting for your misery. I'm rooting for you to be inflicted what has been inflicted upon me for several years now. I don't want you to be happy. Your choice. I don't. You chose this. No one made you do this. I know. I know. And you know what? The choice has not gone well for me. Thank you. However, let's not see this end in a championship because, my God, it would be terrible.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
It would be the worst thing that had ever happened in my life.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
How many goals did Matthew Kachuk score in the Eastern Conference final? Was it a whole one? Chris, he made the Eastern Conference final. He made the cup. John Hubrador did not. He didn't even make the playoffs. Sam Reinhardt and Sam Bennett and Alexander Barkov and Gustav Forsling and Sergei Bobrovsky, they made the Stanley Cup final. Deep team.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
carry it carrying a passenger making more money than everybody else he only scored the one goal in the eastern conference final as opposed to the new york rangers the rangers got like one goal out of their so-called big three and they didn't have the depth to make up for it unlike the panthers that's correct that is correct and fair play to the panthers for building a very good team defensively i i don't like it it's not my kind of hockey
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
but what's like great hockey kind of hockey it's not my kind of hockey i don't i don't like the what is your kind of hockey what is losing hockey is like is you know where they try and score goals and pass the puck what a concept like soccer right exactly i that honestly like to be fair like two years ago what i liked about the panthers they kind of played soccer on ice right now they play like rugby on ice it's terrible
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
That's correct. Yeah. And I feel like, I don't know, most sports fans prefer winning to aesthetics.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
but i like you said i am very consistent about this i don't i would not want my soccer team to try and not play with the ball i would not want my nfl team to not try and score 31 points and i would like to see my hockey team like string three passes together that that that's my desired outcome and the florida panthers don't seem terribly intent on doing that i wish this so i didn't like it i didn't like it seriously
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
they pass the puck chris no they don't i wish that shower would turn on right now uh whittingham how crushed were you like you know you but you're listening you're the biggest ranger fan i know so he's not crushed doesn't give a no no it was it was really bad so saturday on top of the the rangers playing it was the champions league final and if you like if you like real madrid you have no soul and so real madrid in the first 60 minutes are horrendous
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
Borussia Dortmund should have scored a goal but Real Madrid do a Real Madrid thing and like every sporting interest I had on Saturday went wrong and so I've actually decided to not watch Panthers games anymore because they make me miserable and so I'm just like I'm following my the score notifications that I get in and I'm just like and every time it like comes up on my Apple watch I look down and I go please do God please do God and then it doesn't go my way and it's just terrible and
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
I was just I was you know, I was alone in my hotel room in Philadelphia on Saturday night watching all my friends have fun and watching all my friends tell me to go bleep myself. And I was very unhappy. So that that was my experience watching the Panthers on Saturday. It was doubling down. I'm happy. Yep. Doubling down. Come on, the Oilers, which apparently is like a whole thing.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
OK, this is a thing yesterday. Like, like. Come on, Oilers.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
Like, let's go blank. Maybe a comma? It doesn't require a comma. No, there's no commas. You don't say a comma. You don't say, let's go, comma, Panthers. You just say, let's go, Panthers.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
No, it's not worse. It's not worse. It's not. I don't understand where you guys have gotten this idea. Also, the perverted mind of America ruining a very basic word that we use in a lot of different contexts. I don't understand how that happened either. You're deflecting. I am deflecting. Which word?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
See, I can't even say it because now it's like if I just use a very basic four-letter word that is a verb to describe about 15 different things, somehow that's like me being gross. Say it, Woody. Say it.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
Can we spend the last minute of this talking about Chipotle? Where did everyone get complaints about Chipotle from? I don't understand how people go to Chipotle. You used to get a burrito from there and you couldn't hold it. You couldn't bite it. It was way too wide. Ridiculous.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
oh they absolutely needed to downsize like they like you would get it to go things like i i need three people to go to to go through this this is this is not a portion size for one person this is ugly americans being like i want more food for my money more two and a half portion sizes no you get the one the the amount of food they give you now is the amount of food they should have been giving you in the first place
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
Have I? I'm a tortilla on the side guy. Oh, with the bowl?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
What do you mean I don't get to do that?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
How funny would it be if I just said, yeah, can you let me back in? Dude, you're welcome. No, no, no.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
I am the world's biggest Oilers fan. By the way, I had no idea how far away Edmonton was. Why is there a team there? They're so far away from everybody. It's like seven and a half hours to get there from New York. I was looking at a flight. to root on my beloved Edmonton Oilers, who've been a lifelong fan.
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
And it's like, it's seven and a half hours to get there. Greg, are you going to go for the Herald?
The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Come On The Witty
Siri, turn on his shower. He has his laptop. The bed is not fulfilled. You want me to get water all over my laptop?