Modern Wisdom
#935 - Crappy Childhood Fairy - Limerence Explained: Why Do We Get Addicted To People?
01 May 2025
Anna Runkle, also known as the Crappy Childhood Fairy, is a trauma educator, Youtuber and an author. Why do some people fall so hard, so fast? It might not be love, but it could be limerence. So what exactly is limerence, what triggers it, and how do you handle it, whether you're experiencing it or the one receiving it? Expect to learn what limerence is and how it differs from infatuation or a crush, what the main emotions behind limerence is and what causes it, why some people get hardcore limerence and others don’t, if limerence is a type of mental illness or if it can be caused by just good sex, how modern media depictions of functional and dysfunctional relationships contribute to limerence, if limerence if more common in women or men, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM) Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom - Download Anna Runkle's free guide, Signs of Limerence.https://bit.ly/4lRHWGvClick here to order Anna's books Re-Regulated https://hayhs.com/r_pp_hc_az and Connectability https://hayhs.com/c_pp_hc_az.Click here for Anna's YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/CrappyChildhoodFairyWebsite: https://crappychildhoodfairy.com - Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Full Episode
Limerence. I didn't even know that it was a word that existed until recently. And after doing a little bit of research, it seems to be maybe one of the hottest topics on the internet, especially something that doesn't even exist in the DSM yet. What is it? Can you give an introduction to those people like me who have no idea that this is even a word?
Limerence is this handy word for this thing that most people have experienced a little bit of, and some people, unfortunately, have completely lost their happiness over. And the phrase, the word limerence was coined in the 70s. There was a psychologist named Dorothy Tenov, and she was sort of referring to that Twitter-pated falling-in-love feeling. But...
It's evolved to mean something much more than that. It's that feeling, but then all of a sudden it sort of goes into hyperdrive and becomes this addiction level obsession with another person who you can't be with generally, either because they're not into you, they're not available, or they don't even exist. Like there are people who feel limerent about fictional characters.
Right. Okay. So the rabbit hole goes quite deep. You mentioned there that everybody has it in small doses. Does everyone who falls for someone go through limerence?
Well, technically speaking, yes. But then it sort of morphs into, especially if that person is in your life and maybe reciprocates your feelings, it'll turn into a more ordinary kind of love where, you know, because of the toothpaste cap and the toilet seat and just regular stuff of life, the magic spell starts to dissipate and real love can start to form.
So technically you can call that early love limerence. But these days I think we're talking about it as something else and is very, very common as a trauma symptom.
How is limerence different to an infatuation or a crush?
think infatuation is the right word it's just that infatuation ends before it turns sick and so you know limerence when it just gallops forward it's really like up on a level of heroin addiction i would say i've known heroin addicts i've known limerence i've experienced limerence and i've had people limerent on me and it's like that people don't get over it unless they like really go take take strong steps to get over it limerence doesn't go away infatuation does
Right. Okay. How is limerence different from unrequited love or codependency?
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