Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Dr. Gordon Flett on the Urgent Need to Know You Matter | EP 597
11 Apr 2025
In Episode 597 of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles sits down with Dr. Gordon Flett, a pioneering psychologist whose decades of research have shaped our understanding of mattering—the feeling of being seen, valued, and significant.Dr. Flett, author of The Psychology of Mattering and Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, explains how mattering is distinct from belonging and self-esteem and why its absence—what he calls “anti-mattering”—can lead to burnout, depression, loneliness, and even hopelessness.For full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/gordon-flett-the-urgent-need-to-know-you-matter/In this profound and deeply personal episode, John and Dr. Flett discuss: The difference between mattering, belonging, and self-esteem Why feeling unseen or insignificant is a public health issue How fear of not mattering drives perfectionism and overachievement Why giving mattering to others is just as important as receiving it Strategies to rebuild mattering after loss, failure, or transition This conversation will change how you see yourself—and how you show up for the people around you.Dr. Gordon Flett is one of the world’s leading researchers on the psychology of mattering. A recently retired Distinguished Professor of Psychology at York University, he is the former Honorary President of the Canadian Psychological AssociationConnect with Dr. Gordon Flett: https://health.yorku.ca/health-profiles/?mid=3719Sponsors: Factor Meals: http://factormeals.com/factormeals50off and use code “FACTOR MEALS 50 OFF” Rosetta Stone: Unlock 25 languages for life at “ROSETTASTONE.com/passionstruck.” Prolon: Reset your health with 15% off at “ProlonLife.com/passionstruck.” Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at “MINT MOBILE dot com slash PASSION.” Hims: Start your journey to regrowing hair with Hims. Visit hims.com/PASSIONSTRUCK for your free online visit. Quince: Discover luxury at affordable prices with Quince. Enjoy free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/PASSION Next on Passion Struck:In the next episode of Passion Struck, John sits down with Anne Marie Anderson, an Emmy Award-winning broadcaster, sports journalist, and leadership expert. Anne Marie has spent years breaking barriers in sports media, navigating high-stakes environments, and coaching top athletes and executives on leadership, resilience, and communication. In our conversation, we'll dive into the mental frameworks of high performers, the art of storytelling, and how to build confidence in any field.For more information on advertisers and promo codes, visit Passion Struck Deals.Join the Passion Struck Community!Sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter, where I share exclusive content, actionable advice, and insights to help you ignite your purpose and live your most intentional life. Get access to practical exercises, inspiring stories, and tools designed to help you grow. Learn more and sign up here.Speaking Engagements & WorkshopsAre you looking to inspire your team, organization, or audience to take intentional action in their lives and careers? I’m available for keynote speaking, workshops, and leadership training on topics such as intentional living, resilience, leadership, and personal growth. Let’s work together to create transformational change. Learn more at johnrmiles.com/speaking.Episode Starter PacksWith over 500 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. We’ve curated Episode Starter Packs based on key themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth, making it easier for you to dive into the topics you care about. Check them out at passionstruck.com/starterpacks.Catch More of Passion Struck: My solo episode on The Mattering Mindset in Love – Choose the Love You Deserve Can't miss my episode with Jennifer B. Wallace on the Consequences of Prioritizing Achievements Over Mattering My episode with The Art of Listening: How to Make People Feel Like They Matter Catch my interview with Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World Listen to my solo episode on Fading into Insignificance: The Impact of Un-Mattering in Our Interconnected Era If you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John: Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles Follow him on Instagram at @John_R_Miles Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips Channel For more insights and resources, visit John’s website Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Full Episode
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I'd say just as a quick snapshot, if you feel like you're not just a non-essential worker, you're a non-essential person. Everybody's essential. Everybody matters. And you have the potential to make a difference in people's lives. But if you're walking around feeling like that, you've probably got this sense of anti-mattering.
And the other thing that we've been studying lately as an extension of that is the fear of not mattering.
so that you feel like you matter now but you anticipate maybe you won't matter down the road welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you
Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.
Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to episode 597 of Passion Struck. Whether you're a long-time listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You've tuned into a movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. And today, I have to tell you...
I am absolutely thrilled for this episode. If you've been following me for a while, you know that I've been studying the science of mattering for years. It's one of the most profound and personal topics I've explored on this show, and it's at the very heart of how we build resilient lives, relationships, and communities.
So it's truly an honor and a full circle moment for me to welcome someone I've long admired, someone who literally wrote the book on the subject, Dr. Gordon Flett. Dr. Flett is the author of The Psychology of Mattering, as well as the new book, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents.
He recently retired as a distinguished professor of psychology at York University, where he spent decades pioneering research into how the feeling of mattering, of being seen, valued, and significant shapes everything from our mental health and relationships to our sense of identity and purpose.
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