The Hilary Silver Podcast
It Took Me 30+ Years to Realize What I’ll Tell You in 10 Minutes
28 Feb 2025
You want love, success, confidence, the dream body—because obviously. But what if I told you that the way you’re going after it is exactly why it keeps slipping through your fingers? Yeah, it’s not the goal that’s the problem. It’s how you’re wired to chase it. In this episode, Hilary drops the truth bomb you didn’t know you needed: The constant grind for external validation—whether it’s from a relationship, your bank account, or the number on the scale—only reinforces the idea that you’re not enough without it. And that? That’s keeping you stuck. Episode Highlights: Why your biggest desires might be rooted in old insecurities (Hint: Your childhood is probably involved.) The exhausting cycle of proving your worth (and how to break it) Why desperate energy pushes away exactly what you want How shifting your mindset flips the script on love, success, and happiness The magic of deciding you're already worthy—before you have the “proof” Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Introduction [01:16] The Belief-Proof Paradox [03:03] The Powerlessness of External Validation [06:04] The Addiction to External Proof [07:07] High Achievers and the Need for Approval [09:03] The Inherent Nature of Self-Worth [10:06] Choosing to Believe in Yourself [11:19] Worthiness Precedes Achievement [12:00] The Importance of Self-Relationship [12:32] Conclusion This isn’t about sitting back and manifesting your dream life with good vibes alone. It’s about rewiring your beliefs so that you stop blocking yourself from everything you’re meant to have. 🎧 Listen now & step into your power! 💫 Subscribe to Hilary's YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HilarySilver?sub_confirmation=1 🔥 Grab Hilary’s FREE training, This Changes Everything (and other free resources!): https://hilarysilver.com/guides/ 👉 Follow Hilary on Instagram: @iamhilarysilver 💬 What’s one belief about success or self-worth that you’re ready to let go of? Drop it in the comments! 👇🔥
Full Episode
What if I told you that the thing you so deeply desire, a loving relationship, financial freedom, your best body, isn't actually what you really want, and that the way you've been trying to get that thing might be the very reason you don't have it yet? I've spent 35 years of figuring this out through my own personal journey
of unraveling my patterns and looking within and examining myself and also professionally working with tens of thousands of clients over the last 25 years as a psychotherapist and coach. And while that may sound like an exaggeration, I'm old and I've been doing this a long time working with men, women, couples, and groups.
So I've been deep in the trenches and I have countless hours of conversations and sessions to know what I know. So I'm glad that you're here because in the next seven to 10 minutes, I'm going to give you the shortcut that I wish someone had handed me. And it's really going to spare you a lot of time, heartache, and even money. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the
Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. We all do this.
We think, I'll believe it when I see it. How many times have you heard that in your life? And maybe even said those exact words. We think that we can really only believe something is true when there is visual, tangible evidence to support us believing it. It's like we need proof before we can accept it as true. It's kind of like, if this happens, then I'll believe, or when that happens,
then I'll believe. We delay the belief until we have some kind of proof or evidence that it's okay to believe it. And so it sounds like this. I'll be happy when, I'll feel reassured when, if this happens, then I'll feel good enough. So what ends up happening is that we chase after the things that we think will provide what it is we seek to feel or believe about ourselves. We chase love
thinking that someone else's affection means we are lovable and worthy and deserving of love. I'll believe I'm lovable once someone loves me. I'll believe I'm likable when someone likes me. I'll believe I'm desirable when someone desires me. We chase beauty, hoping that if we look a certain way, we'll finally feel good enough and deserving of attention.
I will believe I'm beautiful when someone notices or compliments me. We chase success, achievements, accomplishments, and external goals of all kinds, or even accolades, believing that the next one will finally be the thing that makes us feel worthy. I will believe I'm smart enough, deserving, or capable of success only once I've achieved it. None of this is in our conscious mind.
It is pretty much all unconscious. But it makes sense then. that these things become so very important and urgent because of what it means about us when we get it and sadly, what it means about us if we don't. But this makes us completely powerless to feel how we want to feel and believe what we so desperately want to believe about ourselves.
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