We’ve been told that putting others first is the hallmark of a good person, but what if that’s a big, fat lie? In this episode, Hilary Silver tackles the myth of selflessness head-on, revealing how this deeply ingrained belief isn’t just harmful—it’s downright toxic. Drawing on her decades of experience as a psychotherapist and lifestyle mentor, Hilary introduces the third core concept of her self-centered model: "In your life, you come first and you go first." Hilary explains how the pressure to be selfless erodes self-worth, breeds resentment, and creates hollow, transactional relationships. She challenges the narrative that sacrificing yourself for others is noble, exposing how it leads to emotional burnout and a lifetime of feeling undervalued. Instead, Hilary offers a liberating alternative: prioritize yourself unapologetically. Because when you treat yourself with the respect and care you deserve, you teach others to do the same. Episode Highlights: Why “selflessness” is a toxic myth keeping you stuck and resentful. How putting yourself first is the most selfless thing you can do. The real reason self-sacrifice leaves you exhausted and undervalued. Healthy giving vs. soul-sucking selflessness—know the difference. Why modeling self-respect is the ultimate relationship game-changer. The mindset shift that puts you back in control of your life. Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Introduction [00:53] Meet Hillary Silver [01:57] The Myth of Selflessness [02:28] The Big Lie [04:15] Consequences of Selflessness [05:57] The Void and Compulsion to Give [06:33] Resentment and Transactional Relationships [07:05] Self-Serving Giving [08:40] Healthy Giving vs. Selflessness [09:12] Core Concept #3: You Come First [12:54] Conclusion Stop putting yourself last—it’s time to take the lead. 💅 Grab Hilary’s free mini video training, "This Changes Everything" and start making yourself the priority you’ve always deserved to be: https://hilarysilver.com/guides/
Full Episode
We've all been sold a bunch of BS. I would be nicer about it, but it actually makes me mad because I see firsthand the damage that it causes and the serious consequences that it has in our lives, our mental and emotional health, our physical health and our wellbeing, our relationships, and our success in life too. So I'm on a crusade to bring awareness and change. Hi, it's Hillary.
Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review, and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes.
And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. We are in the middle of a five part series where I'm sharing the five core concepts of my self-centered model. And what we've covered so far is that one, you are always the problem and the solution in your life. And two, the world does revolve around you.
If you missed either of those episodes, please do go back and watch or listen. because all of these core concepts work together to make sense. So you don't want to miss any of those. If you missed either of those episodes, please do go back and listen or watch those after this one. Today we are covering the third core concept. So let me ask you this.
Have you ever been told that putting others first makes you a good person? That selflessness is noble and the way to be valued is by sacrificing yourself for others. What if I told you that this idea and being this way has been the source of so much of your anxiety, resentment, and self-doubt?
Today, I'm going to show you why this could not be further from the truth and that the truth is the exact opposite. Core concept number three of the self-centered model is in your life, you come first and you go first. So the first thing I want to share is the big lie we've been told.
And I'm just going to come right out and call out the BS that we've been fed from our parents, our grandparents, or extended family, from religion, culture, society, that we've been trained and conditioned to believe that it is a good thing to be selfless.
We celebrate collectively and put on a pedestal a selfless person, the one who gives the shirt off of their back, the one who always puts themselves last, the one who always thinks about everyone else and never asks for a thing or expects anything in return. Sound familiar?
There are a lot of ways that we talk about this kind of behavior, and we've all been indoctrinated to think it's something rare and beautiful and something to aspire to. This is how to be a good person and that there is something saintly about it. One of my clients even shared a song that she learned when she was a little girl in church called Joy, J-O-Y. Jesus first, then others, then you.
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