Control freaks, brace yourselves! In the final episode of her five-part series, Hilary serves up a truth bomb with the fifth core concept of her self-centered model: The outcome is internal. Translation? Stop obsessing over things you can’t control and start owning what’s already yours—your inner power. Hilary breaks down why we tie our worth to things we can’t control—whether it’s nailing the job interview, getting the client deal, or making someone like us. Really, It’s a losing game. She shares how letting go of external outcomes doesn’t just free you from stress and anxiety—it gives you the ultimate power to thrive, no matter what. Episode Highlights: Why control is an illusion (and why your frantic grasping isn’t working). How to measure success by how YOU show up, not how others respond. The paradox of letting go: Stop chasing, start attracting. Why the real win is inside you—and how to claim it. Hilary’s soap analogy: Let go, or watch it slip through your fingers. Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Seeking Certainty [02:33] Anxiety and the Need for Certainty [03:57] The Illusion of Control [06:04] Claim YOUR Personal Power [08:01] Releasing the Need for External Validation [12:05] The Ultimate Paradox Ready to make this mindset shift for real? Check out Hillary’s free mini video training, This Changes Everything, at https://hilarysilver.com/guides/. Stop chasing. Start thriving. It’s time to lean back and live big.
Full Episode
So much of our suffering, stress, and anxiety comes from seeking certainty in a world with so much uncertainty. We try to control external circumstances and situations and all the things that we just cannot control ever, like what people think about us and what they do, to how things go at work with projects or clients.
And we measure our success only when things go our way, when we get the outcome that we want or when we win. There's a lot of fear when we put our peace of mind, well-being, and even self-worth in the hands of fate. And we give our power away when we depend on other people liking us or doing what we want them to do or when we get that one tangible result we so eagerly desire.
So today I'm sharing the fifth core concept of the self-centered model. The outcome is internal. It's a radical shift in how you operate in the world, and it doesn't just change your life, it changes everything. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today.
If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too.
This is the final episode of our five-part series, the five core concepts of the self-centered model. So far, we've covered one, you're always the problem and the solution in your life. Two, the world does revolve around you. Three, in your life, you come first and you go first. And four, identity is a choice. If you because all of these concepts build on each other and they work together.
So you really want to get all of them. Today we are talking about perhaps my most favorite of all. I love a good paradox. The outcome is internal. So I'm going to share three very important things to know and then stick around it till the end because I have a very special bonus message that I want to share with you. So first,
Anxiety, worry, fear, all those distressing emotions come when we feel the need for certainty and we don't have it. When things are left up in the air, when we don't have closure, when we're waiting to find out whether something will work out the way we want it to or not. We aren't in control and that is unsettling.
Waiting to find out if you got the job, waiting for a business deal to come through, wanting to get the sale and it hasn't happened yet. We are invested in the outcome going our way, not just for the obvious reasons, but because what it means about us if it works out or if it doesn't. You get the job, you were chosen. You don't get the job, they didn't pick you.
What do you say to yourself about that? What is your automatic thought? Be honest. And when it's a relationship outcome, like someone liking you, wanting to be your friend or your lover, the stakes are especially high because that is so deeply personal. It's very vulnerable. So again, it's all because of what we make it mean. If they approve, you are good enough. If they don't, you are not.
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