Healing + Human Potential
Anxious or Avoidant? Heal Your Attachment Style + Find Secure Love | EP 81
25 Mar 2025
Why do we keep attracting people who trigger our deepest wounds—even when we think we’ve done the work? In this episode, we explore why romantic partners often reflect unresolved childhood pain and how these dynamics are invitations to grow. We talk about the importance of attachment styles, trauma responses, and why many of us pendulum swing between codependency and hyper-independence. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a “should I stay or go” relationship, we share guiding principles to help you find clarity—without bypassing your own healing. You’ll also hear how heartbreak can actually open the door to deeper self-love and emotional maturity, whether you’re single or partnered. I'm joined by Sheleana Aiyana, founder of Rising Woman, who shares her story of breaking old cycles and creating conscious love. Whether you're navigating heartbreak, deepening your current relationship, or wanting to prepare for conscious love, this episode is for you. === Have you watched our previous episode titled The Truth About Failure: Why It’s the Secret to Success Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YdGji5Qf6IY === GUEST LINKS Instagram: @risingwoman @sheleanaaiyana Website: https://risingwoman.com/ ==== Alyssa Nobriga International, LLC - Disclaimer This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. We shall in no event be held liable to any party for any reason arising directly or indirectly for the use or interpretation of the information presented in this video. Copyright 2023, Alyssa Nobriga International, LLC - All rights reserved. === Want 3 Life-Changing Tools you can use on yourself (or your clients) from inside our Accredited Coaching Certification? Click here to get them for Free: https://www.alyssanobriga.com/tools 🎉 === Website: alyssanobriga.com Instagram: @alyssanobriga TikTok - @alyssanobriga Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/6b5s2xbA2d3pETSvYBZ9YR Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-human-potential/id1705626495
Full Episode
If you feel that the relationship might not be right for you, be the kind of partner that is a match for the relationship that you want to co-create. Your partner will either rise to the occasion or they will make it starkly obvious that this relationship is not a match.
We have this idea, especially in our culture, that in order to be successful in relationship, the relationship has to look a certain way. And there's this perfectionism where we don't allow ourselves to actually have hard moments. The reality is when we are seeking perfection in ourselves, We aren't allowing ourselves to really fall apart to come back together.
And when a breakup feels overwhelming to the point where you just want to jump out of your own skin, chances are that's because it's unearthing past traumas or unfinished business.
Letting go with grace really does require open-palmed surrender to understand that it's an opportunity for you to know yourself on a deeper level, to clear what needs to clear in order for you to create the life that you really want. We can do all of the inner work. to prepare our hearts for love, but we don't get to control the way that our life and our love looks.
We only get to control how we show up in it.
Welcome back to the Healing and Human Potential podcast, where today we're talking about one of my favorite topics, relationships. We're going to be specifically talking about how our past wounds influence love, as well as what is the role with nervous system regulation work? How do we use it for greater self-regulation and connection?
And then also, how does the power of self-awareness really shape conscious relationships? Joining us today is Shalena from Rising Women, where we explore transformative insights around how do you know if you should go or stay in the relationship? How do you heal heartbreak with more grace? And how do you create a love that lasts? It is a good one. Let's dive in.
So when I was getting my internship and getting licensed to become a marriage and family therapist, I studied Imago psychotherapy, which I know you love. And for those that don't know, Imago, literally the word Imago means image in Latin. So this is the theory that we attract somebody who mirrors the parent or caregiver that we had a hard time with growing up so that we can heal.
But I know that Shay, you love this work as well. I would love to hear you explain it just to help everybody get on the same page. Like why do we attract who we attract? let's give a little bit of like context for our conversation.
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