On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Fri, 16 May 2025
When was the last time you looked back and thought, “If only I knew this earlier”? In this episode, Jay shares the seven life-changing lessons he wishes he’d learned in his teens and twenties—insights that could have reshaped his relationships, career, peace of mind, and sense of purpose. These aren’t just reflections; they’re powerful revelations most of us only discover through struggle, heartbreak, or burnout. Jay dives into what it truly means to speak with intention, to know when it’s time to let go, and to stop outsourcing your self-worth. From learning to stay quiet in a world that rewards noise to realizing that boundaries are an act of self-love—each lesson is a powerful reminder that growth isn’t always about adding more, but about releasing what no longer serves you. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why Saying Less Makes Your Words Matter More. Knowing When It’s Time to Walk Away Why You Should Talk To People, Not About Them. What Stress Reveals About a Person’s True Nature. How to Raise Your Standards Without Guilt. Why Some People Miss the Old You (for the Wrong Reasons). How to Stop Absorbing Others' Emotions and Expectations. This episode is for anyone feeling stuck, overlooked, or overwhelmed. Jay reminds you that you don’t get what you deserve — you get what you accept. And that sometimes the most powerful transformation happens when you choose peace over performance, presence over perfection, and truth over approval. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discussed: 00:00 Intro 01:37 Things I Wish I Knew 03:27 Lesson #1: Speak Less, Say More 11:57 Lesson #2: Let Go Before It Drags You Down 17:34 Lesson #3: Talk to Your Partner, Not About Them 21:43 Lesson #4: Understand the Whole Person, Not Just the Parts You Like 28:05 Lesson #5: You Get What You Tolerate, Not What You Deserve 32:52 Lesson #6: People Cling to the Old You Because It Was Easier to Control 36:22 Lesson #7: “Bad at Texting” Often Means You're Not a PrioritySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What lessons does Jay Shetty wish he knew in his 20s?
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We're taught so many things early in our life that we never use again. Think about the subjects you learned at school. What percentage of the subjects you studied at school do you practically use today? I'm guessing that percentage is quite low, but the skills I'm about to share with you today, if we had learned them that early, they would have benefited us forever.
It's incredible to me that no one's sharing these insights, that often we don't hear them as the best pieces of advice. This isn't what we're being told. It's something that you have to read in between the lines to actually extract and implement in your life.
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
Hey everyone, thank you so much for tuning in today about the seven lessons I wish I had learned sooner. Truly, these are seven lessons I wish I learned in my 20s, even in my teens, and I think they would have changed my life. They would have changed the quality of my relationships, they would have changed my performance at work, they would have changed how quickly I found my purpose.
Now, if any of you out there are struggling with making an impact, If you're struggling with your mind, if you're struggling with anxiety or stress, this episode is for you. But before we dive in, I want to ask you a simple, simple request. It would mean the world to me if you would subscribe to this channel.
Every single week for years, I've been creating content to serve you, to help you, to support you. And I know that you're the type of person that would love to be a part of this community. When you click subscribe, you're not just subscribing to a channel. You're actually committing to a journey of growth, transformation, and service.
And you're allowing me and my team to continue to do this work, which we can't wait to keep giving. So thank you so much. Click that subscribe button. So let's dive straight in. The reason why the lessons I'm about to share with you today are so powerful and so important is that they're often missed. We're taught so many things early in our life that we never use again.
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Chapter 2: Why is speaking less more powerful?
Think about the subjects you learned at school. What percentage of the subjects you studied at school do you practically use today? I'm guessing that percentage is quite low, but the skills I'm about to share with you today, if we had learned them that early, they would have benefited us forever.
It's incredible to me that no one's sharing these insights, that often we don't hear them as the best pieces of advice. This isn't what we're being told. It's something that you have to read in between the lines to actually extract and implement in your life. I hope you have your notepad out. If you don't, don't worry.
We'll be summarizing this as we go along and you'll be able to come back at any point to grab the insight that you missed. Feel free to pause, play, rewind, fast forward as you will because I want to make sure that this message lands. The first lesson I wish I'd learned sooner is is the less you say, the more your words will matter.
I always used to think that the loudest person in a room had the most power. That the person who talked the most had the most control. Until I realized the person who spoke the most was the least in control. They were trying to come across as likable. They were trying to be popular. And in that attempt, they were actually making it harder for them to be memorable.
It was hard to be interesting for a 30 minute conversation and talk for 20 minutes of it. It was really difficult to be memorable when you said so many things, but no one remembered what you exactly said. It felt really uncomfortable to be quiet, but every time you kept trying to interject and say something, you felt even less confident because you didn't have anything meaningful to say.
This principle, this lesson will change your life. The first thing it will do is it will stop you from being anxious in social settings. The number of us that walk into a social setting and try to come off as interesting and important only to leave feeling insignificant and irrelevant to the conversation. If you realize that being silent is not a weakness, being silent is a strength. Why?
Because you can listen. It means when you respond, people will also be able to tell that you took in what they say. See, most of us are struggling not because we don't listen, but because we're thinking about what we want to say while we're listening. Because of that, we don't even digest what someone is sharing. So when we open our mouth, that person feels disconnected and distant.
So firstly, it will remove that anxiety and nervousness when you're at a party, a social setting, a work event, whatever it may be. The second thing is you get the opportunity to be interested, which is even more important than being interesting. People love to share and answer great questions. When you get good at asking good questions, people feel good. They react in a good way.
They appreciate it. Now, most of us, when we ask questions, we ask things like, how was your day? That person has been asked that for so many years in their life that they have a rehearsed, regurgitated answer. Something like good, fine, okay, blah, right? Now, you may be a little more bold and talk about the weather. That's boring too. That person has been asked about the weather for years.
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Chapter 3: How can letting go improve your life?
And if you're scared to do it in practice, practice it first in your mind. The third lesson I wish I'd learned sooner was talk about your relationship with the person you're in a relationship with more than you talk to others. I speak to so many people. Now, I know you've done this before and so have I. We all talk about our relationships with other people.
I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, even our friendships. You have a friend over here, you complain about them to this friend over here. You have your partner over here, you compare them to someone else's partner over there. You have an issue with someone over here, you talk about the issue with someone else who's not connected to the issue. Now, I'm not saying don't have friends.
I'm not saying don't talk to your family. It's great to get advice from a therapist or a coach or even people in your life. It's about the proportion. 80% of our life should be talking to that person and 20% is talking to others to get wise counsel, to get advice, to get insights. It's a really healthy thing. The problem is our proportions are the opposite.
We may spend 20% speaking to the person we have a relationship with, and that 20% might be filled with arguments, conflict, tension. And then we go and talk about it with someone else who doesn't have the power to solve it. this will change your life.
If you started to spend more time talking with the person rather than talking at them, if you could spend more time talking with your partner than talking about your partner, your relationship will change. If you could spend more time talking to your partner than talking about your partner, your relationship will change.
If you could spend more time investing in connecting with your partner than connecting with other people talking about your partner, your relationship will change. Talk about your relationship with the person you're in a relationship with, not other people. Talk about your problems with the person you have the problem with, not just other people.
Talk about your needs with your partner, not your friends. Talk about your doubts about your relationship with your partner, not in group chats. Talk about your pain with the person you have the pain with, not with outsiders who can't fix it. Nobody else knows your relationship like the two of you do. Nobody else lives it and fights for it like you do.
Advice is easy, judgments are cheap, but real change only happens between the two people who are actually in it. When you vent to others instead of speaking to your partner, you build walls instead of bridges. When you gossip about your relationship, you invite people into problems they don't belong to.
When you keep taking your issues everywhere apart from the person, you multiply the problem instead of solving it. Connection doesn't grow from side conversations. Trust doesn't grow from silence and resentment. Talk to them, not about them. Now look, I get it. Venting can feel good in the short term. Brain imaging shows that expressing anger activates the brain's reward system.
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Chapter 4: Why should you talk to your partner more than about them?
And we walk around sometimes internally feeling we're not getting what we deserve. And guess what? You're right. You're not getting what you deserve. You're getting what you accept. No one's going to notice when you work harder at work if you don't make it clear. No one's going to notice when you're putting effort into a relationship unless you make it clear.
No one's going to know or remember the sacrifices you've made until you stand up for yourself. Remember, you don't get what you deserve. You get what you accept. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you protect. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you settle for. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you fight for. Deserve is a feeling. Acceptance is a standard.
Boundaries are protection. You can work hard and still be overlooked. You can love deeply and still be mistreated. You can give everything and still be taken for granted. If you don't stand for yourself, no one else will. If you don't protect your peace, no one else will. If you don't guard your value, it will be discounted. Respect is not given freely. It's enforced by your standards.
Love isn't enough. It's shaped by what you allow. Worth isn't rewarded. It's protected every single day. You don't rise by hoping. You rise by refusing to shrink. I know it's a painful realization, but it's true.
I'm Camila Ramon, Peloton's first Spanish-speaking cycling and tread instructor. I'm an athlete, entrepreneur, and almost most importantly, a perreo enthusiast.
And I'm Liz Ortiz, former pro soccer player and Olympian, and like Kami, a perreo enthusiast. Come on, who is it? Our podcast, Hasta Bajo, is where sports, music, and fitness collide. And we cover it all. De arriba hasta abajo. sit-downs with real game changers in the sports world like Miami Dolphins CMO Priscilla Shumate, who is redefining what it means to be a Latina leader.
It all changed when I had this guy come to me. He said to me, you know, you're not Latina enough.
First of all, what does that mean? My mouth is wide open. Yeah. History makers like the Sucar family, who became the first Peruvians to win a Grammy.
It was a very special moment for us. It's been 15 years for me in this career. Finally, things are starting to shift into a different level.
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Chapter 5: What does stress reveal about a person?
We're more focused. We have more commitments. We have more priorities. And that person wants us to be available, around, just be there all the time. See, science backs this up. Growth threatens those who benefited from your smallness. A 2022 survey showed 58% of people admit they felt uncomfortable when a close friend or partner leveled up in their life. It's not always malice.
It's not like they want you to fail. It's not negative. It's fear. We're scared because it reminds us of our lack of growth. And so what I'm saying to you is you don't have to shrink back into that version to compensate. Actually, what's more likely is if you keep growing, they may one day too. Not if you're trying to convince them, not if you're they may one day choose to fly as well.
So here's my habit for you today. Write down one way you've changed for the better in the last 12 months. Celebrate it privately or share it proudly without apologizing. Lesson number seven, I wish I'd learned sooner, is I'm just bad at texting. Is code for you're not a priority. I used to always want to convince people, even if they didn't message back, even if they didn't respond.
I always wanted to stay connected, only to realize they didn't really want to connect with me. And while I was trying to do that, I was missing out on the group of people here who really did. I was ignoring a group of people who wanted to connect, believe in me, support me, for a group of people who showed no signs of it.
I promise you there is more love in your life than you even recognize because you're looking in the wrong direction. I promise you there are more people who want to be friends with you than you realize because you're trying to be friends with someone else. I promise you there are so many people
who would want to spend time with you, but you're missing out on them because you're trying to chase someone else. Read the signs. You don't need to become a conspiracy theorist. Most of the time, again, it's not malice. It's not negative. People just have different priorities. Don't make it to be like some conspiracy theory that you got left out. You got let go. You didn't get invited.
You just don't click. It just doesn't work. And it's not a big deal. There are people out there who want to click with you, connect with you, invite you. Remember this. Read in between the lines. I'm just bad at texting is code for you're not a priority. I'm confused about what I want is code for I'm sure I don't want you enough.
I'm bad at communicating is code for I'm not willing to put in the effort with you. I don't know what I'm looking for is code for I'm keeping my options open. I'm just focusing on myself right now is code for I don't see a future with you. I'm not ready for anything serious is code for I'm ready, just not with you. People make time for what they care about. People make effort for who they value.
People show up for who they want. Excuses are translations. Listen to what they're really saying and protect your energy. Believe the patterns, not the promises. Actions are the only real language you can trust. Consistent communication is a choice, not a personality trait. Research from the Pew Research Center shows that 89% of people aged 18 to 49 check their phones multiple times an hour.
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