Jillian Turecki is a relationship coach, teacher, writer and author. How do you create a thriving and loving relationship that truly lasts? While many may stumble into one by chance, building a deep and meaningful connection often requires more than luck. So what role does the inner work play in not just finding love, but building a relationship that continues to grow and flourish over time? Expect to learn why having a thriving relationship begins with self-work, why the mind is a battlefield in relationships, why lust is not the same as love, the critical reasons it's important to love yourself properly, why you can’t convince someone to love you, why it's important to make peace with your parents and how to do so, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Join Whoop’s January Jumpstart Challenge and get your first month for free at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Full Episode
It begins with you. They do not have the power. We do. All the disappointment, confusion, and drama of your former relationships can be traced to the universal fear that you are not enough.
Yes. Everything that you do inside of a relationship that you are really confused about that's been maddening to you and to your former partners or anything that... anything that you are questioning, it can be boiled down to the fact that you are afraid that you're not enough for this person. And if you're not enough, that somehow love is going to be taken away from you. Because if we
when we are confronted with that insecurity that we are not good enough in some way, that's when we start to act out all our weirdness inside of a relationship, honestly. And yes, of course, there's childhood, there's conditioning, there's your parents. All these things are influences. But When people are angry, they're afraid. When people are lashing out, they're afraid.
When people are clinging, they're afraid. When people are shutting down, they are afraid. And I started the book and named it, It Begins With You, because no one is going to stand in your way more than you. No one is going to lie to you more than you do to yourself. Same for me. This is just everyone. And it's not about you're the only person to blame. It's not about blame at all.
But if we want to change something, our relationship lives, if we want to change our lives at all, we have to be able to look within and see the ways in which our insecurity gets in the way of a relationship. And we have to see where are also not just our insecurity, but our belief system and our conditioning and the things that happened in childhood.
We are the common denominator in all our relationships. That's actually really good news. Because it means that you can actually change something. This concept is the problem is you. Not necessarily. You know, the problem could very well be the people who you're choosing, but you're choosing them. So you're choosing them. Why?
And so the first principle, the first truth is you have to be willing to look within. And a lot of people are not willing to do that until they are desperate. But it's the only way.
It's interesting, the not enough thing, that it makes... love and attachment and care feel contingent. It feels like if I could be more, if I was able to be dot, dot, dot. And if you listen to a lot of the
discussions on the internet around romance but also around friendships and stuff like that a lot of the time you know it's a hopeful and motivating message to say pick yourself up by your bootstraps outgrow the person that hurt you make yourself better take this uh curse and turn it into a lesson instead of a blessing that it could have been but it wasn't so now you're going to you know alchemize yourself into some better version of you like all of that's fine but but
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