friendship is complicated, advice session
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Hello and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today we are revisiting a topic, a topic that we've discussed before, the topic of friendship. And I feel like the topic of friendship is bountiful. There's never-ending conversations to have about friendship because friendship is complicated. It's constantly in flux. We're constantly making new friends, cutting off other friends, dreaming to have a larger friend group. Kind of wishing we could scale down the friend group. You know, like we're constantly evolving our social circle. And because of that, it's this bottomless pit of conversation.
What a beautiful thing that is. Without further ado, let's begin.
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Somebody said, how do I find the balance between asking others to make plans and expecting others to ask me? That is a great question because ideally, you don't have to strike a balance. It just sort of happens naturally. When the stars are aligned for whatever reason, this is not even a thought that crosses your mind. You know, it's kind of a beautiful thing when a friendship is so locked in that you don't even have to play the game. And honestly, I think that's ideal. Same thing with romantic relationships. Ideally, we find somebody that we don't have to play the game with. We're not sort of being like, well, they asked me last time, so I guess I ask this time. Ideally, we're finding somebody that allows us to be intuitive in our friendship. Like, oh, I'm going to go shopping. Maybe I should invite so-and-so. Ideally, we're finding somebody who invites us to think of them in a way that's just genuine. You know what I'm saying? Like, ideally, we don't have to play the game.
However, in the beginning of a friendship, everybody's kind of on their best behavior and, you know, you don't want to seem clingy. but you also don't want to put in no effort because then the other person will think that you don't care. So there is an element of playing the game, right? Even in the most authentic, genuine friendships and relationships where there's no games being played, a lot of times it started with some games because, I don't know, you're trying to make a good impression and So, you know, fair enough. Honestly, I don't know if this is even good advice, but I am somebody who tries to match the level of effort of the person that I want to be friends with or the person that I am friends with. I mean, I prefer to be friends with people that make me feel safe enough to just like, I don't know, like invite them to stuff like five times in a row. And then they invite me to stuff five times in a row.
And then I invite them to 20 things. And then they invite me to one. And then I invite them to three. And it doesn't matter. We're not keeping track. We're not playing a game. I prefer to be in those types of friendships and relationships. So I'm more referring to my experience in friendships or relationships in the beginning stages when we haven't gotten to that level of comfortability yet. I try to match the level of effort. Okay. And sometimes if I'm really trying to win this person over, I'll maybe put in like 25% more effort than they are. But what I've noticed is a lot of times you can tell if somebody wants to hang, you know, if somebody wants to hang out, the hangout will happen. So I think in order to find balance, pay attention to the sort of baseline that's created.
Like, are you the only one asking to hang out? Are they the only one asking to hang out? Okay, now seek balance. If you're the only one asking to hang out or you're the one who's asking to hang out more often, maybe step back a little bit and see what they do, you know?
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