[video available on spotify] you want to know what absolutely terrifies me? the permanence of the internet. i am tortured by it. but at the same time, i know it’s just something i have to deal with as a public figure who documents their life online. maybe it affects me more than the average person, but i really think this is something most people in the 21st century - especially my generation - struggle with. let me tell you why the permanence of the internet keeps me up at night. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Full Episode
You want to know what just absolutely terrifies me, keeps me up at night, and then when I finally fall asleep, fuels my nightmares? Let me tell you about the permanence of the internet. This is a reality of life that I contemplate multiple times a day. And not in like a sort of beautiful, introspective way.
No, I contemplate this reality of life multiple times a day in fear, in a panic, overcome with anxiety. Okay, I am tortured by the permanence of the internet. Tortured. And it's kind of funny because... I am as tortured by the permanence of the internet as I am because of my own voluntary actions. Okay, I made the decision to post the last seven years of my life on the internet. I did that.
I made that choice. Now I'm sort of tortured by it and it's like, okay, but I did it to myself. That's a reoccurring theme for me. Okay. I often sort of get myself into the most uncomfortable predicaments in my life. Usually I'm the one who did something wrong to get myself there.
Although I don't think I did anything wrong because I actually have no regrets, even though I am completely tortured by the permanence of the internet. I also am aware that it is something that I have to deal with in order to be on the internet. Like, the internet is not the internet if it's not permanent. That is a key detail.
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So I vaped a lot this weekend after a long time of not really vaping. And so I think my chest is a little bit tight because of that as well. I'm also feeling a little weird, I think, because I'm probably withdrawing a little bit from nicotine. So if my vibe is like off, it's because I'm kind of dissociating from nicotine withdrawals. And I feel weird.
Like my brain and body equilibrium is very off. Would I love to hit a vape right now? Yes. But no, I don't own vapes anymore. I only hit other people's. Anyways, I will say, I do think that I am more significantly affected by this reality of life, the permanence of the internet, than the average person because my entire life and my entire career is on the internet.
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