[video available on spotify] hello and welcome back to advice session, a series on anything goes, where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and i give you my unprofessional advice. today’s topic is what to do when you’re stuck in a rut. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the main topic of this episode?
Hello and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is what to do when you're stuck in a rut. To be honest, I feel like I've been in and out of a rut consistently for the last 10 years of my life.
And I'm starting to wonder if that's just what adulthood is. Constantly teetering between being in a rut and having shit together. Which sounds a little bit pessimistic, but I don't mean it that way. I think... as you get older, shit gets real, you know? And when you're a kid, you don't even have a frontal lobe. It's like, you don't even know what's going on.
So life just seems less challenging for the most part. And then you become an adult and your frontal lobe develops so you can comprehend how complex life is. And then on top of that, of course, you have all these responsibilities. And it just, it gets harder and harder to, keep it together. Although I'm hoping that the frequency of being stuck in a rut goes a little bit something like this. Okay.
When you're a kid, like a kid, like five to 10 years old, You don't really get stuck in a rut very often because, again, you don't have a frontal lobe. And you also don't have responsibilities. And there are definitely tough moments as a kid. There's some horrible moments as a kid. But you don't really get stuck in a rut when you're a kid. So the rut frequency is low.
And then you get into your teenage years and into your young adult years. And, whoa, it feels like you're stuck in a rut all the time, which I think sort of makes sense because... Oh my God, there's a lot of changes happening. You're having a lot of thoughts and feelings for the first time because your frontal lobe is developing. It's a really tough time. It's a really confusing time.
Responsibilities are coming in at an alarming rate. It's all happening. It's all very overwhelming. It's your first time doing a lot of hard stuff. So you get stuck in a rut really easily. Life gets you down pretty easily. And then I'm hoping, because I can't say for sure because I'm 23, but I'm hoping that after that, things get easier and easier and easier until you die.
That's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping that the frequency of getting stuck in a rut lightens up a bit over the next 30 to 40 years for me, crossing my fingers. I briefly paused this episode of Anything Goes to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Amazon.
Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove these painful parts of getting better with things like 24-7 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy for sponsoring today's episode. Now let's get back to the episode.
To be honest, this topic today, what to do when you're stuck in a rut, is so relevant because I have been stuck in a little rut for the last few weeks. And I know I say that a lot. I don't just say it to be on theme, okay?
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Chapter 2: How do I recognize when I'm stuck in a rut?
Listen, I would absolutely love to sit here and be like, I'm coming at you from a really strong place and I'm going to give you advice on how to get yourself out of a rut because look at me, I'm not in one. No, wrong. I'm totally in one. I don't know. There's something about the holidays. I spent a lot of December sort of relaxing and
And I kind of had some goals of like, you know, this is going to be my winter arc. Fuck it. Like, let me try to do the whole winter arc thing. And like, I'm going to, you know, set all these goals for myself. I'm going to read a book and I'm going to wake up early and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And listen, the winter is not over. Okay.
I could still execute on those things, but I found myself exhausted during the holidays. So then I ended up failing at that, which is ironic because I made a whole episode about Well, I think, you know, making lifestyle goals for yourself like that can be really positive. And, you know, as long as you don't put pressure on yourself and all this.
And then I proceeded to put pressure on myself and then sort of fail, which, again, it's not too late. It's still the winter. But it kind of made me feel bad about myself. And I've just been overthinking my life and career and everything a lot. I don't know. I've been in my head a lot, getting in my own way a lot, being really hard on myself. My self-esteem is down. It's just a mess, okay?
So I'm in a little rut. And yesterday was the worst day yet. I had a fucking meltdown. because I woke up and I was like, today's going to be different. Today's going to be better. Today's going to be the day that we get back to it. Okay. Today's going to be the day that we stop, you know, procrastinating and, and getting in our own way. And guess what I did?
I really got in my own way yesterday to a point that I put so much pressure on myself to overperform yesterday and that I ended up freezing and getting nothing done. And then the guilt of that made me completely spiral. Anyway, you guys, let's not talk about that anymore. Let's get into your problems, okay? Enough about mine. Let's talk about your problems now. Let's begin.
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Chapter 3: What are some signs of being in a rut?
Okay, somebody said, I've been stuck in the house way too much and I've gotten used to the isolation. I wanna get out more, but I don't even know where to start. How do you find things to do? Okay, I could be totally off base here, but this statement sort of reminds me of when someone goes into their closet and they have a closet full of clothes and they're like, I have nothing to wear.
The problem is not that you have nothing to wear. It's that you hate all your clothes, right? And in that situation, you either need to go into your closet with fresh eyes, sort of tweak your perspective, and instead of looking at all your clothes like old memories and...
old Instagram photos that you've posted in the past and, you know, outfits that you've worn on a night out and outfits that you've worn 20 times to work or school. Go into your closet and look at everything for what it is. You know, pieces of clothing are all building blocks.
We can sometimes start to perceive our clothing negatively for various sort of irrational reasons because we've worn something too much, because, you know, it's a shirt that a lot of other people have. It's like a very popular piece. It's maybe considered basic. Or... Whatever. And so it's not really that you have nothing to wear.
It's that you have sort of a narrow minded perspective about your closet. And so I think in your case, when it comes to, you know, getting out more and finding things to do outside of your home that are exciting, I know for a fact that there are a lot of options for you.
Off the top of my head, I could think of 10 incredible things that you could do outside of your house that I can almost guarantee you will find some sort of joy from. You could go for a walk. Even better, you could go for a walk with someone. I've been loving walking recently. I just love going for a walk. You could go to your favorite bakery or go to your favorite cafe.
Go to the library if you're somebody who likes books. Libraries are underrated, okay? They still exist. I don't go to the library, but I actually have some people in my life who do go to the library and they absolutely love it, okay? I don't go to the library because there are a lot of things I'd rather do. But if you like reading, you can go to a library. Maybe you have a local museum.
Go just trot around there, okay? Maybe you whip out a cookbook, pick out a recipe, go to the grocery store and pick out groceries. Do you see what I'm saying? There are so many different options. There's more to do outside of your house than there is to do inside of your house. Right? So when you say, you know, I want to get out more, but I don't even know where to start.
How do you find things to do? The first thing that comes to my mind is that's not the problem. The problem is not that you don't know where to start and you don't know how to find things to do. I think you do. I think what you're dealing with is sort of a mental block in a way. A mental block towards doing stuff outside. Let's look up the definition of mental block because I don't really...
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Chapter 4: How can I shift my perspective to get out of a rut?
Like there's, of course, a billion options, right? Write down as many as you can think of and then highlight, let's say, your eight to 10 favorites that seem the most exciting and the most inspiring to you that are the least daunting. And then make it a goal in the next week two weeks I want to do two of these activities, or in the next month I want to do eight of these activities, or whatever.
Make some sort of goal for yourself that... that feels good, and go from there. Again, that's a plan, an actionable plan, and I think it is important to have an actionable plan, but I think majority of the issue here is actually having sort of a mental block. And I think making a plan aside, and as impactful as that is aside,
What's really going to help you is to just prove to yourself that you can because I have a suspicion that you sort of feel like you can't, you know? And so just doing one thing out of the house once this week that's sort of out of your comfort zone is the hardest step, but is honestly solving probably 75% of the problem.
It's just proving to yourself that you can do it and that you can find some sort of joy and fulfillment in it and that it's not uncomfortable and it's not a nightmare. Or it might be a little bit uncomfortable, but it's not as uncomfortable as you think it's going to be. Okay, next, somebody said, how to get out of a rut?
And then another person said, I'm so stuck in a rut right now, not sleeping well, eating well, and just overstressed. How do I get out of it? Okay, well... I think the most challenging thing about being stuck in a rut is that it sort of becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy, right?
A rut starts as just like a rough day, and then it turns into a rough week where you're struggling emotionally, mentally. You're getting into a routine that doesn't make you feel good mentally and physically. Because we all have routines that make us feel good, okay? And I think being in a rut is being in a routine that consists of opposite activities, right?
Eating bad, not following, you know, your ideal sleep schedule, not exercising, maybe not being as productive at work or school, not planning very well, being disorganized, whatever, right? Now, the hardest part about it is that a bad day is a bad day. Being in a rut is a lot of bad days in a row, okay? It's really hard when you're stuck in a rut to perk up one day and say, you know what?
Today's gonna be different. Or to say to yourself one night, hey, you know what? I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and tomorrow's gonna be different. It's really hard to do that because you have the last week, two weeks, two months of evidence proving that it's really hard to wake up the next day and make it different.
You have two weeks, two months, sometimes even two years of evidence that you're stuck in a rut and getting out of it is going to be nearly impossible. Because if it was easy to get out of a rut, you would have done it two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago. It's really easy to convince yourself that tomorrow's not going to be different, so why even try?
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Chapter 5: What actionable steps can I take to overcome a rut?
Like I'm exhausted. I've been in a rut for so long. You know, tomorrow's not going to be different. I hate my life. I hate everything. I hate everybody. I'm not even going to try. Fuck all this. It's so hard. It's so hard to not just fall victim to that and then stay in the rut for three weeks, three months longer than you necessarily have to.
But after finding hope somewhere, some way, I do think it's really helpful to make a plan. And I think... depending on how long you've been in a rut, you know, you might have to really make a plan. Like not just like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do tomorrow. I think when you're in a rut, it's a good time to reset everything in your life, including the bigger picture.
So, you know, sit down with a loved one or sit down with a pad and paper or sit down outside staring at a tree and analyze your current situation. you know, analyze what potentially got you into this rut in the first place. What areas of your life are clearly bringing you down?
And how can you make shifts in your life to make your life better, you know, to potentially prevent getting into a rut again? What kind of shifts in your life need to be made? What's not working? I feel like we get stuck in a rut in our lives usually because something is not working, right? We're too stressed out about work or about school or about our relationships in life.
Something is really stressing us out. You know, we have too much on our plate. We're not trusting our instincts. We're maybe living for people that aren't ourselves. Like there are all these different things that can happen that put us into a vulnerable place where we might fall into a rut. And so I think it's important to try to identify those things and then try to make a plan.
Like, how can I, how can I change the stuff that's not working? Now, a lot of times you can't change stuff overnight. Sometimes you can. That's great. But a lot of times you can't. So create a plan on how you can make these changes so that you can get to a better place in your life so that you don't fall into a rut as often. And, you know, that might be like, OK, well, you know what?
I really just need to quit my job or whatever. I really need to change my major in college. Or I really need to break up with this person that I'm dating. Or I really need to stop being friends with this friend group. Or, you know, figure out what action needs to take place and then figure out the steps that can help you get there.
If you really need to break up with your significant other, establish a really solid support system beforehand. Reach out to friends. Reach out to your loved ones and say, you know, I'm going to need you a little bit more. I'm going to go through a big life change here. Have that tough conversation. After that, make a plan for how you can focus on yourself. Like, you know what I'm saying?
And once you sort of have the bigger picture figured out, that's when I think it's important to make an actionable plan. And my advice is always start in the morning. Like, it's really hard halfway through the day to be like, today's been really bad and really... and really disappointing, I'm going to turn it around right now at 5 p.m. Listen, don't get me wrong. You can absolutely do that.
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Chapter 6: How do I find joy after a depressive episode?
I will say that try to make a goal that you think is feasible to either accomplish or get closer to accomplishing, right? Like I remember I made an episode about a month ago about like the concept of the winter arc. And I was like, is this... positive? Is this negative?
You know, what are the shortcomings and strengths of this concept as a whole, like taking the winter time to, you know, reinvent yourself? I actually do think that it is a beneficial concept. However, I failed and that kind of did bug me a little bit.
So like, it's not like I fully failed because there's certain lifestyle changes that I have made this winter that sort of could fall under the category of like a winter arc, although they didn't match up with my original rules or my original goals, but I've sort of tweaked my goals and actually ended up accomplishing some things, but they're not what I originally planned on.
And so I do think this sort of idea of like this winter, I want to reinvent myself and I want good things to happen. I think it actually did have a positive impact overall because even though I was kind of frustrated that I didn't accomplish exactly what I wanted to, other positive things ended up coming out of it.
Like I've been cooking recently from scratch, which is something I've been wanting to get back into for a long time. And I'm actually successfully getting back into that. In addition to that, I think I made a goal that I wanted to run, but I've actually discovered walking in a whole new way. Like I've made a goal that I wanted. This sounds so obvious.
Everybody makes the goal of 10,000 steps a day. It's like the standard or whatever. But I've never done that. I've never made it a goal to have 10,000 steps a day. And I'm so late to the train, like literally five years late to the train. But I used to run. And instead of like walking 10,000 steps a day, I would run 5,000 steps a day at a faster pace. And that was what I was doing.
Anyway, but I was like, hey, maybe I'll try the 10K steps today. A lot of people really like it. So I ended up trying that. So like good things have come out of this sort of having planted the seed that I want to, you know, use this wintertime to improve, I guess. But there was a negative element to it where, you know, I wanted to accomplish all these goals and I didn't.
So I guess, you know, when I give you this piece of advice, like potentially make a goal that you want to accomplish by the time winter ends, I think my piece of advice to you would be make sure that either number one, you're okay with potentially not accomplishing what you want to, especially if you're being really ambitious, right? but also be open to changing your goal and evolving your goal.
As you work closer to it, you might realize, eh, this is actually not what I, I don't know that this is working out for me. I'm gonna make a different goal. And being okay with that is really important.
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