[video available on spotify] hello and welcome back to advice session, a series here on anything goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and i give you my unprofessional advice. and today's topic is sex. which means if you're one of my family members, turn this off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Full Episode
Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is sex, which means if you're one of my family members, turn this off. And if you think you're a little bit too young to be listening to this episode, go ask your mommy.
And now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about sex, people. Let's talk about it. Let's just dive into it. To be honest, I get a little bit uncomfortable when I talk about sex, not because it's a taboo topic, but because I don't think people perceive me as a sexual person. In fact, I've seen comments online that are like, I don't think Emma has sex.
Emma does not exude an ounce of sexual energy. I don't think she has sex. I think if we were to pull down her pants, we would find it was smooth like a Barbie doll down there. There's no vagina. She doesn't have sex. And this is something I've always sort of been self-conscious of ever since I was...
going through puberty as a middle schooler, I've been self-conscious about the fact that I exude less sexual energy than the average person. I've always sort of relied on my humor and my personality to get attention. And I'm not saying that in like a pick-me sort of way. Like, Sorry, I guess I'm just like deeper than the average.
Sorry that I'm not like a sex symbol, but I'm like well-read and I like read books. I'm not well-read. I'm not that well-read. I've read a few classics, okay? But no more than the average person. I'm not well-read. I'm not saying this in some sort of pick-me sort of way. I'm saying that I just never had sexual energy, so I had to rely on other things. And I think many of us can relate to that.
I think it's like 50-50 out there. Some people have sexual energy. Some people don't. It seems to be like 50-50. And I'm just somebody who, for whatever reason, doesn't have sexual energy for the most part. So I feel kind of silly when I talk about sex. However, despite what some of you may think, I do have sex. I do have sex. And I'm not necessarily the best at it.
And I don't get on top very often because that's just a little bit too much for me, a little bit too stressful, a little bit too visual, can see too much of me, a little bit too exhausting, a little bit too... I don't really know what I'm doing up there. No one ever taught me. So I just don't really do it. But I have sex, okay? I've been having sex for like seven years or something, maybe six.
So I have enough experience. To be honest, if anyone needs sex advice though, it's me. Now I'm thinking about it, I'm like, wait, I could use some sex advice, if anything. But today I'm just gonna share with you what I know, all right? And as always, this advice should be taken with a grain of salt. For all you know, I actually could be a Barbie doll down there, just no vagina, okay?
Just like smooth. You don't know anything for sure. So take advice with a grain of salt from me, all right? Anyway, let's begin. Actually, one more check. Are any of my family members listening? Let's fucking turn this off now because I don't want to talk about this at Thanksgiving.
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