Show notes
Hey there, Facilitation Artists! Welcome back to to this week’s blog (or podcast if you prefer that) where we're diving deep into "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier.In case you're new here, I'm Monica Joy Krol, and this is the second episode/blog post in a series that's structured like a book club. I'm not going to edit the podcast version, so if you hear "um," "so," or any filler words, that's just me practicing progress over perfection!Today, we're going to dive into the first question, the Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind today?"Simple, but PowerfulThis question is deceptively simple. It's the question that starts a 1:1 meeting. "What's on your mind?" But don't let the simplicity fool you, because this question is powerful for initiating a lot of conversations and it's really setting the stage for a productive coaching session.Now, it's funny that I just said "productive coaching session" because when I started using this with a new direct report a couple weeks ago, she asked, "Monica, is talking about how I'm feeling or what's on my mind really productive right now?"To which I responded, "You've worked with me for almost 10 years. Do you think that I would do anything that wasn't productive?" She said, "Nope." And I said, "Yeah, so I need you to trust me that when I'm asking you what's on your mind today, that I'm motivated to have a productive conversation."Facebook's SecretAs I reflect on this question, what you might remember is that back in the early days of Facebook, probably nearly two decades ago when we were first putting in our status, the question that Facebook would prompt us was, "What's on your mind?"And if you think about it, that invited all kinds of engagement. It's a really powerful question. I don't think it's a coincidence that millions of people engaged on social media platforms just based off of that question.Why "What's On Your Mind?" WorksI think this question is effective because it's open-ended. It's helping you get what's to the most important of the person that you're talking to at that point. And it creates a pathway for trust and autonomy with them. But more than that, it begins to rewire our brains, and how we approach problem-solving and decision-making.Four Key Reasons* It opens up the conversation, helping you break the ice and allowing the coachee in this case to express what's truly important to them.* It demonstrates genuine interest. It shows that you value their perspective right off the bat versus being, "we're going to go through this list of things on this item,” and feel very disconnected in the process.* It empowers the person who's being coached to allow them to choose the topic. It fosters that autonomy.* And it focuses the conversation really on what's most critical, making it more engaging and productive.We might always have a list of things that we have in our 1:1 topics that we need to cover. But ultimately, context in a given week matters. Sometimes there are things that are more important that are on our mind that we need to work through.Diving Deeper: The 3Ps ModelWhen someone asks what's on your mind, it's a loaded question because usually the person answering might talk about a project that they're working on, a specific task or a specific thing. In the book, "The Coaching Habit", Stanier talks about how you can deepen that understanding. There are three dimensions to it, which is called the 3 Ps model: projects, people, and patterns.* "A project is the content of the situation, the stuff that's being worked on."* "When you're talking about people, it's not about you gossiping about them. It's talking about the relationship that you have with these people. Specifically, what your role is in the relationship that might be currently less ideal."* "And sometimes we have these default patterns and habits that don't serve us."After asking what's on your mind, you can let them know "based on what you just said, there's three different facets that we could possibly look at. Maybe you want to talk more about the content of the project. Maybe you want to talk about some of the people, roles and relationships. Is there some challenge there? Or maybe some patterns that you're feeling personally stuck?” And with that, you can just ask, “where should we start?" Let them choose.The Power of a QuestionI started applying this question in my own leadership, and I immediately felt this deep sense of compassion for people. It dawned on me "What a disservice that I'm doing when people come to me with their problems and I immediately offer advice." People come to us with problems. They come to us because they are stuck, and often come with some inherent feelings of “I can’t” or “I am not good enough or smart enough to figure this out.” And what do we do? We feed into that lie and offer to rescue and solve the problem for them in the form of advice. We don’t guide them through an experience of problem solving where they learn and grow. By asking quesions and limiting the impulse to give advice, we’re helping empower a person to learn that they too, are smart enough. They are good enough. They can work through it and we’ve got them. We’re there to support them in that process.My "Nina" ExperimentLet’s look at my example. When I first started applying this, I was working with one of my directs. I will call her Nina (not her real name, although I do work with a Nina too). My team member was expressing her concerns that she had about a new process that was rolling out.My default trigger was that I wanted to commiserate with her. That was the old habit that came up with me. I decided in that moment that what I needed to do instead was to stay curious and ask her to choose to share more about the projects, the people and the patterns. It was in that moment that she got to the heart of the issue, she had a very specific colleague that kept inviting her to every meeting without respecting her busy schedule. She was overwhelmed with saying yes.We talked about how she wasn't communicating effectively about her time constraints. Within just a few short questions the question shifted from concerns about a project to a deeper concern about her own patterns!Your Turn! What’s on Your Mind?What’s on your mind? Share you story of trying the kickstart question in the comments!Whenever you're ready, I can help you with:* Workshop design and facilitation* Facilitation and workshop training* Intention setting, planning, and incremental progress for success This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit facilitationartist.substack.com