2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Growing Up With A Serial Killer w/ Ari Shaffir | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
06 Jan 2025
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Full Episode
And welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave. Our next guest has a new special dropping on Netflix on January 14th. It's called America's Sweetheart. Yeah, that's what I am. Ari Shaffir.
Thanks, guys. Good to be here. Nice to see you boys again. Good to see you. Congratulations. Congrats. Thank you. You excited? I'm pretty excited, yeah.
When did you shoot this one?
April in D.C. End of April. I'm always curious, as a self-destructive comic, what are your intentions for this special? As someone who doesn't care about making money, touring, keeping ticket prices low, and kind of likes to blow up their own career, what are you hoping comes out of this special? Good question. Do you want Bradley Cooper to call you and be like, you're so talented? No.
No. No, that's not what I'm thinking. That would be bad. Okay. Hey, it's Brad. We could get a phone call one day. It's Brad. Which one? He FaceTimes.
He FaceTimes. He just FaceTimes. What a geezer. Oh, he's awesome. That's what my mom does. That's what I do. FaceTimes? That's what Shaq does. He does FaceTime. Really? I FaceTime everyone. If I was Shaq, I would just FaceTime straight to dick all the time.
Wow. Well, how could you not? It's such a bold move. I know. He FaceTimed me taking a shit one time. He was taking a shit? Yeah. What? I would love to see. And I was on stage. How big are his dumps? That's what I'm saying. I want to see that bowl. Yeah. I got videos. Of his shits? You don't have a video of his shit. I'm almost certain I do. So he showed you the bowl? No, hold on.
You went in there afterwards? Just kind of sniffed around? Doesn't have an auto flusher? But think about how big, long. You ever sit in the toilet and your dick hits the bowl? I mean, he's gotta get extra big toilets.
The volume. I took a shit at his house, and I was thinking about that. I was like, oh man, this is where he shits.
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