Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical psychologist, researcher, and speaker. Modern adult relationships are complicated. With endless talk of red flags, green flags, icks etc., it can be tough to know who’s truly worth your time. So how do you build a lasting, healthy relationship when you're ready for one? Expect to learn what the biggest red flags are to look out for in a partner, the green flags you should look for, the most common reasons why relationships fail, how to see the beauty instead of the challenges in your partner, how you can unlearn the way you argue, how to create longevity in a relationship, the best advice for stopping intrusive thoughts or unwanted worries about your partner, how to move on from heartbreak, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get 20% off the cleanest bone broth on the market at https://www.kettleandfire.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Get the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get the Whoop 4.0 for free and get your first month for free at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Getting married is just choosing one person's faults over another. Is that right?
Did I say that?
You said that.
I know that is from somebody who works with the Gottmans, but yeah, essentially the grass is always greener on the other side. So I find that incredibly freeing. As soon as we realize that... we are going to be living with somebody who has a lot of faults and can we tolerate those faults and can they tolerate ours, then you are starting on solid ground.
It's an interesting thing. You're looking at a familiar type of discomfort and the deal that you're really trading it for is not familiar discomfort for unfamiliar comfort, but familiar discomfort for unfamiliar discomfort.
Exactly. That's very well said. Give me an example.
You have a partner that is not quite as tender as you might like. They're not as loving. You're staring at the night sky and you really wish they would say something high-flown and thoughtful, but they start singing a song that they heard yesterday or playing a tune or something like that, or they make a joke. And you think, I just really want somebody that's so deep and is there.
And then you decide to switch for another partner and you're at a party and your previous partner would have been really involved in the conversation. It would have given you something that you could have bonded over. But at the new party with the new partner, this partner sort of needs your attention all of the time and they don't really allow you to connect.
So you have certain elements of discomfort traded for other elements of discomfort. One person is phenomenal to watch movies with because they don't interrupt and they just like to sit there and be calm. But the next person that you bring along is really interesting and engaging when you have conversations about stuff that fires you up and you end up making these trades.
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