Think self-discipline is the key to success? Think again. Drawing from her own transformation, Hilary explains why self-discipline is the anti-hero of personal growth—restrictive, harsh, and downright unsustainable. Instead of relying on rigid rules and unrealistic expectations, Hillary introduces the concept of self-devotion—a compassionate, loving, and sustainable approach to achieving your goals. Think of self-devotion as the unwavering commitment you’d expect from a devoted partner but turned inward. When you show up for yourself out of love, not obligation, everything shifts. Whether you’re looking to crush your resolutions, build a thriving business, or create a healthier lifestyle and body, Hillary’s approach to self-devotion is the game-changer you’ve been waiting for. Episode Highlights: Why self-discipline is more harmful than helpful. The life-changing shift from self-discipline to self-devotion. How self-devotion turns goals into meaningful, joyful experiences. Practical examples of embracing self-devotion in everyday life. Real talk on why loving yourself is the most effective strategy you’ll ever use. Episode Breakdown: [00:00] The Myth of Self-Discipline [01:40] The Downside of Self-Discipline [02:12] The Cycle of Self-Criticism [03:38] The High Cost of Self-Discipline [04:09] The Dysfunctional Relationship with Ourselves [05:03] The Most Important Relationship: With Yourself [05:44] The Shift from Self-Discipline to Self-Devotion [06:15] What is Self-Devotion? [06:47] Applying Devotion to Yourself [07:39] Discipline vs. Devotion [08:54] The Logic of Self-Importance [09:25] The Ease of Following Through with Devotion [09:47] New Year, New Me: A Devoted Approach Take Action! Break up with self-discipline and step into the new year with a mindset that truly supports your growth and happiness. Love yourself enough to follow through—not because you have to, but because you want to. 👉 Ready for more? Hit play now and start transforming the way you achieve your goals!
Chapter 1: Why is self-discipline considered harmful?
People often say to me, you're so disciplined. I'm mostly sure they intend it to be a compliment and that they mean well, but to be honest, I kind of feel insulted by it and it really just could not be further from the truth. In this episode, I'm sharing why self-discipline is the anti-hero.
It's really not the superpower quality that we think it is when it comes to sticking to a plan or following through and what it is that is so much better and that allows me to stay super fit, especially at 52, while also running an eight-figure company and juggling family life too, so that you too can achieve and maintain whatever it is that's important to you without needing self-discipline.
Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes.
And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. 10 years ago, I made a very important decision that completely changed my life. It changed what I do, how I do it. It changed the choices I make, how I express myself, what I say yes and no to. It literally changed everything about my life in the best possible way.
And that is what I'm going to share with you today, because it's a shift in your thinking that will make everything you do way more meaningful and easier too. I was approaching my life and all the things I was doing from a place of being disciplined, to live up to my own expectations and standards, to hit my goals, and just to be the woman I wanted to be.
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Chapter 2: What is the shift from self-discipline to self-devotion?
I thought it required self-discipline, checking all the boxes, doing all the things for my kids and my house and my business and myself, like what I eat or drink, what workouts I do. So when I would fall short, which would happen quite often, I would very easily fall into self-criticism and punishment, mostly around parenting and fitness for me.
Chapter 3: How can self-devotion replace self-discipline?
That's the stuff that would just literally keep me up at night, berating myself for missing the mark or messing up. or not being patient enough or available enough, when I would eat too much or drink too much or mishandle a situation. Can you relate?
That's because when you think about it, discipline is what we do to people or dogs when they misbehave, when they act poorly, break rules, or don't perform, whether it's a child or an employee, and we put them on a performance plan, right? We punish with consequences. Self-discipline is just that, punitive, withholding, restricting, harsh, limiting.
Chapter 4: What are the consequences of self-criticism?
So if being in this state of deprivation is what's required to succeed, we are all destined to fail. How long can you actually go without having something? doing something, eating something, enjoying something before you give in, and then not feeling good about ourselves until we get that thing that we want or to maintain the thing that we have.
Chapter 5: How does self-devotion create meaningful experiences?
Chapter 6: What is the cost of self-discipline?
That's because when you think about it, discipline is what we do to people or dogs when they misbehave, when they act poorly, break rules, or don't perform, whether it's a child or an employee, and we put them on a performance plan, right? We punish with consequences. Self-discipline is just that, punitive, withholding, restricting, harsh, limiting.
So if being in this state of deprivation is what's required to succeed, we are all destined to fail. How long can you actually go without having something? doing something, eating something, enjoying something before you give in, and then not feeling good about ourselves until we get that thing that we want or to maintain the thing that we have.
It's only a matter of time before we rebel even against ourselves. And then we end up eating things we're not allowed to eat on the diet or overdoing it with food or drink because we've been deprived for so long, binge shopping after restricting the spending so rigidly, those types of things.
So while self-discipline was keeping me in line and accountable to look and feel a certain way, it really was coming at a high cost. My relationship with myself was conditional. Hillary, I will love and accept you so long as you meet these high standards. And if you don't, you will pay the price. You will suffer your own recrimination, condemnation, and consequences.
So can you see why self-discipline is just not a healthy, sustainable way to approach anything in life. We have this one relationship with ourselves, and for it to be condemning, conditional, unrelenting is not self-loving.
So in many of my previous episodes, you've heard me talk about the difference between what we do and how we do it, and that how we do the things that we do is a very critical and key determining factor in whether all the things that we're so busy doing are actually successful. But the why we do what we do matters just as much.
If you are doing all that you are because you will emotionally pay the price for not doing it, that isn't good. That you will face your own rejection and recrimination and hostility or judgment is If you fall short is no way to live. And again, it's only a matter of time before you rebel against your own rules and tyranny. We are in a relationship with ourselves.
It is the only constant, guaranteed, reliable relationship in life, the one you have with yourself. And so it is the most important and valuable relationship that we have. Yet, most of us have a very dysfunctional, if not abusive, relationship with ourselves. We say things to ourselves we would not dare to say to anyone else.
This is why it doesn't feel like a compliment to me when people say I'm so disciplined. It feels like they're saying I'm controlled. I'm rigid. I'm uptight. I'm limiting and restricting and I'm no fun at all. And that I have some superhuman power to stick to it because I'm good at denying myself. Ew.
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